Friday, September 7, 2001
J & J Jacks -- 8:45am

Jerry looked at his watch and groaned out loud at the realization that the day had barely started and he had been in the office for almost two hours already. It was still almost unfathomable to Jerry that he even had established an office. Until his settlement in Port Charles a few years before, his work place had been anywhere on the globe where there had been some form of outside communication possible. Even when he had organized a permanent office in Port Charles, Jerry was not known for consistently being behind his desk at 9:00am when the traditional business day began. Between the penthouse, multiple vacation homes, the cabin cruiser and sailboat in the Port Charles marina and the planes, there was no reason to be. With the phone and modem, Jerry's work was portable and could be done from anywhere. There was so many other things in life to experience, explore and enjoy even with the necessities of work.

He remembered how it had been several months into his relationship with Julia before he had been able to convince her of the same. She had been so damned intractable initially when it came to her duties at J & J Jacks. Julia has been used to working from her own office except when travelling and she had always preferred a hands on approach to her professional undertakings. In the beginning, she and Jerry had experienced numerous disagreements over their individual business methods. Julia had been hellbent on maintaining the utmost propriety in her position with J & J Jacks due to her relationship with the Jacks family. Jerry's response to that was that Julia was being fanatical about the issue. She was one of the most professional people he had ever met and Jerry had told Julia that no one could have ever offered even one legitimate argument to the contrary.

Jerry leaned further back in his leather chair as he recalled a day three years ago when he had given her a lesson in conducting business from an "office" at sea. It had been a glorious late summer Friday, perfect for being on the water, and Jerry was anxious to take his new sailboat out for the day. He and Julia had been living together at the loft for two months and she was still insisting that she needed to be in the office everyday. Jerry had unsuccessfully tried to convince her to join him and she had left him outside the door garage of the loft and headed to the office. Jerry's aversion to abide by any designated speed limits had given him the opportunity to get to the J & J Jacks garage a full ten minutes before Julia. As she had awaited the garage elevator, Jerry had simply ignored her screaming and kicking and scooped Julia up into his arms and then proceeded to escort her to the marina and the sailboat. Thirty minutes later they were beyond the mouth of the Port Charles River.

Jerry closed his eyes and could still see the look on Julia's face when he had shown her the invention of the cell phone and the laptop with a modem and told her that she could still be "Little Miss Executive" for the day and get some sun at the same time. Julia had responded by simply taking the cell phone from him and tossing it into the Port Charles River. When Jerry had protested her actions, Julia had pushed him over the side of the sailboat to retrieve his little invention. A few minutes later, Jerry had seen to it that Julia had joined him in the water in the search for the phone. She had been angry but her wrath had quickly turned to passion in the stimulating current. When they made their way back on board the sailboat, their drenched clothes were left on deck to dry in the blistering sun while they quenched their torrid passions in the cabin below.

As he heard the sound of Addie and Francesca's voices outside of his door, Jerry was brought back to the present. He shook his head at the cognizance that he had been behind his desk in the office before 8:00am for the past four mornings. Being in the office was better than rattling around the empty penthouse though -- any place would have been -- but these early hours were still a first for him in a non-crisis situation at the conglomerate. Jerry had to almost sarcastically laugh to himself over that thought, he certainly felt as though he were embroiled in a crisis, it just was not one of a business variety. Those predicaments he could handle but Jerry was not so certain about this one. It was beginning to eat him alive.

It had been two weeks since Julia had left the penthouse and nothing was any clearer now than it had been that night. Every day, matters seemed to get more strained between them. Jerry was getting more angry and resentful each day and Julia was feeling more and more guilty and confused which was only making her more defensive. The penthouse was a constant reminder of Julia and Jerry had begun to wonder if her ghost was haunting him there. Their bed, which had always brought nights of love, intimacy and peaceful slumber for Jerry, was now the source of sleepless and agitated nights for him. It all still felt as though it were a nightmare from which he could not awaken.

The office had become Jerry's only escape but even that was developing its own sets of problems as Jerry and Julia's personal difficulties were overlapping into their professional lives. The day before, Jerry and Julia had differed on an approach to use with the financial backers on the Boston harbor project and the disagreement had quickly transformed into an altercation about their own relationship. Such instances were just a reminder of what had transpired between them over the past several months and just how far they had drifted apart. The gulf between them seemed to widen more and more every day and both Jerry and Julia had to wonder if it could ever be eradicated.

As Jerry quickly threaded his fingers through his hair in frustration, the buzz of the intercom broke the silence. "Yes, Francesca."

"Mr. Jacks, Mrs. Kwan is on line two."

"Thank you." Jerry looked at his watch and then pushed down the button for line two. "Teddi, it's after midnight there. Is anything wrong?"

"No, but Ming and I am running some projections on these tariff exclusions and want you to take a look at them. I just sent a copy to you and John to download. I think we can get around some of the excise taxes if we move some of the operations off-shore."

Jerry nodded his head. "Good idea, I will look at them and call you at a decent hour in the morning. Now you need to get the hell out of there and spend the weekend with your son."

"We'll be out of here in a few minutes." Teddi paused at the thought of the touch of melancholy in Jerry's voice. "Are you all right, Jerry?"

He exhaled sharply. "Me? Aren't I always?"

Teddi cleared her throat. "Okay, sorry I asked."

"No, I'm sorry." Jerry took a deep breath. "Let's just say life is not a barrel of oil or laughs at this particular moment."

"I'm sorry, I know how that is." Teddi sighed softly and then smiled. "But since mine is at least a gallon of giggles now, I would be happy to help." She smiled as she teased him. "Let's see, I could handle the Singapore meetings for you."

"Not a chance." Jerry shook his head and his mouth involuntarily curved into a smile. "Okay, Theodora, I get it. You are trying to take control of the entire Asian quadrant from right under my nose. You know my father already is a sucker for that smile but blood is thicker than water and Dad's eyesight will be going anytime now."

Teddi cleared her throat and smiled. "You found me out already."

"You never could hide anything from me," Jerry said with a deep sigh. "And those lofty aspirations for proficiency and expertise of yours are going to get you into sooo much trouble."

"You can't blame a girl for trying," Teddi said with a laugh. "Besides, we're all supposed to be on the same team and someone has to show you what to do."

Jerry choked back his laughter. "I beg your pardon, Theodora Reed Kwan. I think it's time for you to go home and repent."

"Repent?" Teddi could hardly speak through her laughter. "Do you even know the definition of that word? I thought that the terms repentance and modesty were sacrilege to you."

He swiveled his chair as he spoke. "You are still a smart ass after all this time."

"Did you really expect otherwise?" She sighed in mock disbelief. "Who do you think you are dealing with here?"

Jerry grinned broadly for the first time in days. "Definitely the Teddi I remember."

"Good," Teddi smiled. "Because otherwise I would have to replace all the mirrors in my house."

He groaned. "I can only hope that your son did not inherit that warped sense of humor of yours. I like the kid too much to have him saddled with that."

"As if you know anything about good humor," Teddi responded with a laugh. "You would not know it if it hit you in the face."

Jerry chuckled. "Good night Teddi."

Teddi softly laughed. "Good-bye Jerry."

A soft sigh escaped from Jerry's lips. "Good-bye, I will be in touch. And thanks Teddi. Thanks a lot."

She nodded her head slightly. "You're welcome Jerry."

Jerry replaced the receiver and then turned around in his chair to see Julia standing inside the doorway to his office. "Julia."

"I just needed to return this file on the harbor project." Julia hurriedly entered the office and then put the folder on his desk. "I have to get back to my office." She quickly turned back toward the door.

"Wait!" Jerry's voice was louder than he had intended it to be. He lowered it as he then spoke again. "Please."

Julia stopped in the center of the office and turned around to face him. "What?"

Jerry stood up and walked around his desk. "Why did you really come in here? Sally could have given the folder to Francesca."

She lowered her eyes so that they could not meet Jerry's gaze. "It was nothing."

"I don't believe that." He recognized the slightly panicked look on her face, a look which he had become very familiar with over the past few months. "Why did you come to see me?"

Julia took a step back from him. "It doesn't matter anyway, go back to your phone calls."

Jerry exhaled loudly in frustration. "Is that the problem of the day, my phone call with Teddi? I have to keep track you know."

"I don't have time for this right now," Julia said with a wave of her hand.

Jerry spoke sarcastically. "Let me know when you do and I'll put it on my schedule."

"I'll do that." Julia took a deep breath and then turned around and walked out of Jerry's office.

