Sunday, February 24, 2002
The Port Charles Ice House -- 2:20pm

Jerry felt an increased weight in his chest as he pulled into the parking lot of the skating rink. He was already twenty minutes late for meeting Julia and Jillian as he had spent the past several hours wrestling with his own emotions. Jerry had seriously contemplated canceling but he knew that he had promised Jillian that he would be there. The planned outing had already been rescheduled from the weekend before when Jillian had come down with a cold after Valentine's Day so Jerry did not want to disappoint her but it was not going to be easy. Nothing was easy these days it seemed.

He was so tired of battling the conflicts between his own head and heart. The prevailing adversaries in this internal war seemed to change with each passing day as his mind and heart struggled for control. Ever since the night of Valentine's Day, Jerry's mind had been winning and the assault was waging devastating damage on him. Jerry felt himself retreating from the closeness he had begun to feel with Julia again. The sessions with Melanie over the past week had brought the whole issue of trust to the forefront and Jerry's mind had been reeling since then. Melanie wanted to focus on Jerry's feelings now and he had been unprepared for the intensity of it. Jerry had tossed and turned for the past several nights as he cursed Julia, his heart, the sun, the moon and himself for feeling so helpless in the war against himself. Nothing nor anyone had ever caused Jerry Jacks to question himself until now and it scared the hell out of him. She scared the hell out of him.

Julia Elizabeth Barrett Jacks. Her distinguished name fit the public and professional woman that Harlan had groomed Julia to be but there was so much to her. Jerry had been able to see that from the beginning and it had completely mesmerized him. The moment that Julia had entered his life, everything had changed. She had given Jerry a window to see his own heart and soul for the first time and now there was no way to close them regardless of the pain. That did not stop his mind from attempting to shield the anguish as Jerry's inner turmoil continued to wreak havoc on him.

It had to be that way, Jerry tried to convince himself. She was getting too close and his heart was doing nothing to stop it. Watching Julia on Valentine's Day with Jillian and the twins had only made Jerry's heart flutter inside his chest again. Julia had smiled and laughed and then later, she had even been able to talk to him about her own anger, sadness and fears about not yet having the chance to be a mother. It had been all that Jerry had asked of Julia in all the preceding months but suddenly it had felt too comfortable and too right and it had terrified him. The trepidation had become panic over the past week as the images of Julia walking out the door of the penthouse had haunted him. Jerry's mind had replayed the scene over and over again and his heart lurched in agony with each encore performance. She was getting too close and it felt so good. Too good, Jerry's head tried to pound into him. He could not live through the torment again, the flashbacks were excruciating enough as it was.

The images in Jerry's mind were effective. Jerry could sense the armor he was putting around himself. It could have been so simple if he could cut his losses and just walk away but Jerry's heart was proving to be a formidable opponent. It was not about to concede victory to his mind or to anything else. Within the depths of his soul, Jerry felt the relief and indebtedness to his heart for refusing to surrender. It was a clash of two powerful and unyielding foes and Jerry felt every strike launched in the confrontation and each was taking its toll on him. It was all too overwhelming right now.

Jerry struggled with self doubt as he questioned the missives of his heart and mind. He was in a strictly protective mode now and it had taken every bit of strength that Jerry could muster to achieve that state. Right now, it was the only way for him to try to sort through any of the emotions found in his heart, mind and soul. Jerry needed some time and some distance. After three sleepless nights, he was convinced of that more than ever. When he had told Melanie that he was unsure of everything that he was feeling in the session on Friday, he had seen the anxiety on Julia's face. There was nothing he could do about that now. Jerry could not ignore his own needs, fears and feelings anymore. He had to decide what was best for him.

Jerry grabbed his skates and he got out of the car. He took a few deep breaths to try to calm his racing heart as he then headed toward the entrance to the rink. After their afternoon with Jillian, he would talk to Julia and somehow try to explain what he needed now. Whether she understood or not, it was something Jerry knew that he had to do.

Inside the ice house, Julia looked toward the main doors for what seemed like the thirtieth time in the past twenty minutes. Julia felt a nagging ache as once again, there was no sign of Jerry. She had sensed a wariness in him this week and it had seemed to intensify as each day passed. As the days had gone on, Jerry had become more and more closed off and then the session with Melanie late Friday afternoon had been by far the most difficult yet. Julia had been momentarily dazed by the change in Jerry's demeanor toward her but at the first mention of the issue of trust in the session, Julia had seen the anguish in Jerry's eyes and immediately understood. With that realization, Julia had suddenly felt a stabbing pain through her heart as trepidation had overtaken her soul.

Those feelings had returned as the hands on the clock on the wall approached 2:30. Fortunately, one of Jillian's friends from pre-school was also at the rink so Jillian had temporarily stopped asking when Uncle Jerry was coming. Jillian and Kelsey were happily watching a game of tag on the ice as Julia surveyed the clock and the doors.

The main doors opened again and Julia heard a sigh of relief fall from her lips at the sight of Jerry. Her sense of assuagement quickly dissipated as Jerry approached her and she immediately recognized the uneasiness on his face. Julia felt her breath catch as she saw the fear in Jerry's eyes. It was such a foreign concept for her and Julia wondered at that moment which one of them was more terrified.

The sound of Jillian's voice pulled Julia from her numbness and she exhaled loudly as Jillian stood up and sighed dramatically as she looked at Jerry. "Uncle Jerry, I've been waiting sooo long."

Jerry felt a smile form at the corner of his mouth as Jillian gave him her best scowl. "Sorry, Roo, but I bet you have been having fun with your friend there."

Jillian turned toward Kelsey. "She's Kelsey and she's in my school."

"Nice to meet you, Kelsey," Jerry said with a smile and a wink. "I'm Jillian's favorite person and her Uncle Jerry."

Jillian rolled her eyes and put her hands on her hips. "He's teasing. AGAIN."

