Tuesday, January 1, 2002
The Jacks Residence -- 7:00am

Jax stood silently in the doorway to the living room area of the master suite and simply watched Brenda. She held Jessica against her shoulder and Brenda was gently swaying back and forth in front of the window. Jax knew she was looking out into the side yard and staring at Jamie's tree. It had been the first thing Jax had done himself when he had awakened fifteen minutes earlier. The ornaments on the tree were now partially covered from last night's snowfall and the branches sagged a bit from the weight. The top of the tree was bare just as Jax knew it would be after Snowflake had said good-bye to all of them the night before.

As he leaned against the door frame, Jax smiled as he saw Brenda snuggling her cheek against Jessica's face. He heard Brenda murmuring to the baby and then watched as she softly kissed Jessica's cheek. The sight caused Jax's smile to brighten up his entire face and a deep sigh of contentment unconsciously escaped from his lips.

Brenda turned around at the sound and her mouth curved up into a smile. "Hey."

"Hey yourself." Jax moved toward Brenda and saw the tears clinging to her eyelashes. He reached out his hand to touch her face. "Are you all right?"

"Yes," Brenda murmured as she nodded her head. "We were just having a mother and daughter chat."

A big grin appeared on Jax's face as he caressed Brenda's jawline and then stroked his finger down Jessica's cheek. "Jess is a very lucky little girl."

"We all are," she responded with a smile. "I promised Jess we would tell her and Jonathan all about Jamie and how he watched over both of them."

Jax wrapped his arms around Brenda's waist as he spoke to her. "Of course we will. Jessica and Jonathan are going to know exactly how much they were loved and cared for from the very first moment."

"And all about their big brother." Brenda rested her head against Jax's chest as Jessica sighed deeply and then drifted into a sound sleep on her shoulder.

"Somebody's in dreamland," Jax whispered as he gently rubbed Brenda's back. "Did she stay awake long enough to eat any better this morning?"

Brenda nodded. "Yes, but only after taking half of her clothes off and making her completely uncomfortable."

"So the little pumpkin fights getting out of her warm bed before sunrise?" A smug smile formed on Jax's lips. "I have no idea from where she inherited that trait."

"Very funny," Brenda replied as she tilted her head up to look at Jax. "Of course your son wouldn't care what time of day it is or how cold it is out of those blankets. Jonathan just wants to eat every hour and a half and he is ready and waiting before dawn for breakfast."

A chuckle fell from Jax's lips. "Sweetie, he's a growing boy."

"If he keeps this up, the peanut is going to have to get a nickname very soon." Brenda shook her head slightly. "How an under six pound baby can have cheeks which already look like a chipmunk hoarding acorns is beyond me."

Jax nuzzled his lips against Brenda's ear. "A small price to pay for the privilege of spending so much time cradled against your breasts."

Brenda cocked her right eyebrow. "Now I really have no idea from whom Jonathan inherited that trait."

"I can't imagine," Jax murmured as he kissed the top of Brenda's head. "But he sure knows a good thing when he sees it." The sound of Jonathan's fussing then was heard from the bedroom area of the suite. "Speaking of the peanut...."

They walked back inside the bedroom area and Brenda placed a sleeping Jessica into her bassinet. Jax picked up Jonathan from his bassinet and walked over to the bed. "Good morning peanut."

Brenda crawled into bed next to Jax and whispered to the now quiet baby. "You should be sleeping just like your sisters."

Jax propped up his legs and laid the baby against them. "You already ate your breakfast and there is no coming back for seconds."

"The kitchen is closed, peanut." Brenda met the gaze of Jonathan's pools of deep blue. "Even for those twinkling blue eyes of yours."

Jonathan wiggled and tried to stretch his arms but the swaddling of the blanket prevented his movement. Jax chuckled deeply. "You're stuck, aren't you?"

Brenda smiled at Jonathan. "You're Mommy's little mummy, aren't you?" The baby started drooling and Brenda wiped his mouth with a cloth. "I guess that's your affirmative answer."

Jonathan began to fuss again and then his oldest sister's voice was heard at the door. "See, Lady, I told you there was babies in here. Don't you hear that crying?"

A beaming grin covered Brenda's face as she looked up to see Jillian and Lady at the door. "Good morning princess."

"Look who's here, Jonathan," Jax said as he sat up and patted Jonathan's back. "Jillian and Lady came to see you."

Jillian scooted across the room with Lady trotting behind her. "Daddy, Mommy said Lady could see the babies when I waked up."

"Yes, I did." Brenda held her hand out to Jillian. "Let's whisper so Jessica stays asleep."

Jax turned Jonathan to face Jillian. "Jillian, your brother wants to say good morning to you."

"Hi Jonathan," Jillian whispered while Brenda helped her crawl next to Jax. "Lady's here too. She's a big dog, remember I told you?"

Jonathan began fussing louder and Lady's ears perked up at the unfamiliar sound. Brenda petted the dog's head as Lady stood next to the bed. "You'll have to get used to that Lady."

Jillian frowned slightly as Jonathan continued to cry. "Why's he crying Daddy?"

"Your brother thinks it's time to eat again, but it's not." Jax rose from the bed and began to walk the baby around the room.

Lady moved around the bed and trailed a few steps behind Jax and the unfamiliar noisemaker. The dog then began softly whimpering in response to Jonathan's cries. Jillian exhaled deeply. "Lady's crying too."

Brenda sat up. "I'll get his pacifier."

She patted Brenda's arm and excitedly spoke. "Can I get it, Mommy?"

"Certainly, princess," Brenda answered with a smile. "It's in the bassinet."

Jillian climbed down from the bed and reached into the bassinet for the pacifier. "I got it for you, Jonathan."

"Thank you Jillian," Jax replied as he sat down next to Brenda on the bed.

Brenda stroked the top of Jillian's hair. "Do you want to see if Jonathan wants his pacifier?"

"Oh yes, Mommy." A radiant beam immediately appeared on Jillian's face. "I'll give it to him just like my doll babies."

"Remember we have to be very gentle," Jax reminded Jillian as he smiled at her. He then positioned the baby in the crook of his arm and stroked Jonathan's chin. "Jillian has your pacifier for you, peanut."

"Here it is, Jonathan." Jillian held it out in front of him. "You just have to open your mouth."

Brenda guided Jillian's hand up to the baby's face. "Touch his lips with it and see if he takes it."

"See the pacifier." Jillian rubbed the nipple against Jonathan's lip and he opened his mouth wide enough to enable her to give him the pacifier. Jillian squealed softly. "He's eating it."

