Monday, June 11, 2001
J & J Jacks -- 12:15pm

Jax and Jerry sat at the conference table amidst a sea of paper. Jerry reviewed the materials from the public relations department and Jax perused today's closing numbers from the Asian markets. The weekend had come to an end and it was time to continue the rebuilding process for J & J Jacks.

The fall-out from the ELQ Board Meeting three nights before was still providing the headlines for the local tabloids and the business sections of the national and international newspapers. Later this afternoon, a joint news conference was scheduled to provide the latest information from both J & J Jacks and ELQ. The press conference was being held in the conference area on the main floor of the J & J Jacks building. Edward, Ned and Justus were due to arrive shortly.

Saturday had provided everyone with a well-earned day of respite from Tracy and the situations at J & J Jacks and ELQ. Yesterday, Jax, Jerry, Ned and Edward had spent several hours with the federal investigators in connection with the charges against Tracy. The evidence against her was mounting as each hour progressed. It was apparent that Tracy would not be interfering in their lives for quite some time.

The weekend had also brought news on the personal front. The first piece of news was expected but it did not lessen the pain and sadness of hearing it. Samantha Hughes who, like Jimmy Martin had been one of the first patients assisted by Kanga's Kradle, had died early Saturday morning. Samantha was only four months older than Jillian and Brenda had always had a special place in her heart for the child. Samantha had also been part of the pediatric AIDS program and Robin had taken a very special interest in her case as well. It had made for a very emotional Saturday.

The emotional roller coaster had continued yesterday, this time with good news. Lucy and Kevin had become parents of a beautiful baby girl. Bryndie Lee had come into the world early Sunday morning weighing in at six pounds, six ounces. Mother and daughter were fine and Kevin was on cloud nine. It was only Sigmund who seemed to be having a problem with hearing the news from Lucy on the phone.

Now, it was the start of a new week and the events of the weekend were being dealt with accordingly. Jax looked at his watch and then leaned his head against the soft leather of the chair. Samantha's funeral was scheduled to start in fifteen minutes. He could not help but worry about Brenda. Jax had wanted to re-schedule the press conference in order to accompany her to the funeral but Brenda had insisted that Jax proceed with his original plans for the day. Robin was going with her instead.

Jax took a deep breath as his thoughts drifted to Brenda over the past two days. She had been very quiet on Saturday after hearing the news about Samantha. She had also gone to bed early that evening with a migraine headache. Brenda had called Lucy and Kevin last night at the hospital to congratulate them on the birth of Bryndie. Brenda was genuinely happy for them but Jax could not help but notice the traces of sadness in her eyes as she heard Lucy's plans to bring the baby home tomorrow morning. Jax knew that the events of the weekend had triggered all of Brenda's feelings and memories of Jamie and the fact that Jamie had never come home.

Jerry looked up from his reports and glanced over at Jax. "Jax, are you all right?"

The sound of Jerry's voice jarred Jax from his deep thoughts. "I'm sorry, what did you say?"

Jerry put down his reading materials. "I asked you if you were all right. I know you are worried about Brenda."

Jax exhaled sharply. "Yes, I am. She has been very shaky over the last two days." He sighed softly. "Actually, now that I look back on it, it started last week."

Jerry's voice reflected a "big brother" tone. "Why don't you just go meet her? Julia and I can handle the press."

Jax shook his head. "Thank you but Brenda would have my head. She reminded me three times this morning that there was a press conference which needed to be handled. It would be World War III if I showed up at the church now."

Jerry nodded in understanding. "Yes, I imagine it would be. She has been known to demonstrate her temper at times."

Jax laughed to himself. "That she has." His facial expression then became serious again. "I would feel better being there but Robin is with her so she is not alone."

Jerry shifted in his seat. "I'm sorry for what she is going through, for what you both are."

Jax smiled. "Thank you. For now, I am going to give her the space she wants and needs."

Now it was Jerry's turn to sigh in frustration. "And I know how much easier said than done that is."

Jax wet his dry lips. "Julia?"

Jerry nodded. "Yes. Now that she is not spending sixteen hours a day dealing with the Tracy crisis, she is back to telling me I should find someone else who can give me a family."

Jax shook his head. "I am sorry. I guess yesterday's news from Lucy did not help her thinking."

Jerry took a deep breath. "No, not at all. Julia has convinced herself that no one will ever be hearing such news from her." Jerry groaned as he shut his eyes for a moment. "I knew there was a good reason that I should have remained allergic to the ideas of love and commitment. They are a royal bitch at times."

Jax could not help but chuckle. "That they are but now that you have been cured, you had better get used to it." Jax then began to laugh even harder. "I still can't believe the former casanova of Europe and the Far East is in this position."

Jerry rolled his eyes. "I have told you that this blasted town must have some hallucinogens in the water and air. I have been suffering from some demented and psychotic thinking since I arrived here four years ago. Those wretched thoughts control me now."

Jax folded his arms in front of his chest. "Nice try. We all know that the only thing that controls you is a certain Julia Barrett Jacks. She spun her web and you were trapped forever."

Jerry lifted his eyebrows and glared at Jax. "No one, especially some woman, traps Jerry Jacks. You are the one that is captured forever. Just one look from the lovely Brenda Barrett-Jacks and you are complete mush. It is ridiculous."

Upon hearing Jerry's statement, Jax could not help thinking of the first time he had ever had the pleasure of seeing the lovely Brenda Barrett. He had hit the jackpot on Jackbot and turned around and she was standing there a few feet away from him in the penthouse. She had spoken with conviction in her first words to him, "Don't you think that is an omen?" And then there was that adorable smile which had lit up her face. Jax sighed softly and smiled as he realized that he should have known at that very moment that his life was never going to be the same again.

Jerry rolled his eyes as he watched the expressions appearing on Jax's face. "Good Lord, Jasper, you are hopeless."

Jax gave Jerry a smug smile. "As if you are one to talk. You have not been the same since that afternoon in the rain at the airport when you stole Julia's cab."

Jerry shook his head. "How many times do I have to say this? It was my cab and that stubborn woman tore the handle right off of my best garment bag."

Jax grinned as he pressed his hands together in front of him. "Whatever you say."

Jerry groaned as flashbacks of that rainy day raced through his mind. If he had known then what the next four years would bring, he could have gotten right back on a plane and left Port Charles forever. Julia Barrett would have never captured his heart and soul and life would be so less complicated. Jerry sighed as he realized that his life would also have never included the love and joy he had experienced over the past few years. Jerry muttered to himself. "Damn, I am as hopeless as Jasper."

The intercom then buzzed and Addie announced that Edward, Ned and Justus had arrived. Jax asked her to send them into the conference room and a moment later, the three men entered the room. Jax and Jerry rose from their chairs and shook Justus and Ned's hands. Edward just glared at them with his arms folded against his chest.

Jax gave him a huge grin. "Edward, you do not look as though you are happy to see us."

Edward groaned and then spoke through clenched teeth. "Why the hell would I ever want to see you two deviants? I just want to get this over with so that I never have to enter enemy territory again."

Jerry patted Edward on the back. "Eddie, I thought we would pool our resources and work on the waterfront deal together. Then we could see each other almost every day."

Edward scowled and he moved away from Jerry. "Hell would freeze over before that would ever happen."

Ned broadly smiled, accentuating his huge dimples. "Grandfather has still not recovered from the fact that Grandmother sold all of Jax's stock back to Brenda."

Justus nodded his head. "Yes, Jax, Edward is convinced that you charmed Lila into nullifying the deal you had with him."

Edward shook his finger at Jax. "Don't you even try to deny it, you snake. What did you do, promise to name a race horse after her?"

Jax could not contain his smile. "Edward, I wish I could take the credit for that but it was a deal between the two lovely ladies in our lives."

Ned chuckled. "Grandfather is also upset that he has to spend the weekend in Saratoga Springs at the Breeder's Championship. Grandmother is so happy that Brenda wants her to keep the stables until next week so she can represent the stables at the show."

Jax nodded. "Brenda is thrilled that Lila will be there to represent the stables. Dream is expected to place well so Lila should have a championship in her portfolio before the weekend is over."

Edward groaned again and Jerry put his arm around Edward's shoulder. "Don't worry, Eddie, we will see to it that Lila does not turn you in for a stud."

Jax sighed. "I wonder how much ELQ stock that will take."

Justus began choking on his laughter as steam poured from Edward's ears. Jerry smirked while Ned and Jax grinned. Things had returned to normalcy again between Edward and the Jacks brothers. Life was good.

The Jacks Residence -- 6:45pm

Jax walked in the front door and Corrine told him that Brenda and Jillian were upstairs. He quietly walked up the stairs and heard Brenda singing softly in the study. He could also hear the sound of Snowflake's accompaniment from the open windows. Jax stood at the door to the study and saw Brenda holding Jillian in her arms as they swayed in the rocking chair.

Jax entered the room and Brenda smiled as she gently rubbed Jillian's back. He walked over to them and knelt beside the rocking chair. "Hey princess."

Jillian looked down at him and softly moaned. "Hi Daddy."

Jax reached out and touched Jillian's flushed cheek. "I hear you are not feeling well."

Jillian spoke without lifting her head from Brenda's chest. "My tummy hurts just like Brooke."

Brenda kissed the top of Jillian's head as she spoke to Jax. "Lois called and Brooke has been sick since this morning."

Jillian put her hand on Jax's arm. "Daddy, I got sick all over Roo-Roo. Poor Roo-Roo, Mommy had to give him a bath and he hates baths."

Jax smiled as he brushed a soft curl from Jillian's forehead. "I am sure Roo-Roo is as good as new now and he just wants you to feel better."

Jillian sighed softly. "He is sitting on the chair on the balcony so he can get all dry. Snowflake is with him."

Jax flashed Jillian a huge grin. "I heard Snowflake singing with Mommy."