Jerry cursed at himself under his breath as he collapsed into his chair. His patience and tolerance were at their breaking points and his anger was getting the better of him. He had no control over anything right now. Now things were even worse and it was only nine o'clock in the morning. It was just another beginning to another day of the nightmare.

Meanwhile Julia returned to her office and slumped down in her chair. Her stomach was already in a knot and she covered her face with her hands as she leaned back in the chair. All she had wanted was to apologize to Jerry for yesterday's argument about the harbor renovation deal and to tell him she was going to make every effort to keep their personal problems out of their professional lives. Instead, she had heard him laughing on the phone with Teddi and had overreacted again and just made things worse. It was just the start of another miserable day.

The void was excruciating and it was contrary to what love was supposed to be -- Love is needing to be loved.

The Jacks Residence -- 6:30pm

Brenda and Robin were sitting on the couch in the living room talking about the trip to Spring Meadows as Jax poured a drink for Matthew. Matthew and Robin had arrived at the house a half hour earlier for dinner with the Jacks family. Josee had just served appetizers and Jillian had followed her out of the living room.

Robin looked around the room and then turned to Brenda. "Where did Jillian go?"

"I am sure she is in the hall closet again." Brenda laughed softly. "Believe me, she will be right back."

At that moment Jillian returned to the living room carrying her new light blue denim jumper. "Aunt Robin, see my new dress for school."

"Jillian, it is beautiful," Robin said with a smile. "You are going to look so pretty for your first day of school next week."

Brenda could not help but smile at Jillian's antics. She watched as Jillian held the dress in front of her chest to model it for Robin. Brenda shook her head slightly in wonder as the color of the denim seemed to showcase the blue in Jillian's eyes. It was the same effect that the color had on Jax's eyes and, even after all this time, Brenda's knees still went weak when Jax wore denim. Brenda smiled to herself again as she thought, like father, like daughter.

Matthew walked over to the couch and winked at Jillian. "Jillian, are you sure you are ready to go to school? Don't you want to wait until you are a little older?"

"I want to go now." Jillian bobbed her head up and down. "I had to wait for my whooollle life and now it's almost time."

Jax flashed Jillian a broad grin as he sat in the chair. "Yes, it's almost time. Just a few more days."

"Okay, now you need to put the dress back in the closet." Brenda stroked Jillian's hand.

Robin smiled as she looked down at Jillian. "Then you can show me your pictures."

Jillian bobbed her head up and down. "Oh, yes." She then skipped toward the door swinging the dress around her.

Robin whispered to Brenda as they watched Jillian go through the door. "Someone's a tad excited I see?"

"That is an understatement," Brenda responded as she laughed out loud.

Jax chuckled. "She thinks everyone who comes near the house has to see the dress."

Brenda nodded. "That is why the dress is in the hall closet now so Jillian can have quick access to it." She shook her head and smiled. "This afternoon, she showed it to the messenger from Lucy's office."

Matthew sighed out loud as he sat down next to Robin on the couch. "That's a switch. My mother had to bribe me to show my new school dress to the messenger."

Robin swatted Matthew on the leg as everyone else laughed. Jillian then came back into the living room carrying the envelope of photos that she and Brenda had just picked up this afternoon.

"I got them, Aunt Robin." Jillian waved the envelope in the air.

Robin clapped her hands together. "Are those the pictures of Midnight and her colt?"

"Yes, it's Star's baby pictures." Jillian handed the envelope to Robin. "I saw him be born right in the box in all the hay."

Robin looked at the first photo. "He is beautiful, look at the white on his forehead."

Jillian giggled. "It's a star just like his name." She then pointed to the next photo. "That's Star and his mommy in the box. Dream is the daddy but he can't stay there till later." She looked up at Brenda. "Right, Mommy?"

"That's right, sweetheart." Brenda lifted Jillian onto the couch. "When Star gets a little older then he can be in the stables and paddock with Dream too."

Jillian waved her fingers to another picture. "Aunt Robin, that's Star when he went outside and saw the grass."

Brenda spoke to Robin. "That was right before we left on Wednesday. We stayed an extra day so Jillian could see Star's introduction to the outdoors."

Robin rubbed Jillian's leg. "How did Star like the grass?"

"Star was scared to come out of the barn," Jillian said with a giggle. "Daddy had to carry him out but I told Star that grass is nice and soft. Then Daddy put him down and Star walked real fast to see his mommy in the grass."

"Your Daddy had to carry Star outside?" Robin winked at her. "Star is so big and so heavy."

Jillian bobbed her head up and down. "My Daddy has lots of big muscles so he is real strong. Uncle Jerry says his muscles are the biggest but my Daddy's are this big." Jillian held her arms out as far as they could reach.

Robin choked back her mirth. "Yes, your Daddy is very strong."

Matt cleared his throat as he turned to Jax. "I see someone is on your payroll already."

"She sure is," Jax responded with a cheshire grin.

Jillian laughed again as she showed Robin the next photo. "That's Star in the grass taking a nap. He likes the sun and grass now." Then Jillian excitedly spoke as Robin got to the last picture. "And that's me and Star."

Robin tweaked Jillian's nose. "What a nice picture of the two of you." She smiled at Jillian. "I bet I know where this photo is going to be hung."

"On the Angel wall." A smile lit up Jillian's face as she spoke.

"Let me get a good look at this picture." Matthew took the photo from Robin and then turned to Jillian. "Very beautiful of both of you."

Jillian coyly lowered her chin. "Thank you."

Matthew took another look at the colt. "Look at the size of him and the expanse of that chest."

Jax nodded as he took a drink from his glass. "Yes, he was quite a sight upon his entrance to the world."

Jillian exhaled loudly. "And so messy, he needed a bath with lots of bubbles."

Robin bit her bottom lip to keep from laughing as she spoke to Jillian. "Well, he was still very handsome and he looks like his Daddy and Mommy."

"Now Midnight has no more big tummy," Jillian said as she patted her own stomach. "But Mommy does." Jillian rubbed Brenda's stomach and then spoke excitedly. "Aunt Robin, Mommy has two babies in her tummy."

"I know, isn't that so exciting?" Robin held Jillian's hand while she spoke to her. "You're going to be a big sister to twins."

Jillian smiled so broadly that her eyes squinted. "One baby for Mommy and one for me."

"Oh, is that how it is?" Brenda gave Jillian a curious look. "No baby for Daddy?"

Jillian shook her head. "He's a boy so he can't be a Mommy and Mommies have to take care of the babies when they come."

Brenda looked at Jillian. "But what about Daddy? Who is he going to have to take care of?"

Jillian held her hands out to the side of her as if to dramatically explain. "Daddy can take care of Lady." She then turned to Jax. "Right, Daddy? You can put food in her red dish and give her a walk."

Jax winked at her. "I think I can remember how to do that."

She pondered for a moment and then spoke again. "But Daddy, you still have to get the blankets from the way high shelf in the closet. Me and Mommy are too low to reach and you need to help since you are so high."

Jax nodded his head. "I can do that."

Jillian smiled brightly as she turned to Brenda. "See, Mommy, Daddy can get blankets and we can wrap up the babies and take care of them just like my doll babies."

"I think we should all take care of the babies. The whole family." Brenda brushed back a stray curl from Jillian's forehead. "Do you know that Daddy took care of you when you were just a tiny baby?"

"He did?" Jillian smiled at Brenda and then at Jax.

Brenda nodded her head. "Yes, he did and he took such good care of you. Now it will be Mommy and Daddy and you taking care of the babies. Won't that be nice?"

Jillian sighed in contentment. "Oh, yes, Mommy." She rubbed her hands together. "And Lady too? She can carry the toys in her mouth. We just have to tell her she can't put holes in them anymore."

Jax and Matthew covered their mouths to hide their laughter while Brenda cleared her throat. "We will find something for Lady to do to help."

"Yeah!" Jillian clapped her hands and then leaned over next to Brenda's stomach and spoke. "Lady and me and Daddy get to help Mommy take care of you."

Robin flashed Jillian a big grin. "The twins are going to be so lucky."

Jax's twinkling eyes met Brenda's gaze as he spoke. "We all will be."

It was what love was supposed to be -- Love is wanting to be loved.

Monday, September 10, 2001
Chestnut Hills Nursery School -- 8:10am

As Brenda brought the Mercedes to a stop at the red light, she looked in the rear view mirror and saw Jillian smiling brightly in the back seat. Jillian had worn the same expression from the first moment she had awakened this morning to start her first day of pre-school. As she sat behind the wheel of the car, Brenda's emotions swayed back and forth from being excited for Jillian's newest adventure to being melancholic over the fact that her little girl was growing up way too quickly.

Jillian squealed as she looked out the window and saw the school down the hill. "I see my school!"

