Thursday, September 14, 2000
The Jacks Residence -- 7:30am

Brenda snuggled deeper into Jax's embrace and sighed in her sleep. Jax wrapped his arms more tightly around her and smiled. It felt like heaven having her in his arms again, especially in the bed they had shared for the past four and a half years.

Brenda shifted again and then opened her eyes. Jax's sapphire blue eyes met her gaze. Brenda softly moaned and caressed his cheek. "Good morning."

Jax kissed her fully on the mouth. "Yes, it is."

Brenda smiled. "I missed feeling close to you in this bed."

Jax slowly ran his thumb over her lips. "So did I."

"We have had so many beautiful moments in this bed."

Jax grinned and pulled her closer to him. "You can say that again."

Brenda lifted her head so that she was looking directly into his eyes. "I mean besides that. We have shared some incredible passion and extraordinary lovemaking but even more that, we have made some wonderful memories here. Just the little everyday things."

Jax pushed back the hair from her face. "I know, sweetie. Just talking and laughing and being together here. There has been so much love shared in this bed even when we were not physically making love."

Brenda smiled again. "I know. There have been so many beautiful moments." Brenda then rested in his arms again.

"Why don't you go back to sleep for a little while? I am going to take a quick shower."

"I am okay. I'll just lie here until you are finished and then we can have breakfast. Jillian should be up shortly."

"Okay. I'll be out in a few minutes." Jax kissed her and got out of bed and headed to the bathroom for his shower.

Brenda buried her head into the pillows and closed her eyes. A moment later, she heard tapping on the door. "Mommy, Roo-Roo and I are awake."

Brenda smiled and sat up in bed. "Come on in, sweetheart."

Jillian pushed the door open and ran into the master suite. She crossed the room and reached the huge four-poster bed. Then Jillian handed Roo-Roo to Brenda and leaned over to pull the small step stool from under the bed. Once she had pulled it from under the bed, Jillian stepped onto the stool and then climbed into bed with Brenda.

"Hi Mommy."

Brenda kissed her and handed Roo-Roo back to her. "Good morning, angel. Did you and Roo- Roo have a good sleep?"

Jillian nodded. "Yes. Where is Daddy?"

"He is taking a shower so he can go to work."

Jillian crawled into Brenda's lap. "Mommy, do you have to go to work today too?"

Brenda shook her head. "No, Mommy is going to spend all day with you today."

Jillian smiled brightly. "Yeah!"

"We need to take Grandmom to the airport after lunch but then we will do something special this afternoon, just you and Mommy. What do you want to do?"

Jillian clapped her little hands together. "I want to swing in the park." Then Jillian suddenly had a serious expression on her face.

Brenda looked down at her. "What's the matter, angel?"

Jillian nervously patted Roo-Roo's head. "The park makes Mommy sad so Daddy has to take me to swing."

Brenda swallowed hard and slowly exhaled. "Mommy will take you to the park today."

Jillian was beaming. "Can Roo-Roo come with us?"

Brenda ran her hands through Jillian's curls. "Of course he can."

A few moments later, Brenda heard Jax turn off the shower. "Daddy is finished so he will be out here in a second."

Jillian squealed. "I want to hide from Daddy."

Brenda pulled back the covers. "Shhh. You and Roo-Roo be very quiet and Mommy will hide you."

Jillian giggled as she slid under the blanket with Roo-Roo and Brenda whispered for her to get ready. Brenda arranged the covers and laid back down on the bed.

Jax walked out of the bathroom dressed in his white terrycloth robe. Brenda lifted her head from the pillow and smiled at him.

Jax gave her an inquisitive look. "What are you grinning about?"

Brenda raised her eyebrow. "Am I not allowed to be happy to see you?"

Jax shook his head. "You are allowed. In fact, it is quite appreciated."

Brenda smiled again. "Good. How about a kiss then?"

Jax grinned. "I guess I can make the sacrifice."

Jax laughed and walked over to the bed as Brenda placed her hand under the blanket to signal Jillian. As soon as Jax reached the bed, Brenda yanked the covers back and Jillian popped up. "Surprise!"

Jax took a step back and his face showed a look of astonishment. Brenda and Jillian laughed and Jax rolled his eyes and sat down on the bed. Jillian was shrieking. "We scared Daddy!"

Jax lunged for both Brenda and Jillian. "You both are very naughty girls and you are going to be punished."

Jax then began tickling both of them and Brenda and Jillian began giggling and squealing for him to stop. Finally he stopped his tickling assault and Jax pulled Jillian into his lap as Brenda leaned against his shoulder.

Jillian hugged Jax. "Daddy, Mommy feels better. She is not sad today."

Jax glanced over at Brenda and then smiled at Jillian. "Mommy feels better?"

Jillian hugged Roo-Roo and bobbed her head up and down. "Yes. She is taking me and Roo- Roo to the park to swing."

Jax looked at Brenda and she covered his hand with hers. He mouthed to her, "Are you sure?"

Brenda nodded and then gave him a reassuring smile. Jax turned over his hand and grasped her hand so that his fingers interlocked with hers. He then smiled and gazed lovingly into her eyes.

After a moment, Brenda's eyes drifted away from Jax's gaze and moved to Jillian. "How about breakfast?"

Jillian climbed out of Jax's lap, rested Roo-Roo at the edge of the bed, and backed down off the bed onto the stool. She pushed the stool under the bed and picked up Roo-Roo. "I want banana pancakes."

Jax and Brenda got out of bed and Jax laughed as Brenda turned up her nose at the mention of banana pancakes.

Jillian waited for them at the door. "Mommy, I also want a chocolate donut and chocolate milk."

Jax shook his head at the thought of chocolate milk with banana pancakes. Brenda watched the expression on his face and knew what he was thinking. They both pointed at each other and then spoke in unison. "She's your daughter."

Jax and Brenda laughed and met Jillian at the bedroom door. Jax lifted Jillian into his arms and Brenda linked her arm with his. They walked downstairs to start their day. Just as Brenda had realized when she had left Malibu the day before, it was the beginning of the rest of their life together.

Port Charles Park -- 2:30pm

Brenda and Jillian walked hand-in-hand along the paths in the park as they headed toward the playground. Roo-Roo was peeking out of the Winnie-the-Pooh backpack Jillian carried on her back. It was a beautiful late summer day and the park was crowded with people. The dismissal bell at the local elementary school had sounded thirty minutes before so the park was now the site of various frisbee games, jump rope competitions and touch football games.

There were also the usual strollers, toddlers and pet owners walking their dogs along the paths. Brenda led Jillian closer to the right edge of the trail as a woman came toward them pushing a stroller and watching as her toddler daughter walked alongside her. Brenda's eyes moved to the stroller as it passed her and she saw the sleeping infant swaddled in a blue blanket.

Brenda and Jillian continued to walk toward the playground and Brenda finally remembered to breathe. She was still walking and breathing. She had survived. It had not been like the scene four months earlier when she and Jane had taken Jillian to the park and Brenda felt as if she were totally surrounded by parents pushing their baby boys in strollers. Everywhere she had turned, there had been another stroller, another sound of a baby's cry, another look of joy and dreams. The scene and her pain had engulfed her that day in May and Brenda had burst into tears and fled the park. Until this afternoon, Brenda had not been back since that day.

Brenda and Jillian walked over the hill and reached the playground. Jillian squealed as she saw that her favorite seat was available on the smaller swing set. Jillian took off her backpack and removed Roo-Roo from it and then sat in the seat. Brenda lowered the safety bar as Jillian held Roo-Roo in her arms. Brenda began pushing her and Jillian giggled louder as she swung higher in the air.

"Higher Mommy!"

Brenda smiled. "So you want to fly like a bird?"

"Yes, high in the sky."

"Are you sure Roo-Roo is not afraid?"

"No, I am holding him. I won't let him fall."

"Okay, let's see how high you can fly in the sky."

Jillian laughed. "Weeeee!"

Brenda continued to push Jillian and Jillian never stopped laughing and squealing. After a half hour, Brenda asked Jillian if she wanted to take a break and get something to eat. Jillian agreed and they walked to the vendor area.

"Sweetie, do you know what you want? How about a snowball or an ice cream cone?"

Jillian looked around and then her eyes widened as she saw what she wanted. "Mommy, I want the pink fluff."

"Cotton candy?"

"Please Mommy."

Brenda rolled her eyes. "Your Daddy would definitely not approve but okay. This is just our little secret though."

Jillian clapped her hands together. "Goody. Thank you Mommy."

Brenda paid for the cotton candy and then she and Jillian sat on the park bench to enjoy their fluffy treat. Brenda tore off pieces of the cotton candy and fed them to Jillian. Jillian did the same for Brenda. Jillian giggled as Brenda kissed the sugar from Jillian's fingers.

After they had finished their sugar fix, they headed back to the playground. Jillian and Roo-Roo slid down the sliding board and landed in Brenda's arms and then Brenda picked her up and they glided down the slide together. Thereafter, they headed back over the hill to the swing sets.

Jillian looked up at Brenda. "Mommy, can Roo-Roo and I sit on your lap and swing on the big swings with you?"

"Will you promise to hold on real tight?"

Jillian shook her head up and down. "Real tight."

Brenda smiled and tweaked Jillian's nose. "Okay."

Jillian ran ahead to the swing. "I want the red one."

Brenda sat down on the swing and lifted Jillian into her arms so that her legs wrapped around Brenda's waist and she faced Brenda. Roo-Roo was crushed between the two of them.

Brenda pushed off. "Okay, hold on."

Jillian tightened her grip around Brenda's neck and giggled. "Mommy, I want to tell Daddy that we went soooo high."

Brenda kissed the top of Jillian's head. "You can tell him when he comes home tonight. I love you, angel."

Jillian rested her head against Brenda's chest. "I love you too Mommy and so does Roo-Roo."

After a few more minutes, Jillian lifted her head and her mouth opened to shriek at the sight behind her. Jax crept up behind Brenda and put his finger to his lips to ask Jillian to be quiet and then hid his eyes to alert her to what he planned to do. Jillian started giggling and before Brenda could ask her what was so funny, Brenda felt two strong hands push the swing higher into the air.