Jillian cracked a small smile. "Snowflake likes to sing with Mommy. He waits to sing until Mommy comes home."

Brenda gave Jillian a curious look. "Sweetie, I think Snowflake sings when Snowflake feels like singing."

Jillian lifted her head slightly. "No, Mommy, he only sings when you can hear him. Mr. Dan told me and Daddy."

Jax nodded. "That's right, Mommy. Snowflake only sings when you are here. Dan has told us and he should know since he spends five days a week in the gardens."

Jillian looked up at Brenda. "Snowflake really likes you, Mommy."

Brenda ran her fingers through Jillian's curls. "I like Snowflake too."

Jillian laid her head back down on Brenda's chest. "My tummy still hurts and it is hot."

Brenda began rubbing Jillian's back again. "I know, sweetie. I think it is time to go to bed and get some rest."

Jillian moaned softly. "Mommy, can you sleep with me?"

Brenda nodded. "Yes, sweetie. The sofa bed in your room is all ready for me to stay with you tonight."

Jax caressed Jillian's cheek. "When you wake up tomorrow, I hope you feel better, princess."

Jillian sighed. "I have to get better so I can see Aunt Lucy's new baby. Mommy says I can't be sick when we visit Bryndie."

Jax nodded. "No, we don't want to get Bryndie sick."

Jillian looked up at Brenda again. "Mommy, I want to get all better real fast so we can see Bryndie when she is home in her crib."

"We will see Bryndie after she goes home tomorrow and you are all better." Brenda did not know how she had been able to get the words out with the images that had just flashed in her mind. For the first time in months, the study had become the nursery again. For a few seconds, she had seen the barren room in her head and felt the emptiness in her heart. The images had vanished as fast as they had appeared but a wave of cold traveled through her whole body forcing her to shiver momentarily.

Jax had been watching Brenda intently and had seen her body tremble and the look of anguish reflected in her eyes. It had been the same look he had seen when she had awakened with a jolt this morning. Jax knew she had endured another nightmare and he knew that Brenda was struggling with Samantha's death and Bryndie's birth and Father's Day which was less than a week away. He knew it was going to be another rough several days.

Jax rested his hand on Brenda's as she held Jillian. "I'll carry her into bed."

Brenda flashed him a smile. "Thanks honey."

Jillian raised her head. "Daddy, can you read me Green Eggs and Ham?"

Jax nodded. "Yes, ma'am, I think I can."

Jillian giggled and then turned to Brenda. "Mommy, don't forget Roo-Roo. He can't be outside by himself in the dark."

Brenda eased Jillian into Jax's arms. "Okay, sweetheart. I will be in your room in a few minutes. After Daddy reads you the story, he has some work to do with Grandpa on the telephone."

Jillian rested her head on Jax's shoulder. "Mommy, Roo-Roo can sleep with you on the couch so I don't get sick on him again. Now you won't be sad like when you came home today."

Jax stood up and looked down at Brenda as she sat in the rocking chair. His face showed a look of concern and Brenda gave him a small smile. She rose from the chair and gingerly moved her right index finger over the worry lines in his forehead. "I will see you in a few minutes and then you can get to your conference call with Thomas and your Dad."

Jax's mouth curved into a smile and he mouthed the words, "I love you," to her. Brenda winked at him and whispered, "I love you," in return. She watched as Jax then carried a very sleepy Jillian from the room.

As soon as Jax was out of her sight, Brenda covered her face with her trembling hands. Her stomach was one huge knot and it seemed as though a block of cement was resting upon her chest. She felt as though she could barely breathe. Brenda took a few breaths and then opened the french doors to retrieve Roo-Roo from the balcony. It was now dusk and Brenda trembled slightly at the sight of the approaching darkness. After her nightmares of the past two evenings, she had started fearing the nights again. She picked up Roo-Roo and quickly returned to the study, closing the french door behind her.

Her head throbbed as her eyes scanned the perimeter of the room. Images of the teddy bear wallpaper border and teddy bear mobile hanging over the cradle raced through Brenda's mind. She literally ran from the room and it was only when she was out in the hall that she began to breathe again. Brenda leaned against the wall outside the study and tried to compose herself. She was clutching Roo-Roo against her chest as tears clung to her eyelashes.

Brenda reached into the pockets of her shorts and pulled out a tissue to dab her eyes. It seemed as though that was all she had been doing for the past three days. She took a deep breath and pulled herself together as she walked down the hall to Jillian's room. Brenda stood at the door for a few moments and watched Jax and Jillian. Jax sat on the edge of the bed with Jillian's head in his lap. He read as Jillian turned the pages of the book.

Brenda quietly entered the room and pushed the rocking chair from against the wall to closer to the bed. Jax had finished half of the book when sleep overtook Jillian. He gently eased her head onto the pillows while Brenda covered her with the sheet. Jax took Brenda's hand and she followed him out into the hallway.

Jax brought his hand to her face and tipped her chin so that she was looking up at him. "I want to know how you really are."

Brenda took his hand from her face and kissed Jax's palm. "Please don't worry about me. I just need some time to sort some things out."

Jax shook his head. "You don't have to do this alone."

Brenda caressed Jax's face. "I'm never alone because you are always with me. You need this week to handle J & J Jacks and after that, we will deal with everything else. I promise."

Jax exhaled slowly. "If you are sure."

"I am sure." Brenda wrapped her arms around Jax's waist. "Thank you Jax. I just need it to be this way."

Jax hugged her tightly. "Okay, but if you change your mind, you come to me."

Brenda nodded. "I will. Now I am going to go sit with Jillian and you need to get to your call."

Jax kissed Brenda on the forehead and watched as she walked into Jillian's room. He took a deep breath before heading toward the master suite to change before he placed the call to Melbourne. He ached for Brenda and all he wanted to do was take away the pain she was feeling. Tonight, all he could do was give her time and space. It was difficult but he had made a promise to her.

Meanwhile Brenda sat in the rocker and watched Jillian sleep. Brenda closed her eyes as she held Roo-Roo in her arms and rocked slowly in the chair. She turned to see that Jax was gone from the doorway and then she let the tears fall down her cheeks. She was an emotional wreck and it frightened her. But the biggest fear Brenda was facing was the suspected cause behind the chaos of her emotions. Tonight, she could not allow herself to envision it. That would be tomorrow's struggle.

Thursday, June 14, 2001
J & J Jacks -- 12:15pm

Jax sat at his desk with the audit and other compilations from the Hong Kong subsidiaries for the first quarter. They were a disaster and the results of the second quarter, which would end in two weeks, were going to be worse. The Asian holdings had suffered the most from Tracy's assault and it was evident that something was going to have to be done immediately. Jax was just glad for once that the Asian quadrant was not his chief responsibility. He had enough on his hands now at home and with the Australian and European holdings. Jerry and John would have to handle Asia for the time being.

Jax threw the report down on his desk. He had been staring at the same page for the past fifteen minutes and nothing was registering. He had been unable to concentrate all morning as his thoughts were filled with worry about Brenda. She had been so shaky over the past few days and so upset. It had not helped that she had also picked up the same stomach virus that Jillian had. Jillian was feeling better this morning but Brenda was still ailing, both physically and emotionally. The scene this morning at the breakfast table raced through his mind. Brenda had literally run out of the dining room like a frightened little girl and he had heard her sobs as she raced up the stairs.

Jax rose from his chair and walked over to the window. He swallowed the lump in his throat as he reflected on the past several days. Something was very wrong and he could not put his finger on what it was. He had originally attributed Brenda's emotional state to Samantha's death and Bryndie's birth combined with the stress of the situation with Tracy. Jax knew that those were major factors but now he was convinced that there something more involved.

Jax leaned his head against the wall as he continued to stare out at the bright blue sky. It was the complete opposite of his own mood, which was gray and dismal. He was scared for Brenda and for himself. She was having those torturous nightmares again and she was beginning to show the signs of shutting down. It was a painful reminder of last year at this time and he did not know if he could live through that again. They had stopped seeing Melanie a few months ago but Jax had decided earlier this morning that he needed to broach the subject with Brenda about seeing Melanie again.

It was killing him but Jax was trying to give her the space and time she had requested. He had promised her that he would give her the chance to sort her own feelings out before sharing them with him. It was taking every ounce of strength that Jax had to keep that promise especially now that she was afraid to sleep again. The only reason Jax had been able to keep his own sanity was that, unlike last year, now Brenda needed him to hold her when the terrors of the darkness surrounded her. She would grasp onto him as if he were her lifeline and Jax would whisper how much he loved her and that she was not alone. It had been the only way she had found any peaceful rest for the past three nights.

Jax raked his fingers through his golden locks and murmured words from his heart. "Brenda, I'm here, what is it? What is terrifying you so, sweetheart?" He closed his eyes as he whispered to the fluffy white clouds which were drifting above. "Please let me help her, let me help us."

Meanwhile, Jerry was in his own office studying the abysmal figures from Asia. They were even worse than he had feared. He had made some critical mistakes on this one, starting with the hiring of Sam Peterson to supervise the Hong Kong headquarters. Now it was going to take a considerable amount of time and effort to rectify the situation. Asia was too important to the J & J Jacks conglomerate to give up on now.

Jerry heard footsteps approaching and looked up to see Julia walking into his office. Julia recognized the tightness in Jerry's jaw as she entered the room. "Obviously you have seen the report."

Jerry sighed in frustration. "Firestorms have left less destruction." He then looked at Julia. "I know you want to say it, so just do it and get it over with."

Julia sat down in the chair in front of Jerry's desk. "Jerry, what is that going to do to help the situation?"

Jerry swiveled in his chair. "Lower your blood pressure and prevent you from having a stroke."

Julia spoke with a caustic edge to her voice. "My blood pressure is fine. Too bad it can't give my reproductive system a few lessons."

Jerry frowned. "Julia, don't."