Jerry had to shake his head at just how uncanny it was that Jillian was exhibiting more of Brenda's mannerisms than Brenda was herself these days. "Roo, you love it." He then winked at Kelsey again as he whispered to her. "She likes me the very, very best."

Kelsey covered her mouth with her hand as she giggled and Julia could not help but to smile at the sight of Kelsey's green eyes shining back at Jerry. His charm could still enchant any female who crossed his path. As Jillian giggled with Kelsey, Julia locked eyes with Jerry again. Julia swallowed hard to rid the lump which had formed in her throat and then murmured to Jerry. "What is it?"

"Later," Jerry responded in a low voice. He then broke the gaze as Kelsey's mother then motioned for her to come over to put on her skates.

Kelsey waved good-bye to everyone and Jillian then tugged on the sleeve of Jerry's jacket. "Uncle Jerry, I wanna twirl. Can we wear the skates now?"

Jerry took a deep breath as he nodded. "We can wear the skates now."

Jillian grinned as she turned to Julia. "Aunt Julia, it's time to dance."

"Yes, Jillian, it's time to dance," Julia replied as she looked at Jerry. This dance had become second nature for them now.

An hour later, Jillian's beaming smile was still illuminating the ice rink as she skated between Jerry and Julia. "I wanna spin fast again." Jerry fought to ignore the sparks which coursed through his body as he took Julia's hand. Even the leather of his glove could not deflect the electricity which the feel of Julia's touch generated. Amidst Jillian's melodious laughter, Jerry and Julia held on tightly to Jillian's hands as they skated in a circle near the corner of the rink.

Suddenly Jillian's eyes sparkled devilishly as she decided to change the game. "All fall down." She then plopped down on the ice taking both Jerry and Julia with her in their attempt to keep Jillian upright. Jillian began giggling loudly at the sight of Jerry and Julia on the ice. "See, we all falled down."

"Jillian," Julia muttered as she tried to disentangle herself from Jerry, "What were you doing?"

"Playing a trick," Jillian responded with a laugh. "Mommy teached me so we all fall on Daddy."

Jerry groaned more from the sensation of Julia's body against his than from the ache of his back from hitting the ice. "That mother of yours needs a good spanking."

Jillian shrugged her shoulders as she spoke. "You telled me Mommy likes Daddy's spankings."

"We'll talk about that later." The thought of spankings combined with the proximity of Julia's body to his forced Jerry to quickly stand up before there would be much too much explaining to do to Jillian.

Julia recognized the tightness in Jerry's jaw as he helped Jillian get to her feet. The stiffness in his jaw increased as Jerry pulled Julia from the ice. He immediately let go of Julia's hand once she was standing and he avoided any eye contact with her. Julia exhaled slowly and then tweaked Jillian's red nose. "I think that is enough for today, Mommy is going to tell you that you have a red nose."

"You have one too," Jillian said with a soft giggle. "Uncle Jerry, see Aunt Julia's nose."

He shifted his gaze to Julia's face. "I see it." Jerry felt the familiar flutter in his chest as his mind cursed the fact that a red nose and flushed cheeks made Julia look even more sexy.

Julia could see the turmoil in Jerry's eyes and it cut through her chest like a knife. As her eyes clouded over with more confusion as each second passed, Jerry knew that he was the cause of that. They both were flustered now and suddenly, Jerry felt as if he was suffocating. It was all just too much right now.

When Jerry looked away from her, Julia led Jillian off the ice to sit down and take off her skates. After that was finished, Kelsey and her mother came over and asked if Jillian wanted to accompany them to the snack bar to get some hot chocolate. Jillian excitedly nodded and Jerry handed her some money while Julia tied Jillian's shoes. Jillian waved to both of them as she walked beside Kelsey toward the other side of the rink.

There was complete silence between them as Julia rubbed her hands together in an attempt to stop them from trembling. She knew that it was the uneasiness of the moment rather than the cold temperatures that was the true cause of her shivers. When Julia finally spoke, her voice was barely above a whisper.

"Whatever it is, just say it."

"Not here," Jerry responded with a shake of his head. "Not now."

Julia looked over her shoulder to see that the rest of the spectators and skaters at the rink were completely oblivious to the scene unfolding in the corner area of the rink. "Please. Just say it."

A jagged sigh fell from his lips. "I can't do this anymore."

"Do what?" The dread in her eyes betrayed the calmness in Julia's voice.

"All of this," Jerry replied in an emotional tone. "Love you, hate you.... long for you, distrust you, distrust myself... all of it."

Julia swallowed the lump which had instantly formed in her throat. "I see." Her voice now shook as she continued. "What do you want to do?"

"I need some space...I need some time." Jerry's voice had an almost defeated element to it. "I have to figure out how to deal with this."

Julia fought to maintain her composure. This was not the time nor the place for a scene. "Are you leaving Port Charles?"

"I don't know what I'm doing," Jerry answered with a deep sigh. "I don't know much of anything right now but I do know that I have to find some answers."

"And you have to be away from me," Julia retorted. It was more of a statement than an accusation.

Jerry's expression was a mixture of regret, trepidation and resignation. "It's too hard this way. Everything is jumbled, it's a bloody cyclone."

Julia battled her emotions to keep the tears from appearing in her eyes. "I'm sorry.... I never wanted it to be like this."

"I understand that, Julia, but it IS like this." Jerry took another deep breath as he proceeded. "And I need some distance from you, from us. I have to do this for me."

"You have to do what you need to do." Julia lost the battle of her emotions as she felt the tears stinging her eyes. "I'll be in Frankfurt with Jax for several days this week and when I come back, I'll stay out of your way."

"Thank you," Jerry replied in a soft murmur.

Julia avoided direct contact with Jerry's eyes as she spoke. "What about the sessions with Melanie? Are those over too?"

Jerry answered as honestly as he could at the present time. "I don't know the answer to that at this moment."