She turned her head toward the back seat and smiled at Jillian. "Yes, there it is. Are you all ready?"

"All ready," Jillian responded in an excited tone. "I'm holding my back pack."

As the sun shined brightly through the glass, Brenda pressed the window control button to lower the driver's side window. She then looked back at Jillian again. "Sweetie, are you sure you want to keep your sweater on? The sun is nice and warm today."

Jillian bobbed her head up and down. "Yes, I need it on."

"Okay." Brenda then cleared her throat. "Is Roo-Roo also ready to watch you go into school?"

"Uh-huh." Jillian looked down at Roo-Roo who was sitting in her lap. "Roo-Roo's gonna stay in the car and wait for me."

Brenda winked at her as the issue of Roo-Roo's possible "enrollment" in pre-school had been discussed for over a week. "That's a good idea. Roo-Roo will be right here waiting when I pick you up."

Jillian nodded her head. "Daddy said Roo-Roo can stay in the car with you so you're not sad." She then gasped loudly and covered her mouth with her hand. "Oops--Daddy said it's a secret."

"We'll keep it a secret." Brenda's eyes lit up as she thought about the scene she had witnessed this morning between Jax and Jillian. Jax had a breakfast meeting but Jillian had awakened very early in anticipation of the day's excitement so she and Jax had been able to spend a half hour together before he had to leave the house. Jax had helped Jillian get dressed for school and Brenda had found them together in Jillian's bedroom laughing as Jax was trying to put the barrettes in Jillian's hair.

"Shhh, a secret." Jillian put her finger to her lips. "Daddy said Roo-Roo won't be sad in the car cause he knows I'm coming back when school is all done."

"Yes, you're coming back." The light changed and Brenda maneuvered the car down the street as she knew Jax was fully aware that she needed more reassurance than Roo-Roo did at this point.

Jillian sighed contently. "And you and Roo-Roo will be waiting for me too."

Brenda turned the car into the school parking lot. "Yes, Mommy and Roo-Roo will be right here to pick you up."

"I'm at school!" Jillian clapped her hands together. "Now I'm really a big girl just like Brooke and Kayla."

She pulled the Mercedes into the parking space and spoke in a slightly deflated voice. "Yes, you are a big girl now." Brenda then unfastened her seat belt and got out of the car to get Jillian.

Jillian fidgeted back and forth as Brenda opened the door and unbuckled Jillian's seat belt. "There's the red door."

Brenda looked at her watch and saw that they still had fifteen minutes before the bell would ring for everyone to come inside. "We still have a few minutes before it's time to go inside." She saw some of the other children standing on the sidewalk with their parents. "Do you want to go see some of your new friends?"

Jillian shook her head. "First, we have to do the surprise before school."

"Surprise?" Brenda gave Jillian a confused look. "What surprise, sweetheart?"

Jillian giggled. "Me and Daddy's surprise." She reached into her backpack and pulled out a small box. "It's this."

A soft sigh was expelled from Brenda's lips as she scooted into the car on the seat next to Jillian. "You and Daddy have lots of secrets, I see."

Jillian covered her mouth again as she giggled. "Open it, Mommy, it's sooo pretty."

Brenda opened the lid and smiled at the sight of the sterling silver charm bracelet. Hanging from the bracelet was a single charm, a silver heart with the name "Jillian" engraved upon it. "Oh, Jillian, it's so beautiful."

Jillian's voice shook slightly from excitement. "It's my heart and Daddy says you can look at it when I'm at school. Now you won't be sad, Mommy."

Brenda hugged Jillian and tried to fight the tears that were welling up in her eyes. "Thank you so much, sweetheart. I love it and I love you."

"Love you, Mommy." Jillian beamed as she hugged Brenda back. "And now we're twins too."

"Twins?" Brenda released Jillian from her embrace. "How are we twins, Jillian?"

Jillian squealed as she rolled up the sleeve of her sweater. "Look! Daddy gave me a present too." She held out her arm to Brenda. "I hided it with my sweater."

Tears clung to Brenda's eyelashes as she looked at the heart charm on Jillian's bracelet. Engraved on one side of the heart was the word "Mommy" and on the other side, the word "Daddy". Jillian's bracelet also contained a second charm, a tiny school house. "You have a heart too and a school house."

Jillian bobbed her head up and down. "Daddy says I won't be sad now since Daddy and Mommy's heart is on my bracelet." She sighed happily. "Daddy gives good presents."

"He sure does." Brenda did not even try to stop the tears from rolling down her cheeks as she wrapped her arms around Jillian again. "You and Mommy are so lucky."

She heard Brenda's sniffles and Jillian reached into her sweater pocket and pulled out a wad of kleenex. "Here Mommy, Daddy gave me these. He said to give them to you when you cry."

Brenda laughed through her tears. "Daddy is pretty smart, isn't he?"

Jillian nodded her head. "Daddy is sooo smart." She exhaled softly. "Just like Big Bird and Barney."

"Daddy will be happy to know he is as smart as Big Bird AND Barney." Brenda dabbed her eyes with the tissue. "Now I think we can take your sweater off since you don't have to hide the present anymore."

"Okay, no more hiding for my bracelet." She helped Brenda take off the sweater and then Jillian touched Brenda's hand. "Mommy, you won't be sad now, will you?"

"No, I won't be sad," Brenda answered as she fastened the bracelet around her wrist. "And neither will Roo-Roo. You will have so much fun in school and then Roo-Roo and I will come pick you up and we'll all go home."

Jillian beamed brightly and then looked down at Roo-Roo. "Roo-Roo, you can't have a bracelet since you are a boy but you can ride in the car with Mommy."

Brenda stroked Jillian's cheek. "Since today is a special day for you because of school and since you and Mommy have such nice presents, Roo-Roo should have something special too." She paused for a moment before continuing. "Do you think for today as a special treat that Roo-Roo would like to come with me to the office to work with Keesha and Gina before we come back to pick you up?"

Jillian's mouth formed a big "O" as she gasped. "Oh, yes, Mommy, he wants to go to work with you."

"Okay, Roo-Roo, we will go to work then after Jillian goes inside." Brenda glanced down at her watch. "It is just about time, are you ready?"

"Yes!" Jillian grabbed her backpack in one hand and Roo-Roo in the other. "I'm ready."

"I'll carry your back pack so you can carry Roo-Roo to the door." Brenda and Jillian left the car and walked to the sidewalk just as the bell rang signalling that the doors would be opened for class.

Jillian took a deep breath. "School's all open. Now I can sit at my desk and Mrs. Brown can teach me."

Brenda exhaled sharply as they reached the red door and Jillian waved to Mrs. Brown. "Yes, Jillian, you're all ready and you are such a big girl now." She leaned down and gave Jillian a big smile. "Happy first day of school, sweetheart."

Jillian trembled slightly in excitement as she hugged Brenda. "Mommy, now I can make you lots of pictures."

"I can't wait." Brenda choked back her fresh set of tears. "Roo-Roo and I will come back here to pick you up when school is all done."

Jillian nodded and then turned Roo-Roo around to face her. "Roo-Roo, time for school. You get to go with Mommy." She hugged him and then handed the kangaroo to Brenda.

"I'll take very good care of him so he won't be sad. The you can tell Roo-Roo all about school." Brenda gave Jillian her back pack.

Jillian looked up at Mrs. Brown as the teacher stood at the door. "Bye Mommy, I'm ready." She then held out her arm which held the bracelet. "I have my heart so I won't be sad."

Brenda rose to her feet and held out her wrist toward Jillian. "And I have mine so I won't either."

A big smile lit up Jillian's face. "Bye Mommy and bye Roo-Roo. I'm all big now."

"Bye Jillian." Brenda waved and then felt the tears stinging her eyes as she watched Jillian waving back to her as she walked down the hall with Mrs. Brown. As Jillian turned the corner and moved out of sight, a single tear rolled down Brenda's cheek and she whispered out loud. "You're always going to be our little girl."

He moved behind Brenda and put his hands on her shoulders. "Of course she is going to be, sweetie."

The sound of Jax's voice and the feel of his touch sent a wave of serenity through Brenda. She turned around and melted into Jax's arms. "I should have known. You've been here the whole time watching me be an emotional basket case."

Jax kissed the top of Brenda's head. "No, I've been watching you be a loving mother."

As she rested her head against Jax's chest, Brenda closed her eyes and basked in the sound of his steady heartbeat. "The bracelets were so perfect and now you are here. Oh, Jax, you always know just when I need you."

Jax threaded his fingers through Brenda's hair. "That's the way it's supposed to be, remember?"