Julia folded her arms in front of her. "Don't what? Don't speak the truth?"

Jerry fought to keep the anger out of his voice. "Stop trying to punish yourself. You have been doing this since you saw Lucy and the baby two days ago."

Julia's voice became slightly raised. "I am simply being realistic and facing the truth."

Jerry spoke through clenched teeth. "Whose truth? You seem to believe you have a crystal ball and can foretell the future."

Julia shook her head. "One of us has to interject an ounce of realism into this situation."

Jerry's voice had an embittered edge to it. "Realism? Is that what this is? It sure as hell sounds like surrender to me."

Julia bolted from her chair. "I am not going to sit here and listen to this."

Jerry did not break eye contact with her. "That is typical these days. You don't want to listen to me or Dr. Meadows or anyone else. It is only you who knows the truth, the omnipotent Julia."

Julia was seething. "How dare you?"

Jerry shook his head and the tone of his voice became softer. "How dare I what? Love you, be concerned about you? What do you want me to do?"

"Leave me alone." As soon as the words were out of her mouth, Julia turned around and quickly left Jerry's office.

Jerry covered his face with his hands and deeply sighed. The despondent, brooding and self-preservationist Julia was back in full force. Bryndie's birth had caused Julia to once again surround herself with a series of protective walls. Jerry moaned at the thought. He now knew that the troubles of J & J Jacks were nothing compared to what the troubles of his heart were now. Love really was a bitch.

Jerry decided he needed some air and quickly rose from his chair. He walked out of the office and barely heard Francesca ask him where he was going. His only response was "Out" and then he headed to the elevators. Francesca just shook her head. It had been a long week and something told her it was just about to get longer.

Jerry barely missed walking right into Robin as she exited the elevator. He managed a small wave before the elevator doors closed behind him as he headed to the downstairs lobby. Robin shrugged and then entered the J & J Jacks offices. Carol sent Robin to Jax's outer office and Addie buzzed Jax to announce Robin's arrival.

Jax kissed Robin's cheek as she entered his office. "I am so happy to see you."

Robin smiled. "Well, this is some greeting."

Jax showed Robin to the sofa. "I'm sorry. I am slightly agitated today." He sat down on the chair next to the sofa. "First things first, I know you have some materials for Brenda."

Robin handed Jax the envelope. "Yes, here they are." She then flashed Jax a smile. "Now, what else can I do for you?"

Jax sighed. "It's Brenda. I am so worried about her and she has been so worried about me and the crisis here that she is shielding me from what is bothering her. It is scaring me."

Robin took a deep breath. "Jax, I don't know what I can tell you."

Jax quickly ran his hand through his hair. "Robin, I am certainly not asking you to break any confidences."

Robin interrupted him. "I know that. Actually I have none to break anyway."

Jax exhaled slowly. "She is having those nightmares again and I just want to help her."

Robin reached over and patted Jax's hand. "I know she has been troubled over the past several days. She was very upset at Samantha's funeral."

Jax's voice wavered with emotion. "I should have been there."

Robin shook her head. "Brenda wanted you here and unfortunately not even you could have stopped the pain she was feeling."

There were traces of deflation in Jax's voice. "You are right. It is just my grand protector complex coming through again."

Robin gave him a reassuring smile. "You love her, so of course you want to protect her."

Jax deeply sighed. "But I can't. And now I have no idea what to do."

Robin could see the pain in Jax's eyes. "Jax, I don't know everything that Brenda is going through now but I will tell you one thing. On Sunday, I met her at the house to go over to Lois and Ned's place with Jillian. It was when you and Ned were downtown meeting with the investigators. Well, we ran into some of the tabloid press outside of Lois' house."

Jax took a sharp intake of air. "What happened?"

Robin hesitated a moment. "The reporter questioned her about why there was so much effort being made to save the family run company, especially since there were no younger generation sons to leave it to. Then another vulture asked her if she thought you should find yourself another woman to give you a son in the interest of the business."

Jax felt as though someone had just stabbed him through his heart. "Those sick bastards."

Robin squeezed his hand in hers. "She was completely composed and fortunately Brenda had seen to it that Virgil had taken Jillian in through the back entrance so she was nowhere near the monsters. But once we got inside, she and I left Jillian for a few minutes with Lois and Brenda fell apart. She spoke about Father's Day just being a week from then and worrying about you."

Jax felt his emotions overtaking him. "She never said anything. She was so concerned about me and the press conference the next day and then the union meetings the day after that and the rest of it."

"She loves you, Jax."

Jax nodded. "So, she is suffering in silence."

Robin sighed. "It is a very rough time. She is trying to deal with Samantha's death. And I know she must be dealing with some conflicting emotions about Bryndie's birth."

"Brenda feels guilty about that. She is so happy for Kevin and Lucy but it is impossible to not feel slightly covetous of the fact that Bryndie came home and Jamie didn't."

"It would be impossible to feel otherwise." Robin gave Jax a reassuring smile. "Jax, I realize you are worried but I also know Brenda is not about to let anything jeopardize how far you both have come in the past year."

Jax took a deep breath. "Neither am I which is why I can't let her do this alone anymore. I love her and whatever it is, we will get through it together. And it is going to start now."

Robin could not help but grin at the brightness that had suddenly appeared on Jax's face. "That sounds like a plan."

Jax returned her smile. "I can't thank you enough and I will be sure to get these materials to Brenda."

Robin rose from the couch. "Thank you. She did not want to chance me stopping by the house and picking up any germs which could possibly prevent me from going to San Francisco this weekend with Matthew."

Jax laughed for the first time in three days. "That sounds so much like Brenda that it is the best news I have heard all day."

Robin nodded. "It sure is classic Brenda. She about drove me crazy before I finally agreed to the trip." She looked at her watch. "Speaking of which, I have a hundred things to do before I leave tomorrow night so I have to run."

Jax kissed her on the cheek. "Have a great trip and thank you for everything."

Robin smiled. "You are quite welcome. Kiss Brenda and Jillian for me."

"I will." Jax then walked Robin to the main lobby.

Jax came back to the outer office and spoke to Addie. He asked her to have Andrew handle his afternoon appointment and told Addie that he would call her later this afternoon concerning his plans for tomorrow. Jax then went back into his office and grabbed his jacket and briefcase. He was heading home to Brenda and to some answers. Whatever they had to face, it would be faced together.

The Jacks Residence -- 1:45pm

Brenda stood over Jillian's bed and watched her sleep. After three days, Jillian was finally feeling better and was resting comfortably. Roo-Roo was now back where he belonged in Jillian's protective embrace. Jillian had promised him that he was safe and that there would be no more baths in his imminent future. Brenda leaned over and kissed Jillian softly on the forehead and then quietly left the bedroom as Jillian continued her nap.

Brenda's stomach turned another somersault as she descended the staircase. She walked through the living room and then out onto the terrace and sat down on the chaise lounge. She closed her eyes and let the gentle June breeze drift over her. The air seemed to help calm her stomach and her trembling legs. Now if only her nerves could find some peace. Brenda looked over at the cordless phone which sat inside the small cabinet situated within the brick of the terrace wall. She could not get her eyes to shift from the phone. Brenda finally reached over and opened the door and removed the handset of the phone. Now she just had to find the strength to make the call.

Brenda had picked up the phone in the house three times already today to call Jax but her own fears and anxiety had stopped her every time. She knew she was not being fair to him and that it was killing Jax to sit back on the sidelines and watch her unravel. She knew that in her heart but her head was telling her otherwise. Ignorance was pure bliss and denial was safer than the truth. Why should they both be suffering when she was already in enough agony for the two of them?

Brenda's hands were shaking as she rose from the chaise lounge. With the telephone in her hand, she walked down the terrace steps and followed the path to the side yard and the floral gardens. The last of the tulips were in their final stages of blooming while the rose gardens were just beginning to blossom. The scent of the fragrant rosebuds wafted through the air as Brenda reached the benches near Jamie's tree. She sat down on the bench and took a deep breath. She hoped that the fresh air would clear her head but instead, the events of the past several days began to filter through her mind.

Brenda was in such deep thought that she did not even notice that Snowflake had suddenly appeared. He flew to the top of Jamie's tree and began to sing while Brenda wrapped her arms tightly around herself. The minister's words at Samantha's funeral service rang through her ears and then the questions from the repulsive tabloid reporters raced in her head. Brenda suddenly felt a chill run through her as the images from her nightmares flashed in her mind. Snowflake's melodious singing became louder but even that could not drown out the sound of Brenda's choking sobs.

At the same time, Jax had pulled his car into the garage. He locked the car door and entered the house through the kitchen. He greeted Josee and then walked up the back staircase to the second floor. Jax checked the master suite and found no sign of Brenda. He threw his jacket onto the bed and removed his tie before leaving the room. He walked down the hall and quietly entered Jillian's room. She was sleeping peacefully with an angelic look on her face and Jax knelt down beside her. He smiled as he covered her shoulder with her pink ballerina sheet.

As Jax rose to his feet, he caught the sight of Brenda through the window. He walked over to the window and watched her as she sat below in the garden. Even one story above her, Jax could see the rise and fall of her shoulders and he knew that she was sobbing. Jax felt the lump rising in his throat and he took a deep breath and left Jillian's room to head downstairs. He was not going to be a spectator any longer. It was time to enter the game.

Brenda caught her breath and then removed the wad of tissue from her pocket. She blew her nose and then picked up the phone. Her heart felt as if it was going to beat straight through her chest but she found the strength to dial the number. After the fourth ring, the call was routed to voice mail. Brenda hung up the phone and then sighed as she dialed the other number. This time, the call was answered on the second ring.

"Mr. Jacks' Office."

Brenda dabbed the tears from her eyes. "Hello Addie, it's Brenda. I tried to reach Jax on his cell phone and he is not picking up. Is he there or can you tell me where I may be able to find him?"