Julia chewed on her bottom lip as she sniffed back the tears which threatened to overwhelm her. "I'll let Francesca know when I plan to see Melanie should you decide to attend."

"Okay. I'll tell Francesca that you will be keeping her advised for me." Jerry felt the stabbing sensation inside his heart at the sound of Julia's voice. His arms ached to embrace her. He was suddenly thankful that they were in a public place because in a more private setting, Jerry was not certain that he would have been able to control the desires of his heart and soul and that would have accomplished nothing.

The sound of Jillian's voice interrupted them. "I got lots of marshmallows just like Mommy."

Julia dabbed the corners of her eyes before turning around to face Jillian. "That's good. I know how much you like marshmallows." Julia then thanked Kelsey and her mother and they waved good-bye as Jillian sat down to drink her hot chocolate.

Jerry and Julia took off their skates in silence and Julia then gathered up Jillian's belongings. When Jillian finished her hot chocolate, she put her gloves back on while Jerry zipped up her jacket. "Uncle Jerry, can you come with us? You can have spaghetti for dinner with me. And Aunt Julia can come too."

Julia quickly replied. "Sweetheart, I think Uncle Jerry has some work to do tonight and I have to go home and pack before I go on the plane with your daddy tomorrow."

"Your Aunt Julia is right," Jerry affirmed. "Tonight is not a good night but I'll have spaghetti with you some other time."

"And Aunt Julia too," Jillian asked.

Jerry nodded his head. "Yes, some other time for Aunt Julia too."

Julia buttoned her own coat as she spoke. "Okay, it's time to say good-bye to Uncle Jerry so I can get you home to eat your spaghetti."

Jillian hugged him. "Bye Uncle Jerry. I'm gonna tell Mommy and Daddy we spinned real fast."

"You tell them that, Roo." Jerry kissed Jillian's cheek and then helped her down from the bench. "I will see you later."

Julia moved past Jerry and as she did she murmured to him. "I'm sorry, Jerry."

"I'm sorry too," he responded in a low voice behind her.

Julia stopped momentarily and turned around to face him. Her voice was calm and composed and the assertion was as sincere as they came. "Do what you have to do but there is something that I have to say and that is that I am not going to give up on us without one hell of a fight. Don't you forget that, Jeremiah Jacks."

With that declaration, Julia turned around and never looked back at Jerry as she and Jillian headed out the doors of the ice palace. As Jerry stood there, he heard a quiet sigh of relief escape from his lips. There was something so familiar and comforting in the fact that glimpses of the real Julia were emerging again. His Julia, the woman who was exasperating and intoxicating and mesmerizing all at the same time and the woman who would never give up without a fight. There was something so incredible about that and for that brief moment, Jerry actually felt at peace. Now, he just needed to find a way to stay that way.

The Jacks Residence -- 8:00pm

As Jax read to Jillian from her fairytale book, she sat on his lap in the rocking chair in her bedroom. Jillian beamed as she turned the page to the last page of the storybook. "Now the prince comes."

Jax flashed her a grin. "Let's see what the prince does."

"He kisses the princess and she wakes up," Jillian exclaimed with a contented sigh.

Jax chuckled and then read the last page out loud to Jillian, describing the kiss and the awakening of the princess. As he opened his mouth to read the last line of the fairytale, Jillian's voice joined his. "And they lived happily ever after."

Jillian giggled as she hugged Roo-Roo in her arms. "The End."

"You like that fairytale, don't you," asked Jax.

"Uh-huh," Jillian replied with a bob of her head. "Mommy likes it too. Everybody's sooo happy."

Jax tucked a curl behind Jillian's ear and smiled brightly at the look of joy on Jillian's face. It still took his breath away at times when Jax saw so much of Brenda in Jillian. "Yes, princess, Mommy likes it too."

"What does Mommy like," Brenda asked as she walked into Jillian's bedroom with a drowsy Jessica in her arms.

"When the prince comes and kisses the princess," Jillian replied. "And they live happily ever after."

A radiant smile covered Brenda's face. "Oh yes, I like that story."

Jillian returned Brenda's beam. "We like princess stories and Daddy says we're princesses."

Jax wrapped his arms around Jillian. "Yes, you are Daddy's princess."

Jillian giggled again as she looked up at Jax. "Me and Mommy." Her tone then became serious. "But not Jessica."

Brenda suppressed a grin as she questioned Jillian. "Jessica's not a princess?"

"No," Jillian responded with a shake of her head. "She's a pumpkin. I'm the princess."

"Yes, you're the princess." Jax controlled his mirth as he continued. "But everyone is going to live happily ever after here, the princesses and the pumpkins and the peanuts."

Jillian bobbed her head as she looked at Roo-Roo in her arms and Lady asleep on the rug. "And the kangaroos and the doggies too."

Jax tweaked Jillian's nose. "Yes, the kangaroos and the doggies too."

Brenda moved over to Jillian's bed. "Okay, princess, it is time to say good night to the pumpkin and get to bed."

A frown appeared on Jillian's face. "One more story. Please."

Jax shook his head. "No, it is late and you had a big day today."

"Pleeeaaase Daddy," Jillian pleaded. "Just a little one."

"Not tonight, Jillian," Jax replied. "I'll read you a story tomorrow before I have to go to the airport."

As Jax helped Jillian get down from the chair, she blinked her eyes in a rapid motion at him as she stood next to the bed. "Daddy, just two pages when I'm in bed."

A puzzled look appeared on Jax's face. "No more pages tonight and what are you doing with your eyes?"

"Blinking," Jillian sighed in defeat. "When Mommy blinks her eyes, you say yes."

"Nite-nite Jessica," Jillian murmured as she kissed the baby's cheek. She then looked up at Brenda. "I kissed Jonathan in his bassinet."