Soft laughter fell from Brenda's lips. "Yes, he is." She kissed Jillian's cheek. "We knew you were going to be such a wonderful big sister."

Jax tweaked Jillian's nose. "Jonathan and Jessica are so lucky to have you here to help us."

Jillian looked down at Jonathan who was eagerly sucking the pacifier while his eyes threatened to close. She then turned to Lady who was sitting against the bed. "See, Lady, now there is no crying."

Jax moved his arm so that the dog could take a look at the now silent noisemaker. "Lady, this is Jonathan and he's a new friend for you."

"He's too little to walk but when he gets big, you can chase him too." Jillian rubbed her hands together as she looked at Jax. "Can Lady chase me in the snow today?"

"You know what, you and I are going to chase Lady today all around the yard." Jax flashed Jillian a big grin. "How about that?"

Jillian clapped her hands together. "Yeah! I wanna make an angel too."

"You can make an angel after breakfast." Brenda put her arm around Jillian. "You and Daddy are going to have lots of fun outside and after you make your angel, I'll hold Jessica and Jonathan up to the window so they can see it too."

Jillian bobbed her head up and down. "Daddy says it's too cold for the babies to play in the snow."

"Yes, it's too cold but you can tell them all about it when you are finished." Brenda then turned her head at the sound of Jessica fussing in her bed.

Jax smiled as he shook his head. "Someone knew she was missing the festivities."

Brenda climbed off the bed and picked Jessica up from the bassinet. "What is it, pumpkin? No parties without you, huh?"

Lady's ears again had perked up at the sound of the fussing and Jax spoke to the dog. "It's all right, Lady. The baby's okay."

Jessica settled down as soon as she was in Brenda's arms. Brenda kissed the side of her face and then sat back down on the bed. "Are you happy now? You just wanted to cuddle."

"Lady, that's Jessica," Jillian exclaimed as she pointed at Jessica. "She's a girl baby."

"Let's see if we can be quiet for a few minutes so she goes back to sleep and then we can have breakfast," Brenda whispered to Jillian while she rocked back and forth.

Jillian put her finger up to her mouth and whispered in response. "Real quiet."

Brenda looked over at Jonathan who had fallen back to sleep in Jax's arms. She murmured to Jax. "He's out."

Jax nodded. "Jess is just about there as well."

"Try him first." She smiled at Jillian and mouthed to her. "Be real quiet now."

Jillian mouthed the same back to Lady. "Be real quiet."

Jax rocked Jonathan over the bassinet and then eased the baby into the bed making sure the pacifier stayed safely tucked into Jonathan's mouth. The baby did not stir and Jax gave Brenda the thumbs up sign. Brenda looked down at Jessica as she slept against her chest. A few moments later, Brenda got up and walked over to the bassinet. Brenda gently placed her hand behind the baby's upper legs so that she could tuck Jessica's knees underneath her. This way Jessica would be in her favorite sleeping position when she was put into bed. Brenda then slowly rocked Jessica in her arms until she reached the mattress and finally placed the baby in the bed. Jessica shifted her head momentarily but remained fast asleep. Brenda then gave Jax a thumbs up sign.

Jillian held her hands out and put both of her thumbs up. Brenda put her finger to her lips again as she winked at Jillian. She then motioned to Jillian to turn on the switch and Jillian pushed the button on the baby monitor so that they could hear the babies downstairs. With one hand, Jax patted the side of his leg to signal for Lady to follow them while he took Jillian's hand in his other hand. As the threesome headed to the door, Brenda took one last look at the sleeping twins. With a smile she looked up at the skylight and whispered to the heavens. "Thank you my sweet angel."

Julia's Loft -- 2:15pm

The waterfront area was a beautiful winter paradise as several inches of snow blanketed the ground. Sleigh riders and frolicking children had been the traffic of the day but the road had just been cleared over the past hour. Julia stood at the window with her arms folded tightly against her chest as she watched the scene below. Even though the sun had managed to burn through the most of the clouds, Julia still felt a chill right to her bones. The chill was more from her mood and anxiety level rather than the weather of the wintry day. Julia had not slept well as she had tossed and turned most of the night in anticipation of meeting Jerry at the penthouse this afternoon. All those hours of restlessness and apprehension had been for naught after Jerry's phone call this morning.

Jerry had used this afternoon's weather and icy roads and then his evening plans to watch the Bowl games with his father to justify the cancellation but Julia was well aware of the ruse. As soon as the telephone had rung this morning, Julia knew that it would be Jerry on the other end. In her nightmare, Jerry had actually slammed the door in her face when she had tried to talk to him at the penthouse. This was less tumultuous but it stung just the same way. The most painful aspect of the phone call was the sound of Jerry's voice. It had been the first time that Julia had ever heard even a trace of fear in Jerry's voice and the sound had immediately pierced her heart.

A ragged sigh fell from Julia's lips as she stared out at the harbor and wondered if there was any possible way for the two of them to ever get past this. She understood exactly how much that she had hurt Jerry and Julia feared that they would never be able to recover from it. The trepidation in Jerry's voice this morning had completely unnerved her and Julia was at a loss at what to do next. It was killing Julia to realize just how much she had hurt the person the she loved most in this world.

Her deep reflection was interrupted by the sound of a knock at the door. Julia moved into the foyer. "Who is it?"

"Julia, it's me."

She stopped suddenly at the sound of Jerry's voice. Julia then involuntarily swallowed the lump which had formed in her throat and then opened the door. "Jerry."

Jerry remained in the hallway as he met her gaze. "Hello Julia." A period of strained silence followed and Jerry finally spoke again. "May I come in?"

"Of course," Julia said with a stammer. "I'm sorry, come in." She stepped back from the door and watched Jerry walked inside.

His eyes surveyed the foyer and the living room area as Jerry moved down the hallway. It had been over almost two years since he had last been there but the loft looked the same as it had when they had lived there together. Julia closed the door and followed him into the living room. As she passed in front of the mirror on the wall of the foyer, Julia smoothed back the hair from her face.

Once in the living room, Jerry turned around to face her. Julia's queries came out in a nervous gush. "Do you want to sit down? Can I get you anything?"

"Julia, please sit down." Jerry cleared his throat before continuing. "I need to talk to you about this morning."

Julia took a sharp intake of air as she sat down on the sofa. "There's no need."

Jerry put up his hand and his voice mirrored his agitation. "Let me finish." His tone softened. "Just let me say this. Please."

"Okay," Julia murmured in response as she felt her stomach tighten more with each passing second.