Before Addie could answer, Brenda heard his voice from behind. "You can find him right here." Brenda turned around and froze when she saw him. Jax took the phone from her. "Never mind, Addie, she found me. Thank you and I will speak with you later. Good-bye."

Jax switched the phone to off and placed it on the end of the bench. Brenda looked up at him as if she was questioning if he were real. "Jax?"

Jax took one step so that he was now in front of her. "I'm here, baby. Please let me help you."

Brenda found the strength to stand up and she then collapsed into Jax's arms. The sobs started again and Jax sat down on the bench and held her in his lap. He rocked her back and forth and massaged her back as tears brimmed his own eyes. It felt as though someone had kicked him in the stomach. She was trembling and clutching the material of his shirt so tightly between her fingers that she was bruising her palms. It felt just like last June again when she had suffered her emotional breakdown.

Jax allowed Brenda to cry as he whispered to her and left feather kisses down her jawline and on her cheeks. After a few minutes, she finally began to calm down. Jax then tried to release his tight hold around her so that he could see her face. Brenda grabbed onto him even tighter and pleaded with him. "Don't let go. Please."

Jax rocked her in his arms again. "I won't let go. Not ever."

After another several minutes, Brenda loosened her death grip hold around Jax's neck. Jax kept his arms locked around her waist but he shifted further back against the bench so that he could look at her. "Brenda, I'm here for you and I am not going anywhere."

Brenda blew her nose and then Jax wiped away her tears. Brenda rested her head against his shoulder and tried to catch her breath. Finally she had gained control of her emotions and she lifted her head and looked straight into his eyes. "I'm not okay, Jax. The nightmares are back."

Jax swallowed hard. "Can you talk about them?"

Brenda's voice shook with emotion. "I don't remember everything but it's dark ...and it's cold ...and it's so quiet. All I can hear is my own screaming. It's just like..." Brenda began crying again and Jax pulled her to his chest. Jax choked back his own tears as the thoughts of the silent delivery room and Brenda's subsequent cries of anguish echoed in his head.

Brenda pulled herself together again and Jax pushed back the hair from her face as he spoke softly to her. "What do you think we should do about it?"

Brenda dabbed her eyes again. "I need to start seeing Melanie again. About all of this."

Jax gave her a reassuring smile. "Brenda, I think that is the best thing to do. So much has happened in the past month and we have all been under so much stress. I know how upsetting Samantha's death was and coupled with Bryndie's birth, it is understandable why you are feeling like this."

Brenda could not stop the tears again. "Yes, but that is not it.... I am so sorry.....I don't know how I am going to do this again...."

Jax gave her a confused look. "What, honey?"

She was trembling again. "I just could not allow myself to believe it was true .... but it is...... I know it is."

Jax took both of her hands and squeezed them, hoping to stop their trembling. "Baby, you are shaking and I don't know what you are trying to tell me."

Brenda was speaking between her sobs. "And this morning... when Jillian..."

Before she looked away, Jax noticed for the first time a familiar glow which was almost completely masked behind the fear in her eyes. It suddenly dawned on Jax and a huge lump formed in his throat. He lifted Brenda's chin so that she was facing him again. "This morning at the breakfast table when Jillian told me what her wish would be?"

Brenda swallowed her tears. "Yes."

Jax took a deep breath. "Jillian's wish has already been granted, hasn't it?"

Brenda nodded and then collapsed into his arms again. "Oh Jax."

Jax kissed Brenda's forehead as he closed his eyes and heard Jillian's sweet voice from the scene this morning echoing in his mind. "I wish Mommy had a baby sleeping in her tummy just like Aunt Lucy did."

Brenda stopped crying again and lifted her throbbing head from Jax's chest. Jax caressed her cheek and wiped away the tears with his thumbs. "Are you sure?"

Brenda exhaled slowly. "If you are asking if I have taken a test yet then the answer is no, but I know. I am over 3 weeks late, my breasts are killing me, I have had morning sickness for a week now and I am a complete emotional wreck. I have a regular appointment with Lynn Meadows tomorrow and she will confirm it." Brenda's voice then began to waver. "Please, will you come with me."

Jax took her hand and kissed it. "There is no where else in this world I would ever be."

Brenda shook her head. "I am sorry, Jax, about not telling you. I just let myself start to believe it three days ago and I just could not even face it then. It was such a shock. I knew I could not handle this another minute alone and that is why I was trying to reach you."

"How and when did this happen? I know how careful we have been. You have been on the pill for over a year. We are talking about early last month. We were barely in the same continent then." He then remembered. "That night in Carmel."

Brenda nodded. "Yes. It was the only night we spent together in that three week period of time." Her voice cracked with emotion. "And I was on those antibiotics and should have been using an alternate form of birth control but I certainly did not plan on needing any while traveling alone in California. Now look at me, I'm a complete disaster."

Jax hugged her tightly. "We will talk to Lynn Meadows tomorrow and take it one step at a time."

Brenda closed her eyes and she rested her chin on his shoulder. "I hate the way this is making me feel. It is not supposed to be like this. It's supposed to be the same as it was when we found out about Jillian and Jamie. I'm sorry Jax. I am just so scared and I don't know what is up from down right now."

Jax rubbed her back as he fought to control his own emotions. "There is nothing to be sorry for. You need to feel what you feel. We will see Melanie as soon as possible and start dealing with everything. I am going to be right there with you every step of the way."

The tears started again and Jax released his hold on her. "To begin, I think you need to get some rest now. You have not slept in days."

A look of panic crept across her face. "Jax.."

Jax kissed her gently on her forehead and tried to calm her fears. "I am going to hold you and I won't let you go." He then rested his forehead against hers. "Just know that I love you with everything I am."

Brenda choked back her tears. "It is the only thing that has gotten me this far. I love you, Jax."

Jax helped Brenda to her feet and put his arm around her as he helped her inside and up to the bedroom. He pulled back the covers and helped her slide into bed. Brenda looked up at him with tears streaming from her pleading eyes. Her lower lip quivered the same way that Jillian's did when she was upset. "Please don't leave me."

Jax leaned down and whispered to her and he again wiped away her tears. "I am not going to leave you, sweetie. I promise."

When you're weary
Feelin' small
When tears are in your eyes
I will dry them all

He stood back up and noticed the sunlight streaming through the open french doors as well as the sound of Snowflake's singing filtering through the open doorway. Jax worried that the light and noise would keep Brenda from getting any sleep and he began to close the doors so that he could draw the drapes to the french doors.

Brenda lifted her head from the pillow. "Please don't. No more darkness and no more silence."

He felt a stab through his heart. "Okay, sweetie." Jax kicked off his shoes and climbed into bed beside her. He wrapped his arms tightly around her chest and spooned her small body. It was over eighty degrees outside but her skin felt cold. Brenda covered his hands with hers and snuggled as close to him as she could.

I'm on your side
Oh, when times get rough
And friends just can't be found

Jax cradled Brenda in his arms like a child as she trembled. When she finally drifted off to sleep, she was murmuring about the nightmares flashing through her head. "Jamie...No...Jamie...Don't leave him alone... Please."

Like a bridge over troubled water
I will lay me down
Like a bridge over troubled water
I will lay me down

Huge tears ran down Jax's cheeks at the sound of Brenda's pleas. And again Snowflake's melodious warbling was drowned out. This time it was from the sound within Jax's head from the shattering of his own heart.

Friday, June 15, 2001
General Hospital -- 1:00pm

An hour ago as Jax had sat in the waiting room, Brenda had been examined by Lynn Meadows. Dr. Meadows had put a rush order on Brenda's blood tests at the lab and then asked Brenda to come back with Jax in an hour to get the results. Brenda and Jax then spent the past forty-five minutes walking around the hospital grounds awaiting the test results. Dr. Meadows had all but confirmed Brenda's self-diagnosis and Brenda had barely spoken a word since she and Jax had left the office. Jax had simply held her hand as they strolled by the fountains and through the rose gardens.

After the hour had passed, Jax and Brenda returned to Lynn Meadows' office. The receptionist showed them into Lynn's private office and asked them to wait while Dr. Meadows finished an examination. Five minutes later, Lynn Meadows came into her office with Brenda's lab results in hand.

She gave Brenda a comforting smile. "Brenda, as you suspected, your pregnancy test results are positive."

Even though the news came as no surprise to her, Brenda still shivered for a moment as she heard the words pass from Dr. Meadows' lips. Jax held Brenda's hand tightly as Lynn Meadows continued to speak.

"As calculated from the date of your last cycle, you are entering your eighth week and you are looking at a due date during the third week of January."

Brenda's head was swimming and her stomach was doing back-flips as she heard Lynn Meadows' statements. The third week of January was Jax's birthday week and just a few weeks earlier than Jamie's anticipated arrival date had been. Brenda suddenly remembered sitting in this same office almost two years ago to the day and wondering if perhaps Jamie would arrive three weeks early and share his father's birthday. Her hands started trembling while unshed tears swam in her eyes.

Dr. Meadows's voice was soft and comforting. "Brenda, I know that you are anxious and very worried. Believe me, I would be concerned if you were not. But we are going to do everything we can to see that this pregnancy is as uneventful as possible."

Jax took a deep breath and looked up at Dr. Meadows. "What can we do?"

Lynn Meadows smiled. "As I explained to you after the last pregnancy, a complete abruption of the placenta is very rare. When the pregnancy reaches its third trimester, I will schedule weekly ultrasounds to ensure that there are no signs of a tear or the beginning of a rupture. As a precaution, Brenda will be on periods of bed rest as well. There is no reason to believe that there would be any greater risk of the problem than in any other normal pregnancy."

Brenda found her voice. "But the same was true with Jamie, wasn't it? And we don't have him."

Dr. Meadows sighed softly. "No, you don't have him. But that does not mean that you won't have this baby. Brenda you are in excellent health and I am going to do everything I can for you and for your baby."