"I know you did, sweetheart," Brenda said as she smiled at Jillian. "Now it's time for you and Roo-Roo to say your prayers and go to sleep."

As Jillian said her prayers, Jax muttered under his breath at Brenda. "Teaching your daughter new tricks, Aphrodite."

A look of feigned ignorance crossed Brenda's face as she whispered to Jax. "Whatever do you mean, Mr. Jacks?"

Jax swatted Brenda across the behind and then moved to tuck Jillian into bed. "Good night princess." He leaned over and kissed her forehead. "Dream all about princesses, pumpkins and peanuts living happily ever after."

"And doggies and kangaroos and you too, Daddy," Jillian added.

"That's right, sweetheart, dream about all of us living happily ever after." Brenda put Jessica in Jax's arms and then leaned down to hug and kiss Jillian good night. "Good night and we will see you in the morning."

"Night Mommy and Daddy." A yawn fell from Jillian's lips. "You dream too."

Jax winked at Jillian before he turned off the light. "We will, princess. We will."

Thirty minutes later, Brenda came up the back stairs from the kitchen and walked into the master suite. She found Jax sitting in bed with Jessica resting against his thighs. Brenda rolled her eyes at him. "I could have sworn that I put that little pumpkin to bed fifteen minutes ago."

"Jessica decided that she wanted some company," Jax responded with a shrug.

"Really?" A soft laugh fell from her lips. "I knew it couldn't be that her father is spoiling her again."

Jax shook his head. "Of course not. We're just having a father/daughter discussion."

Brenda smiled as she crawled onto the bed next to Jax. "About what may I ask or is this a private conversation?"

"What do you say, Jess," Jax asked as he tickled the skin under the baby's chin. "Should we tell your mother that you are not going to use those feminine charms of yours?"

Jessica blinked her eyes a few times as she tried to focus on Jax's voice. Brenda covered her mouth as she laughed at the sight. Jax then let out a deep sigh. "Now what have we just talked about, Jessica? You are not to imitate your mother and bat those big, bright eyes. Especially in the presence of any living and breathing male."

Brenda laughed louder as she threaded her hands through Jax's arm and rested her head against his shoulder. Jax shook his head at Brenda. "You have given your daughters the weapons already. It is not funny."

"But you are, honey," Brenda responded as she stroked Jax's face. "And so adorable."

Jax was lost as Brenda's velvet pools shined at him from one side while Jessica's dark violet ones gleamed up at him from the other. "You don't play fair and you have already taught your daughters the rules of war."

Brenda kissed the corner of Jax's mouth. "And you love us all the more for it."

Jax exhaled softly as he felt an involuntary smile form on his lips. He lifted Jessica up in the air. "Not that you or your sister will ever be allowed to date but God help the men who lose their hearts to you."

Brenda caressed the back of Jax's neck with her fingers and then the sound of Jonathan's fussing was heard through the baby monitor. "Another country heard from."

Jax cocked his right eyebrow as he spoke. "Yes, someone else who wants company."

She sat still for a moment and looked over to see Jax's solicitous expression. "All right, I'll get him for you but you are spoiling them both."

"I'm not spoiling you," Jax murmured to Jessica as Brenda got off the bed. "Daddy is just going to miss you and Mommy and your brother and sister when I have to leave tomorrow."

At the sound of Jax's words, Brenda felt her heart flip-flop as she left the bedroom and went to Jonathan's bassinet in the living room area of the suite. "Hello peanut. Your father says you want company but Daddy really needs it so we'll humor him tonight."

Brenda quickly changed Jonathan's diaper and then brought him into the bedroom. "Here is the other company seeker." She put Jonathan against the crook of Jax's left arm as Jessica was drifting off to sleep resting against the crook of Jax's right arm. Brenda then moved into bed next to Jax.

"Hey there, peanut," Jax said as Jonathan nestled his head against Jax's arm. "We have to talk about some things. I want you to take care of your mother when I am away."

Brenda silently watched Jax communicate with their son and she could not help but smile at the dueling dimples of the two beloved men in her life. After a few minutes, Jonathan joined his sister and drifted off to sleep in his father's arms. Brenda whispered to Jax. "Feel better now?"

Jax nodded his head and smiled. "Yes, thank you."

"There's no need for that," Brenda murmured to him. "They say a picture is worth a thousand words but this one is worth so much more. It's what dreams are made of and a fairytale come true."

"Yes, a fairytale," Jax answered in response. "And they all lived happily ever after."

A beaming smile covered Brenda's face as she nodded and then kissed the cheeks of both of the babies before covering Jax's lips with her own. Who needed fairy tales when reality was even more rewarding.

Tuesday, March 4, 2002
J & J Jacks -- 6:15pm

Julia rubbed her temples as she sat behind her desk. Her head had been throbbing for hours and she had been staring at the same financial report for the past half hour and still had no idea what it said. She turned off the overhead lights, leaving only the small lamp on the desk lit, and leaned back in her chair. She looked out the window and saw that it had begun to lightly snow again. The city below looked beautiful and so peaceful but Julia felt nothing that even resembled peace. Several times during the past few days, Julia wondered if she would ever recognize the feeling of tranquillity in herself again.

It had been a brutal ten days with negotiations in Frankfurt stalling for most of the week and necessitating the four day trip to become a six day one before a deal was finally agreed to over the weekend. Then word of labor problems in London emerged as a result of the Frankfurt contract so Jax had headed to London on Sunday while Julia had returned to Port Charles to help Jerry to oversee the inspection and audit of the latest phase of the docks renovation project. The inspection and audit had transpired yesterday afternoon and this morning without any major obstacles but the strain and tension between Julia and Jerry had opened up old wounds and inflicted new ones. Julia did not know how to act around Jerry and visa versa and it all brought back the painful memories of the past several months.