"I remember." Brenda repositioned Roo-Roo who was crushed against her chest. "She is growing up so fast, Jax."

"Yes, she is and it is giving us the chance to love her more each and every day." He rubbed Brenda's back. "And that's something special."

Brenda sighed in contentment as Jax held her. "Something very special."

Jax hugged Brenda tightly to him and then released her from his embrace. Brenda held Roo-Roo under her arm as she and Jax walked hand-in-hand out the door of the school. It was just one other special moment in what promised to be a lifetime of them.

It was love in its truest form -- Love is asking to be loved.

The Jacks Residence -- 6:45pm

The french doors in the master suite were wide open as the gentle breeze rustled the leaves of the potted plants on the balcony. The sound of Jillian's laughter echoed from the swing set below while the cool air of the summer night wafted into the bedroom area of the suite. Brenda smiled at the musical din from outside as she laid under the crisp sheets of the bed. Between her weekend meetings for Jacks' Cosmetics; her restless sleep of the night before; Jillian's first day of school and a series of meetings at Kanga's Kradle, weariness had caught up with Brenda as the evening had approached. She tucked her hands under her pillow and faced the open doors to enjoy the sounds of the evening. As Brenda laid there, the last beams of the day's sunlight gleamed through the window and glittered from the sterling silver charm bracelet she still wore.

Jax had arrived home a half hour earlier while Brenda was sitting in the kitchen with Jillian as Jillian was finishing her dinner. He immediately saw the exhaustion in Brenda's eyes and Jax had suggested that she get some rest while Jillian gave him a detailed account of her first day in school. Jillian's bedtime would be in an hour and Jax had asked Josee to prepare a light supper for he and Brenda to share once Jillian had gone to bed for the night. Until then it was father/daughter time and Jax was pushing Jillian on the swings as she told him all about her exciting day. Lady was out in the yard with them and Jillian laughed as the swing soared through the air.

Jillian held on tightly as the swing flew higher. "Daddy, we sat on the red rug on the floor and Mrs. Brown read a story."

"A story?" Jax smiled at the joy which was so apparent in Jillian's voice. "What was the story about?"

"A doggie and a little girl with red hair." Jillian giggled softly. "But the doggie was little not BIG like Lady."

At the sound of her name, Lady lifted her head from the grass and looked at Jillian. Jillian laughed at the dog and then Lady put her head back down and resumed her slumber.

Jax chuckled as he shook his head. "What happened with the little girl and her little doggie in the story?"

"Uuhhmm...," She pondered the question for a moment. "They played at the park with the mommy and they saw lots of things. And we counted when Mrs. Brown showed us the pages."

He moved beside Jillian and sat down on the next swing. "Princess, did you count for Mrs. Brown?"

Jillian bobbed her head up and down as her swing gradually slowed down. "Oh, yes, Daddy." Her tone became more animated. "I counted the flowers on the page, all the yellow ones."

"You counted the yellow flowers?" Jax flashed Jillian a huge grin. "How many flowers did you count?"

"Five yellow flowers," Jillian replied with a beaming smile. "One...two...three...four...five."

Jax winked at her. "Very good." His face lit up at the twinkle in her eyes. "What else did you do?"

She sighed in contentment as the swing came to a complete stop. "Daddy, school was sooo fun. I made Mommy a picture of Snowflake and Jamie's tree." Jillian proudly smiled. "Mommy put it on the frigerator."

"I saw your picture," Jax said as he looked down at her. "It's beautiful and I know Mommy loves it."

"Mrs. Brown rang the blue bell and school was all done." Jillian continued. "We walked in a line outside and Mommy and Roo-Roo waved at me."

Jax's eyes sparkled as he spoke. "Did you wave back?"

"Uh-huh," Jillian responded with a nod of her head. "I told Roo-Roo I was coming back to see him in the car and I came."

Jax lifted Jillian from the swing and put her on his lap. "We all missed you but Mommy and Roo-Roo and I are very happy that you had such a nice day for your first day of school."

A soft sigh fell from her lips. "Mommy and Roo-Roo were a little sad but Mommy liked her present."

"You did such a good job with Mommy's surprise." Jax kissed Jillian on the forehead. "Mommy told me what you did and you remembered everything Daddy asked you to do."

Jillian covered her mouth with her hand as she snickered. "My sweater was a good hider. You are sooo smart, Daddy."

"Thank you," Jax said as he gazed at Jillian. "But I am so proud of you for making Mommy so happy."

A bright smiled crossed her face. "I gave Mommy kleenex too."

Jax chuckled softly. "Yes, Mommy told me that too. You did a great job."

"Mommy won't be sad when I go to school and count more." Jillian took a deep breath. "But not tomorrow."

"That's right, no school tomorrow since tomorrow is Tuesday." Jax stroked Jillian's hand. "School will come again the next day on Wednesday."

She sighed again. "Mommy said two more days." Jillian held out her right hand and counted with her fingers. "That many Daddy. One...two."

"Let's see what else you can count." Jax looked around the play area. "How many dogs are here?"

"Lady is the dog," Jillian answered as she giggled.

Jax tweaked her nose. "Yes, Lady is the dog but how many dogs do you count?"

Jillian pointed at Lady. "One... One doggie."

He nodded. "And how many swings are on the swing set?"

She moved her fingers as she counted. "One...two...three. Three swings."

Jax tilted his head slightly as she looked at her. "Count again and remember what we are sitting on."

Jillian had a somewhat bewildered look on her face as she began counting the swings to the right of them. "One..two.." She looked down as Jax again motioned to what they were sitting on and then Jillian laughed. "I forgot this one. Three..four. Four swings."

"Good girl," Jax hugged her. At that moment the sound of a familiar lilt rang through the air.

Jillian looked up and noticed that Snowflake was in the bush watching them. "Hi Snowflake! We couldn't find you. Daddy's home now and he pushed me high in the sky like you."

The bird fluttered his wings and then floated over to the swing set. Snowflake perched himself on the top bar of the swing set and then cooed in response to Jillian.

Jax squeezed Jillian's shoulder. "Snowflake found you."

Jillian smiled. "When me and Mommy came home, I told Snowflake all about school and showed him my picture. Mommy said Snowflake liked it cause he sang real, real loud."

"I'm sure he liked it," Jax responded with a smile. "Snowflake is your very good friend."

Jillian wrapped her arms around Jax's neck. "I love him and he sings sooo pretty." She exhaled sharply. "Grandmom says Snowflake really loves us cause he stays in the tree."

Jax looked up at the bird who was perched with his head slightly cocked as if he were intently listening. "Yes, Jillian, Snowflake seems to like it here."

"He's in the family." Jillian covered her mouth as she yawned. "Just like Lady. Daddy, Lady talks to Snowflake when she barks."

A muffled bark was heard this time when Lady heard her name. At the sound of it, Snowflake squawked in return. Jillian giggled as Jax tightened his arms around her. "See, Daddy, they talked."

Jax rubbed Jillian's back and then kissed the top of her head. "I heard and it's nice to have them both in the family."

Jillian nodded her head against Jax's chest. "I love them and I love you and Mommy."

"We love you too." Jax felt the air begin to turn cooler as the sun began to set in the sky. "And now it's time for a bath and then bed so you can say good night to Snowflake."

She lifted her head. "Okay, I want bubbles."

Jax stood up with Jillian in his arms. "You can have bubbles."

Jillian giggled as they began to move toward the house. Lady followed beside them and Snowflake remained perched atop the swing set. Jillian turned around to face him. "Night-Night Snowflake. It's time for my bath."

The bird cooed as he fluttered his wings again. Snowflake then began singing as he soared over the path leading to the house. As Jax carried Jillian to the steps leading to the terrace, they both smiled as Snowflake descended onto the small pine tree and roosted atop it.

As Snowflake continued singing, the music streamed into the master suite and Brenda opened her eyes and smiled. The cooler air was drifting into the room as well and Brenda climbed out of bed and moved out onto the balcony. She waved at Jax and Jillian as they walked across the terrace below.

Jillian giggled as she looked up. "Mommy, I'm coming for bubbles and Snowflake's in his bed."

"I see that." Brenda beamed at Jillian and then looked over again at Jamie's pine tree. "Good night Snowflake."

The melodious singing stopped and the bird cooed in response. Brenda smiled as she walked back into the house and shut the french doors behind her. Jax entered the living room from the terrace with Lady following behind. After one last wave to Snowflake from Jillian, Jax closed the terrace doors for the evening. Everyone was now home for the night.

As the darkness fell, the essence of love surrounded them all -- Love is feeling, feeling love.