Brenda was slightly startled and she turned her head to see Jax standing behind her with a cheshire grin on his face. Jillian began squealing. "Daddy scared Mommy."

Brenda shook her head. "Yes, I see that."

Jax swatted Brenda on the butt and pushed the swing again. Jillian screamed for him to push them higher. He accommodated Jillian's wishes and he smiled brightly as he listened to both Brenda and Jillian laugh. After a few moments, the swing came to a stop and Jax took Jillian from Brenda's arms.

Jax kissed Jillian on the cheek. "Hey princess."

"Hey Daddy. We are having so much fun."

"That is wonderful. What do you want to do now?"

Jillian smiled. "Play in the sandbox."

"Okay, that is what we will do."

Jillian kissed him. "Thanks Daddy."

Jax looked at her. "Why is that I think a certain little princess has had some cotton candy?"

Jillian put her hand to her mouth and giggled.

Then Jax walked over to Brenda and kissed her on the mouth. He then gave Brenda a lopsided grin. "Why is it that I think two princesses have had cotton candy?"

Brenda shrugged. "I have no clue."

Jax rolled his eyes and then put Jillian down. She ran to the sandbox and Jax and Brenda followed her. Jax took Brenda's hand as they stood watching Jillian. Jillian waved at them as she took the sand toys from her backpack.

Brenda put her arms around Jax. "This is a very nice surprise."

Jax kissed Brenda on the top of her head. "I wanted to spend some time with my two very favorite ladies."

Brenda looked up at him. "Are you sure that is all? Are you sure you were not checking up on me?"

Jax sighed. "Okay, you win. I also wanted to make sure you were okay."

Brenda traced his jawline with her fingertip. "I am okay. I survived my first trip back here."

Jax looked into her eyes. "Are you upset that I came to ensure you were all right?"

Brenda smiled. " No. I am just lucky that you love me enough to be so concerned."

Jax took her hand and kissed each of her fingers. "I love you more than you will ever know."

Jax then took her face in his hands and brought her lips to his. Brenda then snuggled into his embrace and they both looked at Jillian playing in the sandbox. At this particular moment, life was pretty wonderful.

Wednesday, September 20, 2000
L&B Records -- 9:00am

Lois had just returned to Port Charles the night before last after spending a week in Bensonhurst with Carmine and Gloria. Miguel had opened in another musical on Broadway over the weekend and Lois had combined that trip with a visit with her family in Bensonhurst. She had spent all last week in Bensonhurst and then Ned had joined her over the weekend to attend the Broadway opening. Lois had not seen Brenda in over three weeks but Lois had spoken to her a few times since she and Jax had returned home from Malibu. Lois was relieved that Brenda had sounded better when they had spoken last night. Lois had missed her friend and partner a great deal over the past several months.

Lois sat behind the desk reviewing the latest CD sales for The Idle Rich and L&B's newest acquisition, Ingo and the Angels, when she heard the front door open. She turned around to see who it was and was surprised to see Brenda.

Lois stood up from the desk. "Bren, I am so happy to see you."

Brenda hugged her. "I missed you so much, Lo."

Lois smiled. "I missed you too, girlfriend. You look wonderful. Your tan looks great."

Brenda leaned against the desk. "Thank you. A little color does wonders to hide the circles under one's eyes."

Lois hesitated for a moment. "I am surprised to see you this morning. I thought you and Jax had an appointment with Melanie."

"We do later this afternoon and I need to keep busy until then. I have tons of work to catch up on here."

"I could have sent the files over to the office or the house."

Brenda took a deep breath. "It is time for me to start gaining control of my life again. I can't hide at home or at Kanga's Kradle anymore. I need to be here to effectively do most of the work for L&B."

Lois sighed. "I don't want to make this any more painful for you than it already is. I don't want you to..."

Brenda interrupted her. "Lois, stop. Please don't think you have done anything or could ever do anything to hurt me. This is a nightmare but I have to work my way through it. Jax does too and some of it we can do together but some of it has to be done on our own."

Lois wiped a tear from her cheek. "I just want to help you so whatever that is, I will do it."

Brenda sat down on the couch. "You need to stop walking on eggshells around me. I know that you avoid talking about Anthony around me and that has to stop. I can't allow my problem to prevent you from fully feeling your own happiness."

Lois' voice was full of emotion. "Brenda, you never did that."

Brenda shook her head. "Yes, I did and I can't explain how sorry I am about that. I never for one moment meant to do that but I did. I wanted to be so happy for you but I just could not get it out."

Lois sat down beside her. "Brenda, I never for one moment doubted that you wanted to share in our joy. You have nothing to feel guilty about."

"Lois, I need to be able to share in you and Ned's joy. I have to do that to move on and I know some days it will be difficult. I hate to admit that but it is the truth and it has nothing to do with you or Ned or Anthony, it only has to do with me. Jamie was supposed to be here with Anthony but he is not."

More tears spilled from Lois' eyes. "I am so sorry, honey."

"Jamie is not here but Anthony is and that has to be celebrated. Anthony is your baby and you and Ned should be able to speak of him without worrying if I am going to be able to handle it. Right now, there will be some days when I won't be able to, but that is my problem not yours. You have to let yourself be happy around me."

Lois took Brenda's hand. "I'll try but I am never going to stop worrying about you. That is what bestest friends are for."

Brenda took a deep breath. "Good. I would not want it any other way."

Lois looked at Brenda. "Anthony is upstairs sleeping."

Brenda nodded. "I assumed that he was here with you." Her voice became almost a whisper. "He should be here with you."

Lois hugged Brenda and both women wiped away their tears. Brenda then stood up. "Okay, enough of this falling apart for now. I will have enough of that this afternoon."

Lois looked up at Brenda. "Are you worried about your first joint session with Jax?"

Brenda pushed the hair from her face. "A little. I know it is going to be very painful for both of us and I am just trying to prepare myself for that."

"Is Jillian with Maggie?"

"Yes. She really misses Brooke now that Brooke started pre-school yesterday."

Lois smiled. "Another year from now and Jillian will be attending pre-school herself. I can't believe she is going to be three next week."

Brenda shook her head in wonder. "Neither can I. Some days it feels like it was only yesterday but then other times, I can't remember when she was not a part of us."

"I feel the same way about Brooke."

Brenda stood up and took another deep breath. "I have to got to get busy. I have to work on the tour schedule for Ingo and line up some promotional appearances for him. Ever since the on-line fan club was established, his popularity has skyrocketed."

Lois nodded. "It is incredible and he is so genuinely appreciative of all the fan support."

Brenda sighed. "Yes, he certainly is. He is truly an angel to his fans."

Two hours later, Brenda was on the phone making tour arrangements when the sound of Anthony's cries were heard through the baby monitor. She flinched slightly at the sound but then continued her conversation. Lois mouthed to Brenda that she was going upstairs to get Anthony. Brenda finished her call and took a deep breath to prepare herself for Anthony's arrival. Lois walked down the steps and Anthony's cooing could be heard immediately.

Lois exhaled slowly and decided to abide by Brenda's wishes. "Anthony, Aunt Brenda is here today."

Brenda looked at Lois and the baby and her lips involuntarily formed a smile.

Lois put Anthony into the playpen behind her desk. "You need to behave yourself because Mommy and Aunt Brenda have lots of work today. You don't need to demonstrate your lung capacity for us."

Lois then sat down at the desk. Brenda looked over at the playpen and then back at Lois. "So I guess he will be a singer like his father."

"Or a loudmouth like his mother. Either way, we will be investing in earplugs. My father already has them."

Brenda laughed slightly and went back to her work. A half hour later, Anthony started fussing and Lois went into the kitchen to fix him a bottle. Brenda looked over at him in the playpen and got up from her desk. She slowly walked over to the playpen and stood over him. Anthony was beautiful and looked like a miniature Ned. He even had the same dimples.

"It's okay. Your Mommy is coming."

Brenda let out a deep sigh as she looked at Anthony. It had taken a month of sessions with Melanie before she could be within thirty feet of him. She had missed the first three months of his life. She could talk to him and see him now but she still was unable to touch him or hold him. It would be too much of a reminder of Jamie and Brenda's heart was not ready to bear that yet.

Brenda smiled at Anthony. "You have gotten so big over the past few weeks and you look so much like your Daddy. He is very charming as well so I am sure you will pick up some pointers. The girls will not know what hit them."

Lois stood at the door in the kitchen and watched Brenda. Lois closed her eyes momentarily. She had said her share of prayers over the past several months asking for Jax and Brenda to find some peace and some way to live with all of this. Gloria had done the same for her surrogate daughter. After seeing Brenda run out of Lois and Ned's house on Anthony's christening day, Gloria began to say the rosary daily for Brenda. As Lois stood there, she thought that maybe some of those prayers were finally being answered. Maybe now Brenda was learning to live with this.

The Jacks Residence -- 8:00pm

Jax carried Jillian into her bedroom after giving her a bath. She was wearing her pink terrycloth robe and underwear and Jax sat her on the bed and then knelt beside her. He took the towel from his shoulder and again used it to dry her hair.

Jax stood up and walked to the dresser. "Have you decided what pajamas you want to wear?"

"The ballerina nightgown that Mommy bought for me."

Jax took the nightgown from the drawer and walked over to the bed. Jillian took off her robe and Jax eased the nightgown over her head. He then pulled the slippers from under the bed and slipped them on her feet.

Jillian picked up Roo-Roo from the bed. "Is Mommy going to brush my hair?"

Jax nodded. "Yes, she said to come in when you are ready."

Jillian scooted off the bed. "Does Mommy's head still hurt?"

"Mommy took a nap so she feels better but I think we should still be as quiet as we can.

Jillian looked at Jax. "Roo-Roo and I will whisper to her."

Jax smiled at her. She was pure joy at times like these. "Okay, are you ready?"

Jillian nodded. "Yes, Daddy."

Jax grabbed Jillian's hand and they walked down the hall to the master suite. They walked into the bedroom area and saw that the bed was empty and then Brenda suddenly appeared from the bathroom.