Matters were not made much better even with Julia's session with Melanie this afternoon. Jerry had not attended the session and Julia's stomach had been in a knot since then. Even though Melanie had explained weeks before that once all of Jerry's innermost feelings were brought to the forefront that things would be difficult, the whole situation was terrifying to Julia. She knew in her head that Jerry had to do this but that awareness did little to alleviate the pain in her heart. She suddenly felt so alone and Julia now fully understood what her leaving had done to Jerry and that hurt most of all.

So she sat in the dark. Alone. She had told Sally to go home to her family so now Julia was left with her thoughts and the stillness of the winter evening. Julia rose from her chair and walked over to the window. She sat against the bookcase and watched the magic of winter outside the glass. Her eyes trailed a big, fluffy snowflake as it whirled and twirled toward the ground below. Julia followed the snowflake for as long as she could, even pressing her nose against the glass to catch the last glimpse of the flake before it disappeared from her view. It's flight was so free and serene hat Julia wanted to revel in every moment of it.

His voice startled Julia from behind. "Still chasing snowflakes I see."

Julia felt her mouth suddenly go dry as she spoke. "Jerry."

In self preservation, Jerry turned on the lamp by the door, she was just too beautiful sitting there in the dim light by the window. "Do you have a few minutes?"

"Yes," Julia murmured as she moved away from the window. She was baffled as to how she could even be standing with the frenzied beating of her heart.

Jerry sat down in the chair near the door and Julia managed somehow to get her legs moving in order to reach the chair next to him. Jerry nervously raked his fingers through his hair as he tried to put his thoughts into words. He didn't even know how to talk to her anymore and Jerry exhaled sharply at his frustration.

Julia again felt the stabbing pain in her heart as she watched him struggle. She then remembered some of the insight that Melanie had shared with her this afternoon. "Jerry, just say it, whatever it is. You can't protect my feelings anymore at the cost of your own, no matter what it is."

"I know," Jerry responded in a low voice. "That won't get us anywhere. It won't get me anywhere." He paused for a moment before continuing. "But it is much easier said than done. This has all been so confusing, so difficult."

Julia nodded her head. "It's been pure torture at times."

Jerry rested his forehead against the palm of his hand. "That's one of the reasons I could not face another session with you this afternoon. Julia, I don't want to hurt you but I know that avoiding all of this is no solution either."

She brushed away a strand of hair from her face. "Is there a solution to any of this?"

"We each have to find one, we can't do this anymore," Jerry responded with a sigh. "It's not fair to you and it's not fair to me."

"Any ideas on where and how we are going to find these answers?" Julia involuntarily dug her fingernails into the leather of the arms of the chair. "I thought we were finding some with Melanie. Was I wrong?"

Jerry shook his head. "No, you're not wrong. With Melanie's help, you've started to find so many already." One corner of Jerry's mouth curved up into a small smile. "You know yourself better than you ever have and I am so grateful for that." His voice trailed off as he finished his thought. "But it's me now. I need to find some."

Julia's voice was barely above a whisper. "How?"

"I saw Melanie late this afternoon and I've made some decisions." He stammered a bit as he continued. "I need to get out of Port Charles for awhile."

Julia felt the knots in her stomach tighten but she remained silent as Jerry spoke. "It's the only way I can do this and be able to answer all the questions I have about all of this. Melanie's right, we both have to know who we are and what we want before we can ever think about being together. Right now, I need some answers and I have to find them myself."

"This is so hard," Julia said as she found her voice. "I'm sorry for all the pain I have caused you."

Jerry shook his head. "It's not only you, it was easy to blame you for all of it but part of it is me. I have to deal with that too and here there are too many distractions."

Julia bit her bottom lip before speaking. "Am I one of them still?"

With a slight bob of his head, Jerry locked gazes with her. "Yes, Julia Barrett Jacks, you're the biggest one. I never believed all that rubbish about the strength of love but I can't deny it now. My heart won't let you go."

Julia let out a loud exhale as she realized she had been holding her breath the entire time Jerry had been answering her question. "Since we're trying to avoid hiding our feelings, I'll selfishly admit just how much I have wanted to hear that from you." She took another deep breath. "I do love you, Jerry, you have to know that."

"I know that." His deep sigh sounded throughout the room as Jerry looked at Julia. "We're both selfish and that's not going to change for either one of us." Jerry moistened his dry lips. "You are one hell of a distraction. Some days I can't get you out of my head and you are all over that penthouse so much that at times, I think I will go mad." Jerry closed his eyes momentarily at the images in his head. "I can't make sense of anything there right now. This isn't to hurt you, but I have to be away from all of it now."

"I would do anything to change my part in what has happened but I can't." Julia let out a jagged sigh as she looked at Jerry. "I want to have the chance for you to prove that you can trust me again but right now, I know that is not possible."

"I want to trust you, Julia... I want to trust my own heart again." Jerry's voice wavered slightly. "But right now, there is to much going on inside me to do either. It scares me, Julia, it scares the bloody hell out of me."

Julia felt her breath catch in her throat at the sound of Jerry's voice. "I know it does." She blinked back a tear. "I can see it in your eyes and I wish I could take it away but I can't."

"No, you can't," Jerry affirmed. "Only I can do that and that is just what I have to do now and I have to be away from you, away from here, away from everything that is us."

She managed to hold her composure enough to speak. "Are you leaving tonight?"

"Yes, later this evening," Jerry answered. "Jax is due back from London shortly and after I speak with him, I'll be off."

Julia choked back the sob that threatened to escape from her throat. The whole thought of him leaving terrified her but she knew there was nothing she could or should do. "Where will you go?"

"I don't even know right now," Jerry replied with a shrug of his shoulders. "I have to be in Beijing at the end of the week for the government meetings. After that, wherever the wind takes me so I can find the answers."

"But you'll let someone know where you are, won't you?" Julia's voice contained a hint of trepidation. "And you'll let someone know that you're all right? Jax or your parents or Francesca, someone?"