Jax put his arm around Brenda. "We know that, Dr. Meadows."

Tears crept from the corners of Brenda's eyes. "Of course we do. I'm sorry, I just don't feel very comfortable with the odds. We could not beat them the last time."

Dr. Meadows tried to give her as much reassurance as possible. "Your feelings are completely understandable. This is going to take some time to accept."

Jax passed Brenda some tissues and she blew her nose. "I wish I understood it. I feel as if I am losing my mind at times."

Dr. Meadows met Brenda's eyes. "I know you are no longer seeing Melanie McAdams but I know how helpful she was to you last year. May I suggest that you speak to her about your feelings. I believe it would help you put everything into perspective.

Brenda nodded. "I spoke to her this morning and set up an appointment for tomorrow."

The doctor smiled. "Good. That will help you which can only help your child."

Jax exhaled deeply. "We will do everything we can for our baby."

Brenda felt an ache in her heart as she heard the phrase, "our baby." It would be impossible to detach herself if she even allowed herself for a moment to think about the fact that it was their baby growing inside her, a child conceived from their love.

Dr. Meadows looked at the calendar. "Brenda, I want to see you in a month. As you are aware, during that appointment we generally schedule your first ultrasound since your first trimester will be ending. I can arrange for an ultrasound before that if you would feel more comfortable."

There was a wave of panic in Brenda's voice. "No. That will not be necessary." A wave of nausea hit her at the thought of seeing an image of the child she was carrying. It would destroy the self-protective walls she was trying to build around her heart. Right now Brenda had to fight the urge to get her soul any more involved. It was a losing and useless battle but she could not surrender just yet.

Jax felt his own heartache at the fear heard in Brenda's voice and Dr. Meadows gave him an understanding glance.

She needed some air and Brenda quickly stood up. "I need to use the ladies' room. I will be back."

Jax leaned back in his seat and swallowed the lump in his throat as he watched Brenda leave the office.

Lynn Meadows spoke calmly to him. "Jax, I know it is difficult but everything Brenda is feeling is to be expected. You just need to make sure that you are dealing with your own emotions."

Jax shook his head. "I don't even know what they are myself. I have been so worried about Brenda and I don't know what to do to help her. She is so terrified."

Dr. Meadows could see the depths of Jax's pain in his eyes. "Yes, she is. You both are. The last time you were in this situation you were supposed to bring a baby home and that did not happen."

"Brenda can't even bring herself to refer to our baby as such. She is afraid to even allow herself to imagine that she will be bringing a child home."

Lynn Meadows nodded. "That is a typical attempted self defense mechanism. It will not work and Brenda knows that somewhere inside herself. You have time on your side, pregnancies are long and that is a benefit in cases like this. Once she feels that baby moving and sees its image on an ultrasound, she will not be able to deny her feelings."

Jax's voice was filled with emotion. "What can I do for her?"

She smiled brightly. "Just love her and be there for her. Share your own feelings with her and the rest will come."

The door opened and Brenda walked back into the office. "I'm sorry."

Jax took her hand and helped her sit back down. "Are you all right?"

Brenda nodded. "I'm okay."

Dr. Meadows passed Brenda some soda crackers. "This too will pass."

Brenda managed half of a smile. "Quickly I hope."

Dr. Meadows returned her smile. "Do you have any questions?"

Brenda shook her head. "I don't think so."

"If you do, then call me at anytime." Dr. Meadows looked at her watch. "I have to check some lab results but feel free to stay here until you are feeling better."

Jax stood up and shook Dr. Meadows' hand. "Thank you for everything."

Lynn Meadows rose from her chair. "You are welcome." She walked around her desk to reach Brenda. "Brenda, call me if you ever need to talk and I will see you in four weeks."

Brenda bit her bottom lip. "Okay. Thank you."

Dr. Meadows left the office and Jax knelt beside Brenda's chair and took both of her hands in his. "What can I do for you?"

A tear rolled down her cheek. "We need some time. I don't want anyone else to know about this right now, especially Jillian. It is way too early to even think about it."

Jax massaged her palms with his thumbs. "That is probably best."

Brenda's tears continued to flow. "On second thought, I think we should say something to your parents."

Jax brushed away her tears. "Well, they will be here tomorrow for a few days and Mum is already worried about you. Knowing Lady Jane, she will take one look at you and know anyway."

Brenda nodded. "Between my crying and being sick, Jane will know in a minute. But more importantly, I think your Dad can help you with your feelings." Brenda choked back her sobs. "I don't think I can be of much help to you right now."

Jax's voice shook. "Brenda, please do not even think that."

Brenda reached out and tenderly stroked his jawline. "Jax, I know you and you will put your worries about me above all else. I am worried about you because I know you are burying your own feelings to spare mine. I do not want you to do that."

Jax's tears stung his eyes. "Sweetheart, we are going to get through this together. You are going to help me and I am going to help you. I promise."

Brenda leaned forward and locked her arms around Jax's neck. She held on as if her life depended on it. Jax did the same as his arms rested against the middle of her back. They allowed the love they felt for each other to once again overtake them. It was the only strength either of them had to give now but that love was stronger than steel and more powerful than dynamite. And more importantly, it was completely indestructible.

The Barrett/Jacks Penthouse -- 9:00pm

The voices of the announcers for the New York Yankees vs. Boston Red Sox game blared through the speakers of the 45 inch television in the den. Jerry sat in the leather recliner with a stack of reports from the Asian subsidiaries. Beside him was a bag of microwave popcorn and a bottle of Fosters. Jerry tossed a handful of popcorn into the air and caught it in his mouth as Julia entered the den.

She shook her head. "One day you are going to choke doing that."

Jerry kept his eyes glued to the television screen. "I'll take my chances."

Julia walked across the room and stood beside Jerry's chair. "Why does that not surprise me?"

Jerry shrugged and still did not meet her gaze. "Who knows?"

Julia sighed in frustration at his lack of attention. "Excuse me, but am I disturbing you?"

Jerry cleared this throat. "Does this mean you are speaking to me now?"

Julia folded her arms against her chest. "Jerry, don't."

Jerry finally turned his head so that he was facing her. "Why? Until a minute ago, you had not said fifteen words to me since yesterday afternoon."

Julia exhaled slowly. "Jerry, I do not want to argue with you."

Jerry's gray-blue eyes looked directly at Julia. "It sure as hell would be better than this silent treatment."

"So you are picking a fight?"

Jerry groaned. "Julia, I can't seem to win with you so let's just forget it." He then turned his attention back to the television.

Julia walked around the recliner and stood directly in front of the television screen. "What is that supposed to mean?"

Jerry glared at her. "That means that I do not know what the hell you want from me these days. You keep everything bottled up inside you so that you are tight as a drum and you shut me out. I thought it was bad before, but it has spiraled ever since Lucy had the baby last weekend."

Julia shook her head. "I am not trying to shut you out."

Jerry's voice sounded deflated as he lowered his eyes. "Well, it sure as hell feels like that to me."

Julia took a deep breath as she walked over to the couch and sat down. "I'm sorry. That is really not my intention."

Jerry felt the lump forming in his throat. "I understand that but I still feel like an outsider looking in."

Julia felt the ache in her heart intensify as she looked over at him. To the rest of the world, Jerry was the picture of strength and control but his eyes betrayed his mask. They were clouded with emotion. "Jerry, I don't want to hurt you."

Jerry shook his head in frustration. "Julia, don't you see? You are hurting yourself and that is what is killing me. You are pushing me away."

Julia's eyes stung with the tears she fought to keep from falling. "I don't know how to stop. It's not your fault but you are being hurt."

Jerry's face displayed a look of confusion. "What are you talking about?"

"You are being penalized because I will never be a mother."

Jerry felt his teeth clench. "Julia, how many times have we talked about this? There is no such thing as you and me any longer, it is just us. What happens to one of us, happens to the other." His voice softened. "Don't you remember those sweet and sappy vows we said to each other almost two years ago?"

Julia swallowed hard. "I remember. Just like I remember talking about the promises we made to each on behalf of the children we would share."

Jerry let out a deep sigh. "Julia, please."

A single tear crept from the corner of Julia's right eye. "Jerry, Father's Day is the day after tomorrow. You know in your heart that when you married me two years ago, you expected to be celebrating Father's Day this year."

Jerry closed his eyes for a moment. "Yes, I did, but life does not always give us everything we want in a neat and tidy little package. Jax and Brenda expected to have a little boy to tuck in every night but life interceded there as well. Nothing is a given so if provided the chance, we have to fight for what we want."

Julia swallowed hard. "And you don't think I am doing that, do you?"

Jerry moistened his dry lips. "It seems to me that you have resigned yourself to wear this banner of pain and guilt you have adopted. Sometimes I feel as if it is the sole reason for you to get up in the morning. You have canceled your last two appointments with Dr. Meadows and have not followed up on your latest test results."

Julia's voice was filled with a mixture of pain and frustration. "Jerry, I'm sorry that some days I do not feel like being a guinea pig or a participant in a race I will never win."

Jerry shook his head. "Julia, you know that is not what I am talking about. If you want to put an end to all the treatments and tests, we will do that. But I do not think you are being honest with yourself on this and I don't want you looking back one day and regretting anything you have done or not done. Right now you are punishing yourself more than anything else."

Tears rolled down Julia's cheek. "So now you can read my mind and think you know me better than I know myself?"

"Julia, I realize how much pain you are in and seeing Sally every day as her pregnancy progresses is going to be difficult. You have to start dealing with these things now before they eat you alive."

Jerry then reached over and squeezed her hand. "I know you are scared. I am too but more because of what this is doing to you and to us."

Her voice shook with emotion. "Jerry, what do you want me to do?"