Brenda looked at Jax and Jillian. "Well, there you two are. I was beginning to think you were going to sleep in the bathtub, Jillian."

Jillian giggled. "You're silly, Mommy. You can't sleep in the bathtub."

Brenda smiled. "No, you can't. Are you ready for me to fix your hair?"

Jillian let go of Jax's hand. "Yes. Daddy gives good baths but he is not so good at fixing my hair."

Jax shook his head as Brenda sat Jillian in the chair at the dressing table. "Daddy is very good at many things but untangling these curls is not one of them.

Jillian looked at Jax. "It is okay, Daddy, you are good at killing bees but Mommy isn't. She doesn't like bees."

Jax laughed. "Thank you, Jillian."

Jillian smiled brightly at Jax. "Daddy, you can kill the bees and Mommy can brush my hair."

Jax was grinning as he sat down on the bed. "Okay, Jillian. That is what we will do."

Jax watched as Brenda combed Jillian's hair. It had been a very rough afternoon for them. The session with Melanie had been intense and emotionally draining. The grueling afternoon had taken its toll on Brenda and she had developed a migraine headache shortly after they had returned home. It had happened previously after her sessions with Melanie but Brenda was suffering from migraines much less frequently now than she was before her sessions with Melanie had started.

Jax took a deep breath. He still felt as if he was just one big bundle of exposed nerve endings. Melanie had asked them to open up to each other about the actual day they lost Jamie. During the session, the excruciating pain that both Jax and Brenda had tried to forget, returned. It was almost as if it were that night in the hospital again. The session brought out all the things that should have been said and done then but were not in that moment of complete devastation. It was necessary to go through this all again but that fact did not make the pain any easier to bear.

Brenda looked in the mirror as she used the blow dryer to dry Jillian's hair. She saw Jax's reflection and she watched him as he watched her. She knew he had been worried about her all evening. The session was more painful than she had imagined and it had zapped almost every ounce of energy from her. Brenda remembered how she had to lean on Jax for support just to make it to the car. Her body just did not want to move. It had been like that during the first few sessions with Melanie. Melanie had let Brenda use the sofa in her office to rest before she could make it to the parking lot where Virgil was waiting with the car.

As Brenda finished brushing Jillian's hair, she flashed Jax a smile. She saw him smile back as she watched him in the mirror. She was still exhausted but the nap had taken care of the migraine, it was now only a dull headache. Brenda and Jax had not spoken of the session since they had walked out of Melanie's office but Brenda knew that some things had to be addressed sooner rather than later. The day was not yet over nor was dealing with the pain.

Brenda put the brush on the dressing table. "Okay, you are done."

Jax stood up and walked over to Brenda and Jillian. "Princess, you look beautiful."

Jillian coyly smiled and buried her chin into her chest. "Thank you, Daddy." She then turned to Brenda. "Mommy, can you put some cream on me so I smell pretty like you do?"

Brenda grabbed the tube of flowering herb body creme and squeezed some into her hands. She rubbed it on Jillian's hands and arms. "There you go, sweetheart."

Jillian lifted her arm to her nose and sniffed. "I smell so pretty." Jillian then extended her hand to Jax. "Smell me, Daddy. I smell just like Mommy now."

Jax chuckled and kissed her little hand. "Yes, you do, and Daddy loves you very much just like he loves Mommy."

Jillian happily sighed and then looked at Roo-Roo who was sitting in her lap. "Roo-Roo, you are a boy so Mommy can't put the cream on you but you can smell mine."

Brenda lifted Jillian from the chair. "I think Roo-Roo will have to smell your cream in bed because it is time to go to sleep now. Daddy already read you your story for tonight so it is lights out."

Jillian kissed Brenda on the cheek. "Okay, Mommy. When I wake up I can put another "X" mark on the calendar."

Jax chuckled. "Your birthday will be here very soon."

Jillian looked at Jax. "Daddy, how many more days are there until my birthday?"

Jax shook his head and smiled. "Eight more."

Jillian giggled. "Yeah! I am going to have a party and get presents."

Jax kissed Jillian on the forehead. "You are definitely your Mother's daughter."

Brenda rolled her eyes and leaned Jillian toward Jax. "Say good night to Daddy."

Jillian hugged and kissed Jax. "Good night, Daddy."

Jax ran his hand through her curls. "Good night, princess. Sweet dreams."

Brenda then took Jillian to the bedroom and tucked her into bed with Roo-Roo. She kissed Jillian good night and switched the light off as she left the room. Brenda walked down the hall to the master suite and found Jax on the couch in the sitting room area of the suite. Jax held out his hand to her and Brenda walked to the couch and sat down next to him.

Jax rubbed her knuckles with his thumb. "How are you really feeling?"

"Physically better but emotionally, I am still shaky." She then turned and caressed his cheek. "I want to know about you."

"I'm still a little shell-shocked. I did not realize how quickly and intensely the pain could be brought back."

Brenda struggled with her words. "I know. It was just as if it were Christmas Eve again. Melanie warned us but I did not believe it until it happened."

"It was torture but I understand the necessity for it. We needed to figure out how much still had to be faced."

Brenda rubbed her temples. "Yes, and now we know there is quite a bit to be faced."

Jax massaged her neck. "But we do know now and that is half the battle."

"Tonight, I am not sure how much comfort that gives me. Some days I think this will never be over. It will be nine months this weekend and the pain is still so real."

Jax's voice wavered. "I know. I wake up with it every morning and go to sleep with it every night and I know you do the same."

Brenda wrapped her arms around Jax and held him. "If I could take your pain away, I would do it in a heartbeat but I can't. I wanted to ease your suffering the night we lost Jamie but I could not do it then either. Instead, we grieved and suffered our broken hearts alone."

Brenda's sobs started but she was at the point where she no longer tried to stop them. She had cried rivers of tears over the past few months. Some days she did not know how there could be any tears left inside her to shed but there always were. It was as if she had a bottomless well inside her and buckets of tears were continually being brought to the surface.

Jax returned her embrace and he rocked Brenda in his arms. Tears fell down both of his cheeks. It was December 24th again in their minds and in their hearts and they both were in anguish. The memories and the pain had completely overtaken them both again but on this night, they held onto each other as if each were the other's lifeline.

Jax lifted Brenda from the couch and carried her over to the bed where he laid her on her side under the blanket. He climbed into bed and laid behind her, wrapping his arms around her waist as if he were her cocoon. She pulled his right hand to her chest and grasped it tightly with her hand.

The tears and the pain were the same that each had suffered alone in their private hells over the past several months. However, now the tears and pain were shared just like they had been earlier in Melanie's office. Amidst all of it, there was some underlying comfort to it all. It was no longer a solitary fight against the anguish for each of them. It was a united effort now and that was something to celebrate.

Thursday, September 28, 2000
The Jacks Residence -- 7:30am

Jax and Brenda heard her little feet scampering up the hall toward the master suite. A knock was then heard simultaneously at the sound of her voice. "Mommy and Daddy, there are no days left. My birthday is now."

Jax grinned. "Who is knocking at the door?"

Jillian let out a discouraged sigh. "Daddy, it's me. It's Jillian."

Jax folded his arms together as he sat in bed. "You can't be Jillian. You sound like a three year old and Jillian is only two. Jillian must still be sleeping."

Jillian sounded completely frustrated. "Daddy, I am Jillian."

Brenda elbowed him. "Jillian, come in. Daddy is teasing you."

Jillian ran into the room clutching onto Roo-Roo. She stood beside the bed and gave Jax a serious look. "I am three Daddy and that is this many." She then held up three fingers to him. "I am not two."

Brenda flashed her a huge grin. "You tell him Jillian. You are three and a very big girl now."

Jax laughed and quickly scooped her up in his arms and lifted her into the bed. He kissed her cheeks and then put her in Brenda's arms. "Daddy was only teasing you. I know you are three today. Happy birthday princess."

Brenda kissed her. "Happy birthday sweetheart."

Jillian sat between Jax and Brenda. "The clown comes today and he is going to make balloon animals for us."

Brenda smiled. "Yes, he will be here for the party later today.

Jillian excitedly continued. "And I am going to see the fish with Grandmom and Grandpa and then Brooke and Lulu and Georgie are coming and we are going to sing so I can open my presents."

Brenda put her arms around Jillian. "Yes, Grandmom and Grandpa are taking you to the aquarium this afternoon while Aunt Robin and Mommy get everything ready for the party. Then tonight, everyone will be here to see you."

Jillian clapped her hands together. "Mommy is going to put bows in my hair for the party so I look pretty."

Jax tweaked her nose. "I think right now we should all get dressed so we can have breakfast with Grandmom and Grandpa."

Brenda smiled. "Good idea."

Brenda and Jillian got out of the bed and then walked to Jillian's bedroom. Brenda helped Jillian get dressed while Jax dressed in the master suite, When Jillian was ready, Jax took her downstairs to see John and Jane and Brenda then got dressed herself. After a few minutes, Brenda joined everyone in the dining room.

Jax pulled out Brenda's chair for her as she sat down at the table. "Okay Jillian are you ready for breakfast?"

Jillian bobbed her head up and down. "Jose said she is making me something special for my birthday."

At that moment, Jose walked out of the kitchen with Jillian's plate and set it down in front of her. Jillian's mouth opened widely as she looked at her special birthday breakfast. Before her was a thick belgian waffle covered with strawberries and whipped cream. In the center of the treat stood three lit candles.

Jillian's voice was shaking with excitement. "Candles and whipped cream."

Jax grinned at her. "Blow out the candles princess."

Jillian blew out the candles and everyone clapped. She dipped her finger into the whipped cream and put it in her mouth as she looked up at Jose. "Mmmm. Yummy. Thank you Jose."

Jose kissed Jillian on the cheek. "Happy birthday little miss."

Breakfast was served to the rest of the table and John spoke to Jillian about the dolphins and sharks and other marine life they would see this afternoon at the aquarium.

Jillian grinned at John as she ate a strawberry. "Mommy showed me a picture of the dolphin that Mommy and Daddy helped at the beach. The doctor said he is getting better now and he sent Mommy the picture."

