They stood like that for the longest time; locked in that tender embrace, just staring into the depths of one another's eyes, oblivious to their surroundings, lost in their own world that overflowed with hope and promise, but most of all, with endless love.

"I have dreamed of this my entire life," Jax said softly, covering Brenda's face with delicate, whispery kisses.

"Of falling in love with someone and having her love you in return?" Brenda asked, her eyes closed, basking in the glow of the myriad of feelings that Jax had released in her tonight.

"No," he corrected her, as he moved her hair and began to nibble at her ear before trailing kisses down her neck, "Not just of any someone - I have dreamed my entire life of having you finally say those words to me…"

Brenda opened her eyes, questioning that. "Jax, how could you have dreamed 'your entire life' about me? We've only known each other less than a week!"

Jax was unfazed by her skepticism and continued his tender, loving exploration of her neck with his lips. "It's very simple, Brenda - My life only really began the day I met you, and from that first time we made love, I was sure that I loved and wanted you for the rest of my life - and I wanted you to return those feelings for me… And now you do."

She gave him a beautiful smile and sighed happily, "I do love you. It feels so good to say it out loud to you - to admit it to myself…" She ran her hands slowly through the hair at the base of his neck, as her face grew serious, "I had been so afraid to let myself love again, but I'm not afraid anymore… And I owe that all to you and your persistence."

"Well, Dad taught me that anything worth having is worth fighting for, but until I met you, I had no idea of the true meaning of those words," Jax said as he tenderly kissed her lips.

"Well, I guess I have your dad to thank for saving me from myself then," she laughed, as she and Jax moved to sit back down on the bench. "Tell me about your family, Jax," she said as she settled back into his embrace on the bench. "Are your parents still alive?"

"Yes, very much so… Mum and Dad live on a ranch in California, about an hour from my place in Malibu. Mum has tons of flower gardens, and she also raises horses and manages to chair nearly every committee that comes her way. Dad is still active in the company, although he is less and less involved these days. He's pretty much passed the mantle on to me now - although I know it was his fondest wish that Jerry and I both run the show together," Jax said quietly, looking distractedly off into the distance.

"Jerry - is that the brother you mentioned? Do you have any other brothers - or sisters?" Brenda asked, wondering why Jax suddenly seemed so distracted.

"Hmmm? Yes, Jerry's my older brother - my one and only sibling, in fact," he answered, then realized that he had momentarily been distracted by his own thoughts. "I'm sorry. For a moment there I was just trying to imagine how things would be if Jer had come into the family business with Dad and me…"

"I take it then that Jerry isn't involved with J&J Jacks International at all…" Brenda wondered, and Jax shook his head 'no.' "So what does your brother do? Does he live in California, too?"

"No, Jerry's home base is right here in the city - Manhattan, actually. He has a great penthouse apartment that he is rarely in because he's usually gallivanting around the world, doing whatever it is that he wants to do," Jax said enigmatically. When Brenda gave him a puzzled look, he smiled and said, "I'm not sure there's an actual way to describe what Jerry does… He doesn't really 'do' anything, per se - that is to say, as far as I can tell, he doesn't really have a job, but he does make money. Jerry likes to dabble in the market on occasion - to replenish his coffers when he's had a string of bad luck at the gaming tables - and he does have several investments around the world, but mostly Jerry just likes to travel and enjoy life. His philosophy is that life is too short not to be enjoyed and savored, and he feels that having an actual job would interfere with that enjoyment."

"I can't imagine my life without my studio or my camera," Brenda mused, looking around her at the beauty of her surroundings and wishing even then that she had her camera with her. "I think that even if I were rich and didn't need to work for a living, I'd still want to take pictures and work in some capacity… Even when JD and I were together in Monte Carlo, I kept working as a photographer for the tourists, despite JD's objections. He said he had enough money to keep us comfortably for the rest of our lives, and that I didn't need to work. But I told him that photography was my passion, and that I needed it to live - not just for the money, but also for the satisfaction. He told me that he could understand that because I was his passion - his only passion, he said - and that life without me wouldn't be worth living…" She looked back at Jax, her embarrassment at having brought JD up once again evident on her face. "Sorry about that…" she apologized, and then quickly changed the subject, "So, is Jerry married?