Jerry wiped the tears from her cheeks. "I think you need to take some time and decide what you really want to do. Whether that is starting the in vitro procedures or looking into private adoption or doing nothing, you have to decide what you think is best for you."

Julia shook her head. "That makes no sense. Jerry, you just proceeded to tell me that there is no you or me now, only us and that I have been shutting you out."

Jerry nodded. "That is still the case. But Julia, you have to know what you want before we can do anything."

"And what do you want, Jerry?"

Jerry spoke softly. "I want us to feel like us again. That is the most important thing to me right now."

Julia looked directly at Jerry. "That is not what I meant. Don't shut me out now."

Jerry took a deep breath. "Julia, if you are asking me if I have completely given up the idea of having a child, the answer is no. But I also will tell you that I fully intend to spend the next forty years loving you and being happier than I ever imagined and that will happen whether or not we have children."

Julia sniffed back a fresh set of tears. "Jerry, I see how you are with Jillian. She loves you and you love her and all I can think of when I see you two together is what you are missing out on."

Jerry brushed away a strand of hair from Julia's face. "Yes, I love that midget more than I could ever say but you are the most important person in my life. Julia, I love you."

"And I love you." Julia covered her face with her hands. "Jerry, I don't feel as if I know anything right now."

Jerry rose from his chair and sat next to her on the couch. "I think you just need some time to sort things out. It has been an intense few months for all of us."

Julia leaned her head against Jerry's shoulder. "It is not over, especially for you since you will be off to Hong Kong next week."

Jerry rubbed Julia's neck. "When Mum and Dad arrive tomorrow morning, Dad and I will go over the plans and then hopefully I won't have to be gone for more than a week or so." Jerry kissed the top of Julia's head. "I think you can use the time alone to relax and think."

Julia exhaled softly. "I hope so."

Jerry rested his cheek against Julia's head and put his arm around her. He could only hope that they could find a way to combat the troubles of their hearts together. Lady Jane had warned him after he had first fallen in love with Julia that love was not always simple nor easy. Once again, Mum knew best.

Sunday, June 17, 2001
The Jacks Residence -- 5:30am

He could feel the sun beaming down upon his face from the skylight and he could hear the sweet sound of Jillian's babbling next to him. Jax smiled as he smelled the scent of vanilla as Brenda's hair brushed against his shoulder. He then moaned softly as her lips brushed against his cheek. He opened his eyes and his heart skipped a beat as he saw Brenda sitting next to him on the bed with Jillian on her lap. Brenda's glowing expression lit up the entire room and Jillian smiled coyly at him as she sucked on one of Roo-Roo's ears.

"Good morning darling."

Jax's own face was now beaming. "Good morning to my two princesses. What a beautiful picture to wake up to."

Jax held out his arms and Jillian began babbling "Da-Da" again as Brenda handed her to Jax.

"Daddy, Jillian is singing to you to wish you a happy Father's Day."

Jax kissed both of Jillian's cheeks. "Thank you princess." He then held out his hand to Brenda.

Brenda moved into his embrace and kissed him sweetly on the mouth. "Happy Father's Day from me too."

Jax kissed her again. "Thank you sweetie."

Brenda reached over and pulled a wrapped package from under her pillow. "This is from Jillian."

Jax laughed as Jillian let go of Roo-Roo and began pulling at the wrapping paper of the gift. "Jillian, you get more like your mother every day. No patience and a penchant for wrapped packages."

Brenda elbowed him. "That is enough, mister. I know it is Father's Day but you only have so much rope before you hang yourself."

Jax chuckled and then kissed Brenda on the corner of her mouth. "Duly noted but just remember, I love both of those things about you so Jillian should consider herself very lucky."

Brenda slid her hands around his upper arm. "Nice save. Now I suggest you open your gift before Jillian completely rips it to shreds."

Jax held the gift closer to Jillian. "Princess, help Daddy."

Jillian tore a corner of the paper and Jax unwrapped the rest. He grinned as he turned over the picture frame and found a picture of Jillian sitting on the stone bench next to the tulip gardens. Her white tulips were in full bloom behind her.

Jax hugged Jillian. "It is just beautiful. Thank you Jillian."

Jillian clapped her hands together and smiled as Jax hugged Brenda.

"Thank you sweetie. It is perfect."

Brenda's eyes were sparkling. "I thought so since it is Daddy's little girl surrounded by the flowers he arranged to be planted in her honor."

Brenda took Jillian from Jax's lap and sat her in the center of the bed with her favorite cardboard book. Jillian saw the picture of the dog and began pointing and babbling again. "Doggie, doggie."

Jax smiled as he looked down at Jillian. He then pulled Brenda into his lap and wrapped his arms tightly around her. "Brenda, I don't think today could be anymore perfect or that I could be any happier than I am at this moment. I love you both so much."

Brenda smiled radiantly at him. "And we all love you." She leaned over and pulled a small unwrapped box from under her pillow. "I am sorry that I did not have the chance to wrap this one but I think it will make today even more perfect."

Jax lifted the lid from the box and choked back the flood of emotions that immediately hit him. He did not know if he had ever seen anything as wonderful as that big red plus sign on the home pregnancy test. He looked up at Brenda with tears brimming his eyes. "Oh, sweetheart." Jax caught his breath. "You were right, our second honeymoon was all it took."

She nodded. "I told you that those romantic moonlit nights on the Mediterranean were all we needed. That and you standing on deck in just a pair of navy blue boxers." Brenda wrapped her arms around his neck and did not even attempt to stop the tears from rolling down on her cheeks. "Happy Father's Day from our littlest miracle."

"I love you, Brenda." Jax then reverently placed his hand on her stomach. "And I love you, little one."

Jax softly moaned as he buried his head further into the pillow. It was so peaceful and joyful and he fought to keep the pictures in his head but the images quickly changed. The scene was now frenzied and then her sobs echoed in his mind. The joy had been replaced with pain and anguish. They were taking him away and he heard Brenda's cries.

Jax began murmuring in his sleep. "No, don't take him. I promised I would take care of him." Jax moved his hands from under the pillow and pulled them to his chest as if to catch the pieces of his breaking heart. "No, please."

He could hear her pleading voice and he felt her loving touch. "Jax, honey. Wake up for me. Please."

The sound of melodious warbling began to register, drowning out the sounds of her sobs in his head. He heard Brenda's voice again. "Jax, do you hear Snowflake singing? Wake up for me."

With a loud gasp for air, his eyes flew open and Jax quickly sat up. "Brenda."

She hugged him tightly. "I'm here, honey, I'm right here."

Jax tried to slow down his breathing and the rapid beating of his heart. Brenda stroked his face. "Tell me about it."

He raked his fingers through his hair and squeezed her shoulder. "You were awake half the night. You should get back to sleep and try to get some rest."

Brenda shook her head. "Jax, I am not going to let you do this today. All you have been doing is worrying about me and suffering in silence. Today, I am going to take care of you or at least try. I know what Father's Day means to you."

When you're down and out
When you're on the street
When evening falls so hard
I will comfort you

Brenda trailed her finger down his jawline. "Please talk to me. What were you dreaming about?"

Jax sighed heavily. "It was Father's Day two years ago and you had just taken the home pregnancy test that morning and we found out about Jamie."

Brenda bit her bottom lip. "I remember."

Jax swallowed the lump in his throat. "And then it turned into Christmas Eve and he was gone and there was nothing I could do."

Brenda lifted her hand to his chin and turned Jax's head so that he was facing her. "Jax, I know if moving heaven and earth could have changed what happened, you would have done it. But there was nothing that anyone could do. That is what makes it so frightening."

Jax shook his head. "And now here we are again and there is still nothing I can do to help you or this baby."

She felt her heart lurch in her chest. "Jax, please don't think that for a moment. I could never make this without you." Brenda then extended her hands out to him. "Come here, honey. Let me hold you."

Jax collapsed into her loving arms.

I'll take your part
Oh, when darkness comes
And pain is all around

Brenda propped a pillow behind her as she leaned against the headboard. Jax laid back down with his head cradled in her lap. "Jax, I love you and I'm here. Please tell me what you are feeling."

Jax exhaled in frustration. "All I want to do is to keep you and Jillian and that baby you are carrying safe. If I could find an ivory tower from one of Jillian's fairytales and keep you there protected from the pain and suffering of life, I would. My head knows that life is not a fairytale but my heart has a harder time acknowledging that fact."

Brenda caressed his cheek and ran her fingers through his golden curls. "Believe me, if life was a fairytale you would be the prince in every story. It is not but you have made life as close to one for me as anyone ever could."

Jax looked up at her. "I love you, Brenda, and I love everything that has been created from that love. You and our children are the best things that have ever happened to me."

Brenda swallowed hard. "I don't want you to deny feeling anything out of some respect for my fears. I need you to feel what you feel and to express those feelings as you see fit."

Jax exhaled slowly. "I love you and that precious little princess asleep down the hall. And I love Jamie with all my heart and I always will." Jax hesitated for a moment before continuing. "And I'm scared Brenda, but I love this baby so much already even with everything that we have been through."

She heard another set of bricks crumple from around the protective wall she was trying to build around her heart. "That is the way it is supposed to be. You just keep loving all of us."

Jax felt the pain in his heart subsiding and sleep began to overtake him again. "I will forever."

Unshed tears threatened to spill from Brenda's eyes. "And we all love you and that is all that any of us can do right now." She stroked Jax's cheek again. "Now, please try to get some sleep, honey. I am going to be right here with you."

Like a bridge over troubled water
I will lay me down
Like a bridge over troubled water
I will lay me down

Brenda shifted the pillows and she cradled Jax's head against her chest. He was sleeping peacefully and she kissed the top of his head. She then brushed away the tears that had been spilling from her eyes for the past few minutes. Her heart ached for Jax and for Jamie and for the child she was carrying. Love was not supposed to hurt or be something that one was afraid of but that was all that it was at this moment. Today, love hurt as much as it healed.