John nodded. "And now you will get to see a dolphin yourself."

Jane smiled. "There are even shows at the aquarium where you can see the dolphins jump in the air and play with toys."

Jillian's little face lit up. "Can we see it?"

Jane patted Jillian's hand. "Of course we can."

Breakfast was finished and John went upstairs while Jax, Brenda and Jane walked into the den with Jillian. As they walked through the door, Jillian stopped when she saw the gift wrapped boxes on the coffee table.

Jillian squealed. "Presents! Are they all for me?"

Brenda smiled. "Yes, angel. Happy birthday."

Jillian ran over to the couch and sat Roo-Roo beside her. "Look Roo-Roo. Lots of presents."

Jane sat down in the rocking chair. "Grandpa is getting his camera so he can take your picture."

John came into the den. "Here I am Jillian so you can start tearing them open."

Brenda and Jax sat beside her as Jillian ripped the paper off the first box. Jax helped her open the box. "Beauty and the Beast. Now I have the movie just like Brooke does." Jillian lifted more things from the box. "And the Belle doll and the sticker books and coloring books and crayons."

Brenda touched her cheek. "Do you like them?"

Jillian giggled. "Yes Mommy. I love them."

Jax passed her another box and she found several Disney story books. She held them up for everyone to see. "Books. Look more Winnie-the-Pooh and Mickey Mouse."

Jax grinned at her. "Yes, they are very nice."

"Can we read one tonight Daddy?"

Jax nodded. "Yes, we will after the party when you get ready for bed."

The next box was opened and Jillian squealed again. "Look at the pretty dress." She held it up in the air so everyone could see it. "Mommy, can I wear this to the party?"

Brenda smiled. "Of course you can."

Jillian looked further in the box. "Look Mommy, pink bows and some tights."

John laughed at her. "You are going to look so pretty at your party tonight. I will have to take lots of pictures."

Jax shifted through the tissue paper in the box. "Jillian, there is one more thing in this box."

Jillian handed Jax the tights and the bows and grabbed the little velvet box from the tissue paper. She could not open it so Jax helped her lift the lid. Jillian opened her mouth in awe. "It's a heart just like Mommy has."

Brenda pulled the heart locket from around her neck and showed it to Jillian. "Yes, it is just like Mommy has. Daddy picked that out especially for you just like he picked out Mommy's for her."

Jillian hugged Jax. "Thank you Daddy. Can I wear it like Mommy does?"

Jax kissed her forehead. "Yes, you can princess. I will put it on for you now."

Jax put the necklace on her and then Brenda picked up the last box. "This is another gift from Grandmom and Grandpa. You know they are taking you to the aquarium and for the ride on the train today as your other gift."

Jillian bobbed her head up and down. "Yes and Grandmom said I could get a dolphin toy there too."

Jane sighed contently. "Yes, you can get a dolphin toy. Jillian, the gift in that box is for when the weather gets colder."

Brenda helped Jillian opened the large box and Jillian pulled out a beautiful red wool swing coat trimmed in black velvet. Also in the box were black mittens and a black hat and purse.

Jillian excitedly spoke. "It is sooo pretty."

Brenda looked at Jane. "Thank you. It is so beautiful."

"Can I try it on now Grandmom?"

"Yes and then we will put it in the closet until it gets colder in a few weeks."

Brenda put the coat on Jillian and buttoned it up. Jax put the hat on her head and Jillian put the purse on her shoulder. "I have a purse now like Mommy and Grandmom. I really am a big girl now."

Jane smiled brightly. "You look so lovely Jillian."

Jax agreed. "Absolutely gorgeous princess."

Jillian began to twirl around the room. "Look it spins just the like the merry-go-round." She then ran over to Jane and John and kissed both of them.

Brenda picked up the box. "Jillian, you look beautiful but now we need to put the coat away until it gets colder. You can keep the purse with you."

Jillian walked over to Brenda. "Goody. I can show Brooke."

Jane stood up from the rocking chair. "Grandpa and I have to go upstairs to get ready so I will take the coat and put it away in your closet."

Brenda put the mittens in the pocket of the coat and then handed the coat and hat to Jane. "Thank you Jane."

Jane and John left the den and Jax picked up all the trash and boxes from the gift opening session. He smiled as he watched Jillian climb up on Brenda's lap and hug her.

"Ladies, how about a short walk outside before I have to get ready for my meetings later this morning."

Brenda looked up at Jax. "Great idea Daddy. I have Jillian's jacket right here with me so we will be ready in a minute."

Brenda slipped Jillian's jacket on her and then grabbed a sweatshirt for herself. "Okay, let's go."

Jax opened the french doors leading out to the terrace and the three of them walked outside. Jillian carried Roo-Roo as they walked past the pool area and then reached the small grove of pear and plum trees. As soon as they were at the grove, the gazebo and the newest addition to the property were visible. Jillian shrieked at the sight before her. "A playground."

Jillian let go of Brenda's hand and ran across the lawn. "Swings and a sliding board and sandbox. Mommy and Daddy hurry."

Jax put his arm around Brenda and they quickly walked to Jillian. "Princess, do you like it?"

"Yes Daddy. I love it so much. Can I swing?"

Jax grinned. "You can do whatever you want."

Brenda put Jillian and Roo-Roo in the wooden chair and locked the security bar in place. Jax began pushing Jillian as she squealed and giggled. As Brenda watched them, she realized that she felt happier at that moment than she had in months. Brenda walked behind the swing set and stood behind Jax. She put her arms around his waist and buried her head in his back. At this moment, there was only celebration in the air.

The Jacks Residence -- 6:00pm

Brenda and Robin were watching some of the children on the playground equipment as Jax was mingling with the adult guests. Chuckles the Clown was also in the playground area making balloon animals for the children. He was working on a horse for Serena as she, Maxie and Tommy watched. After a few minutes, Lois walked over to the playground and told Brenda that the food was ready for the children to eat.

"Okay everyone, time to eat. Chuckles will make some more balloon animals for you while you eat."

Jillian, Brooke, Georgie and Lulu got off the equipment and walked toward Brenda, Robin and Lois. Jillian stopped as she reached them. "Mommy, I am having so much fun."

Brenda smiled at her. "I am so glad Jillian."

The three women followed behind the children. Hot dogs and hamburgers were served to the children while the adults feasted on steak, barbecued chicken and spare ribs. It would be the last barbecue of the year since Autumn was now here. Felicia and Simone put Maxie and Tommy in charge of the children's table and the adults sat nearby. Chuckles took requests for balloon animals as the children ate.

Jerry looked over at Edward. "Grandpa Eddie, don't you want Chuckles to make you a balloon animal?"

Edward grumbled. "I am only here for that lovely child not to put up with the remarks of her ridiculous uncle."

Jax grinned. "Edward, maybe we could have Chuckles make an animal which would best symbolize your disposition?"

Lila shook her head. "No such luck Jax. I already asked Chuckles but he can't make the face of a cat look like a sourpuss."

A.J. smiled at Lila. "Good one Grandmother."

Edward huffed. "This family gets worse everyday. You all are hopeless."

Alan spoke up. "Thank heavens for small favors."

Jax and Jerry laughed and Edward scowled at them.

After everyone had eaten, the children played for a few more minutes before the cake would be cut. Lucy, Julia, Robin, Lois and Brenda sat at the table and talked as Felicia, Laura and Simone went to the playground with the children. John and Jane spoke with Edward, Lila, Alan and Monica on the terrace while Jax, Jerry, Scott and Kevin stood by the pool and talked about the weekend's NFL schedule. After a few minutes, Jerry and Scott went to get some drinks and Kevin took the opportunity to speak to Jax alone.

"Jax, how are you and Brenda doing?"

Jax took a deep breath. "We are getting there. Melanie has been very helpful. I can't thank you enough for everything you have done. Things are quite different than they were that day you came here three months ago."

Kevin gave Jax a reflective look. "But I bet sometimes they are no easier."

Jax sighed. "Some days, they are not but we know that is how it has to be."

Kevin smiled. "Then you know a lot. There is no miracle cure to erase the pain and sadness and despair."

Jax ran his hand through his hair. "No, there is not but we will keep muddling through."

Kevin nodded. "That is what you have to do and one day, you both will reach some level of peace with it. In the meantime, don't be too hard on yourself. Just allow yourself to feel whatever it is your heart tells you to. It is a long battle but victory is awaiting both of you."

Jax slowly exhaled and smiled. "Thank you Kevin. I will do my best to remember that."

Thirty minutes later, Ned led everyone in a chorus of "Happy Birthday to You" and Jillian blew out the candles or thought she had. She blew again and they were extinguished momentarily but then flickered back on. Jax looked over at Jerry suspiciously and then helped Jillian blow. The candles re-lit and Jax shook his head.

Jillian was confused. "Daddy, the candles won't blow out."

Jax removed the candles from the cake and submerged them in a cup of water that sat on the table. "Jillian, they were trick candles so they could not be blown out. A certain uncle of yours was playing a trick on you."

Brenda shook her head. "Uncle Jerry, now I know why you insisted on putting the candles on the cake."

Julia swatted Jerry on his arm. "Jerry Jacks, what a terrible thing to do to Jillian on her birthday."

Jillian put her hands on her hips the same way Brenda did when she was agitated. "Uncle Jerry, that was very bad. No cake for you."

John and Jane covered their mouths to hide their laughter. Julia walked over to Jillian and rubbed her back. "He is very bad Jillian and I will see to it that he has no birthday cake."

Everyone laughed and the cake and ice cream was passed around to everyone except Jerry. After that, the gifts were opened and Jillian was ecstatic about the movies, toys, clothing, and other gifts she had received. Then it was time for everyone to go home for the night.

Scott, Serena, Kevin and Lucy said their good-byes after Brenda and Lucy discussed next week's meetings for the spring promotional campaign for the latest line of Jacks' Cosmetics. Laura, Felicia, Simone and the kids said good night before heading back to their homes. The Quartermaines then bid their farewells after a few more instances of bantering were exchanged between Edward and the Jacks men. Anthony had fallen asleep so Lois was trying to maneuver him into the car without waking him up. Robin then left after Brenda thanked her for helping with all the party preparations.