"Jerry - married? No!" Jax laughed. "Love and marriage are foreign concepts to him. He's avoided them both like the plague his entire adult life. Of course, that hasn't stopped him from immersing himself very deeply into the dating pool - Jerry is rarely without a beautiful woman at his side, but no one woman seems to stay by his side for very long. In fact, I don't remember ever having known my brother to stay with any one woman for more than a couple of weeks, and he has never been serious enough about any of them to actually introduce her to the family… He and I were alike in that respect - until I met you," he added, smiling happily at Brenda. "Jer and I are very close and we're so alike in so many ways, but our views on women have always been different, I think… I've always enjoyed the company and counsel of women, but Jer never seemed to relate well to them, especially on a one-to-one basis. For some reason, Jerry seems to view women as mere tools for his pleasure. I sometimes think he doesn't see them as equals…"

He looked at Brenda and smiled, "Of course, perhaps he's never met the right woman - his pearl of great value - the one who would make him want to give up his playboy ways just to spend eternity in the shelter of her arms, as I do with you." He lifted her hand delicately to his lips and kissed it gallantly.

"Is that really how you feel about me?" Brenda asked, surprise lighting her eyes.

"Brenda, I don't say things I don't mean…I've never felt like this before...I would gladly give up everything I have - my fortune, my reputation, even my family - if it meant I could spend the rest of my life loving you. And now that I know that you love me, too, I never want to lose you. What man would?" he asked, but then, as he saw Brenda's face fall, he realized what he'd just said. "I'm sorry… I didn't mean…" He took her face in his hands and finally said, "I think my words just reinforce your feeling that he didn't leave you willingly, Brenda…"

She forced a smile and swallowed hard, forcing back the tears that had already sprung to her eyes. "You are really something else, Jasper Jacks - Do you know that? Any other man in your position would be doing his best to put down the memory of his lover's previous love - but not you. You seem to be going out of your way to make me feel better about JD." She lovingly caressed his face with her hand and then kissed him tenderly on the lips. "I am so lucky to have found you… You're like a dream come true… Your family has to be very special to have raised someone as wonderful as you…"

Jax smiled broadly at her compliment and the love for him that was shining in her eyes. "My family is very special, and I can't wait for you to meet them. They're going to love you, Brenda, almost as much as I do - especially Jerry, who I'm sure will try to snatch you from me immediately!" he said, tweaking her nose playfully.

"Is your brother really that much of a rogue when it comes to women?" Brenda asked, detecting a note of truthfulness mixed in with the facetiousness in his tone.

"Yes, he can be. But he's several years older, and we've never competed for the same women, so who knows how he might be if he found out that I had found the most beautiful, most intelligent, most charming woman to ever walk the face of the earth?" Jax smiled, once again tweaking her nose.

Brenda just laughed at his description of her. "Well, if it makes you feel any better, I promise not to show the slightest bit of interest in him when we do meet. That way he'll know from the outset that he doesn't stand a ghost of a chance with me… Besides, if he has that much disdain for women - seeing them as vesicles for his pleasure and nothing more - then I'm sure that I could never fall for him anyway!"

"Jerry's not a misogynist or anything like that, Brenda. He's always treated Mum and our female relatives and friends of the family with the utmost respect…It's just that he's always guarded his heart when it comes to love," Jax explained, not wanting Brenda to get a wrong impression of Jerry. "Listen, I love my brother, and I want you to love him, too, Brenda... He's smart and funny and just the best! He'd do just about anything in the world for someone he cares about, and even though we don't see each other often these days, I know that I can always count on him to be there for me when I need him. And I don't want you to think badly of him simply because he's never met someone like you who could show him how wrong he's been in his thinking about love and women. He really is the best, and I don't know what I'd do if he were suddenly gone from my life - if he died or if there was some sort of a rift between us. And I don't think I could stand it if you didn't love him as much as I do."

Brenda smiled indulgently at Jax's concern about her possible reaction to his brother's eccentricities. "I promise to be fair with your brother when we finally meet, Jax. And if he's even remotely like you, I'm sure that he'll win me over easily."

"Not too easily, I hope!" Jax joked, which made Brenda shake her head at his silliness. "But I'm glad you plan to meet Jer with an open mind because I'm having lunch with him tomorrow - and I'd like for you to be there, too."

"To…tomorrow? Brenda asked nervously, surprised at how quickly Jax was moving to get her involved in his family's life. "Are you sure you want me to meet your family so soon?"