The Jacks Residence -- 11:00am

Jax and John were taking turns pushing Jillian on the swings as Lady scampered around them in the back yard. The start of summer was just a few days away and the sun was warm but a slight breeze made the weather perfect.

Jillian giggled as John pushed her. "Higher, Grandpa."

John chuckled. "You are a brave little sheila, aren't you?"

Jillian sighed. "Grandpa, I am Jillian not Sheila."

Jax grinned broadly. "Princess, Grandpa knows your name is Jillian. Sheila is a word used in Australia for a lovely lady."

Jillian's mouth opened wide. "Oh. Just like in The Sound of Music."

John gave Jillian a puzzled look. "The Sound of Music?"

Jillian nodded as the swing began to come to a stop. "Yes, Grandpa. Maria and the kids say herr not mister like we say."

John gave Jillian a lopsided grin. "They do?"

Jillian bobbed her head up and down. "Yes, they use lots of different words in Salzburg." She then turned to face Jax. "Daddy, Mommy is going to teach me more words when I get bigger so I can talk to people when we go there."

Jax knelt beside the swing. "Mommy is going to teach you?"

Jillian nodded again. "Yes, and then me and Mommy can teach you. Then we can even sing when we ride in the boat just like Maria and all the kids."

John snickered. "That is a wonderful idea, Jillian. Your father would just love that."

Jax lifted Jillian from the swing and glared at John. "You are definitely not needed on this bandwagon. Brenda has already recruited Jillian and Mum."

Jillian put her hands on Jax's cheeks. "Daddy, it will be so much fun. The movie makes Mommy so happy."

Jax sighed softly. "Yes, it does." He then swung Jillian around. "Now what do you want to do?"

"The sandbox. I want to make you and Grandpa sand castles for your presents."

Jax kissed her and lowered Jillian to the ground. "Okay, I can't wait to see them."

Jillian scurried past them and then stopped and turned around to call to them. "Nooo peaking."

John smiled at her. "Okay, Jillian. You tell us when you are all ready."

Jillian reached the sandbox and began lecturing Lady. "You have to stay out so you don't smush the sand castles. Your feet are way tooo big now."

Lady let out a yip and then began chasing a butterfly into the grove of trees.

John could not help shaking his head. "She is really something. She reminds me of you at that age."

Jax sat down on the bench bordering the playground. "I love her so much, Dad. She can light up the darkest of days. In that regard, she is just like her mother."

John took a seat on the bench next to Jax. "Son, I am sorry that you have had more than your share of those days of late."

Jax let out an exasperated sigh. "So am I and I don't know when Brenda is going to be out of them."

John gave Jax a concerned look. "Jax, you both have to get through this. You need to be concerned about yourself as well as Brenda."

Jax looked over at John. "I now know what you two talked about last night."

John gave him a small smile. "Brenda is concerned about you just like you are concerned about her. She thought I could help since I was in a similar position when we found out about your impending arrival after losing Jeannette."

Jax nodded. "I understand that. I spoke to Mum last night for the same reasons, hoping to gain some insight to be able to help Brenda."

John stroked his beard. "Did your mother tell you how frightened she was?" John exhaled deeply at the memory of it. "Lady Jane, the picture of strength, was anything but that then."

"Yes. She said it took her weeks to even start believing that there could be a happy ending."

John acknowledged the same. "Yes, that was absolutely the case. And your Mother and I had made the decision to try again after losing Jeannette so we were somewhat prepared for what we would be facing. It was also several years later. I know that in your case, this is a surprise."

"That is certainly true." Jax took a deep breath. "But I want this baby so much."

John gave Jax a reassuring smile. "Of course you do and so does Brenda."

Jax swallowed the lump which had formed in his throat. "I know she does. She is terrified but she loves this baby with her whole heart which is just scaring her more."

John patted Jax on the back. "As each day goes on, she will find a way to let the love overtake the fear. I saw it in Lady Jane and you will see it in Brenda."

Jax leaned against the back of the bench. "I hate to see her suffering. You saw her when she was carrying Jillian and Jamie. She was the happiest I have ever seen. Brenda lit up every room she was in and just exuded joy."

"Jax, she will look like that with this baby as well. You saw the light in her eyes. I saw it when we were here on the night of your anniversary two weeks ago. She was absolutely radiant."

Jax nodded. "I know she was. And it was there the afternoon she told me about the pregnancy. Most of light is masked by her fears but you can still see the glow just trying to break free."

"It will break free." John squeezed Jax's shoulder. "Son, unfortunately there are no real answers here. You just have to take every day as it comes and love her while ensuring that you don't neglect your own feelings in the process."

Jax brushed a curl from his forehead. "I know. Loving her is easy, but seeing her suffer is the hardest thing I have ever done."

Jillian's sweet voice then rang through the air. "I am reeeaaadddy with your sand castles."

A smile appeared on Jax's again. "Here we come, Jillian."

John put his arm on Jax's back as they walked to the sandbox. "And that little princess will help you both through all of this."

Jax nodded in agreement and then picked up Jillian as they reached the sandbox. "Princess, the sand castles are wonderful."

John leaned down to look at the globs of sand. "They certainly are. "Thank you very much for the wonderful present, young lady."

Jillian beamed. "I am a sheila, Grandpa. Remember?"

John tweaked Jillian's nose as he chuckled. "Yes, you most certainly are."

As Jillian and her two adoring fans ventured back to the swing set, Brenda stood on the balcony of the master suite and watched the scene. She had spent half the morning between the bed and the bathroom as her morning sickness was hitting her with a vengeance. Her nausea had finally eased up enough for her to try to get some air and join the world again. She needed to be there for Jax.

Brenda was trying to get her bearings back before Jerry and Julia arrived in half an hour for an early lunch and to take John and Jane out for the rest of the day. They were going to the marina for an afternoon of sailing on Jerry's newest acquisition and then having dinner at one of the waterfront restaurants. The mere thought of a sailboat ride caused Brenda's stomach to flip-flop. Brenda heard the french doors open and turned around to see Jane carrying a tray.

Jane placed the tray of the table next to the chaise lounge. "Hello dear. How are you feeling?"

Brenda gave her a small smile. "Better, thank you."

Jane helped Brenda sit down on the chaise. "I thought maybe you could try some tea and toast."

"Thank you. They certainly are my steady diet these days."

Jane nodded. "With Jax, it was the same way. There were some days I never thought I would eat again."

At the mention of Jax's name, Brenda looked back at the playground area and watched John helping Jillian climb the stairs to the sliding board while Jax waited at the bottom to catch her. He was smiling brightly and Jillian and John were both laughing. Brenda felt her own mouth involuntarily curve into a smile.

Jane watched Brenda observing the playground activity and reached out and touched Brenda's hand. "Brenda, I know you are worried about him but he is going to be all right. You all will be."

Brenda let out a ragged sigh. "Jane, I just want him to be happy. I want him to be able to feel what his heart tells him to feel without having to worry about me."

"Brenda, you know Jax better than anyone. He is never going to stop worrying about you or Jillian or anyone he loves. That is just him. He has been like that since the day he came into this world."

Brenda nodded. "I know. He is the first person who taught me what loving someone really means. I just don't want to hurt him now or make him think in any way that my fears have anything to do with my feelings for him."

Jane shook her head. "Brenda, put that thought out of your mind this moment. Jax knows how much you love him. Nothing you are feeling has to do with that or with your love for this child. You are scared and so is he but that does not change what you feel for each other or this baby."

Brenda swallowed hard. "Jane, if you could have seen the state I was in when I told him... I could not even say the words out loud."

Jane took Brenda's hand. "My dear, you are terrified and this news came when you were least expecting it. It is going to take some time. It took me weeks when I was carrying Jax before I could face my own fears and not assume we would lose him like we lost Jeannette. I told Jax that last night and he understands what you are feeling."

Brenda took a deep breath. "I am so glad that you and John are here. We both need you so much right now and I know how difficult today is for Jax because of Jamie. Now he is worrying about me as well."

Jane smiled as she squeezed Brenda's hand. "Jax is worried about you and you are worried about Jax. That is how it is supposed to be when you love someone. And do you know where I can see the greatest evidence of that love right now?"

Brenda shook her head as she looked up at Jane with glistening eyes. "Where?"

Jane smiled brightly. "In your eyes. Brenda, they are glowing mother-to-be eyes and I saw them as soon as I walked into this house yesterday. I knew at that instant that you were pregnant. Your eyes looked exactly the same when you were carrying Jillian and Jamie."

Brenda's voice was filled with emotion. "Do they really look like that? Nothing else feels the same way as it did with Jillian and Jamie."

Jane nodded. "They look exactly like that. And Brenda, Jax sees it too. He told me last night that he saw the glow and that was how he realized that you were trying to tell him about the baby. That glow is going to push away most of that fear before this is all over."

Brenda hugged Jane and fought to control her tears. She then heard Lady barking and Jillian squealing and looked down below to see Jax giving Jillian a piggyback ride. They were chasing Lady around the playground. Jillian suddenly looked up toward the balcony and saw Brenda and Jane sitting there. Jax saw them too and both he and Jillian waved. Brenda smiled as she waved back. Suddenly, the ache in her heart did not seem so painful.

The Jacks Residence -- 12:45pm

Jerry and Julia had arrived an hour earlier and everyone had finished lunch on the terrace. Jax, Jane and John were in the house and Jerry was in the yard with Jillian and Lady. Julia and Brenda were on the terrace watching as Jerry was helping Jillian with her kite. Lady was being of no help as she was nipping at Jerry's feet.

Julia sighed softly as she watched the interaction between Jillian and Jerry. He always seemed to light up when Jillian was around and they had their own debating style. Jerry was just a big kid at heart anyway and Jillian seemed to bring that to the forefront whenever they were together.