Jillian stood on the front step and waved as everyone left. She then waved good night to the swans in the front fountain before going back inside with Jax and Brenda. John and Jerry had brought all the gifts into the foyer so they could be taken upstairs. They met Jane and Julia in the living room and then Jax, Brenda and Jillian joined them.

Julia smiled at Jillian as she skipped into the living room. "Jillian, you have certainly had a full day."

Jillian grinned. "I love birthdays. How many more days to my next one?"

Brenda laughed and hugged her. "We have a long wait for that one angel. It won't be til next year."

"I will be four then."

Jax nodded. "Yes, next year you will be four and Uncle Jerry will be forty."

Jillian crinkled up her nose and looked at Jerry. "Forty? I can't count that high so you must be really old."

Jax chuckled. "No one can count that high Jillian. It is very, very old."

Jerry rolled his eyes as everyone laughed. "Listen to you all, and you are my own family. Now I know what Edward Quartermaine feels like when his family sells him out to the highest bidder."

Julia patted Jerry on his knee. "Honey, I am glad you understand and about the bidding, it is not very high. We will take just about any offer to do it."

Everyone laughed again and Jerry shook his head at them all. This was some family he was in.

A short while later, Julia and Jerry headed home and Jillian took her bath and then got ready for bed. She had asked to wear the new nightgown that Emily had given her for a birthday gift. She had also chosen one of the new Winnie-the-Pooh books for Jax to read to her. Brenda sat in bed with her and brushed her hair as Jax read the story. Jillian's eyelids were very heavy and her exhaustion soon overwhelmed her.

Brenda slid her under the covers and kissed her good night. "Good night sweetheart. I love you."

Jillian smiled. "I love you too Mommy. Thank you for my birthday."

Jax closed the book and leaned over the bed to kiss Jillian. "Happy birthday princess. I love you. Good night."

Jillian hugged him. "Good night Daddy. I love you too."

Jax turned out the lamp and then he and Brenda stood at the door for a few moments just watching her. Jillian sighed and then drifted off to sleep holding Roo-Roo in her arms. She was the most important thing in their lives and they wanted nothing more than to make her happy. Today she was as happy as anyone could be.

The Jacks Residence -- 10:30pm

It was a cool night but Jax did not notice the chilliness in the air as he sat on the balcony of the master suite. He sat and looked over the grounds and could not move his eyes from the sight of the playground equipment. The moon shined above the area and the sidewalks leading to it were lined with garden lights so the playground was visible even in the darkness. He was angry again and he now understood that anger was a substitute for his real emotions. Anger had been his best ally for the first few months after Jamie's death. It was easier to face than the pain so he was angry. He was angry at everything and everyone.

The anger had faded over the past several months but his sessions with Melanie had made him realize that anger was his defense mechanism the same way that avoidance had been Brenda's. Instead of feeling the pain, he would feel anger. It was safer but it did not solve anything.

The feeling had crept up on him and he was kicking himself for allowing it to sneak up on him. Jax ran both of his hands through his hair. He was not in control again and he hated that. He then remembered Kevin's words from earlier this evening, " .... don't be too hard on yourself. Just allow yourself to feel whatever it is your heart tells you to." Jax shook his head. He remembered saying something very similar to Brenda years before when she was talking about her feelings about her father and his death.

Jax stood up and muttered to himself. "Take your own damn advice Jax."

He looked out at the swing set again and choked back the emotion that had been trying to break free all day. Today should have only been for joy and happiness but it wasn't. It was like every day had been since Jamie died. There had been moments of love and peace and happiness but then, the feelings of pain and loss would appear. It was if every moment was a two-sided coin. You could not have one without the other. There could be no back without a front nor an up without a down.

Jillian's third birthday was supposed to be a day that was filled with joy and happiness and peace for them all. It was happy and joyful and peaceful but it also was a reminder of what would not be. There would be no third birthday party for Jamie. He would never sit on the swing next to Jillian or follow her down the sliding board. He would not be in the family pictures John had taken of them before the party. Years from now, he would never tease his older sister about her upcoming fortieth birthday.

Jax somehow made it over to the lounge chair and collapsed into it. He was so tired of all of this. He wondered if any happy moment would ever stand on its own again. It was their first real celebration since Jamie's death. Christmas, his birthday, Valentine's Day and Brenda's birthday were spent in the initial three month fog of grief. After that initial period, Brenda had begun her to shut herself off to everything. She had not even gotten out of bed on Mother's Day. Their fourth wedding anniversary was barely mentioned and Father's Day was the weekend before Brenda's breakdown so it had passed without any fanfare. Brenda should have been feeling nothing but joy today but Jax knew she wasn't. All she had ever wanted for her children was to make them feel surrounded by love and joy and she had accomplished that for Jillian. Jillian had been given the birthday that Brenda never had and Brenda should have been rejoicing in that. Instead, Jax knew that a part of her was mourning. They were all still mourning and it felt as if it would never end.

Brenda walked toward the master suite. She had recognized the look in Jax's eyes an hour ago and knew exactly what he was struggling with. She had decided to let him sort things out for a time before she spoke to him. Brenda had faced the same emotions earlier today. Just as had occurred with Jax, they had hit her with little warning. She and Robin had been stringing crepe paper and balloons on the terrace for the party when the tears had started. It was then that she cried for the birthday parties Jamie would never have and the gifts he would never receive and the family and friends who would never be able to celebrate with him.

As Brenda had shed her tears, Robin had been there to support her. She had understood some of what Brenda was going through. Robin had told her about all the tears she had shed because Stone had not been with her to share in her accomplishments over the past five years. When Brenda had asked her if she was still crying over those moments, Robin had told her that now she realized that Stone had been through all of those moments. It had given Brenda some comfort and there were times during the party that Brenda knew that Jamie was looking down at them all and sharing in the celebration. At those times, she had felt something inside her that at first she could not identify. After some time, she recognized the feeling. It was peace.

Brenda walked into the master suite and felt the draft. She saw the open balcony door and walked over to it. She watched Jax as he sat in the chaise lounge. He was lost in thought and was completely unaware that she was watching him. As the moon reflected off the balcony, she could see the pained look on his face. Brenda stepped back into the suite and walked over to the bed. She took a few deep breaths to compose herself and picked up the blanket sitting on the end of the bed. Tonight, it was her strength that they needed.

Brenda walked onto the balcony and stood beside Jax. She gently laid her hand on his shoulder. "Honey."

Jax looked up at her. "Hey."

Brenda unfolded the blanket and wrapped it around Jax's shoulders. Jax then held out his hand to her and she took it as she eased into his lap. Jax wrapped the blanket around both of them.

Brenda rested her head against his shoulder and looked up at him. "I'm here if you want to talk."

Jax's voice was barely louder than a whisper. "Brenda, I am so tired."

Brenda ran her index finger down Jax's cheek. "I know baby and I know how difficult today was."

"It should only have been a day for Jillian but it wasn't."

Brenda shook her head. "No it wasn't but we got through it and that has to mean something." She smiled slightly. "Jillian was so happy."

Jax nodded. "Yes, she was and I know how much that means to you. I don't want anything to take that away from you."

Brenda sat up and looked straight into his eyes. "Nothing will ever take away from that. I know Jamie was happy with all of us today. Jax, I know he was here. I felt him here."

Jax looked out again at the swing set. "I hope so."

Brenda took her hand and turned Jax's head so that he was looking at her. "He was and he will continue to be here with us for all of our celebrations. He is in our hearts so when we feel joy, so will he."

Jax kissed her hand and smiled. "When you put it like that, then yes he will be."

Brenda smiled at him and then looked toward the swing set. "And Jax, I also am pretty sure that there are swing sets in heaven so Jillian will never really be swinging alone. Jamie will be swinging right along with her."

Jax wrapped his arms around Brenda and kissed the top of her head. She laid her head against his shoulder and placed her hand over his heart. Jax took a deep breath and closed his eyes. All of a sudden, the anger and the pain were gone. A feeling began to seep into his chest and Jax opened his eyes. It startled him for a second because it had seemed like forever since he had last felt it. A smile formed on Jax's lips. He had forgotten how incredible peace could feel. There was now another reason to celebrate the day.

Friday, October 13, 2000
J & J Jacks -- Noon

It had been a grueling ten days since Jax had determined that the competition was moving in on the manufacturing facility. Fortunately, the problem was discovered in time and Jax and Jerry had been able to stop the take-over attempt. It had necessitated a five day trip to Hong Kong for Jax and then another five days of eighteen hour days for the employees in the Port Charles and Alaska offices. The crisis had ended in the early hours of this morning when J & J Jacks had successfully launched a counter attack on the competitor forcing it to withdraw from its plans.

Addie walked into Jax's office with the latest information on the Hong Kong manufacturing plant. "Here you are Mr. Jacks. I think you will be pleased."

Jax smiled at her. "Thank you Addie. Thank you again for everything. I still always wonder if I pay you well enough."

Addie returned his smile. "You do Mr. Jacks."

Jax nodded. "I hope so. Why don't you get out of here and try to get some rest and relaxation over the weekend? It has been rather chaotic over the past ten days."

"Yes, but I have to admit that a part of me rather enjoyed it."

Jax winked at her. "To let you in on a little secret, so did I."

Addie sighed contently. "I am glad to hear that. I will just finish a few things up and then be on my way. I hope you can do the same. Have a wonderful weekend Mr. Jacks."

Jax flashed her one of his trademark grins. "You too, Addie. I will see you on Monday."

Jax leaned back in his chair and ran his hand through his hair. He was exhausted but he also felt invigorated. It had been months since he had become so wrapped up in the challenge and thrill of the business and it felt great to be back. He was truly beginning to feel like himself again. He had missed Brenda and Jillian but Brenda had brought Jillian to the office a few nights during the past week just to say good night to him.

Jax looked over at the wall behind him and saw the two pictures Jillian had drawn for him. One was a heart and the other was a huge happy face. She had told him that she wanted him to remember to smile even if things at the office were sad. Jax smiled as he remembered her little face when she brought them to him earlier in the week when she had come to say good night to him at the office.