"I'd take you to meet them tonight, if Mum and Dad weren't 3000 miles away or if I didn't think Jerry already had other plans - and if I didn't have other plans of my own for the evening..." he said, as he stood and pulled Brenda up into his arms. "I think we've done enough talking for now, don't you?" Jax asked, but he quickly moved his lips to cover hers before she had a chance to reply. She didn't resist in the least, and he quickly deepened the kiss as she moaned her approval.

Emboldened by the sound of her soft moans, he carefully slid his right hand, which had been resting at the small of her back, to her thigh, where he cautiously slid it beneath the hem of her silver slip dress. Reveling in the silky softness of her well-shaped thigh, he slowly moved his hand upward, to cup the firmness of her left buttock, then slipping the tips of his fingers just beneath the lower edge of the lacy, silk, barely-there panties that she wore.

Up until that point Brenda had been so involved with the intensity of their kiss that she was nearly oblivious to Jax's machinations, but when she felt his fingers begin to fondle her, she quickly came back to reality. "Jax - not here!" she breathed hoarsely, as she grabbed his hand just as it reached its ultimate goal and then reluctantly tore herself from his arms, glancing wildly around them to make sure no one had seen them. Luckily, they were still alone in the park; the only people in sight were those passing by just beyond the entrance to the small park.

He felt cold without her in his arms and reached for her, once more drawing her back into the shelter of his arms. "I want you right now!" he growled, once again capturing her lips with his in one of the most passionate kisses Brenda had ever felt in her life. "I want to make love to you now, knowing that you love me just as much as I love you," he whispered between fervent kisses.

It took all of Brenda's strength to pull herself once again out of Jax's embrace, but she knew if she didn't put some distance between them quickly that she would easily succumb to his advances right then and there. "Believe me, I've missed you so much and I want you just as much as you want me, Jax… but if we don't get control of ourselves soon, we'll get picked up for public indecency - and most likely end up with our pictures plastered across the front page of some tabloid in the morning!"

"Where's your sense of adventure?" he asked, smiling lewdly, his eyebrow arched as he slowly walked toward her with a look in his eyes that indicated his every intention to devour her on contact. "Besides, that's only if we get caught…"

"Jax!" Brenda laughed, as she backed away from his advancing form. "Let's compromise, okay?"

"I'm always willing to at least listen to a compromise deal, but there are no guarantees that I'll actually agree…" he grinned, as he continued his advances, enjoying their playful cat-and-mouse game in this public arena. But then Brenda's next move stunned him completely. She stopped dead in her tracks and stood less than an arm's length in front of him, just inside the entrance to the park; her look daring him to continue this dangerous game so close to the prying eyes of those who were passing by on both the street and the sidewalk, just beyond where they now stood. Accepting her challenge, he immediately reached out to grab her, but she held her hand up to stop him.

"No, Jax," she said calmly, with the confidence of a negotiator who knows that she has the upper hand in a deal, no matter what the other party might throw on the table from that point on. "You haven't heard my compromise yet…" she smiled, as she waited until she had Jax's full attention and then pretended to smooth her dress, purposely running her hands along the hem of the short skirt, which alternately raised and lowered it slightly, giving him a tantalizing hint of what was to come if he behaved himself.

"I'm waiting," he said, catching his breath at the brief sight of her exposed upper thigh, as he remembered the silky feel of both her panties and what lay just under her panties. He unconsciously licked his lips, as his mouth suddenly went dry. He forced himself to look from her lower body to her face. Big mistake!

"Good," she smiled, as she saw him swallow hard and then lick his lips. "Now, if you can manage to control your carnal urges until we get back to my place - which is only a few blocks in that direction," she said as she pointed to her left and then lowered her voice seductively, as she added, " - I promise that this will be a night that neither of us will ever forget."

She leisurely and enticingly licked her lips, but Jax knew she wasn't mimicking him in the least. He got her message loud and clear, and he quickly caved to her terms. "You are one tough negotiator, but I see the long-term promise of your position," he grinned, as he reached for her hand and she willingly placed it into his.

"Oh, I have several positions I think you'll find very promising and fulfilling," was her risqué retort, to which Jax's only reply was a long, low moan, as he pulled her out of the park, walking rapidly in the direction of her apartment. "I knew you'd see it my way," Brenda giggled, as she struggled to keep up with Jax's long strides.