The concern and love in Julia's voice caused Jerry's heart to flip-flop in his chest. "Don't you worry, kiddo, I'll let someone know." This was so much harder than he imagined it would be and Jerry could not stop his hand from reaching out and caressing Julia's face. He realized that he did not want to stop himself as his thumb brushed away the tears which clung from Julia's eyelashes.

Julia felt her heart melt at the sensation of his touch. All she wanted to do was to turn her face into the warmth of his hand and caress his palm with her lips. It would have been so easy to do and it would have led to much more but it would have been utterly unfair to him. To the both of them. Instead, she covered his hand with hers and then squeezed Jerry's palm gently as he removed his hand from her face.

More tears streamed down Julia's cheeks as she spoke. "You'll take care of yourself, won't you?"

"I promise," he murmured to her as Jerry felt tears stinging in his own eyes. "You do the same."

"I promise." Julia choked back a fresh round of tears. "You had better go before I make a real fool of myself and won't let you go."

Jerry smiled at her and then lifted Julia's hand to his lips and kissed it. "You take care of yourself, kiddo."

Julia nodded her head as she let go of Jerry's hand. "You too." She watched Jerry get out of the chair and head to the door. "Remember that whatever happens, I love you."

"I love you too," Jerry whispered to Julia as he turned around to look at her again. She managed the strength to flash him a small smile and with that, he headed out the office door. Julia remained motionless and silent in the chair until she heard the opening and closing of the main lobby door and knew that Jerry was gone. She then moved to the window and the sound of her tears were heard again along with a murmured promise to the falling snow. "I'm not giving up on us. Not ever. Brenda's convinced me about those real-life fairytales and I want one too."

The Jacks Residence -- 8:15pm

Jillian pulled the blanket over Roo-Roo as the kangaroo laid next to Jessica in the center of the bed. Brenda shifted Jonathan to her other shoulder and then hung up the phone. "That was Daddy and he will be home very soon."

Jillian clapped her hands together. "Daddy's coming."

"It's past your bedtime so I want you to get under the covers and rest until Daddy is here," Brenda said as she pulled back the blanket.

"I can sleep on Daddy's pillow," Jillian replied as she took off her slippers and scooted under the blanket.

"Yes, you rest there next to Roo-Roo and Jessica while I feed your brother." Brenda sat down on the bed as Jonathan began to fuss. "Okay, okay, I know you're hungry."

Jillian sighed dramatically as Jonathan cried louder and then suddenly became quiet as he began to nurse. "He drinks milk aaaall the time."

Brenda laughed softly. "Yes, Jonathan likes to eat but it helps him to grow up to be big and strong. You used to drink lots of milk too when you were a baby."

"Did Daddy feed me like he does to Jonathan and Jessica," Jillian questioned.

Brenda nodded. "Yes, Daddy used to feed you bottles all the time and Grandmom and Grandpa and Aunt Julia and Uncle Jerry too."

A small frown formed on Jillian's lips. "Uncle Jerry went on the airplane so he can't have spaghetti with me."

"I know, sweetie, but Uncle Jerry promised he would have spaghetti with you when he comes back."

Brenda caressed the skin on Jillian's cheek. "Do you remember that he told you that on the phone tonight?"

Jillian bobbed her head up and down. "Uh-huh and he's gonna sing the song with the meatball on the floor."

"Yes, he said that too," Brenda remarked as she smiled at the thought of Jerry's recent rendition of "On Top of Spaghetti" at the dinner table.

Jillian yawned as she spoke. "The poor meatball got lost when somebody sneezed."

Brenda looked down at Jessica who was now fast asleep on the bed and then she stroked Jillian's curls. "Why don't you rest your eyes like your sister while we wait for Daddy?"

"Can we sing the song since Uncle Jerry isn't here," asked Jillian.

"One time and we have to be very quiet." Brenda sang the verse softly as Jillian hummed along while trying to keep her eyes opened. When the second verse began, Jillian had become quiet as sleep overtook her.

Fifteen minutes later, Jonathan was drifting off to sleep himself after having a diaper change and his bedtime feeding. Brenda laid the baby on top of her chest as she rested her own eyes. It had been a very long ten days, even with Maggie's daily help, and Brenda was as anxious as Jillian was to have Jax home again.

She could feel the warmth of the sun on her skin and hear the soft lap of the breakers as they trickled onto the shore. The birds were singing and a gentle breeze wafted the scent of honeysuckle through the air. They were all there at the surf waving to her. The twins sat on the edge of the shore and wiggled their toes in the sand as the tide moved out to sea. Jillian's laughter seemed to carry for miles as Jax twirled her around in circles with her feet skimming along the crystal, clear water. She could hear Jax calling to her to come join them. "Brenda..."

"Brenda." She felt the gentleness of his touch against her skin. "Hey sweetheart."

Her eyes fluttered opened to a sea of shining turquoise. "Oh, Jax, you're home."

"Hello, my love," Jax murmured as he wrapped his arms around her. He looked over at the sleeping Jillian and Jessica and then at Jonathan dosing in Brenda's arms. "What a picture this is."

"I bet," Brenda said with a sigh. "Some homecoming this is for you. Everyone sleeps through it."

Jax chuckled and then kissed the top of Brenda's head. "Actually, this is what I missed the most. Seeing all of my precious family here together."

Brenda groaned in mock irritation. "And to think that I thought you missed me the most."

Jax pressed his lips against Brenda's ear and whispered to her. "Trust me, I missed our time together quite a bit." He then gently nibbled on her earlobe. "Especially certain pleasures with you."

"Let me guess," Brenda retorted with a sexy lift of her right eyebrow. "Getting UP in the middle of the night...... to feed the twins of course."

A devilish grin covered Jax's face. "Of course, you know how much I enjoy getting up in the middle of the night to feed the twins." His hand gently caressed her thigh as he continued. "Now, getting UP morning, noon and night to satisfy your appetite is quite another pleasure."