"I hate this, Julia. I hate this whole thing." Jerry began pacing around the center of the room as he spoke. "You scare the hell out of me. This scares the hell out of me."

Julia's fingers gripped the arm of the couch as she sat there and listened to his anguished words.

"I was up half the night trying to sort through everything and I just couldn't face you this morning." Jerry stared out the window as he words were uttered no louder than a whisper. "I was afraid of what I would hear, of what I wouldn't hear from you. I couldn't do it. The thought of you back in the penthouse with everything else was just too much."

Jerry turned around again and saw the agony in Julia's eyes. "I'm not saying this to hurt you, but I have to say it before this eats me alive. All of it."

Her murmured reply was barely audible. "I know."

"So many times, I just wanted to walk away. It had to be easier than this but I just couldn't do it." Jerry shook his head and closed his eyes momentarily. "You're under my skin and I can't get you out but...."

Julia finished his thoughts. "But you can't trust me."

He nervously threaded his fingers through his hair before meeting Julia's gaze. "I don't know if I can."

"That's an honest answer." Her eyes welled up with tears. "Jerry, I hurt you so much."

"Yes, you did." Jerry's voice wavered with emotion. "More than you'll ever know."

Tears rolled down her cheeks but Julia was oblivious to them. "I'm so sorry. If I could change that, I would, but I can't."

"No, you can't," Jerry muttered with a heavy sigh. "All I wanted to do was to help you but I may as well have been invisible."

Julia chewed on her bottom lip. "I was wrong, I couldn't let anyone help me." Her tears were freely flowing now. "The porcelain statue and her inability to admit her flaws."

Jerry felt his breath catch in his throat as he shook his head. "That was only your father's way of looking at you and I would kill the bastard now if he were here." He stood in front of the couch. "Julia, you are not a statue and you're not perfect and I never expected you to be. I would never want you to be."

Julia sniffed back a fresh set of tears. "Well, I'm about as far from that as I could be."

"You're real, not some damn doll that your father could put out there for show." Jerry reached over and plucked some tissue from the box on the table and then handed them to Julia. "Don't you realize that I fell in love with you, not some golden image?

"Yes," she answered with a bob of her head. "Of course, it's taken two months of therapy."

Jerry felt his jaw clench. "I don't know whether he screwed more with Brenda's head or yours. I hope the bastard is burning in Hell."

"Whatever the reason, they were my mistakes." Julia dabbed her eyes with the tissue. "Because of them, I'm afraid you're never going to be able to trust me again and without that, it's all over."

He sat down on the chair next to the sofa. "I don't know if I can do it. All I ever felt was that you could never trust me enough to share what you were going through."

"Trusting you was never the issue," Julia answered as her voice shook with emotion. "It was only about not being able to trust myself."

"It felt the same to me." Jerry sighed deeply as he rested his head against the back of the chair. "Do you know what the scariest part of all of this is for me?"

Julia shook her head as she spoke. "Tell me."

"Watching Jax and Brenda's world fall apart and seeing them somehow hang onto each other tighter than ever through it." Jerry fought to control the emotions in his voice. "Your sister came from Hell and back and they still managed to stay together through it all. We couldn't do that." Tears rimmed Jerry's eyes. "What does that say about us?"

"I don't know." Julia felt as though her heart was being ripped out of her chest. "Life seemed out of control and I couldn't stop it. I honestly thought leaving was the answer."

"It wasn't only you, I let you walk out without a fight." Jerry exhaled sharply. "I admit that my pride got in the way at times."

Julia blew her nose. "You begged me to get some help but I hadn't hit bottom enough then." She swallowed the lump in her throat. "That took leaving you to reach."

"I couldn't go through that again." Jerry was speaking as much to himself as he was to Julia. "That is one thing I know for certain."

Julia lowered her eyes to the floor. "Does that mean you want to cut your losses now and move on?" She nervously folded her hands together in front of her. "Is there someone else?"

"There's no one else and the only other thing that I know for certain is that I love you." He rubbed his temple. "But that does not lessen the anxiety. It feels like I'm walking a tightrope without a net."

"None of this is easy to hear but I do appreciate the honesty."

Julia felt another stab in her heart at the vulnerability that Jerry was allowing her to see. "You have to know that I never stopped loving you, not for one second."

Jerry's tone contained a trace of concession. "Trying to give you up right now is impossible. Even if I wanted to, I couldn't. So for now, I have to figure out a way to handle it."

"I want the two of us to be able to help each other, to be able to help us." Julia looked directly as Jerry as she wiped away a stray tear from her cheek. "Would you still be willing to see Melanie together?"

"Yes," Jerry replied with a bob of his head. "All I ever wanted to do was to help you."

"Jerry, I know we have a long road ahead of us but I would do anything for you to trust me again." Julia spoke in an almost whisper. "Anything to give us another chance to start over."

Share my life, take me for what I am
Cause I'll never change all my colors for you
Take my love, I'll never ask for too much
Just all that you are, and everything that you do

A deep sigh escaped from his lips. "I could never resist those blue eyes." Jerry reached out and brushed away the lone tear that had crept from Julia's eye. "I'm not giving up on us either right now."

A small smile formed on Julia's lips. "I'll call Melanie tomorrow and we'll just take it one day at a time."

"You have a deal," Jerry responded with a small smile of his own.

I don't really need to look very much further
I don't want to have to go where you don't follow
I'm not holding back again this passion inside
Can't run for myself, there's nowhere to hide

He then stood up from the chair. "I'm going to head out now and clear my head before I go to Jax and Brenda's for the game."

"I think we both need some space so I am going to stay here tonight and let Jillian have you to herself," Julia said as she rose from the couch. "I know how excited Jillian is since she has been turned into a cheerleader. She was looking for crimson and gray hair ribbons yesterday in anticipation of the game."

Jerry rolled his eyes slightly. "Yes, thanks to my misinformed baby brother who is trying to convince himself that Ohio State University actually has a chance to be the undisputed national champion. He is just dreaming as usual and will paying dearly when OSU loses tonight." Julia walked Jerry into the foyer. "Good luck and please say hello to everyone for me."

"I will." He then paused before adding a statement which had much more meaning than about a simple wager with Jax. "You know how much I hate to lose. Anything."

"I know." Their eyes looked for a moment as Julia opened the door. "Thank you for everything."

"Thank you kiddo," Jerry replied as he touched Julia's cheek and then walked out the door.