"Hmmph!" was all Jax said, as he willed himself not to react to the feel of her warm flesh next to his as they practically raced along the crowded sidewalk. He was doing his best to control himself by thinking about the ultimate rewards of delayed gratification, but having her so close was driving him to distraction. He knew he couldn't talk to her - and he definitely couldn't look at her - if he was going to maintain what little control he still had at this moment. She loved him - she admitted that - and tonight they would make love with the knowledge that they both were in love with one another. He had waited for this moment from almost the first time they'd been together, and he had no intention of letting anything get in the way of reaching their final destination - her apartment and their mutually pleasurable paradise, in which he planned for them to spend the next several hours, maybe even the next several days.

But then the shrill of his cell phone broke his concentrated reverie, and he had this uncomfortable sense that all of their hopes for the evening were dissolving with each successive ring of the phone. "No!!!" he moaned, as he pulled Brenda into the door of a closed storefront and out of the flow of the sidewalk traffic, whipping his phone out of his inside coat pocket and opening it roughly. "Dammit! This had better be important, Addie!" Jax bellowed into the phone, assuming that the call was business-related and from his personal assistant. "I told you that I did not want to be disturbed tonight unless it was an emergency - so this had better be one!"

"Son, this is your dad…" Jax heard John Jacks's normally booming baritone voice come across as small and strained.

"I'm sorry, Dad. I assumed it was Addie with some business crisis…" Jax apologized, but then worry quickly overcame his contrition. "Dad, why are you calling? Is it Mum? Has something happened to her or to you?"

Brenda could see the pained expression on Jax's face as he waited for an explanation from his father for this unexpected call. She knew, just from the brief discussion that she and Jax had had earlier, that Jax was very close emotionally to his family, despite the physical distance that sometimes separated them. Her heart ached at the anxiety that she saw in his eyes now as he waited for his father to respond. She wrapped her arms protectively around his waist, to let him know that she was there for him, no matter what happened.

He smiled appreciatively at her small gesture and then turned his attention back to the phone, as his father was once again talking. "No, it's not your Mum - or me, for that matter - but it is an emergency…" John Jacks answered, his usually heavy Australian accent seeming subdued to Jax, either by the connection or by the information that he had to tell Jax.

"What is it, Dad?" Jax asked hesitantly, praying that it was the connection that made his dad sound so somber tonight.

"Jax, it's Addie - she's been in an accident… She was on her way home from the office tonight, when some lunatic cut in front of her and caused her to swerve and lose control on the 101… She totaled her car, but she managed to survive - thank God!" John Jacks answered. "She's in surgery now - she suffered a badly broken leg that needed to be pinned. She also broke a couple of ribs and is badly bruised from head to toe, but the doctors have assured Tom that she will be okay."

"That's a relief!" Jax replied, slowly letting out his breath as he thought about Addie Walsh and how important she was to him - not just professionally, but personally as well. Addie came to work for his dad soon after he had first struck it rich, back when the family business was just J&J Jacks of Alaska and only dealt in oil. Then his dad had talked her into relocating with him when he moved both the business and his family from Anchorage to LA. By that time, J&J Jacks of Alaska had blossomed into J&J Jacks International, and Addie had been a major part of that successful progression.

And by that time, Addie had also become a very big part of the Jacks family, and both Jerry and Jax thought of her more as an aunt, rather than their dad's right hand at work. She had counseled and consoled them when they needed a sympathetic ear, and she had chastised them at times when they needed it. Her considerable influence had helped to shape him, just as surely as his parents or his brother had when he was growing up. And the Jacks family had always been important to Addie as well, with John introducing her to Tom Walsh, a CPA who came to work at J&J Jacks International soon after its relocation to LA and to whom she had now been happily married for the past fourteen years.

"Son, I take it from your tone that this isn't the best time for you, but I'd appreciate it if you could come back to LA as soon as possible…" John Jacks began quietly.

"Dad, I understand. With Addie laid up for the next few weeks, the office will need both of us there just to make sure things don't disintegrate on us," Jax interrupted. "I'll give my pilot a call, and hopefully I'll be headed back to the coast within the next hour. I won't even bother to go back to the Plaza to get my things," he added, giving Brenda an apologetic look, which she met with an understanding smile. "Besides, it wouldn't feel right for me to be 3000 miles away when Addie's in the hospital like that. She's family to me, Dad."

"I know, son, and she feels the same about you - and Jerry, too," John said.

"Do you think I should call to let Jer know?" Jax asked, although he was fairly sure what his dad's answer would be, and he was right…

"That's not necessary - at least not tonight. We can call him anytime in the next few days to let him know what her condition is then," his father replied. "Besides, having Jerry show up out here after all this time would probably scare Addie to death!" John laughed, and Jax agreed. "I'll let you go now, Jax. You have a long night ahead of you… I'll meet you at your place at 8 in the morning, if that's okay with you."