Friday, September 14, 2001
Kanga's Kradle -- 1:30pm

Brenda walked into the office from her lunch meeting with Audrey and Simone. The desk was still a sea of files and documents from the meetings this morning with Gina and Keesha. The desk was going to be in a constant state of disarray for the next several weeks as Brenda tried to organize the foundation's affairs in anticipation of her lengthy maternity leave. In a little over a month, Brenda would be entering her third trimester and thereafter Dr. Meadows would be restricting her physical activity. Assuming no complications arose in the meantime, Brenda planned to tie up all matters at Kanga's Kradle and Jacks' Cosmetics within the month. Some of the administrative and marketing work for L & B could be accomplished from home so Brenda planned to continue with her duties for the record company for at least the short term.

Keesha had become an integral part of the Kanga's Kradle family over the past two years so she was the only logical choice for Brenda when it came time to decide who should take over the executive role in the foundation. Keesha was overwhelmed with Brenda's recommendation to the Board of Directors and was both honored and apprehensive about the scope of the role when the Board approved Brenda's recommendation. Brenda, Jax and Justus calmed most of her anxieties and Keesha had accepted the offer under the proviso that all three of them be available to her at all times in an advisory role. With Brenda's input on the administrative matter, Jax's advice on the financial matters and Justus' role as legal counselor, Keesha determined she and the Board of Directors could handle the next several months of activity.

Along with Keesha, Brenda also had comfort in the fact that the daily operations of the foundation would also be overseen by Gina Cates. Gina had served as the first intern for Kanga's Kradle under its program with Port Charles University. Now more than three years later, Gina had graduated from the university and had become an executive assistant for the foundation. She was Brenda's right hand at times and would provide the same for Keesha. Between Keesha and Gina, Brenda was confident that she was leaving the organization in very capable hands. And more importantly, Keesha and Gina shared the same love Brenda had for the children and families helped by Kanga's Kradle and that was all Brenda could ever want for her endeavor from the heart.

Brenda's eyes automatically looked to the left side of the desk and she smiled at the sight of Jimmy Martin's contagious grin. Brenda picked up the picture frame and tried to remember how many times she had seen that grin in the two years that she had the honor of knowing the incredible little boy. From the first moment she had seen him in the children's ward of General Hospital, Brenda had been captivated. She could still see Jimmy waving to her with one hand as he held Jillian's kangaroo in the other. She had met Susan Martin a few days later and from then on, the Martin family had become a part of Brenda's life and the motivation behind the creation of Kanga's Kradle.

She placed the photo back down on the desk and Brenda took a deep breath. Jimmy Martin was the first little boy who had captured her heart and then Jamie had overtaken it. For months after she had lost them, Brenda would wake up from her nightmares wondering how her heart could still be beating when it had been shattered into a million pieces. Even now, the reality of it would still overwhelm her. The only way she could bear the idea of it was knowing that Jamie and Jimmy were together now with the other angels, just as they were together in her heart.

Brenda leaned her head back against the chair and closed her eyes for a moment. She exhaled sharply and tried to regather her thoughts. It was becoming the custom of late for her, Brenda was used to thinking about Jamie but over the past few days, memories of Jimmy Martin had also cluttered her thoughts. Brenda concluded that her memories of Jimmy had been stirred up again due to her preoccupation over the past month with the planning for Kanga's Kradle and the fact that she had seen Susan Martin earlier in the week at a sponsorship meeting for the foundation. The memories did not scare Brenda or cripple her as they had done in the past. As was the case with her thoughts of Jamie now, the memories seemed to bring Brenda peace. When Brenda had explained that to Melanie in their session the day before, Melanie had happily replied that Brenda had overcome yet another hurdle.

With a confident smile, Brenda sat back up in her chair and looked at the group of pictures on the other side of her desk. Her face brightened even more as she lifted the picture of Jax and Jillian. She loved them both so much that even after all this time, Brenda still had to stop and pinch herself to prove that she was not dreaming. Growing up as Harlan Barrett's daughter, Brenda never had been given a glimpse at what love was and now she felt as though she could write an encyclopedia on it. She loved Jax and Jillian more than she thought was humanly possible and even losing Jamie had taught Brenda an invaluable lesson about the preciousness of the gift of love. She had her sister and because of John, Jane and Jerry's devotion and support of her, Brenda now knew what it was like to have parents and a loving family. If only everyone could realize the true meaning of the gift, life would be almost perfect.

But of course, life was far from perfect.

The brightness on Brenda's face faded as she put down the photo of Jax and Jillian and looked down at the picture of Jerry and Julia. The photograph had been taken shortly after Jerry and Julia's wedding and the two of them were the picture of love and happiness. Now, two years later, they were anything but that. Brenda sighed deeply at the memory of the scene she had witnessed in the elevator foyer yesterday. Actually Brenda had heard it before she had seen it. She had been in the elevator on her way up to the Kanga's Kradle office when she first heard the raised voices. As the elevator neared the fifteenth floor, Brenda had recognized the voices and cringed. Unfortunately, Maggie needed the afternoon off so Brenda had picked up Jillian from the house on her way back to the office. As she stood in the front of the elevator, Jillian had immediately recognized the voices as well.

It was one of the few times Brenda had wished that the Kanga's Kradle office was not on the same floor as the headquarters of J & J Jacks. She had quickly tried to stop the elevator on the fourteenth floor but it was too late. When the elevator doors opened to the fifteenth floor lobby, Jerry and Julia were there arguing with raised voices. Dead silence then followed as they saw Brenda and Jillian. Jillian was stunned into silence and her bottom lip had immediately begun to quiver at the sight before her. You could have cut the tension with a knife as Brenda quickly took Jillian's hand and led her to the Kanga's Kradle office. When she got inside the office with Jillian, Brenda realized that her own hands were trembling.

Brenda had then spent the next twenty minutes trying to explain to Jillian what had just happened. Now almost twenty-four hours later, Brenda rolled her eyes slightly at that thought. She had no idea how she had pulled off that feat since she had no idea what the hell was going on between Jerry and Julia anymore. Jax had been in Manhattan for the day on the waterfront project and had not been privy to the scene until Jillian had mentioned it at home last night. Jax also tried to explain Jerry and Julia's situation to Jillian and she seemed comfortable about it but Brenda knew immediately that Jax was not. One look into his eyes had been enough for Brenda to see the dark blue-grey steel that was Jax's trademark for agitation and impatience.

Before Jax had arrived home, both Jerry and Julia had called the house and spoken to Jillian. They had apologized to Jillian about what she had seen and tried to reassure her that they loved her. Jillian had seemed to understand that much but Brenda could tell that Jillian had unnerved both Jerry and Julia when she asked each of them where Aunt Julia and Uncle Jerry's house was now and then wanted to know where she and Roo-Roo would stay when they spent the night with them.

As furious as Brenda was from yesterday's scene, she knew she was even more scared than angry. Jerry and Julia were becoming more and more like strangers every day and it was painful to watch. Brenda had struggled but she had managed to stay on the sidelines since Jerry and Julia had separated three weeks earlier. She knew from her own experiences that Jerry and Julia were the only ones who could resolve their problems but that did not make it any easier to watch them both unravelling at the seams. At the elevator yesterday, Brenda had to use every ounce of her self-control to refrain from knocking some sense into both of them. She knew that Jax was nearing the end of his rope as well. Every day seemed to be getting worse, not better.

Brenda looked at her watch and saw that it was almost 2:00. She and Keesha had a series of meetings in less in forty-five minutes at the accountant's office to discuss some projections which would be presented at the next hospital board meeting. As Brenda began to gather up some of her files to clear some space on her desk, she heard a knock at the door. When she looked up, Brenda saw Julia standing in the doorway.

Brenda cleared her throat. "Come in."

Julia walked into the office and stood before Brenda's desk. "I came to tell you how sorry I am about yesterday."

A soft sigh escaped from Brenda's lips. "You did that on the phone last night."

"I know but I needed to do it in person." Julia moved her right hand to her temple and nervously brushed away a strand of hair. "Brenda, ... I don't.... know what to say."

"Julia, I don't know either." Brenda exhaled sharply as she motioned for Julia to take a seat. "I've tried to stay out of this but it becomes next to impossible when I have to explain to a four year old why two of the people she loves most in the world are at each other's throats."

Julia visibly winced. "I'm sorry."

Brenda swallowed the lump which had already formed in her throat. "I'm not trying to upset you, it's just that I can't bear to watch this happen to the two of you."

"Is Jillian really all right?" Julia choked back a sob which was threatening to erupt. "I never wanted to hurt her."

"I know that," Brenda said in a slightly trembling voice. "She loves you and just wants you to be happy just like all of us do."