Don't make me close one door
I don't want to hurt anymore
Stay in my arms if you dare
Must I imagine you there
Don't walk away from me
I have nothing--nothing--nothing if I don't have you

Julia watched Jerry disappear down the hallway before she shut the door. Neither of them could stop the involuntary curl of their lips into a smile. Maybe the new year was really going to be something to celebrate.

Friday, January 11, 2002
General Hospital Parking Garage -- 5:45pm

Julia rubbed her gloved hands together to keep warm as she paced around the parking garage. The appointment with Melanie had ended fifteen minutes before and Julia had not seen Jerry since he had left the office. It had been their third joint session and the first one in which Jerry had begun to open up about his feelings. The session had been rough and Julia was thankful that the chill of the garage seemed to have temporarily close off her tear ducts. Today had opened up a whole new avenue of discussion for them and the underlying pain of that was there as well. It was just the tip of the iceberg and Melanie had warned them that there was so much still there, bubbling just under the surface. At the end of the session, Jerry had left Melanie's office without a word and Julia wanted to make sure that he was all right before they each headed home alone.

A shiver traveled up her spine as Julia walked in front of the car. She heard the creak of the stairwell door and Julia looked up to see Jerry walking toward her. Even before Jerry reached the car, Julia could see the anxiety on his face and she felt her stomach lurch. Part of her wished that the ground could swallow her up at that very moment, but it didn't, and Jerry was suddenly standing in front of her.

Julia struggled to find her voice. "Are you all right?"

"You didn't have to wait," Jerry responded in a weary voice.

"I wanted to." A long sigh fell from Julia's lips. "I know it wasn't easy in there."

Jerry took a deep breath. "I never expected otherwise." His voice raised a decibel. "What the hell has been easy over the past year?"

She swallowed the lump in her throat. "You're angry again."

"Yes, do you have a problem with that?" Jerry shook his head slightly. "Do you even understand it?"

Julia rubbed her lower arms to keep warm. "Of course you're angry with me, you have every right to be."

Jerry agitatedly swept his hand through his hair. "Julia, you still don't get it." His tone was serious and barely above a whisper. "It's more than just about you, it's everything and you just can't see that."

"Because I'm not angry with the world?" Julia's voice trembled as much from emotion as it did from the cold temperatures. "I have to deal with my own actions and my own..." She stopped short of finishing her thought.

"Your own what?" Jerry exhaled sharply as he saw the despondency in Julia's eyes. "Your own failures?"

Julia remained silent as she lowered her eyes from Jerry's gaze. He groaned as he stood there. "Damn it, Julia. You really don't give me any credit do you? You think I am that much of a bastard?"

"No..." The tear ducts became unfrozen as Julia felt her eyes stinging with salty tears. "Jerry, no."

"Then why else would you still be punishing yourself as if you failed in your attempt to pass some damn paragon test?" The tone in Jerry's voice was almost pleading. "Do you truly believe that is what I want from you?"

Julia chewed on her lip as she shook her head. "No."

"My God, can't you see how much you are punishing me in all this?" Jerry choked back his emotion. "How much you're punishing us?"

His utterance had cut right through Julia's skin like a scalpel and not even the frigid air could dull the pain. "I'm sorry."

"Sorry just isn't good enough." His lungs struggled to breathe in the cold air. "I want the woman I married back."

Julia closed her eyes momentarily. "I don't know if that woman ever existed."

"That's bull sh** and you know it." His eyes were as piercing as daggers. "When are you going to admit how angry and afraid you are and then let it go?"

"Let it go?" Julia's eyes clouded over with trepidation the same way they did whenever the issue of her insecurities came up with Melanie. "How?"

Jerry exhaled deeply at the look of fear on Julia's face. "You stop being a prisoner to the fear and anger." His voice lowered. "You stop letting them win."

She shivered through her tears. "And this is supposed to solve everything?"

"No," Jerry replied in a forceful tone. "It's going to move you to a place where you can start to solve everything. Where we can start anew."

"I don't know how to do this," Julia muttered as she choked back a sob.

He gripped both of Julia's upper arms. "Julia, you're such a strong and determined competitor but not with this. You've let it control you for so long and that has to end."

Julia tried to back away from his grasp. "You don't understand how hard this is for me."

"How hard it is to admit that you're afraid?" Jerry shook his head in amazement again. "A year ago, I could have agreed with you but not now." Now it was Jerry's turn to swallow the lump in his throat. "I'm terrified, Julia, terrified for me and for you. I am so afraid of losing the only thing I ever had in my life that made me feel whole and that is you."

A fresh stream of tears fell from Julia's eyes as Jerry continued. "Melanie wanted to talk about trust today, but what about you? Have you asked yourself who you trust?"

Julia's voice was barely audible. "What?"

"You want to know if I can ever trust you again, what about you trusting me?" Jerry's words were filled with anguish. "Could you ever have truly trusted me if you left me as a preemptive strike to my eventual walking out on you? What kind of trust is that?"

"No, it was never you." Julia could barely speak through her sobs now. "I trust you more than anyone."

Jerry looked directly into Julia's eyes. "It doesn't feel like that, it hasn't for months."

It was Julia who then grabbed Jerry's arm as he moved to take a step back from her. "I didn't want you to have to make any sacrifices because of me. I wanted you to have everything you ever wanted."

"When are you going to understand that all I ever wanted was you? Not a porcelain doll or a cardboard cut-out or a paragon." An exasperated sigh escaped from Jerry's lips. "I love you and that includes everything about you. That's not going to stop whether you go blind tomorrow or develop cancer or if we never become parents. Why couldn't you trust that?"

Julia's hand trembled as it clutched Jerry's arm. "I did... I do. It was me, I just was....."

"You were what?" Jerry prodded her. "Julia, just say it."

Her whispered response came after what seemed to be the loudest silence ever heard. "Afraid... Afraid of failing you and losing your love."

"You can't fail me, love isn't tallied like that." Jerry locked eyes with her. "At the end of the day, the bottom line is just you and me. The rest of it is insignificant."

Julia's teeth were chattering and her entire body felt numb. Too many buried feelings had been roused and it was overwhelming. She felt her knees buckle and Jerry grabbed her. It was only then that Jerry realized just how long they had been standing in the garage.

You see through, right to the heart of me
You break down my walls with the strength of your love
I never knew love like I've known it with you
When the memories survive
One that I can hold onto
I don't really need to look very much further
I don't want to have to go where you don't follow
I'm not holding back again this passion inside
I can't run from myself, there's nowhere to hide

He held Julia in a tight embrace until her legs were steadier. "It's okay. I've got you." Jerry could feel Julia's heart pounding against his chest and he was not sure whether it was her heart or his own that was beating faster.