He then turned to the vase of flowers on his desk and gently stroked the petals of one of the red roses. Brenda had sent them to him yesterday and included in the arrangement were two starlight lilies, one from Jillian and the other from Jamie. Her note had said that she wanted him to know how much they all loved him and how proud they were of him. The message had given Jax a sense of peace and joy and it had helped to energize him through the most crucial hours of the crisis.

Jax smiled as he looked at the flowers and then the photo of Brenda and Jillian which sat on his desk. Everyone at the office had worked all night to squelch the take-over so he had not been home since early yesterday morning. Once he returned home later this afternoon, Jax was looking forward to spending the whole weekend with his two princesses.

Jax looked over the information Addie had left for him and was indeed as pleased as Addie had expected him to be. J & J Jacks had suffered some losses in launching its counter attack but the losses were not as significant as Jax had first feared they would be. Overall there had been no serious damage suffered.

The door opened and Jerry walked into the office holding his copy of the report Addie had just given to Jax. "Hey, did you see this?"

Jax looked up from the report. "I am just reviewing it now. It does not look too bad."

Jerry sat down on the sofa. "No it doesn't. We delivered a much more serious blow than we received."

"Chalk another one up for us but we are going to have to watch our backs very closely over the next few months."

Jerry nodded. "Yes, we will. Are you satisfied with your changes in control in Hong Kong?"

Jax leaned back in the chair. "For now but I want you or Julia or me to be there at least once a month for the short term until things are stabilized. With Peterson gone, there are bound to be some repercussions."

Jerry shook his head. "I should have seen that one coming. I thought he could handle it but I know you were never sure and Julia..."

Jax could not help but laugh. "How many times has she said I told you so?"

Jerry rolled his eyes. "She has not uttered a word about it yet which scares the hell out of me. I fully expect every wall in the house to be painted with it when we get home."

Jax grinned. "Can you blame her? She had Peterson pegged from the start but I seem to recall you rejecting those notions during one of your heated discussions."

"Why do you think I am avoiding her now? She is going to milk this for weeks. That woman is so exasperating at times. I still can't believe that I put up with it."

Jax laughed again. "I can't believe she puts up with you. Between the two of you, I do not know who is more stubborn."

Jerry let out an exasperated sigh. "That is no contest, she is as inflexible as a steel beam. Talking to her at times is like talking to a brick wall. I must be completely insane to be with her."

"Dismissing your insanity for a moment, you are completely in love with her. I still have a hard to believing that my brother actually is at the total mercy of a woman."

"Jax, you are crazy. You may be dominated by a Barrett woman but I am not."

Jax grinned as he nodded his head. "Of course. I guess that is my mistake. Where are your prized catches from your big game hunts these days? Or your pieces of that so-called art collection of yours? Oh, I remember now. They are all in storage in Alaska."

Jerry rolled his eyes. "That woman would not know what good taste is if her life depended on it."

Jax laughed. "Maybe you can build another room on the house and Julia will allow you to finally have your possessions in the house?"

Jerry glared at Jax. "Why don't you go home to your wife and stop tormenting me about mine?"

"My wife is tied up all day with meetings for Kanga's Kradle so you have me instead."

Jerry's expression softened. "She really seems to be getting back into the swing of things."

Jax nodded. "Yes, she has. Kanga's Kradle had become such a reminder of Jimmy's death and Jamie that she could not bear to become involved again. But just over the past two or three weeks, she has begun to participate in some of the administrative duties again."

Jerry smiled. "Good. I know how much it means to her and I hope she can garner some joy from it some day again."

Jax shook his head. "So do I. Until then, she has very capable people in charge."

Jerry took a deep breath and hesitated before he spoke. "Jax, I also want to say that you also seem to be getting back into the swing of things and I can't tell you how happy I am about that. During these past several days with this crisis, it really seemed like you were your in total control and I mean of everything, not just J & J Jacks."

Jax sighed. "Thank you."

Jerry continued. "You know I am not very good at expressing my feelings but I am proud of you. I can't even begin to know what you and Brenda have been through and I don't know how you are getting through it, but you are. Both of you are. We can all see that and we are all here for you if you should ever need us."

Jax slowly exhaled. "I know that Jerry and so does Brenda. We have known that you and Julia and Mum and Dad have been there with us from the first moment and for that, we are eternally grateful."

Jerry stood up from the couch. "Okay, that is enough of this emotional stuff. I can only take so much."

Jax grinned. "I understand."

At that moment, they heard Julia's voice in the hallways. She was asking Brian if he had seen Jerry. Brian has responded that he had not. Then Julia's footsteps came toward Jax's door.

Jerry turned to Jax. "I am not here." He then stood behind the partially opened office door.

Julia walked to the door and leaned inside. Jax waved her inside and Jerry was completely hidden when the door was opened all the way.

She smiled at Jax. "I am getting ready to go home to change before a meeting this afternoon but I wanted to say good-bye before I left. I hope you get out of here soon."

"I will in a few hours. I hope you can finish up early yourself."

"I plan to. There were some tense moments but at least the numbers do not look too terrible."

Jax nodded in agreement. "We should be fine but we will have to keep a closer eye on things for a while. Thank you for everything."

Julia smiled. "You are welcome. I had better get out of here now."

"Julia, enjoy your weekend."

Julia shrugged. "Well I don't know how possible that is since your brother will be around, but thank you anyway."

Jax laughed. "Good-bye."

Julia waved and walked to the door. "Give my love to Brenda and Jillian." She then walked just outside the door and turned around to speak to Jax. "Speaking of your brother, you can tell him that I am leaving now so he can stop hiding behind the door. Good-bye Jax."

Julia walked to her office as Jax shook his head and laughed. Jerry pushed the door away from him and rolled his eyes. "That woman is going to drive me to an early grave."

Jax controlled his laughter just long enough to speak. "I will be praying for you this weekend. Something tells me you will need it."

Jax's laughter continued and Jerry waved his hand in disgust as he left Jax's office. It was going to be a very long weekend.

The Jacks Residence -- 6:00pm

When Jax arrived at the house, Corrine told him that Brenda had just left but that she would be returning home shortly. Jax presumed that she was going to the Ashtons to pick up Jillian. Maggie had the day off so Lois had taken care of Jillian while Brenda was at her meetings. Jax walked into the master suite and tossed his suit jacket on the chair. He stretched his tired and sore muscles and then removed the tie from his neck. It joined the jacket on the chair. He rubbed his face and decided a shower and a shave would do him a world of good. He kicked off his shoes and then unbuckled his belt and stepped out of his trousers. He threw the pants on the chair and then unbuttoned his shirt as he sat on the bed and took off his socks. Jax yawned as he removed his shirt. He laid it on the bed and then grabbed a pair of boxers from the dresser drawer and a pair of jeans before heading into the bathroom.

Brenda returned home a few minutes later and she hurried into the house after seeing Jax's car in the garage. She raced upstairs and entered the master suite to find it empty. She then heard the shower running and smiled. Jax was home and they had the whole weekend ahead of them. She walked over to the bed and picked up Jax's light blue dress shirt. She brought it to her face and breathed in the scent of his cologne. It brought an instant look of radiance to her face. It also gave her an idea.

Brenda heard Jax turn off the shower. After a few moments, she heard the water running in the sink and she accurately guessed that Jax was getting ready to shave. She pushed open the bathroom door and leaned against the door frame. Jax was standing in front of the sink wearing only a pair of his faded levis. His hair was wet and a strand had fallen onto the middle of his forehead. He saw her image in the mirror and smiled.

He turned off the faucet and gazed at her. "Mrs. Jacks, I see you found my shirt."

Brenda grasped the shirt tails with her hands. "Do you mind?"

Jax flashed her a huge grin. "No. In fact, it looks better on you than it could ever look on me."

Brenda walked across the bathroom tile floor in her bare feet. "It looks like it is shaving time."

Jax nodded. "That was my plan before I was so completely distracted."

Brenda pulled herself up onto the vanity counter and sat facing him. "Since you are so distracted, then I don't think you should risk shaving yourself." Brenda softly touched his cheek. "We can't let anything happen to that beautiful face of yours."

Jax raised his eyebrow at Brenda. "Do you have another suggestion?"

Brenda nodded and then picked up the can of shaving cream. "I will do the honors."

Jax sighed. "I don't think that I am that brave."

Brenda squirted some of the shaving cream into her hand. "You have got to learn to live more on the edge. You will love it."

Jax laughed. "Swear that in blood, yours not mine."

Brenda shrugged and then spread the shaving creme on one side of his face. "I know you can be brave and when it is over, you can have a lollipop just like Jillian gets after she gets her shots."

Jax closed his eyes momentarily as he basked in the feel of her fingers gently massaging his cheeks and neck. "What the hell? You only live once."

Brenda picked up the razor. "Good, now let me get to work. We will tell Jillian how brave you were."

"Speaking of Jillian, where is she?"

Brenda eased the razor up the side of his neck. "She is at Lois and Ned's for the evening. Brooke has a new movie that Gloria sent her today so she asked if Jillian could spend the night and watch it with her. I just dropped off an overnight bag for her."

Jax unsuccessfully tried to suppress his grin. "So we are actually going to be alone in this house tonight?"

Brenda tried to concentrate on the razor but the sight of his bare chest was driving her crazy. She had to fight the urge to run her hands, mouth and lips over his well sculpted muscles. "Yes. I trust you can handle that."

Jax smirked. "I can handle it."

Brenda ran the razor up the other side of his face. "That makes two of us then."

Jax smiled as Brenda finished shaving him. She then took the washcloth and rinsed his face with it before patting his face dry with a towel. She then lifted his chin and turned his head from side to side to inspect her work.

She smiled. "I think I did a pretty good job even if I do say so myself."

Jax looked in the mirror. "I survived so I guess I need to thank you." He kissed her and rested his hands on her knees and began to gently caress them before moving up her thighs.

Brenda placed her hands over his to stop his torture. "First, I want to style your hair."

Jax took a few steps back from the vanity. "You are not going to touch my hair."