"That'll be good, Dad. See you then. Give Addie and Tom my best, and tell Mum I love her, and I'll see you all soon." Jax glanced down at Brenda, who was still holding firmly to him and added a postscript to his dad, "And tell Mum that I have a wonderful surprise to share with you two when I get there! Bye, Dad!" He closed the phone immediately, before his dad had the chance to ask about the "surprise" he had for them. He looked down at Brenda and was overwhelmed by the loving concern for him reflected in her eyes. "I'm sorry about tonight, Brenda…" he began, but Brenda pressed her fingers against his lips.

"Jax, I pretty much got the gist of what your dad had to say," she explained quietly. "I know how important Addie is to you. Just from the way you and Addie bantered back and forth earlier in the week when you were working out of my place, I had already figured that she was far more to you than just your personal assistant. I understand why you feel the need to go home now, and I'd be disappointed in you if you didn't go."

Jax stood staring at her for several seconds, completely engulfed by the love that he felt for her. They had only known each other a few days and yet they seemed to be so connected already. She was so attuned to him that she completely understood his need to do the right thing here by returning home immediately. She not only understood, but she wanted and expected him to do it. Suddenly, he wanted to make love with her more than he had ever wanted anything else in his life, and it wasn't just his lust that was fueling it - though heaven knew that he was overflowing with that! At that moment, he loved her more than he thought it was humanly possible to love another person, and he had this need to connect with her completely - mind, body, and soul - to drown both of them in his love right then and there. But that would have to wait for another time, another place. He had to go back to LA, and he had to leave now. But then it hit him…

"Come with me," he whispered hoarsely, his suggestion catching Brenda completely off guard. He saw the startled look on her face and smiled as he tried to explain this overwhelming need he felt to be with her, "I don't want to leave you tonight, Brenda. I want to breathe in every part of you, until I'm totally drunk from your scent… kiss you continuously, until this fierce appetite for you is somehow satisfied… make love to you endlessly, like there's no tomorrow… But I have to leave now - you said so yourself. If you came with me, we could be together tonight and tomorrow night - and every night after that… I love you, Brenda, and now that I know that you love me, I don't want us to be apart, especially not now, when we're just starting out… Besides, you could meet my parents this way…"

She smiled gently and then cupped his face in her hands. "You are so sweet, Jax - and so good for my ego…" She took a deep breath, trying to think of the best way to let him down gently. "You know that I want to be with you as much as you want to be with me tonight, but I can't go with you to LA... I have work that I have to get finished here." She saw the immediate look of disappointment on his face, and quickly added, "Besides, I really think this is a time that you need to devote to Addie, to your family, and to your business. I'd just be in the way out there."

"You could never be in the way! I love you, and you're already as much a part of me as my heart is - in fact you are my heart now, Brenda!" he interrupted, drawing her into his arms and kissing her deeply, completely ignoring the gawking stares of those passing by. "Please say you'll come with me," he pleaded.

He looked so like a hopeful little boy as he stood holding her, his eyes pleading with her to say 'yes,' and a part of her was screaming to join him on that plane tonight, but she just couldn't. "Jax, I have work I have to finish this week…" she repeated. She knew that the work she needed to finish wasn't really pushing a deadline yet. She had another week to get it to the editor of the magazine, but she never liked to crowd her deadlines.

But there was something else in her that was telling her that she needed to stay behind tonight, while Jax went on alone. She knew what it was - she needed to take this time to pack away what was left of JD in her life, so she could give herself fully and unequivocally to Jax, without any reservations and without any reminders. A part of her would always love JD, but she needed to get rid of those last few, tangible things of his that she was still hanging onto - the book, his picture - and this would be the perfect time to do that. But she couldn't tell Jax of her plans and his eyes were still pleading with her, so she decided to make another deal with him. "Listen - I can't come tonight, but if you're still out there in a few days, I'll think about joining you then."

"Are we back at negotiations again?" he asked, a smile on his lips, but disappointment lighting his eyes. She nodded slightly. "And there's no way that I can change your mind here, is there?" he asked, knowing the answer before he even asked it.

"I'm afraid not," she sighed, kissing him lightly on the lips once again, then pulling him back to the sidewalk. "Let's get a cab now and get you on your way," she said, as she stepped off the curb to hail a cab. "And then we'll discuss the possibility of my flying out later in the week so that we can finish then what we started tonight…" she smiled.