With one arm wrapped around Julia, he backed her against the side of his Jaguar as additional support. Jerry fished into his pocket with his free hand and took out the key to unlock the car door. He opened the door and then put the key in the ignition to start the heater. Jerry helped Julia slide into the passenger seat before he hurried along to the driver's side and slid into the car himself.

Jerry grabbed both of Julia's hands and removed her gloves. He rubbed her hands to warm them as the heat began to take the chill out of the air. "Here comes the heat. Can you feel it?"

"Yes," Julia nodded as another shivered ran up her spin.

He moved Julia's hands in front of the vent and continued to massage them with his fingers. Jerry sighed softly when Julia began moving her fingers. "That's it, keep them moving."

Don't make me close one more door
I don't want to hurt anymore
Stay in my arms if you dare
Must I imagine you there
Don't walk away from me
I have nothing --nothing-- nothing

"Thank you." Julia turned her head to face Jerry. "I mean for everything."

"You're welcome." He could have drowned in the glimmers of light that seemed to be in Julia's eyes now. Jerry cleared his throat. "Let me drive you to the loft and you can just get your car over the weekend."

"I appreciate the offer but it's not necessary." Julia's upper lip curved up into a smile. "I'll be okay."

Jerry continued to stroke Julia's hands. "Are you sure?"

Julia squeezed Jerry's right hand. "Yes, and I need you to be okay? As Melanie said again today, we both need some time alone to sort all of this out." Her voice again was filled with emotion. "I don't want to hurt you anymore than I already have."

"I know that," Jerry responded as he squeezed her hand.

The heat of the car had warmed Julia enough to stop her shivering and she had composed herself enough to be able to drive home. "Thank you for that. I'm going to go."

"Okay." Jerry let go of Julia's hand and he watched her put her gloves back on. "I will see you later then. Good-bye Julia."

"Good-bye Jerry." She reached out and touched and cupped the side of Jerry's face with her right hand. "Good night."

Don't make me close one more door
I don't want to hurt anymore
Stay in my arms if you dare
Must I imagine you there
Don't walk away from me
Don't walk away from me
Don't you dare walk away from me
I have nothing-- nothing -- nothing -- if I don't have you

Jerry watched Julia walk down five cars and then climb into her Mercedes. A minute later, the car disappeared around the corner of the garage and Jerry realized then that he could breathe again. Although his head was reminding him to take everything one moment at a time, Jerry's heart was still fluttering inside his chest like a butterfly. It was exhilarating and terrifying all at the same time, just like it had been at the beginning. Maybe it was possible to go back and start again.

The Jacks Residence -- 7:00pm

Jax stood at the door and silently watched Jillian sitting in the rocking chair in her room. She was dressed in her Minnie Mouse robe, pajamas and slippers. Roo-Roo was in Jillian's lap and there was a slight frown on her face as she whispered to the stuffed kangaroo. Jax entered the bedroom and walked over to the rocking chair.

Jax smiled as he pushed back the curl from Jillian's forehead. "Hey princess, what's the matter?"

"Nothing," Jillian responded sheepishly.

He knelt down beside Jillian. "Mommy says you didn't finish your dinner."

"My tummy hurts and it isn't hungry," she said with a slight shrug.

Jax stroked her cheek. "What did you do today after school?"

"Nothing." Jillian looked down at Roo-Roo as she spoke. "Mommy had to take care of the babies."

A knowing smile crossed Jax's face. "Mommy says your sister did not have a good day."

Jillian shook her head. "Jessie had a tummy ache." She squeezed Roo-Roo tightly. "Roo-Roo's tummy hurts too."

"Roo-Roo too?" Jax bit the inside of his mouth. "Lots of ginger ale today then."

"Mommy had to pour me and Roo-Roo's with one hand 'cause Jessie was crying." Jillian sighed deeply. "Mommy has to hold the babies all the time."

Jax lifted Jillian's chin. "I know it's hard but Jessica and Jonathan need Mommy to take care of them now. They aren't grown up like you are."

She questioned Jax. "Are the babies gonna get grown up fast?"

"It will take some time so everyone has to be patient." His eyes twinkled at Jillian. "Mommy and I love you very much and we're all getting used to having two more people in the family."

Jillian sucked on her bottom lip. "Mommy loves the babies lots."

"Yes, Mommy does," Jax replied with a nod. "She loves all of her babies, especially those who are almost all grown up now."

A broad grin appeared on Jillian's face as she pointed to herself. "Mommy says I'm almost all grown up."

Jax nuzzled her nose. "You certainly are." he clapped his hands together. "You can show me just how grown up you are and help me get something out of the attic for Mommy."

She scooted off the rocking chair. "Me and Roo-Roo will help."

"Good." Jax took Jillian's hand and they left the bedroom and walked halfway down the hall to the door leading to the attic. He opened the door and pulled the chain for the light to illuminate the stairs leading to the attic.

Jax patted Jillian's shoulder. "Princess, I'll stand behind you while you walk up the steps and turn on the other light."

"Okay, Daddy," Jillian murmured as she carried Roo-Roo up the six steps and flipped the switch at the top of the landing. She gasped and then beamed at the sight of Brenda sitting on a blanket in the center of the attic. "Mommy!"

"There's Mommy's big girl," Brenda exclaimed as she extended her arms. "Come here, sweetheart."

Jillian scurried over to Brenda and hugged her. When she released her arms from Brenda's neck, Jillian looked down at the basket sitting on the blanket. "It's like a picnic."

"Yes, a dinner picnic," Brenda replied as she pulled Jillian into her lap. "If you and Roo-Roo's tummies are feeling better, I thought you could have some dinner with me."

A radiant smile covered Jillian's face. "Our tummies are all better." She looked around the room for the sign of any other invited guests. "Are the babies coming?"

Brenda shook her head as she looked down at Jillian. "Daddy is going to take care of Jessica and Jonathan for awhile so I thought I could spend some time with you and Roo-Roo. Will that be okay?"

Jillian bobbed her head up and down. "Oh yes, Mommy." She brushed her cheek against Brenda's and saw Jax out of the corner of her eye. "Daddy, me and Mommy and Roo-Roo are having a picnic."

"I see that," Jax responded with a big grin. "I guess I had better let my princesses start their picnic while I check on your brother and sister."

"Bye Daddy." Jillian waved her hand.

Brenda winked at Jax as she handed him the baby monitor. "We'll see you later."

Jax tipped his head to Brenda. "Have fun, ladies."

"Daddy," Jillian groaned as she held up Roo-Roo.