Brenda ignored him and picked up the blow dryer and the can of mousse. "Come over here."

Jax shook his head. "Brenda, no."

Brenda put the mousse and the blow dryer beside her. She then motioned him with her index finger to come over to the sink. Jax shook his head again. She crossed her tanned legs and ran her tongue slowly over her lips. "Please."

Jax took a sharp intake of air. "No." The word barely came out of his throat.

He mentally kicked himself as he saw the smile form on her lips. He had sounded like a frog when he had said "no" and he knew that the desire in his eyes was as bright as the lights in Yankee Stadium. He had no willpower around her whatsoever and she knew it. The past two weeks had been crazy with the Hong Kong problems at the office so he had barely seen her let alone made love to her.

Brenda laughed to herself and then leaned back against the mirror. "It is still so hot in here from your shower." She then unbuttoned the top three buttons of the shirt she was wearing. "Honey, don't you think it is warm in here?"

He was dead now. Her unbuttoning of the shirt had given him a peak at the swell of her breasts. It was obvious that she was not wearing a bra and now all he could do was speculate if she was wearing anything at all under his shirt. He wondered if he was going to start drooling as he stood there.

Brenda extended her hand to him. "Come here baby."

Jax felt his legs start moving forward. He knew he was defenseless to stop himself. As he reached the sink, Brenda eased off the counter and pulled out the chair from under the vanity. She sat him on the chair and plugged in the blow dryer.

All Jax could do now was shake his head. "I just want you to know that my willpower around you is at an all-time low today and that is the only reason that you are touching my hair."

Brenda nodded in amusement. "Of course honey."

Jax rolled his eyes at her. Hell, he did not believe what he had said himself so how could he ever expect her to believe it.

Brenda squirted the mousse into her hands and then massaged it into his scalp. Jax sighed contently as her fingers worked their magic. It was sensual and so arousing. She turned on the blow dryer and ran a brush through his hair in the back. After a few moments, Brenda moved in front of him to style his bangs.

Jax was struggling to control himself as she stood in front of him. He put his arms around her waist and pulled her closer to him. He nestled his head against her chest.

Brenda took a deep breath. "Stop it Jax. I have to finish this."

Jax ignored her request. He unbuttoned the fourth button of the shirt which fully exposed her full round breasts. His arms held her close as his lips caressed her skin.

Brenda closed her eyes for a moment savoring the sweet pleasure his lips were giving her. She dropped the brush on the floor. "Jax."

Jax's fingers moved to the fifth button of the shirt but somehow Brenda regained her control. She stepped back from the chair and picked up the brush from the floor. She then swatted Jax's hands and refastened two of the shirt's buttons. "There will be plenty of time for that later. Let me finish."

Jax shook his head. "You won't even allow me to start. You are really into torture, aren't you? I bet you are not even wearing anything under that shirt."

Brenda continued styling his hair. "If you play your cards right, you will find that out later."

Jax rolled his eyes. "Promises, promises."

Brenda ignored him and then finally finished. She stood next to Jax as she looked in the mirror. "I think it looks great considering all the distractions that I had to endure."

Jax looked up at her. "That is what you get for being such a vixen."

Brenda gave him a mock pout. "Poor baby."

Jax stood up. "You never did tell me what you were wearing under my shirt."

Brenda shrugged. "I think I need some incentive to do that."

"Like what?"

Brenda tapped her index finger against her cheek as if she were in deep thought. "I'll show you what I am hiding if you do the same for me."

Jax leaned against the vanity counter and raised his eyebrow at her. "This makes it much more interesting now since you want something."

Brenda walked up to Jax and placed her hands on his chest. She sensually and slowly moved them down to his stomach. Brenda's lips dropped soft kisses at the base of his neck and then she began softly nibbling her way down his muscular chest. Jax braced himself against the counter as her hands used his body as the arena for a game of sweet torture.

Jax collapsed onto the vanity chair again. She was going to kill him today. Where was a fire extinguisher when he needed one?

Brenda smiled and then sat down on Jax's lap. "I'm sorry that I have tested your willpower this evening."

Jax wrapped his arms around her. "No, you are not."

Brenda giggled but then got serious. "You are right but I have missed this. We have missed so much."

Jax nodded. "That is all going to change."

Brenda traced his facial features with her fingertip. "Do you know how much I missed looking at your beautiful face, especially those incredible blue eyes of yours that are reflecting pools of your love for me?"

A shiver had run up Jax's spine as Brenda gazed deeply into his eyes and uttered those words to him. He took her hand from his cheek and kissed her palm. "Do you know that I love you more every day? Do you know that there is not a moment that goes by when I don't feel you in my heart?"

Brenda moved her lips to his. She softly kissed him and then ran her tongue over his lips. Jax's mouth then captured hers in a kiss that sent shock waves from her head to her toes. She moaned as his tongue parted her lips and trailed along the inside of her mouth. Her tongue met his and began a sensual dance as Brenda's fingers threaded through his golden locks.

When they finally came up for air, Jax stood up with Brenda in his arms. He carried her to the bedroom and then laid her down on the bed. She wrapped her arms around his neck and pulled him to her lips. Their mouths hungrily met again and Jax's hands strayed down Brenda's half open shirt. He could feel her excitement as he caressed her.

After a few moments, Jax got up from the bed and Brenda sat up. He stepped out of his jeans and Brenda came to her feet. Jax took her in his arms and kissed her again as he unbuttoned her shirt. He slipped it down her shoulders and it fell to her feet. Brenda put her arms around him and basked in the feeling of his soft skin against her chest. She grabbed the waistband of his black boxers and slid them down his legs. Jax took her face in his hands and kissed her before slipping her under the sheets.

Jax slid into bed next to her and began kissing her face and her neck. He left a trail of kisses behind her ears before moving down her chest. When his mouth reached her navel, Jax's tongue dipped inside. She was trembling from the fire that was burning inside her. She was gasping for air as his mouth made its way to her chest.

Brenda dug her fingernails into his shoulder blades as his mouth moved down her body. She lifted his head and captured his lips and claimed them. Jax then covered her body with his and they became one in heart, mind and body. Paradise was right there and the skies of heaven opened for them. They whispered words of love to each other as their passions blazed and when their fires had finally been extinguished, they held each other. They had shared an extraordinary display of love and their hearts sung with joy as they laid there entwined in each other's arms. Tonight, they were the only two people in the world.

Tuesday, October 24, 2000
Jacks Cosmetics -- 1:00pm

Brenda, Lucy, the art director and the marketing director had been meeting all morning about the final details for the spring promotional campaigns. As had been their arrangement since Brenda's modeling contract had ended almost two years before, Brenda was providing consulting services to Jacks Cosmetics in connection with the marketing of all of its product lines. Last year, a line of products bearing Brenda's name had been introduced and Brenda had been given creative control over all promotional campaigns for this line of products. In addition, one half of all profits generated by Jacks Cosmetics from the sale of her product line was donated to Kanga's Kradle. As of the second quarter financial reports for this year, the "Brenda" product line had become the top seller for Jacks Cosmetics.

Sigmund quacked in the corner of the room and Brenda looked up from the ad layouts. "What is the matter Sigmund?"

Lucy shook her head. "Sydney is ignoring him today and he is taking offense."

Brenda laughed as she looked in the opposite corner of the room at Sydney. "Sydney is just playing hard to get, just like a typical female."

Lucy nodded. "Yes and she is very good at it." Sigmund quacked again and Lucy shook her finger at him. "That is enough Sigmund. You will stay home tomorrow unless you decide to be quiet."

Brenda laughed to herself as she watched Lucy lecturing Sigmund. She remembered the scene last year when Jax almost had a fit as Lucy showed up at the house for the first time with both ducks. Since she had just recently acquired Sydney, Lucy had not wanted to leave her alone at the light house. Lucy also did not want to separate Sigmund and Sydney since they were just getting to know each other so she had also brought Sigmund. Brenda and Jax were having a dinner party that evening and some of the guests were associated with J & J Jacks. To say the least, the ducks created some entertainment for the evening. For the next month after the party, Jax referred to Lucy as "That Fruitcake."

Sydney continued to ignore him but Sigmund finally quieted down. She looked very much like Sigmund except for the presence of a few black feathers on her back. Jillian had become infatuated with Sydney from the first moment she had met the duck. Sydney was much calmer, not to mention quieter, than Sigmund. Because of Jillian's fondness for the ducks, Jax learned to tolerate their presence at the house. The swans, however, still hated Sigmund from the altercation three years before on the day of Lucy and Kevin's wedding so there was always some excitement every time Sigmund and Sydney visited the Jacks residence.

Brenda and Lucy signed off on the lay-outs and gave the final instructions to the art director and the marketing director. The copy had been finalized, the models had been chosen and the designs had been created. The details for spring promotional campaign were completed. The art director and marketing director left Lucy's office to continue their work on the promotional campaign and Lucy's secretary then brought in lunch for Lucy and Brenda.

Lucy passed Brenda her salad. "So tell me how that gorgeous husband and beautiful daughter of yours are."

Brenda smiled. "They are just wonderful, thank you. Jillian is taking her first trip to the pumpkin patch this afternoon to pick a pumpkin for Halloween."

Lucy nodded. "I am sure she will love that."

As they ate, Brenda sensed that something was bothering Lucy. Brenda watched as Lucy nervously picked at her salad. "Lucy, are you okay?"

Lucy gave her a half-hearted smile. "I am fine."

Brenda tilted her head slightly. "Are your sure? You have seemed a little nervous ever since I came in this morning."

Lucy put down her fork. "I have been trying to figure out how to tell you something and I have not come up with the answer."

Brenda sat back in her chair. "Why don't you just say it?"

Lucy took a deep breath. "You are right. Brenda, Kevin and I are going to have a baby."

Brenda hesitated for a split second and then smiled. "Lucy, that is wonderful. I am very happy for you and Kevin."

Lucy slowly exhaled. "Thank you. I have wanted to tell you since I found out two weeks ago but I was not sure how you would react to the news. I did not want to upset you."

Brenda leaned across the desk and patted Lucy's hand. "Lucy, I wish you had not worried about that. I could not be more thrilled for you and I know that Jax will feel the same way when I give him the news."