A soft giggle fell from Brenda's lips. "God, I missed you," she murmured before she captured Jax's mouth with her own.

Jax heard Brenda moan as his tongue delved into her mouth. Her tongue met his and they shared a passionate dance before Jax traced her lips with the tip of his tongue and released her mouth. He tenderly kissed her forehead, nose and chin before placing a kiss on Jonathan's cheek and then Jessica's.

Jax took Jonathan from Brenda's arms and rubbed the baby's back and kissed him again. "I missed you and I can't believe how much bigger you are in just a little over a week."

Brenda smiled as she looked up at Jax. "Of course, he still eats like every meal will be his last."

"Is he ready for bed," Jax asked as he rocked Jonathan in his arms.

"Yes, he is ready." Brenda rolled her eyes slightly. "Of course your son is on his best behavior now since he knew you would be home. He has not been cooperative at bedtime for the past four nights but tonight he is a little angel."

"We won't be calling you `little' anything for much longer," Jax whispered as he carried Jonathan into the living room area of the suite and put the baby in his bassinet. "Good night peanut, Mommy and Daddy love you."

Brenda picked up Jessica and kissed her cheek as Jax came back into the bedroom. "This little pumpkin is ready too and she has been much more cooperative than her brother has been."

Jax took the baby from Brenda and Jessica snuggled against his neck. "So you get the gold star." He hugged the baby. "I can't tell you how much I missed my little snuggler."

"She missed you too," Brenda told him. "We all did."

"I missed all of you." He flashed Brenda a smile. "I'll put this one to bed and then I'll get the princess over there."

Jax put Jessica in her bassinet and then came back into the bedroom and sat down next to Jillian on the bed. He reached out and touched Jillian's cheek and she immediately awakened. "Hi princess."

"Daddy," Jillian exclaimed as she sat up and put her arms around Jax. "You're home."

"Yes, I'm home." He hugged Jillian. "I missed you so much. Were you a good helper for Mommy?"

"I was good. Right Mommy," Jillian asked as she turned to Brenda.

Brenda nodded her head. "Yes, she was a very good helper."

"That's what I thought," Jax remarked as he reached over and picked up a bag. "Here is something for being such a good helper for Mommy."

"A present," Jillian shrieked excitedly. She pulled the storybook and the coloring book from the bag. "Paddington books."

Brenda smiled at Jillian. "What do you say to Daddy?"

"Thank you Daddy!" She hugged the books against her chest. "I like the Paddington bear. Jillian yawned as she spoke. "Can we read it?"

Jax shook his head. "Tomorrow's a school day and it is very late so we will have to wait until tomorrow but I promise I will read you the story then."

Brenda leaned over and whispered to Jillian. "We'll color a picture in the coloring book tomorrow after school to surprise Daddy."

Jillian grinned and nodded her head to Brenda. "Can I put them under my pillow?"

"Yes, you can put them under your pillow," Jax responded with a wink. "Now it's time to get to bed so kiss Mommy good night and then I'll give you a piggyback ride into the bedroom."

Jillian beamed as she kissed and hugged Brenda good night and then climbed onto Jax's back while he carried her books and Roo-Roo. Brenda waved as Jax and Jillian headed to the bedroom.

Fifteen minutes later, Jax returned to the master suite after tucking Jillian into bed, letting Lady in for the night and checking that everything was locked downstairs. He found Brenda unpacking his suitcase. She had changed into her bathrobe and had pinned her hair up on her head. Jax came up behind her and wrapped his arms around her waist. She leaned her head against his brawny chest as he nuzzled his lips along her neck. "Do you know how much I missed you? How much I missed all of this?"

A bright smile covered Brenda's face as she turned around to face him. "Almost as much as we missed you." She traced Jax's jawline with her finger. "You must be exhausted."

"As must you be," Jax murmured as his hands rested at the small of her back. "I hated being away from all of you for that long."

"We know that but you needed to be and now you're home." She slowly moved her hand toward the back of Jax's neck. "That's all that matters. It's been a hectic week for all of us and I know you came back to more to handle." Brenda let out a slow exhale as she continued. "How did Jerry seem when you saw him at the airport?"

"A little lost," Jax replied as he took a sharp intake of air. "I've never seen him like this."

Brenda's voice was soft and soothing. "I know how much you love him but I really think this is what he needs to do right now." She took a deep breath as she caressed his face again. "He needs to find his Malibu like I did. Like we did. Then he can find his answers."

Jax moved his hand to his cheek and stroked his fingers over Brenda's hand as it rested there. "Jerry told me that he spoke to you earlier and that you said some things that really helped him. Thank you."

"You're welcome," Brenda whispered with a smile. "I love him too, remember? Well at least MOST of the time when he is not comparing the size of my chest to a cow's udder."

Jax's eyes gleamed with desire. "Well, I happen to know every incredible inch of your chest and it is definitely larger and so much more beautiful than any cow's udder that I have ever seen."

Brenda let out a soft giggle as Jax's nuzzled his lips against the side of her face. "Thank you... I think."

"No, thank you," Jax murmured as his hands roamed up her back and then cupped the sides of her full chest through the material of her robe.

Brenda moaned softly as Jax's hands moved toward the center of her soft orbs. Even through the material of the robe, her rosebud peaks immediately responded to his touch. "Oh, Jax," she murmured as her lips and teeth made a path from Jax's left ear to his shoulder.

Jax removed his right hand from her chest and untied the sash of her satin robe. His hands then moved to the front of Brenda's nightshirt and when the buttons were no longer obstacles, Jax's hands molded against the softness of her skin. His lips covered hers in a scintillating kiss as his thumbs stroked the turgid tips of her peaks.