"Sorry Roo-Roo," Jax said with a chuckle. "Have fun, ladies and gentleman."

Jillian giggled as she watched Jax disappear down the steps. She then turned to Brenda. "Can we have the picnic now, my tummy's hungry."

"We sure can." Brenda kissed the top of Jillian's head and helped Jillian sit down beside her. "How about some orange slices and a sandwich?"

"Yeah, peanut butter and marshmallow." Jillian licked her lips. "Yum-Yum."

Brenda smiled as she handed Jillian a small plate. "A special treat for us." She poured some milk into the cups in front of Jillian and Roo-Roo. "After dinner, we can have dessert and another surprise."

"A surprise for me?" Jillian's whole face lit up as she took a bite of her sandwich quarter. "What's my surprise?"

A soft laugh fell from Brenda's lips as she recognized the familiar streak of impatience in her daughter. "You'll have to wait and see, otherwise it would not be a surprise."

"Just like Daddy says," lamented Jillian. "Waiting takes a long time."

Brenda tweaked Jillian's nose. "The faster we eat, the shorter the waiting will be for dessert and then the surprise."

Jillian took another bite out of her sandwich and then Brenda fed her part of an orange slice. Jillian picked up a piece of the sandwich and held it up to Brenda's mouth and fed it to her. They took turns feeding one another as well as helping to clear Roo-Roo's plate.

"All done," Jillian announced as she swallowed the last piece of orange and picked up her empty plate.

"Me too," Brenda declared with a motion of her hand toward her own clean plate.

Jillian rubbed her hands together. "Can we have dessert now?"

Brenda nodded her head as she pulled out two bowls of butterscotch pudding from the basket. "Dessert is almost ready." She then reached into the basket again and brought out the can of whipped cream. "Now we have everything we need."

"I wanna spray," Jillian uttered in an excited tone.

"Just a little bit." Brenda shook up the can and handed it to Jillian. "Be careful."

Jillian started giggling as the whoosh of air sounded from the can. Brenda adjusted the angle of the can in Jillian's hand and the whoosh of air suddenly became a spray of cream. Jillian squealed with glee as a mound of whipped cream spilled over the bowl.

Brenda tried to control her own laughter as she grabbed Jillian's hand and stopped the stream of the delectable treat. "Jillian, that is not a little."

Jillian giggled louder at the sight of dots of whipped cream on Brenda's face. "I squirted you just like Daddy does."

"You little sneak," Brenda murmured as she began to tickle Jillian's stomach. "You're going to get it." She rubbed her cheek against Jillian's face thereby increasing the size of the whipped cream zone. "Jillian, you have whipped cream on your face."

Jillian shrieked with mirth as Brenda continued to tickle her and share the whipped cream. "Mommy!"

Brenda stopped tickling Jillian long enough to look at her face again. "Well, you look sticky enough for dessert."

She fed Jillian a spoonful of the pudding and Jillian did the same in return until all the dessert was gone.

Always quick with her retention skills, Jillian's talent did not betray her now. "Now my surprise?"

"Now your surprise," Brenda answered with a bob of her head. She removed a small bag from behind the cedar chest against the wall.

Jillian immediately opened Brenda's old cosmetic/jewelry bag and squealed at the sight of its contents. "Mommy, now I can dress-up like you."

"Remember we talked about this and this is only for play in the house, no where else." She helped Jillian survey the contents of the bag. "Do you understand?"

"Uh-huh," Jillian replied as she fingered the multi-color beads of Brenda's old costume jewelry. "I can't take it to school."

Brenda removed the hairbrush from the bag and began brushing Jillian's hair. "That's right, this is just for dress-up in the house."

Jillian squealed again when she found the colorful bracelets in the bag. "Look at these, Mommy."

"I see them," Brenda said as she helped Jillian slide the bracelet over the sleeve of her robe.

She turned around to face Brenda. "I wanna look pretty and show Daddy."

"We can do that and then it will be time for bed." Brenda flashed Jillian a bright smile. "We'll clean up this and then tiptoe down the hall and get the rest of what you want and finish in your room."

Jillian helped Brenda put the dishes back in the picnic basket and Brenda then grabbed the blanket and basket while Jillian held tightly onto her bag of treasures. They left the attic and Brenda put the basket and blanket at the top of the hall staircase to take to the kitchen later. She signaled to Jillian to remain quiet and Brenda quietly moved down the hall to check where Jax was. She entered the master suite and found no sign of him. Brenda looked at the bassinets and saw Jessica still sound asleep but Jonathan's cradle was empty. She walked into the bedroom area of the suite and heard Jax's voice in the bathroom. The splash of water she then heard assured Brenda that Jax was giving Jonathan a bath.

Brenda returned to the hallway and motioned for Jillian to come into the suite. She reminded Jillian that silence had to be the rule for the surprise as they took what Jillian wanted from the walk-in closet. Brenda made a last second save of runaway giggles as she covered Jillian's mouth with her hand when Jax muttered out loud about being christened with a "spray" from Jonathan. Brenda smiled to herself at the thought as Jax had teased her the night before when Jonathan had bestowed the same gift on her while having his bath. She led Jillian out of the suite and back down the hall where they finished preparing the surprise behind the closed door of Jillian's bedroom.

Twenty minutes later, Brenda returned to the master suite. Jonathan had drifted off to sleep after his bath and Jax now was feeding a bottle to Jessica on the couch in the living room area. Brenda crossed the room and sat down next to Jax.

Brenda looked down at Jessica and saw some flutters of color from the baby's dark violet eyes. "How is she?"

"She's been restless at points but she did not awaken until ten minutes ago." He shook his head a bit as he continued. "Of course, it was the exact moment that her brother fell asleep."

"Naturally," Brenda responded as she rolled her eyes slightly. "They are getting very well versed at that little game."

Jax looked down at Brenda and a smile automatically crossed his face. "You look more at ease. Mommy and daughter time was what both of you needed."

"It was," she acknowledged with a quick kiss of Jax's cheek. "Thank you for enabling us to have the opportunity."

"There's no need. I know how rough it's been for you and I know how much you miss Jillian." He kissed the corner of Brenda's mouth and smiled again as he licked his lips. "More at ease and very tasty." Jax kissed Brenda fully on the lips. "Incredibly tasty."

Brenda looked up and saw a shadow outside the door and then spoke in a voice loud enough to Jillian to hear on the other side of the door. "Jillian has a surprise for you so you have to close you eyes."

Jax grinned and then closed his eyes. "They're closed."

Jillian's voice came through the door. "No peaking, Daddy."