Lucy finally felt comfortable enough to smile. "Brenda, I never worried that you would not be happy for me. I just feared that my news would trigger up sad memories for you and that is the last thing I want to happen."

Brenda again leaned back in her chair. "Lucy, I appreciate your concern but you can't let my grief affect you and your baby. I have had the same conversation with Lois about Anthony and her reluctance to talk about him around me. I can't stop living and I certainly can't allow the people around me to cheat themselves out of the happy moments because they are worried about me."

Lucy shook her head. "Doc told me that was how you would feel but I was not convinced. He was right again, as usual. Of course, if you tell him that I said that, I will deny it."

Brenda laughed. "Kevin is a very perceptive man and a wonderful friend. I will never forget what he did for me and my family after I hit rock bottom four months ago."

Lucy finally allowed her happiness to surface. "He is a very special man."

Brenda nodded in agreement. "Yes, he is and he is going to make a wonderful father. Your child is going to be blessed with two terrific parents."

Lucy smiled brightly again. "Thank you Brenda."

Brenda patted Lucy's hand again. "Congratulations again and God bless you all."

The Jacks Residence -- 7:00pm

Brenda and Jillian were in the living room when Jax walked through the front door. Jillian ran into the foyer when she heard the door open. "Daddy, I have been waiting for you."

Jax bent down and scooped Jillian into his arms just as Brenda appeared in the doorway leading to the foyer. "Hi princess. Did you have a good time this afternoon?"

Jillian shook her head up and down. "Did you see the pumpkins we picked at the pumpkin patch? Mommy put them on the front steps. I picked out the little ones."

Jax opened the front door. "Why don't you show me which ones you picked out?"

Jillian pointed at the pumpkins. "That one and that one. Mommy picked out the big ones."

Jax kissed Jillian's cheek. "They are very nice pumpkins. You and Mommy did a very good job."

Jillian began talking a mile a minute. "Brooke and Aunt Lois came too and we rode in this wagon with hay. Then we went into the patch and there were soooo many pumpkins, Daddy. Then we fed the goats and sheep that were in the gates by the pumpkins. And then we drank apple cider and we got back in the wagon and rode to Aunt Lois' car with the pumpkins." Daddy, it was so much fun."

Jax laughed at her exuberance. "It sounds like you, Mommy, Aunt Lois and Brooke had a wonderful afternoon."

Jillian was still excited. "When can we put faces on the really big pumpkins Daddy? Halloween is coming soon."

"This weekend. Have you decided what kind of faces you want on the pumpkins?"

"I want one that looks pretty like Mommy."

Jax looked at Brenda standing in the doorway. She looked pensive and was very quiet. "Daddy could never carve a pumpkin to look as pretty as Mommy. Nothing could be as beautiful as your Mommy."

Brenda finally walked into the foyer after enjoying her view of Jax and Jillian's moments together. "Thank you Daddy."

Jax kissed Brenda fully on the lips. "You are welcome Mommy." Jax then whispered to her. "Are you okay?"

Brenda nodded and mouthed "Yes" to Jax. She then gently patted Jillian's leg. "Didn't you tell Mommy that you wanted Daddy to make a scary face on one of the pumpkins?"

Jillian giggled. "Yes, a very scary one."

Jax grinned at Jillian. "Okay, then we will make it look like Uncle Jerry. He is really scary looking."

Jillian laughed out loud. "Daddy, Uncle Jerry is not scary looking."

Jax shrugged. "We will just have to check that out when Uncle Jerry and Aunt Julia come for dinner in a few minutes."

Jax then took Brenda's hand and they all walked into the living room. Jax put Jillian in the middle of the couch and he and Brenda sat on either side of her.

"Daddy, Mommy finished my costume."

Jax smiled. "You are really going to make the perfect fairytale princess."

Jillian grinned. "Mommy made the dress look just like the dress that one of my dolls wear."

Brenda brushed a curl from Jillian's face. "Only another week until Halloween and then you can wear the dress."

Jillian looked at Jax. "Daddy, did you and Uncle Jerry dress up for Halloween when you were little?"

Jax shook his head. "Not really princess."

Jillian smiled. "Maybe you and Uncle Jerry can dress up with me on Halloween."

Brenda nodded. "Daddy could dress up like a prince and you could be his princess."

Jax laughed. "Since I am the prince then Uncle Jerry can be the frog. We will all be the characters from The Prince and the Frog."

Jillian bobbed her head up and down. "And I am the princess. It would be just like the bedtime story."

Jax stroked Jillian's cheek. "It would be perfect. Uncle Jerry has a really long tongue so he will even be able to catch flies like a frog."

Jillian clapped her hands together and looked at Brenda. "Mommy, Uncle Jerry can be a frog."

Brenda nodded in amusement as the doorbell rang and Jillian scooted off the couch. "Uncle Jerry and Aunt Julia are here. I am going to tell him about his costume."

Jax chuckled. "Tell him you have a surprise for him. Maybe later he can practice catching a few flies for you."

Jillian ran to the door leading to the foyer just as Jerry and Julia reached the doorway. Jerry lifted Jillian into his arms. "Hey Roo."

Jillian took a deep breath. "Uncle Jerry, we have a surprise for you."

Jerry walked into the living room. "What is that?"

"You and Daddy are going to dress up like the prince and the frog for Halloween. I am going to be the princess."

Jerry gave Jillian a curious look. "What honey?"

Jillian lightly tapped on Jerry's shoulder as she spoke to him. "You are going to be the frog." Then Jillian pointed at herself. "I am going to the princess and then Daddy is going to be the prince. We can dress up and then get candy at the party."

Brenda covered her face with her hands once she saw the look of Jerry's face. Jax bit the inside of his lip and gave Jerry a cheshire grin. Julia looked at the expressions on Jax, Brenda and Jerry's faces and then began laughing.

Jerry ignored his audience and sat down on the chair and spoke to Jillian. "Roo, I am not sure about that."

Jillian was sure. "Uncle Jerry, you are the frog and Daddy is the prince and I am the princess."

Jerry sighed. "I don't have a frog costume."

Brenda took her hands away from her face. "I will make you one. I already have green felt that would be perfect to cover your shoes."

Julia then spoke up. "I bet I can find some green tights for you so that it looks like you have green legs. Green is really your color honey."

Jax piped in. "We can even find you a mask at the costume shop."

Jerry glared at all three of them. He then turned to Jillian. "You know Jillian, I think your Daddy would make a better frog. That is what we should do. You will be the princess, I will be the prince and your Daddy will be the frog."

Jillian shook her head. "No, Daddy is the prince. Mommy always says Daddy is her prince."

Jerry rubbed his temples. "Yes, but I am Aunt Julia's prince."

Julia went into hysterics as Jillian vehemently denied that. "No, you are not. She calls you other names. Names I am not allowed to say."

Jax choked on his laughter and Brenda started to giggle so she hid her face again behind the pillow on the couch.

Jillian shook her head and then turned toward Julia. "Aunt Julia, who is a prince, Daddy or Uncle Jerry?"

Julia cleared her throat and controlled her laughter. "Definitely your Daddy."

Jillian smiled and looked back at Jerry. "See Daddy is the prince so you are the frog."

Jerry rolled his eyes. "Jillian, I don't think I will be in town on Halloween."

Julia looked at Jerry just as though she were the cat that swallowed the canary. "Dear, you must be mistaken about that. Remember Hong Kong. You do not have to be there to deal with the aftermath of the Peterson fiasco until the week after next. Of course you will be in town honey."

Jerry cringed and Jax got up and walked over to the bar to pour a drink. There were tears coming out of Jax's eyes because he was laughing so hard.

Jillian tapped Jerry on the shoulder. "After dinner, you can practice catching flies on your tongue like the frogs at the zoo do. We can go outside and find them."

Jerry shook his head as Julia buried her head in the back of the chair as her hysterics continued. Brenda's face was still hidden behind the pillow on the couch.

Jillian clapped her hands together again. "Uncle Jerry, we are going to have so much fun."

Jax walked over to Jerry with a glass of scotch. He handed it to Jerry and then patted him on the shoulder. "It is going to be great fun. Did we mention that the party is at the Quartermaines? All of Port Charles society will be there. We will have pictures to send to Mum and Dad. You will be the talk of the town."

The laughter resumed and Jerry gulped down the drink and sighed in defeat. His family had sacrificed him again.

A few hours later, Jillian was sound asleep after having heard part of The Prince and the Frog read to her again. Jerry and Julia had gone home and Jerry wondered what else Julia was going to blackmail him into doing until she felt like he had suffered enough for ignoring her advice about the Hong Kong situation.

The house was quiet as Jax walked downstairs in search of Brenda. He found her in the living room standing at the window looking into the night sky. Her arms were tightly folded against her chest as she stood in the stillness.

Jax walked into the living room and quietly spoke. "Brenda."

Brenda wiped a tear from the corner of her eye and then turned around. "Hey."

Jax took a deep breath as he moved closer to her. "Sweetie, what is it?"

Brenda took three steps and wrapped her arms around him. "I'm okay. I am just feeling a little emotional tonight."

Jax held her for a few minutes and then led her to the couch. "Any specific reason?"

Brenda smiled. "Lucy told me today that she and Kevin are expecting a baby."

Jax took her hand in his. "I understand."

Brenda nodded. "It is wonderful news for them."

Jax smiled back at her. "It certainly is. I will call Lucy and Kevin tomorrow and congratulate them."

Brenda sighed. "It has churned up some memories but I am really happy for them. I was not sure how I would feel the first time I heard such news from someone we were close to, but I got through it."

Jax grinned happily at her. "Yes, you did sweetie."

Brenda hugged Jax. "I told Melanie three months ago that I just wanted to be able to celebrate life again and to watch other people celebrate it."

Jax rubbed her back. "I think you have taken your first steps toward accomplishing that."

A tear crept from the corner of her eye. "So do I and it feels so good."

Jax smiled and kissed the top of Brenda's head. They held each other knowing that they both had started to live again and that was the best celebration of life they could ever undertake.