"Happy?" Julia shook her head in frustration. "I don't even know what that means anymore." As she continued, Julia's voice lowered to almost a whisper. "I don't know anything anymore."

Brenda moistened her dry lips. "Then don't you think you need some help to start?" Since her promise to herself to keep her mouth shut had already been broken, Brenda decided to finish. "And don't you think Jerry is going through some of the same things?"

Julia's shoulders collapsed in anguish. "Right now, we can't even speak to one another without screaming."

"He's very upset and worried and hurt right now." Brenda spoke in a reassuring tone. "But Jerry loves you so much just like you love him. Please don't forget that."

"Love isn't enough some times," Julia replied with a far-off look in her eyes.

Brenda nodded her head. "I know but it's a start and you have so much more than that."

Julia felt her the ever-present knot in her stomach tighten. "We did, but I'm not so sure anymore." She sighed. "Sometimes the past means more."

"Do you truly believe that Teddi is an issue here?" Brenda moaned as she thought back to the argument yesterday and the inclusion of Teddi's name in it. "Jerry loves you."

"He loved her too." Julia let out a jagged breath. "He may not have wanted to admit it them but he loved her and she loved him."

"Eight years ago." Brenda exhaled in slight frustration. "Jerry loves you and the past is just what it means, the past. Teddi is not the issue here but if you keep pushing him, she may become one."

Julia's voice shook with emotion. "Nothing makes any sense."

"I know, honey." Brenda cringed at the thought that she had been in the same type of free fall a year before. "And YOU need to figure out why but you can't keep shutting yourself off to all of us that love you. I know how destructive that can be. Jerry needs you as much as you need him."

"Jerry needs somebody all right but I don't think it's me." Julia's emotions were taking over again. "It's not the same anymore for us." She rose to her feet from the chair. "In fact, I don't think there is an us now."

As Brenda stood up, her heart ached at the pain in Julia's voice. "Julia..."

Julia quickly turned her head toward Brenda as she reached the door. "I'm sorry, I'm sorry about all of this."

As she watched Julia disappear from her view, Brenda collapsed into the chair and covered her face with her hands. It was like watching a train wreck in slow motion and it was torture. Love and life were far from perfect which only served to be a reminder that they had to be clung to with every ounce of strength one could ever muster.

Brenda had learned that lesson well and love's message had taught her more about herself than she could have ever imagine -- Love is knowing you can be.

J & J Jacks -- 6:00pm

Jax finished his phone call and jotted down some notes in the file and then closed it. As he turned around to put the file into the open briefcase sitting atop the credenza, Jax caught sight of Jillian's latest creation hanging on the wall. It had been her Wednesday project in school but since Jax had been in Manhattan all day yesterday, today had been the official unveiling of the art work. This masterpiece was Jillian's version of Midnight and Star in the grass at the stables. Midnight and Star bore an uncanny resemblance to Raoul and Annabelle which were the subjects in the next picture on the wall. But in Jillian's newest creation, the grass was actually green and toward the bottom of the paper rather than orange and in the center of the page as had been the case in the Raoul and Annabelle picture.

A bright smile crossed Jax's face as he tossed the file into his briefcase. Jillian had been so excited from the experience of her first week of school. He had witnessed her euphoria first hand and it was contagious. Brenda had a breakfast meeting with Justus and Keesha scheduled this morning so the plan had been for Jax to take Jillian to school and for Maggie to pick her up. When Jax took Jillian to school this morning, he had seen the sparkle in her eyes as soon as they had turned into the parking lot. Jillian's joy had captivated him so much that Jax had called Maggie and told her that he would pick up Jillian from school and then would bring Jillian to the house for the afternoon. Jax had stopped by the house on his way back to school and picked up Lady so that they could surprise Jillian outside of the school. Jillian had squealed upon seeing them both and then insisted on showing Lady the playground and the hopscotch game she has just learned today.

Jillian had asked to call Brenda from the car on the way home to tell her about Lady coming to school but Jax had told Jillian that Brenda was busy in her lunch meeting and they would wait until she called the house. Jax and Jillian had just walked into the house as Corrine was answering the phone. It was Brenda who was calling Maggie to check that there had not been any trouble picking up Jillian. Jillian took the phone and excitedly told Brenda that Jax and Lady had been waiting at the red door when Mrs. Brown had opened it. She then relayed the story about how Lady had insisted on standing in the middle of the hopscotch game even when Jillian was attempting to show the dog how to hop on the squares.

As Jax leaned against the back of his leather chair, he did not know if the look of pure joy on Jillian's face or the emotions in Brenda's voice on the phone had been the highlight of his day. When he had taken the phone from Jillian to speak briefly with Brenda, Jax had immediately known that Brenda was crying. When Jax had asked her why, Brenda had replied that the tears were because Jillian had a father who changed his whole day to pick up her dog and surprise her at school. Growing up, Brenda had thought only fairytale fathers were capable of such but Brenda now knew that Jillian had a real father more incredible than any fairytale could ever create.

As was generally the case, Brenda's heartfelt sentiments had melted Jax's heart. Even after more than five years together, Brenda was still thanking Jax for their life and Jillian and everything he had given her to allow her to become the person she was today. It had taken him some time to convince her but Jax was well aware that Brenda was finally beginning to understand just how much she had given to him in return. Making her happy was the sustenance for his soul and music to his heart. Jax realized that he may have taught Brenda how to love but she had taught him how to love again. Their pasts had threatened to cripple each of them but they had found each other and had been each other's saviors. Together they learned how to trust and open up their hearts and souls. Brenda had given him as much as Jax had ever given her.

Even when tragedy had intervened and their love had been put to the ultimate test, somehow they had prevailed. They had learned to trust again and how to hold onto what they wanted with everything they had. If there was only thing that Jillian could learn from them, Jax wanted it to be that one must hold onto the things most precious in one's life with the strength of an elephant and the tenacity of a tiger. Even in the months of anguish and torment when Jax and Brenda were drowning, their love continued to function as their lifeline. Their love had strengthened from it and flourished to a level that no longer could be adequately measured. It was all-encompassing and ethereal and love had been their salvation.

Love had freed Jax and Brenda from their anguish and now their love was giving them the ability to hope and dream again. It was the final hurdle remaining in the long road back from the abyss but the hurdle was diminishing as each week seemed to pass. Jax glanced down at his laptop and looked at his calendar for next week. His eyes immediately moved to the schedule for Tuesday. Brenda had another doctor's appointment and ultrasound scheduled and the pregnancy would be entering its twenty-second week. Jax's mouth involuntarily curved into a smile at the thought that they were more than half way through the pregnancy and Brenda seemed to be a little less apprehensive as each week passed. Her joy was finally overpowering her fears at times and that fact just served to increase Jax's own happiness.

Jax was not the only one who had seen the gradual change in Brenda's state of mind. Melanie had been making references to it over the past few weeks in their joint sessions and Lois had spoken to Jax about it over the weekend when they had all been together. Earlier in the week, Jane had called Jax specifically to tell him how happy Brenda had sounded when she and John had spoken to Brenda on the phone. Since their trip to the cottage two weeks before, Brenda had seemed more at peace and her happiness had been infectious. Now her hormones were wreaking havoc again but the vast majority of Brenda's emotions had stemmed from feelings of joy not anxiety and worry.

Except of course when it came to Jerry and Julia. Jax sighed deeply as he shut off the power to his laptop, the situation was upsetting to everyone. John and Jane were at a loss about what to do or say and Brenda's distress was evident. It was obvious to everyone how miserable Jerry and Julia were so it was a horrible situation getting worse as each day went by. Jax's patience was wearing thin in connection with the tension in the office and he had been infuriated when he had learned of yesterday's scene at the elevators. Half the office had heard the shouting match and then there was Jillian. Jax swallowed the lump in his throat as he recalled the look of uncertainty on Jillian's face when he and Brenda tried to explain to Jillian again what she had seen.

He had spoken to Brenda briefly a half hour ago when she had arrived home from her afternoon meetings. She had told him that Jillian seemed fine and had not brought up the issue of Jerry and Julia again to her or Maggie. As she spoke, Jax could hear the distressed tone in Brenda's voice and asked her what was bothering her. Brenda briefly mentioned that she had seen Julia earlier and that they would talk about it later this evening. Jax knew that whatever had happened had upset Brenda and that was the last thing she needed today. The week had been exhausting for her and Jax was glad the weekend was here. He was going to see to it that Brenda got some rest and Julia and Jerry were just going to have to deal with their own problems this weekend.