Brenda whimpered at the pleasure his hands were giving her chest and she then plunged her tongue into Jax's mouth. She felt the intensity of his arousal against her and Brenda rocked her hips against Jax's lower body and heard him groan. His arms slid down her back as Jax cupped the firmness of her butt through her satin panties and lifted her up simultaneously with Brenda wrapping her legs around Jax's waist. Without breaking their passionate kiss, Jax carried Brenda to the bed and sat down with her legs still wrapped around him.

Brenda's fingers threaded through the back of Jax's golden locks as his lips continued their onslaught on hers. When he finally released her mouth, their lips were red and swollen from the blazing inferno of their kisses. Jax slid the robe from her shoulders and the last two buttons of the night shirt were dispensed with as the satin night shirt joined the robe on the floor. He gently pushed Brenda down against the pillows of the bed as his lips left a trail of kisses down her cheek to her neck and down her chest. Jax's hands cupped her chest again as his tongue flicked against her right turgid peak. "You are so beautiful," he murmured to her as his teeth nipped at the stiff point.

Brenda shifted her head against the fluffiness of the pillows as Jax's mouth roved over each delectable inch of her skin. She tugged at his hair as she moaned in ecstasy. When Brenda thought that she would die from the pleasure, she grabbed Jax's shoulders and pulled his lips to her own. Her hands moved to the front of his denim blue shirt and yanked the material until the buttons became free. She pushed the shirt down his arms and her fingers massaged the sculpted muscles of Jax's chest. As her hands moved down his chest, her fingers played with the soft patches of golden hair in her path. She sat up and rolled on top of Jax before dropping baby kisses over his washboard stomach. When her tongue plunged into his navel, a deep groan escaped Jax's lips.

Jax pulled the clips from her hair as Brenda continued to leave a trail of kisses along his abdomen. His fingers tangled in the silkiness of her brunette tresses as Brenda unfastened Jax's jeans. She slid them down his legs and Jax kicked them off to join the mounting heap of clothes on the floor. Jax rolled on top of Brenda again and she could feel the heat between her legs as her own arousal was burning within her. Her fingernails left a trail on the skin of his back as she whimpered. "Jax, I want you inside me."

Jax captured her lips again and groaned into her mouth she as shifted her hips beneath him. He wanted her even more and lifted his head to see the fiery passion dancing in her eyes. Brenda's hair fanned out against the pillow and she was even more ravishing than she had been in his dreams of the past week. His hands moved to the lace and satin of her white panties and he quickly shimmied them down the curves of her legs. When his thumb pressed against her and made a path of circles against the sensitive velvet of her skin, Brenda screamed into the pillow. Cries of Jax's name fell from her lips as waves of electrical current shot through her lower body. The pleasure was almost too much to bear.

When Jax sensed the spasms within her and heard her murmurings of love, his own control was lost. He slid his black satin boxers down his legs and moved on top of Brenda again. Her legs wrapped around him as she lifted her hips in further enticement. With one powerful move, he made them one. Jax immediately let out a groan from the depth of his soul as Brenda returned each ounce of passion. She moaned and cried our out her love for him as Jax took her above the clouds.

Every moment was a closer step to heaven for him as he murmured his love and devotion. Jax took her so high that he was not sure how they would ever come down from the clouds above paradise. There was so much love flowing between them that the dam was powerless to stop the crests of the passion. Jax locked gazes with Brenda as he moved over her and then when the surges of desire were about to burst free, he moved her hands to the headboard and held on. As the waves of love finally broke free, Jax buried his head into Brenda's hair and cried out her name. Brenda gasped as her entire body spasmed with pleasure. Every nerve ending felt the jolt from the sunshine that streamed through her body. She could feel so much love in her heart and soul that it was almost drowning her. Jax's name escaped her lips as she snuggled against his neck. Jax found the strength to envelope Brenda in his arms as he tried to calm down his breathing. She had satisfied every ounce of longing and desire he had, even in the depths of his soul. It was almost impossible to believe that one person could give another so much pleasure.

They remained in silence for a few moments as Jax held her. Brenda stayed snuggled in his embrace to keep their bodies joined as long as possible. Before their physical union was finally broken, Jax kissed her tenderly on the lips and whispered "I love you" to her and Brenda returned the sentiment. He then covered her with the comforter and felt Brenda tighten her arms around him. "Are you warm enough?"

She nodded her head as it rested atop Jax's chest. "Yes, I can still feel your love inside me."

"So can I, my darling," Jax murmured as he kissed her forehead. "And it will still be there when we wake up."

"In less than an hour and a half you mean?" Brenda said with a smirk.

"Yes, that time too," Jax replied with a chuckle. "Of course, there is something to say about having a cow and her udder at those moments."

Brenda elbowed him. "You are SO funny." Then she shrugged her shoulders. "We could look into that but something tells me that you enjoy the assets of this dairy queen more than you would those of a cow." Her hand moved to the inside of his thighs and stroked his manhood. Especially a certain FRIEND of yours."

Jax sucked in his breath as he hardened at the feel of Brenda's touch. "That is definitely the case."

"I see," she said with a devilish glint in her eyes. "Or more accurately I feel," Brenda retorted as her fingers again caressed him. "It seems we are keeping your friend up. I am SOOO sorry."

Jax grabbed the giggling Brenda and their lips locked in a tantalizing kiss. Jax moaned into her mouth and his hands roved down her breasts. He broke the kiss and sighed. "At this point, what will losing another hour of sleep do anyway?"

Brenda wrapped her arms around his neck and grinned. "Prove to you yet again how much more enjoyable my assets are to those of Bessie, the cow."

"More research, I love it," Jax answered as his tongue traced the outline of ear. "Besides, whoever heard of happily ever after with a cow? I need my princess for that."

"You've got her, my handsome prince." With that Brenda's lips joined Jax's in a kiss of blazing passion and the fairytale continued. They didn't need any three wishes, magic wands, or golden ladders in this one. They just needed each other.