Rick Jackson took another look through his new, state-of-the-art, telephoto, night-vision lens that was focused on the top floor of the building across the street, and smiled. Things for him were coming together quite nicely. Andrew Buxton had come crawling back to him for his assistance in yet another matter concerning the lovely Brenda Barrett, and the entire situation was going to work in his favor in the end.

Over the past four years, Brenda Barrett had become a one-woman cottage industry for him, providing him with more work and more money than he had ever thought possible when he first signed on as a contract worker for the Agency years before. And on top of that, she had inadvertently opened up several other lucrative avenues to him along the way, but Jackson was sure that this latest opportunity would provide the biggest payoff yet for him.

He had first had the pleasure of Brenda's "acquaintance" when Buxton had hired him to handle what Buxton had termed "a small, internal matter" for him. Jackson had been freelancing for the Agency for the better part of five years when Buxton had approached him to do what he did best back then: hit-and run assaults. Buxton had never explained the reason behind the planned assault on the woman, but he was not as stupid as Buxton assumed, and it hadn't taken him long to figure out that she was romantically tied to one of the Agency's precious agents, which was why Buxton had wanted her hurt. He was sending a very clear message about priorities to the wayward agent.

Jackson was familiar with the Agency's many varied and stringent rules, having tried and failed at one time to qualify as an operative. From that time, he knew that the Agency frowned on strong romantic or family ties for their agents, preferring that their operatives' one and only allegiance be to the Agency. Evidently one of the agents had momentarily forgotten that little rule and had needed a "gentle" reminder about it, which is why Buxton had hired him to rough up the woman.

At the time of that first assignment concerning Brenda, Jackson had had no real idea as to how the Agency truly operated. But since then he had had his eyes opened and his knowledge on that particular subject had increased immensely, and he owed that all to that first encounter with Ms. Brenda Barrett.

Jackson grinned as he looked back at the still darkened apartment of the woman who had become both his meal ticket and his obsession over the past several years. He popped the tab off another cold Coors and leaned back in his chair, making himself comfortable, since it looked like tonight might be a long one. He didn't mind - his surveillance of Brenda had become a comfortable habit for him long ago. His mind immediately wandered back to his first "time" with the lovely Brenda; the memory was still as vivid to him as if it had all happened yesterday…

That day Buxton had called him to his office to discuss his latest assignment for him. Although Jackson had failed to meet the Agency's high and mighty standards to become an actual operative, they still felt he could be useful to them in handling off-the-record work - work that needed to be done, but that couldn't be associated in any way, shape, or form with the Agency or any of its agents. And so he had spent a lot of time in and out of Andrew Buxton's office, picking up scut assignments for the Agency, mainly as hired muscle for petty crimes. But this time Buxton had promised him that if he successfully carried out that particular assignment, Jackson would be assured of securing assignments in an area that had always fascinated him - surveillance.

So he had eagerly jumped at the assignment, which was his passport to a far safer and a far more lucrative way of life, surveillance. Buxton gave him a picture of her and her itinerary for the day to make it easier for him to trap her at an opportune moment. Buxton wanted to make sure that the assault appeared completely random and could be easily justified by the circumstances and the area. There could be no ties back to him directly, Buxton had repeatedly told him. Buxton had said that if there was even a hint that he was tied to it, that Jackson would end up in far worse shape than the Barrett woman before the night was over, and Jackson had taken him at his word. Despite his genteel exterior, Andrew Buxton was more cruel and vicious than Jackson and any of his cronies combined.

It was to be a simple mugging, but Buxton had told him to make sure that she was suitably injured - not killed, but still roughed up considerably. Buxton had told him that he didn't care what he did to her as long as she was alive after the assault - if only barely. He then had told him where to find her, when to find her, and what she looked like - but Buxton had failed to tell him that she was pregnant. He figured that Buxton knew that even a "lowlife" like Jackson, as Buxton always referred to him, had his limits as to what he would do for money. And hurting a pregnant woman and actually killing her baby were beyond even the things that Jackson's conscience - what there was of it - would allow him to do. But Buxton had carefully omitted that small detail about her pregnancy, so Jackson had tackled the assignment with gusto.