Jax was not sure if he felt more anger or sadness about the situation between Jerry and Julia. Seeing them drift apart was a painful reminder of last winter and spring when he and Brenda had put up their own set of walls and shut each other out. But it seemed to Jax that Jerry and Julia were letting go more each day and that was a grave error in Jax's mind, the gravest error possible. He feared that the walls would become so high and so thick between Jerry and Julia that they would become impenetrable and everything they had worked so hard for would be lost forever. The very thought of that sent chills through Jax and made him even more grateful for the hurdles he and Brenda had overcome together.

Jax looked at his watch and decided that home was the only place he wanted to be now. He swiveled his chair around and closed his briefcase. He turned back around and then saw Jerry walking through the door. It was a surprise since Jerry had been in Toronto all day and Jax did not expect to see Jerry to be in the office at all today. Of course, Jerry's activities and thoughts were getting much harder to discern these days anyway.

Jax threaded his fingers through his golden locks. "Hello, I did not expect to see you."

Jerry shrugged his shoulders as he spoke. "Murdoch was in an amicable bargaining mood so I decided Scott should take a look before Rupert gets his sense back."

"Good," Jax said with a nod of his head. "I'm about out of here."

"Can you wait a minute?" Jerry's eyes had a seldom seen pleading look to them. "About yesterday..."

Jax put up his hand. "Jerry, there's a problem here but I'm really not in the mood to get into now."

A deep sigh was expelled from Jerry's lips as he sat down in the chair in front of the desk. "Jasper, I know you're angry and you have every right to be."

"You're damn right I am." Jax's eyes darkened in agitation. "We have had this discussion before and what you two do in your personal lives is not my concern but what comes into this office is. And the fact that my daughter had to watch it infuriates me."

Jerry's voice became raised. "Do you think I wanted Jillian to be anywhere near it? I lost my temper and I'm sorry she was there but you damn well know I would never purposely hurt that child."

"No, you wouldn't but it is out of your control now." Jax sighed in frustration. "You are so angry that it is eating you alive and that anger is controlling you."

Jerry laughed in sarcasm. "Oh, I see, the golden child has become Sigmund Freud now." He shook his head slightly as he continued. "I guess you have all the answers."

"I don't have all the answers but this sure as hell isn't the answer." Jax took a sharp intake of air. "You both are miserable and seem to be getting more so everyday. Are you going to tell me that's what really you want?"

Jerry felt his teeth clench. "Maybe I'm just too tired of this bull sh** to even care what I want."

Jax's eyes widened in bewilderment. "So that's it? You're just giving up?"

"How can you give up when it's already over?" His voice was filled with emotion as he rose from the chair. "There's no contest when you're the only one fighting."

"I don't believe that." Jax's tone softened. "You love each other."

Jerry turned around as he walked toward the door. "Yes, and at this rate, we'll hate each other before it's over. Maybe it's time to walk away from the table before that happens."

Jax shook his head. "Jerry, you don't believe that."

"I'm not sure that matters anymore." Jerry's parting remarks were uttered as he left the office. "But you go home to Brenda and Jillian, that matters."

Jax rested his forehead against his open palm as he leaned over the desk. It was almost as painful witnessing suffering and torment than it was experiencing it first hand. Jax had never seen Jerry as lost as he had been over the past several months and Jax wondered if his brother would ever find a way out of the hopeless state in which Jerry was living. Love was supposed to be real and free and living and for Jerry and Julia now, it was anything but that. Jax quickly pushed back his chair and grabbed his laptop and briefcase and headed to the door. Brenda and Jillian were at home waiting for him and suddenly he could not get home fast enough to be with them. But, as Jax shut out the lights to the office he knew that once he was home, love would be right again.

His heart knew what true love meant -- Love is real, real is love.

Saturday, September 22, 2001
The Port Charles Grille -- 6:50pm

Jerry sat at the bar and drained his second glass of scotch in the past fifteen minutes. He ordered another drink and then looked at his watch, less than ten minutes until the real torture began again. As the bartender handed him the scotch, Jerry wondered what Julia could possibly have had in mind with her request for this meeting. These days, he had given up even trying to presume what Julia was thinking or doing.

Whatever her motivation was, Jerry was sure he was not in the mood for it. The past week had been no better then the week before between them. Jerry's anger was ruling his emotions now and his patience was non-existent at this moment. Anger was so less painful than heartache so Jerry had opted for the lesser of the two evils. When Julia had called this afternoon and asked him to meet her, Jerry wanted to tell her no but his mouth refused to say the word. Even as this evening approached, Jerry had half a mind to be anywhere but The Grille at 7:00pm but something inside him forced him to be there waiting. He was still drawn to her like a magnet and Jerry did not know if that angered or terrified him more at this particular moment.

He took another gulp of scotch and out of the corner of his eyes, Jerry saw Julia entering the restaurant. Jerry silently cursed his heart when he felt it skip a beat at the mere sight of her. He then kicked himself for not having order double shots of scotch at the bar. Julia looked at the tables around the restaurant and did not see Jerry. Joseph, the maitre de, then greeted Julia and told her that Jerry was waiting at the bar. Julia looked up and saw Jerry standing next to the bar. She immediately muttered under her breath, damning him for wearing her favorite pastel green linen shirt. The color brought out the flecks of green in his blue-green eyes.

Julia and Jerry exchanged glances but Jerry made no immediate movement to join her. A slightly bewildered Joseph then motioned for Jerry. Jerry nodded to the maitre de and then Joseph showed Julia to the corner table while Jerry closed out his tab at the bar. Jerry took a deep breath and then made his way to the other side of the restaurant to join Julia.

As Jerry reached the table, Julia exhaled slowly before she spoke. "Hello Jerry."

Jerry made brief eye contact with her as he took his seat. "Julia." He took the menu from Joseph and the maitre de then bid them a good evening and returned to his post at the front of the restaurant.

Julia folded her hands together and leaned slightly over the table. "You could have gotten us a table when you arrived."

The scent of her perfume caused Jerry's heart to flutter again and he quickly decided his anger had to be his best friend this evening. "I figured if you didn't show up, I'd already have a place at the bar."

Julia lowered her voice to a whisper and leaned closure to him. "If you are just going to be a smart ass, there is no point to this."

"Point to what?" Jerry leaned back in his chair to be as far away from the alluring fragrance of her perfume as possible. "You were the one who summoned me here."

"I did not summon you here," Julia spoke through gritted teeth. "I asked you to meet me so that we could talk about some things."

Jerry drummed his fingernails on top of the table. "Talk? What a concept that is these days."

Julia's biting retort remained unspoken as the waiter arrived to take their drink order. This time Jerry was prepared and he ordered a double scotch.

A frustrated sigh fell from Jerry's lips. "You said you wanted to talk and I'm here so what do want to say?"

Julia chose to ignore the sarcasm in his voice. "It's about Jillian's birthday party next week."

Jerry thanked the waiter for his drink and watched him walk away before responding to Julia's remark. "What about the party?"

She cleared her throat. "I don't want anything between us to interfere with her day."

Jerry gulped down half of his drink and groaned in exasperation. "And you think I do?"

"Did I say that?" Julia spit out her words. "Don't put words in my mouth, Jerry Jacks."

Jerry rubbed his hands together. "I am SO sorry, how could I ever have thought such of you?"

Julia shook her head. "This is pointless, I have no idea why I even bother?"

"Julia, I don't know why the hell you do anything these days?" Jerry drained the rest of the scotch.

She felt her jaw tighten and Julia's eyes moved to the empty glass in front of Jerry. "How many of those have you had?"

"Not enough it seems." The sound of Jerry's caustic tone filled the air. "But since our addresses are no longer the same, it's none of your damn business."

Julia felt her breath catch in her throat at the look in Jerry's eyes. "You're right, it's not."

Jerry dug his fingernails into his thigh at the sight of the pain written all over Julia's face. It was still unbelievable to think that this was what they had become. Julia could not meet his gaze as the deafening silence between them continued.

He raked his fingers through his hair and Jerry took a deep breath. "Julia, I don't want to do this."

"I know," Julia said as she bit her bottom lip. "This was a mistake, I'm sorry."

Jerry took a sharp intake of air. "We'll deal with Roo's party."

"I'm going to go." Julia wrung her hands together under the table. "Just tell me that you will let Joseph get you a ride back to the penthouse."

Jerry nodded and was about to speak when he heard voices behind him. A look of slight trepidation crossed Julia's face and Jerry turned around to see Edward and Lila approaching the table.

Lila smiled brightly as Edward wheeled her to the table. "Good evening. So lovely to see both of you."

"Thank you." Julia took a deep breath to compose herself. "You look wonderful."