Brenda looked over at Julia and saw the sad smile on her face. "Julia, are you okay?"

Julia quickly responded. "Yes, I am fine." She then changed the focus of the discussion. "I am the one that should be asking you that. You don't look like you are feeling that much better. That virus really took its toll."

Brenda took a deep breath. "I will be fine. It will just take some time."

They heard Lady's yipping and looked beside the pool to see the dog agitating Jerry.

Jerry kicked his feet to shoo Lady away from him. "Get away from me, you big mutt."

Jillian sighed. "Uncle Jerry, Lady wants to play with you."

Jerry chuckled. "Well, she can go play with the ducks in the fountain."

Jillian shook her head. "They are not ducks, they are swans. They don't quack like Sigmund."

Jerry rolled his eyes as he unwound the string for the kite. "Pardon me. Lady can play with the swans then."

Jillian shook her head. "No, the swans don't like Lady to bark at them. It hurts their ears."

Lady began to bark at Jerry's lack of attention. "That makes two of us." He turned to Lady. "Do you want to be thrown into the pool, you beast?"

"Lady loves the pool. She swims just like this." Jillian then imitated Lady's dog paddle. "Daddy says Lady swims better than you."

Jerry smirked as he untangled the string. "Roo, I am going to tell you a secret. Your daddy just pretends to be good at things. I really can do everything better than your Daddy."

Jillian bobbed her head back and forth. "No, you are just pretending. My daddy is good at everything."

Jerry patted her on the head. "Roo, your daddy is just very good at pretending. He knows I am the best."

Jillian spoke with a forceful tone. "Daddy is best. And me and Mommy are his princesses."

As Jerry handed Jillian the kite and they debated Jax's virtues, Julia and Brenda continued to watch them. Lady had decided to join in on the fracas and was barking again at Jerry. Jax then came outside and stood behind Brenda's chair on the terrace. They could not hear Jerry and Jillian's discussion but it was obvious that a difference of opinion had developed.

Jax spoke sarcastically when he saw Jillian's stance. "Obviously Uncle Jerry is having his usual easy time with the ladies."

Julia shook her head. "That man could try the patience of a saint."

Jax smirked as he rubbed Brenda's shoulders. "The patience of a multitude of saints."

Brenda lifted her hand to her shoulder and squeezed Jax's hand. "Whatever it is, Jillian will give him a run for his money."

A broad grin appeared on Jax's face. "I have no doubt about that."

Jerry and Jillian stopped their debate long enough for Jerry to walk several yards away from Jillian after giving her instructions on when to release the kite. Lady was still attempting to find a playmate in Jerry, who was ignoring the zealous pup completely.

Julia shook her head. "This ought to be good."

Jax began laughing as he saw the proximity of the maple and oak trees to Jerry's position. "This is going to work real well."

Jerry began running with Lady trailing behind him and Jillian released the kite and began squealing as she chased behind the kite's ascent into the air. Those squeals quickly became shrieks when the kite hit a branch of the oak tree and became tangled in the leaves.

Jillian frowned at him. "Uncle Jerry, my kite is stuck. You don't know how to fly."

Jerry realized he had an instant headache. "I see that, Roo."

Meanwhile on the terrace, Julia covered her eyes with her hand. "That poor child."

Jax was laughing so hard that he could barely stand up. Brenda was simply shaking her head at the whole scene. They saw Jillian shaking her head at Jerry.

Jillian had her hands on her hips. "You are not good at kites. Daddy does not get them stuck."

"Roo, I will get your kite down."

Jillian shook her head. "No, Daddy will." She then started scurrying toward the terrace and calling to Jax. "Daddy, hurry. My kite, my kite. Uncle Jerry is going to break it."

Jax smugly smiled. "To the rescue again of my big brother."

Brenda swatted his arm as he walked off the terrace. "And I am sure you will make that perfectly clear to Jerry."

Jax winked at her. "Of course."

Jillian reached Jax and he picked her up and carried her back to the tree. Jerry rolled his eyes at the smirk on Jax's face as he approached. "Don't even say it."

Jax grinned like a cheshire cat. "Why would I?" He then pointed to the kite dangling from the tree branch. "A picture is worth a thousand words."

Jax got the ladder from the garage and after several minutes of climbing and untangling, the kite came free and sailed to the ground. Jillian picked it up and hugged it to her chest. The observers on the terrace, which now also included John and Jane, applauded and Lady barked.

Jax climbed down for the ladder and Jillian put down the kite long enough to wrap her arms around his legs. "Thank you Daddy. My kite is all better now."

Jax smiled down at her. "You and your kite are very welcome."

Jillian then picked up the kite again and looked at Jerry. "Uncle Jerry, Daddy is going to have to fly my kite now. Maybe Daddy can teach you how to fly one."

Jax choked on his laughter as he collapsed the ladder. "I will teach you, Jerry. Do you want a Donald Duck or a Mickey Mouse kite to begin?"

Jerry simply rolled his eyes as Jillian and Lady scampered to the terrace with the kite. Jax patted him on the back and then headed to the garage with the ladder. Jerry sighed in exasperation and then made his way to the terrace.

John chuckled. "Son, perfect landing again I see."

Jerry exhaled loudly. "It was, wasn't it? I just wanted to see Jasper climb a tree again."

Jane laughed. "Better Jax than you I guess. I seem to remember having to rescue you from a tree when you were about seven."

Jerry shook his head. "Thank you all for the undying support."

Jax appeared from the steps. "You are most welcome."

Jerry looked at his watch. "Well, as much I love being the source of all your humor, we need to get moving."

John began chuckling again. "I certainly hope you can steer a sailboat better than a kite or the Coast Guard will be sending out a rescue boat for all of this afternoon."

Jerry rolled his eyes. "Very funny."

While sitting on Brenda's lap, Jillian reached over and patted Julia's arm. "Aunt Julia, you can drive the boat and Uncle Jerry can watch."

Julia bit the inside of her lip to control her mirth. "Jillian, that is a brilliant idea."

The terrace erupted in laughter again and Jerry knelt down beside Jillian. "Roo, you are on my list now. You should be happy that you are not coming on the boat because I would throw you to the sharks to eat for dinner."

Jillian only beamed at him. "No, my Daddy would catch me."

Jerry groaned. "The poor child is totally brainwashed."

Brenda saw the joy on Jax's face and felt her own heart skip a beat. She hugged Jillian tightly. "No, she is very wise and very blessed."

Jane smiled at Brenda. "Exactly." She then clapped her hands together. "Okay, let's get this show on the road."

Jillian kissed everyone and waved good-bye. Jerry teased her that he was bringing her back an eel and gave her a final tickle attack before leaving. Julia felt the familiar wave of anguish in her heart as she watched them together. As she waved good-bye to Jax, Brenda and Jillian, Julia wondered if her heart would ever stop aching.

Brenda stroked Jillian's cheek. "It is way past nap time for you, sweetie."

Jax yawned himself and Jillian pointed at him. "Daddy is tired too."

Jax nodded. The last several nights had not exactly been filled with hours of peaceful sleep. "Yes, I am and I bet Mommy is as well."

Jillian looked over at Lady who was laying in the shade in the corner of the terrace. "Lady is sleeping too."

Jax looked over at the maple trees and stood up. "Well, Jillian how would you like to take your nap with Daddy and Mommy in the hammock?"

Jillian giggled as she clapped her hands. "Oh,yes, just like camping." She then looked up at Brenda. "Mommy, please can we?"

Brenda nodded. "Yes, we can. But first we need to go inside and use the bathroom."

Jillian hugged Brenda around the neck and then looked over at Jax. "I have to get Roo-Roo too."

Brenda caressed Jax's cheek as she stood up. "Honey, we will be right back."

Jax flashed her a beaming grin. "I will be waiting."

Jax walked over to the double hammock. It was positioned between two large maple trees and was completely in the shade. The gentle breeze made it a perfect afternoon for a nap. There was a patch of wild buttercups growing in the grass right before the grove of maple trees. Jillian loved to pick them so Brenda had asked Dan, the gardener, to allow the wildflowers to grow without disturbance.

Brenda and Jillian then appeared on the terrace and began walking toward the hammock. They stopped for a moment at the patch of buttercups and then Jillian and Brenda reached Jax. Lady came along too and laid down beside the hammock in the grass. Brenda lifted Jillian into Jax's arms and then carefully got into the hammock herself.

She took a deep breath as she steadied the rocking hammock. "Okay, this will work as long as this hammock does not sway back and forth."

Jax kissed Brenda on the forehead. "We won't move. Just hold onto me."

Jillian laid against Jax's other shoulder. "Mommy, we won't swing so your tummy will not hurt."

Jax kissed Jillian's cheek. "Thank you Jillian for that and for such a wonderful Father's Day."

Jillian giggled as her eyes began to get heavy from sleep. "I have another present for you." She removed her hand from behind her back to reveal four buttercups.

Jax flashed her a big grin. "They are beautiful. Four buttercups."

Jillian nodded and then passed them to Jax one at a time. "One from me and one from Jamie and one from Lady. And one from Mommy. Four." Jillian yawned. "Happy Father's Day."

Jax hugged Jillian. "Thank you princess so much. I will take good care of them."

Like a bridge over troubled water
I will ease your mind
Like a bridge over troubled water
I will ease your mind

Jillian laid her head back down on Jax's shoulder and quickly drifted off to sleep. Jax held the precious buttercups gently in one hand as he stroked Brenda's hair with the other. She snuggled closer to him and he kissed the top of her head. A moment later, Jax felt the tender touch of her hand on his. Jax looked down and his heart skipped a beat as he saw the tiny bud of a buttercup in her hand.

Brenda opened up his hand and placed the tiny bud with the other four flowers. She spoke in a soft whisper and her voice trembled but his heart heard the words as if they were being announced through a loud speaker. "Happy Father's Day from our littlest miracle."