"There will be no peaking, Jillian." Brenda then put her hands over Jax's eyes. "All ready."

Jillian tiptoed into the room and then put Brenda's high-heeled dress shoes onto the floor. Following the rules of only wearing the shoes on the carpeted floor of the bedroom, Jillian stepped into the black shoes. She was becoming quite talented at wearing the heels since it had been a constant activity the last six weeks of Brenda's pregnancy when the master suite had become everyone's main activity area.

She clipped across the rug and stood in front of the couch. "Daddy, see I look like Mommy."

Brenda uncovered Jax's eyes and a huge smile appeared on his face. He met Jillian's gaze immediately. "You look just like a fairy princess."

Around Jillian's shoulders was a black boa that Brenda had used for a costume party and a small black purse hung from Jillian's arm. Multiple strands of beads dangled around Jillian's neck and two bracelets had been pushed up each sleeve of her robe.

Jillian held out her hands for Jax to see. "Mommy painted my fingernails. They're not colored like hers, I have to be bigger, but Mommy says I could have the shiny white." She then smacked her lips together. "I have cherry chapstick too."

"You look beautiful, Jillian." Jax leaned over and kissed her cheek. "Just like your mommy." He sighed in contentment. "My two sweet princesses."

Brenda lifted Jillian into her arms and whispered in return to Jax. "Our sweet prince." We're all so lucky."

Jax nodded his head in agreement as he lifted Jessica over his shoulder and eyed Jonathan in the bassinet. "Luck does not even begin to describe it."

Tuesday, January 22, 2002
The Jacks Residence -- 6:30pm

The snow was beginning to mix with sleet as Jax pulled into the driveway. He saw Lois' Grand Cherokee parked in front of the house as he pulled the car into the garage. When Jax stepped onto the front sidewalk, the front door opened and Lois stepped onto the porch.

"There's the birthday boy," Lois proclaimed as she hugged Jax. "Happy birthday!"

"Thank you." Jax flashed her a grin. "The roads are getting slippery so I was going to come tell you to head home. It took me an hour to get here."

Lois nodded. "I'm on my way, I just had to get Brenda's signature for the new bank note." She gave Jax a comforting smile. "It's been a rough day so be prepared."

A deep sigh fell from Jax's lips. "She sounded shaky when I spoke to her earlier. I told her all along that I didn't want her to even worry about today, she's barely on her feet as it is."

Lois rolled her eyes at the cluelessness of men at times. "Jax, she wanted to worry about today and things are just a tad out of her control right now."

"I know." Jax looked up at the falling snow. "Even the weather is not on her side today."

"She'll be all right, those hormones are still all over the place and she is exhausted." Lois shook her head. "I remember how it was after Anthony was born and I was trying to deal with Brooke and everything else. I think I cried for two straight weeks and trying to do it with twins, I would have been in the nuthouse."

Jax chuckled. "Brenda says this is the nuthouse these days since Jessica and Jonathan have fallen into the routine or having no routine whatsoever." He took a sharp intake of air. 'Those children could not ask for a better mother and that is what her priority has to be right now, she needs to be Mommy first."

Lois squeezed Jax's arm. "Tonight she wanted to be a wife first."

"I get it," Jax murmured. "We'll figure out a way she can be both."

"You really are a prince." Lois laughed as she hugged Jax again and then headed to the car. "Happy birthday!"

Jax waved and watched Lois' Grand Cherokee leave the driveway before he went inside. The house was quiet as Jax hung his cashmere coat in the closet. As he closed the closet door, Jillian and Lady appeared at the top of the stairs. "Daddy, here I am."

He smiled brightly at Jillian. "Hey princess, how are you?"

"Good," Jillian replied as she bounded and the dog bounded down the stairs. "It's your birthday still."

"It sure is." Jax hugged Jillian when she reached the foyer. "Where is Mommy?"

"In your room." Jillian frowned slightly. "She says today is not good."

Jax tickled the skin under Jillian's chin. "Why wasn't today good?"

Jillian let out a dramatic sigh. "Jonathan cried all the time and Mommy says she's too fat for all the dresses." She then sighed again. "And Mommy forgot the stove and the food got all burned. Then Mommy was crying."

Jax took a deep breath himself at the thought of today's episode of the nuthouse. He caressed Jillian's cheek. "I'm going to go talk to Mommy for a few minutes. Why don't you and Lady come upstairs with me and you can play in your room for a little while before dinner."

"Dinner is all burned," Jillian reminded him.

"We'll figure something out for dinner later, you can help since today is Josee's day off." He took Jillian's hand. "Does that sound good?"

Jillian nodded. "Really good."

They went up the stairs and Jax waved as Lady followed Jillian into the bedroom. Jillian decided that she would draw Brenda a picture so the day would be good now. Jax continued down the hall and quietly walked into the master suite Jonathan was asleep in his bassinet in the living room area while Jessica's bassinet had been moved from its usual place. When he moved into the bedroom area of the suite, Jax saw Jessica's bassinet in the far corner of the room. Brenda was no where to be seen. The bed was unmade and filled with Jillian's books and toys as it had evidently been one of the center of activities of the day.

Jax then heard the water turn on in the bathroom and then the sound of a few sniffles from Brenda. He crossed the room and gently tapped on the door. "Sweetie, it's me. Can I come in?"

Brenda moved the washcloth away from her face and groaned at the deep, dark circles under her eyes. "Come in."

Jax came through the door and immediately enveloped Brenda in his arms. "I'm sorry about your rough day."

"Please don't." Brenda closed her eyes as she rested her head against Jax's chest. "It was supposed to be your day."

"Every day is my day since you came into my life." He massaged Brenda's upper back. "Every morning that I wake up to all this, I realize that nothing could mean more to me."

Brenda shook her head against Jax's chest. "You must be losing your mind as well. This is pure chaos." She moaned and then continued. "We get no sleep. Tonight, unless you want charcoal for dinner, you'll get no food. The twins are never going to know the difference between night and day. Jillian will think all mothers cry and I am going to look five months pregnant for the rest of my life."

Jax took a step back from Brenda and lifted her chin so that she was looking up at him. "All that makes me the luckiest man on this earth. There is no greater gift for which I could ever ask."

"I just wanted a little special time for you." She reached up and touched his cheek. "You know I wouldn't give up one second of this but..."

"You're exhausted, Brenda." Jax's fingers tangled up in her hair. "You're living off of three hours of sleep a night and trying to take care of three children and me while still keeping an eye on two businesses. It is insane but it's supposed to be."