Jerry took Lila's hand. "It's always a pleasure to see a beautiful woman such as you. The old man is a different story."

Edward scowled at Jerry. "Lila, remind me to tell Joseph to keep the riff-raff out of here from now on." He then smiled at Julia. "Of course that only means the scoundrel, not you, my dear."

Lila shook her head. "Edward, this is supposed to be an evening of sentiment not your insults."

Julia remembered the date and smiled at Lila. "I almost forgot, it's your anniversary dinner. Congratulations."

Lila patted Julia's hand. "Thank you Julia."

Jerry took Lila's hand and kissed it. "One thing I can say for the old rogue, he has incredible taste in women."

Edward looked at Jerry. "Those are the only true words which have ever crossed those villainous lips. He then flashed Lila a huge grin. "Fifty-six years with the same woman and it feels like it was only yesterday."

Lila's eyes twinkled at Edward as he touched her cheek. "Thank you my darling. You still can be a romantic." She smiled at him. "Now we need to let these two young romantics be together."

Edward turned back to face the table. "Good evening, we will leave you both." He glared at Jerry. "She is your only saving grace."

Julia somehow found her voice. "Have a wonderful evening."

"You too, my dear." A radiant smile lit up Lila's face. "Enjoy each other, time moves so quickly and before you know it, one day you will be together celebrating your fifty-six years together."

Jerry said his good-byes as he watched Julia's composure falter from the corner of his eye. Someone may as well have been driving nails through his heart for the torture he felt seeing Julia at that moment. As soon as Edward and Lila were out of sight, Jerry leaned across the table and whispered Julia's name as he reached for her hand.

"I'm sorry," Julia murmured as she withdrew her hand from the table. "I can't." Tears were brimming from her eyes as she quickly rose from her chair.

Jerry watched as Julia left the table and fled the restaurant. He sunk further into his chair and Jerry buried his face in his hands. Reality had become imprisoned by a nightmare for all of them and their love was now a captive as well.

It was wrong, love was not supposed to be a prisoner of anyone or anything. The opposite was expected to be true -- Love is free, free is love.

The Jacks Residence -- 11:00pm

Jax finished reviewing his e-mails and went into the kitchen to let Lady inside for the night. He locked the door and turned off the kitchen lights and then climbed up the stairs as the dog followed behind him. Jax stopped at the door to Jillian's bedroom and gazed intently at his sleeping princess. Jillian had kicked the covers off and was cradling her hands under the pillow as she slept. Jax walked into the room and covered Jillian with the sheet as Lady laid down on the rug at the foot of the bed. He kissed Jillian softly on the forehead and then checked to see that both the bedroom and bathroom nightlights were turned on. Jax then patted Lady's head and quietly left the bedroom.

He walked down the hall and saw that the lights were still on in the master suite. Jax could also hear the faint sound of music and he was sure Brenda was listening to the weekend love song and dedication program on the radio. He had expected her to be asleep by now but when Jax reached the entrance to the bedroom, he saw that the bed was empty. Jax then noticed that one of the balcony doors was opened and he walked into the room. When Jax reached the french doors, he silently watched Brenda as she stood on the balcony.

Brenda was standing with her back to Jax and the moonbeams were glistening from her silky dark hair. She turned her head slightly, making her profile fully visible in the moonlight. Jax felt the breath catch in his throat at the sight of her. She became more luminous every day and Jax never seemed to be able to drink in enough of her. Each pregnancy had enhanced her beauty but there was something even more extraordinary about this one. As she stood there, Brenda was the picture of radiance and sensuality and enchantress all wrapped up into one incredible package.

Almost as if she could hear the acceleration of Jax's heartbeat, Brenda turned her head and smiled at him. "Hey there."

"Hello beautiful." Jax moved across the balcony and wrapped his arms around Brenda's expanding waistline. "I thought you'd be asleep by now."

Brenda ran her hands up and down Jax's forearms. "No, not yet." She sighed softly. "The stars are just so beautiful this evening. They seemed to be beckoning me."

He looked up at the twinkling velvet sky. "It is a gorgeous night. One made just for wishes upon a star."

Brenda nestled the back of her head against Jax's chest as he stood behind her. "I only have one wish right now."

"We both do." Jax rubbed his cheek against Brenda's soft hair. "Are you feeling all right?"

"Yes, just a bit restless." Brenda nodded her head against Jax's chest. "I guess that afternoon nap was too much."

"Are you sure?" Jax took a step back and turned Brenda around to face him. "It's the dream from this afternoon and the other night, isn't it?"

Brenda gave him a small smile. "Yes, it is."

As the evening breeze wafted around them, Jax tucked a strand of Brenda's hair behind her ear. "It will come back to you."

"I can see flashes and remember parts of it." Brenda rested her palm against the center of Jax's chest. "It's so close but I can't figure it out."

Jax lifted her hand to his lips and kissed each finger. "You will." He then gave her a reassuring smile. "You are remembering more of it every day."

"You're right," she said with a sigh. "Patience is just not my strong suit."

"It isn't? You are kidding?" Jax's eyes twinkled as he teased her.

Brenda swatted her hand against his chest. "You don't have to agree with me."

A broad grin appeared on Jax's face. "So sorry."

"Sure you are," Brenda exclaimed with a roll of her eyes. "I bet you have a bridge in Brooklyn you want to sell me too."

"Actually it's in San Francisco but it's golden and you will love it," Jax said as he chuckled.

She moaned. "You are so bad."

Jax cupped her right cheek with his left hand. "But you love me anyway."

"That I do." Brenda replied as she turned her cheek into his open palm. "So much I can't even put it into words."

"As I love you." Jax tilted her head up and kissed the tip of Brenda's nose. "More every hour of every day."

The love shining through Brenda's eyes was brighter than the glow from all of the stars in the sky. "I would have never made it this far without you." Her voice trembled slightly as she continued. "You have been with me every step of the way."

Jax's lips curved into a bright smile. "As you have been with me." He fingers gently stroked her cheek. "Together we can do anything."

Brenda fought to control the emotions flowing through her. "And love can work miracles if you can hold onto it."

He moved his hand to Brenda's stomach. "It already has."

She wrapped her arms around Jax's back and he pulled her into his embrace. Brenda closed her eyes as she rested her head against Jax's chest. Jax kissed the top of her head and tenderly massaged her back. A few moments later Jax whispered to her. "I think we should get you out of this night air."

Brenda stepped slightly away from him. "Just one more look at those incredible stars."

"Of course." Jax wrapped his arms around Brenda again as she stood in front of him and looked up at the sky.

A moment later Brenda suddenly lowered her gaze from the heavens above and stepped out of Jax's embrace. A worried look instantly crossed Jax's face. "Sweetie, what is it?"

Brenda did not immediately respond which only served to heighten Jax's concern. Jax stepped in front of Brenda and turned around so that he was facing her. "Brenda, what's wrong?"

She shook her head as her hands rested on her stomach. "Nothing." Brenda's breath caught in her throat as she continued. "I felt them."

Jax looked down at Brenda. "What?"

"The babies." Tears rimmed Brenda's eyes. "Jax, I felt them move."

A huge smile brightened his entire face. "Tell me everything."

Brenda choked back her emotion. "They were flutters. Three times on my left side, one high and two lower." She took a deep breath. "It was exactly where their legs were at the ultrasound this week."

He cradled the back of Brenda's head with his hands. "Maybe little mister or miss shy is feeling brave now and no longer hiding behind its companion."

"Maybe." Brenda still was completely overwhelmed but she glowed as she looked up at Jax. "It's almost two weeks earlier than ever before."

"Oh, sweetheart." Jax hugged Brenda tightly against his chest. "You dreamed about it and now it is real."

Brenda was overwhelmed with love and joy as she held onto to Jax with every ounce of strength that she had. As the night air continued to turn cooler, Jax eased her toward the door and finally they moved inside the bedroom. Jax closed and locked the french doors behind him and enveloped Brenda in his embrace again. Brenda took Jax's right hand and placed it on her stomach as she nuzzled her head against his neck. It was a showcase of love.

They moved to the center of the bedroom as the music of the radio softly drifted through the air. Without a word spoken between them, their bodies melded into a slow dance. They swayed to the melodious music as their eyes never broke contact. Jax then lovingly caressed Brenda's back with his hand as she dropped baby kisses along the nape of his neck. She threaded her fingers through Jax's hair and Jax's mouth gently sucked on Brenda's earlobe. His tongue dipped inside her ear and danced around the outer edges of her earlobe.

Love is real
Real is love
Love is feeling
Feeling love
Love is wanting to be loved