He had tailed her for quite some time, watching as she took shot after shot at the first location and then following her as she had left for the second location. The first location had the seamy locale that Buxton wanted for the attack, but there were too many people around there - too many potential witnesses or potential heroes for his liking - so he had discreetly trailed her as she headed toward the second location, hoping that along the way he could see his opening. And Ms. Barrett provided him with his golden opportunity when she made an unscheduled stop at a construction site that was midway between shoots.

He couldn't believe his luck when she walked into the site, snapping pictures right and left, completely oblivious to the dangers all around her - completely unaware that he was there and that he was following her. Granted, there were lots of people working there, which probably gave her a false sense of security, but when she wandered to the back of the site - an area that was deserted - it was like she was asking for trouble. That was when he had pounced on her.

She screamed and fought like crazy, but the sounds of the heavy equipment covered her screams, and as tiny as she was, no matter how hard she fought, she was still no match for him. But she had managed to get in a few good swipes at him, and he still bore the mark of the bite she had landed on his left forearm. He rubbed his hand gingerly over the scar, and his eyes hardened at the memory of what had happened next.

She had fought him like a wildcat, and each swipe that she had taken at him had excited and angered him more and more. Buxton had not specified what he wanted in his assault on the woman, but Jackson had known from the moment he saw her that he was going to have her that night, and the more she fought him, the more determined he was that he would conquer her completely. But had he known about the baby, he would have done so many things differently…But he hadn't, and that was because Buxton had never wanted him to know.

But he wasn't as dense as Buxton assumed; Jackson had figured out long ago that it was Buxton's intention all along to have Brenda hurt badly enough to lose the baby. After all, a baby with the woman he loves would be a major incentive for any agent to want a life with them and away from the Agency, especially if that agent were threatening to leave anyway.

He hadn't put the pieces together right away, but after years of benign surveillance of this woman - jogging, dining out with a select circle of friends, working - Jackson had figured out that the only security threat this woman posed was to the Agency and not to the world. Which meant that the Agency was keeping one of its operatives on the straight and narrow by the old carrot-and-stick method of incentive, with a real twist: as long as the poor, lovesick agent behaved and gave the Agency his full loyalty, the Agency would keep their hands off his girlfriend, and they satisfied his curiosity about her by supplying him with frequent updates on her; but the minute he made an actual move toward her, she would be history. He figured that the assault on her years before had been an adequate warning to the man to stay away or see her die, but he also had the feeling that the man's resolve to remain apart from her was beginning to wane. That explained Buxton's sudden panic about Ms. Barrett, and his full-court press to take her out of the picture permanently.

But what he hadn't quite figured out yet was why Buxton had had such an intense reaction to the rather graphic pictures of her with Jasper Jacks. After all, he would have thought that having the woman actually fall for another man and away from the memories of this agent she loved would have been welcome news to both Buxton and the Agency. But instead, it seemed to have just the opposite effect - at least on Buxton. So much so that he was now plotting extreme measures to eliminate Brenda Barrett from the picture altogether. And those extreme measures once again involved using him as the bad guy in the scenario.

But Jackson wasn't going into this thing so blindly this time. This time he'd done a little homework on the situation. He knew all about one of the players, Brenda Barrett, AKA Brenda Wilding. In fact, he had majored in her over the past four years, racking up enough hours and info on her to earn him a Ph.D. on the subject! He had also come to know another of the players, Andrew Buxton, far better than he would have liked, and far better than Buxton knew. Buxton just assumed that since Jackson wasn't well-educated or cultured or wasn't tall, dark, and handsome enough to qualify as one of his James Bond clones or because he had a heavy, Brooklyn accent that he was also stupid, merely able to follow orders, and not one to actually reason or think. But that was Buxton's mistake - and a big one, at that.

"When you assume, old man, you make an ass of you and me," Jackson chuckled aloud to the dark, empty room. "But you ain't makin' no ass of me this time - only of you!" he added, as he took another swallow of the Coors and once again checked to see if his quarry had returned home yet. The apartment remained dark, and there was no movement within it that he could detect through his special lens, so he turned back to his ruminations.

There were still two other players in this little scenario - Jasper Jacks, Brenda's new lover, and the man who had seemed to put Buxton on edge; and the unknown, unseen agent that Buxton has been trying to keep in line for so many years. From Buxton's near-crazed reaction to the intimate photos he'd taken of Brenda and this Jacks, Jackson had gathered that Buxton wasn't upset that she had finally succumbed to another man's charms, but he was upset by the identity of the man she had fallen into bed with.