Brenda eased her head against Jax's shoulder again. "I'm sorry, this is the last thing I wanted to do to you today."

"Stop!' Jax nuzzled his lips against the side of her face. "We all have our moments." He cleared his throat. "I'll tell you a secret. Last week I was so exhausted that I did not realize that I had pulled up the wrong figures for the Bancroft deal and then I yelled at Cynthia for using them when I was the one who gave them to her in the first place."

She sighed as she wrapped her arms around Jax's neck. "Sometimes I think I am truly crazy to think I can do this."

"You're not," Jax responded as he kissed the top of her head. "It's been a very rough month for all of us but it has also been one of the best times of my life. We are all still adjusting, especially those two little ones, and we're all going to get through this together."

They then heard Jillian's loud whisper in the living room area of the suite. Brenda cringed when she realized that Jillian was talking to Jonathan who had only been asleep for thirty minutes since six o'clock this morning. They moved closer to the archway leading to the living room area and then stopped to watch the scene.

Jillian was rocking the bassinet slightly. "Jonathan, Mommy says you have to be taking a nap. You cried all the time and waked up Jessie and Roo-Roo."

She leaned into the bassinet and picked up the pacifier. "Eat this. Mommy says you drink too much milk." Jillain put the pacifier in the baby's mouth. "Now you have to go nite-nite, No more crying, it's Daddy's birthday. Mommy burned the cake 'cause you were crying too much."

Brenda just shook her head at Jillian's monologue while a huge grin covered Jax's face. Jillian began to dramatically tiptoe into the bedroom area and Jax and Brenda quickly moved to the other side of the bedroom.

Jillian entered the bedroom. "Mommy, I made you a picture."

"Let me see, princess," Brenda replied with a radiant smile.

"See Mommy," Jillian pointed to the colorful happy faces all over the page. "Smiley faces so you can have a good day now."

Brenda put one arm around Jillian and took Jax's hand in the other. "It's a very good day now. Mommy has everything she could ever want right here."

Jessica began fussing in her bassinet and Jax went over to pick her up. "Hey there, pumpkin." He kissed both of her cheeks. "Is it time for your dinner?"

"Just about," Brenda responded as Jax walked over to her with Jessica. "You were a good girl today while your brother was having his rough spots."

Jax handed the baby to Brenda. "Here's Mommy." He then turned to Jillian. Princess, how about helping Daddy with our dinner while Mommy feeds Jessie?"

Jillian clapped her hands together. "Yeah Daddy! We'll cook good for your birthday."

Brenda winked at Jax. "Some birthday dinner?"

"It's everything anyone could ever want," Jax murmured in response. "You'll see."

An hour and a half later, Jax, Brenda and Jillian were all sitting on a comforter in front of the fireplace in the master suite. Jonathan and Jessica were in their bassinets and Lady was standing guard between the cradles. The falling snow was clearly visible through the skylight and it was a beautiful sight. Jillian sat on Brenda's lap and watched Jax cooking dessert. She giggled as Jax took the skewer out of the fireplace and blew on the marshmallow.

She beamed when Jax gave her the cooled gooey treat. "Daddy, it's just like with the tent."

"That's right, " Jax said with a nod of his head. "Hot dogs for dinner and marshmallows cooked just like a campfire."

"Don't forget the s'mores," Brenda added as she combined a marshmallow and graham cracker and then dipped it in the chocolate.

Jax shook his head. "I won't. I'm not going to forget anything about this day. Not ever."

Winter snow is falling down.
Children laughing all around.
Lights are turning on
Like a fairy tale came true..
Sitting by the fire we made,
You're the answer when I prayed
I would find someone.
Baby, I found you.
All I want is to hold you forever.
All I need is you more every day.
You saved my heart from being broken apart.
You gave your love away.
And I'm thankful every day
For the gift.

"Here's a special one for Daddy, are you ready to sing, princess?"

Jillian bobbed her head up and down as Brenda put the candle in the marshmallow. "All ready. Mommy." They then proceeded to sing a verse of "Happy Birthday" to Jax.

Brenda handed Jax the plate. "Make a wish."

"I'm not sure that's fair," Jax whispered as he took Brenda's hand. "I already have everything that I could ever possibly want."

As the clock in the foyer struck nine, Jillian was dressed for bed and asleep under a blanket between Jax and Brenda. Brenda was rocking Jonathan to sleep in her arms after feeding him and Jax was rubbing circles on Jessica's back to settle her down. He rose to his feet to walk for a few minutes until the baby fell asleep. He moved down the upstairs hallway and then back into the master suite. When he did, he found both Brenda and Jonathan asleep. The baby was sleeping on top of Brenda's chest and Brenda was lying with one arm around Jillian and the other around Jonathan. Jax took deep breath as he drank in the sight.

Watching as you softly sleep.
What I'd give if I could keep
Just this moment
If only time stood still.
But the colors fade away
And the years will make us gray.
But baby in my eyes,
You'll still be beautiful.
All I want is to hold you forever.
All I need is you more every day.
You saved my heart from being broken apart.
You gave your love away
And I'm thankful every day
For the gift.

Jax turned his head as Jessica sighed and nuzzled her head deeper into his neck. Jessica was definitely a cuddler which was just another reminder to Jax of just how much she shared with her mother. Between Jessica's bright eyes and her fondness for being cuddled, Jax felt as though he was holding Brenda. Brenda had said the same about Jonathan as she saw Jax every time she looked at the baby's face. As Jax kissed Jessica's head he knew just how precious his most recent gifts were.

He looked down at Jillian asleep on the floor and smiled. She was his little princess and would be forever. She had the beauty and tenacity of her mother and the confidence and wit of her father and he had been hooked from the first moment he saw her. Jillian was the first gift that he and Brenda had given to each other and nothing could ever change that.

Brenda stirred in her sleep and the firelight bounced off the darkness of her hair. She was still the most beautiful thing he had ever seen and she was more beautiful inside than out. When it came to gifts, she was at the top of the list. He eased himself back down onto the comforter in front of the fire as Jessica soundly slept on his shoulder. He closed his eyes and sighed in contentment at the sight of the gifts that surrounded him. Jax knew that Jamie was there too, somehow he was watching over all of them. No one had ever had so much and Jax was not going to let a day go by without being thankful for all of it.

All I want is to hold you forever.
All I need is you more every day.
You saved my heart from being broken apart.
You gave your love away,
Can't find the words to say
And I'm thankful every day
For the gift.

SONG CREDITS: "I Have Nothing" by Whitney Houston and "The Gift" by Jim Brickman, Colin Ray and Susan Ashton