Jackson had done some research into this Jasper Jacks and found some very interesting information. Jasper Jacks, or just Jax, as he was called in the papers, was a successful corporate raider and was recently listed as one of the world's wealthiest men. He was a bachelor, who had never had a serious relationship with any one woman, although he was rumored to have dated nearly every heiress or princess or actress that was young, beautiful, and single. Though very high profile and living the ultimate lifestyle of the rich and famous, Jacks had somehow managed to escape the prying eyes of the celebrity paparazzi that generally circled these people like vultures. In fact, he had been rarely photographed, with few recent photos of the man anywhere. "Which makes those I pictures I have of him all the more valuable," Jackson murmured happily, mentally counting the ways that this assignment was going to pay off royally for him in the end. But he had also found some other, perhaps more valuable information, in his research into the background of Jasper Jacks, and it concerned the man's family…

It seems that young Jasper had an older brother, one Jeremy David Jacks, known as Jerry to his friends and family. Every bit as handsome as his younger brother, though darker - both physically and emotionally. Jeremy, despite having endless wealth of his own, seemed to have no visible means of support, other than his occasional foray into the stock market and his various real estate ventures around the globe. Instead, he appeared to flit from one country to the next, from one gaming table to the next, from one soiree to the next, and especially from one beautiful woman to the next, playing the rich, bored playboy to the hilt. Correction: make that the rich, bored, extremely intelligent and resourceful playboy, whose travels just happened to coincide with a lot of overt and covert mayhem around the globe. Which made Jackson suspicious that this previously unknown agent and former lover that Buxton was frantically trying to keep away from Brenda and her new lover, Jasper Jacks, was none other than Jax's brother, Jeremy Jacks.

Now, to the average observer, the overlapping of Jeremy Jacks's visits to various and sundry locations that invariably had either major political upheaval or other less obvious, but still problematic concerns, might appear to be coincidental, but not to Jackson. He considered his to be a trained eye for such minute details, because, despite being rejected by the Agency, he was still insightful enough to hypothesize where the Agency might be sending an operative. Of course, as messed up as the world was today, it was his opinion that the Agency had their long fingers in nearly every developed country in the world, as well as in those countries that were emerging as potential players on the world scene - especially those with particularly unstable governments.

Despite the street smart appearance he showed Buxton and the rest of the world, Jackson was actually quite savvy about a lot of other things, especially computers and the amazing things that could be done - and undone - using them. He had been able to do all of his research on Jasper Jacks and his bother, Jeremy, on the computer. That was also how he had managed to match up Jeremy Jacks's various points of travel with all those areas that had trouble of one sort or another flare up in them over the past couple of years. That was also how he had managed to stockpile some additional ammunition to use against Buxton when the appropriate time came - and that information concerned Ms. Barrett and how Buxton had moved heaven and earth to eradicate any evidence of her pregnancy and subsequent miscarriage. He was sure that Buxton was hiding this from Brenda's agent-lover, who was most likely Jeremy Jacks, and he was also sure that the agent-lover would be very interested in getting his hands on such information. In fact, it could be very valuable, not only monetarily, but also as a way of getting rid of Andrew Buxton permanently, because he had no doubt that the man would kill Buxton when he learned the truth of things.

Picturing Buxton dead brought another smile to Jackson's face. He had hated Andrew Buxton almost from the moment he had met him, and he had always known that the feeling was mutual. For some reason Jackson had always had the impression that Buxton had been a major reason the Agency had never signed him on full-time to do surveillance or as a computer hacker. He could have been one of their best, but instead Buxton had kept him as his personal lackey.

Not that the work had been so bad. Getting paid to watch a beautiful woman was a dream come true in many ways, although Buxton had only ordered occasional surveillance with pictures. The round-the-clock watching of her apartment had been his idea, and he had only instituted it over the past few months, but what a glorious few months they had been! He had hit the mother lode in so many ways on that, especially over the past few days.

Besides getting some pretty erotic photos of Brenda and the rarely photographed Jasper Jacks, he had also gotten some very interesting photos of an intruder in her apartment earlier today. He had just gotten them developed, and, although they were dark and grainy, he'd bet the intruder was the very agent that Buxton was trying so desperately to keep away from Brenda. And the irony here was the fact that Buxton was in her apartment at the same time the agent was there!

Jackson was certain that he'd know the identity of that agent very soon. Once he got home tonight to his computer and the program that could isolate and clarify sections of the photos, he was certain that his hunch that this agent and Jeremy Jacks were one-in-the-same would prove correct. And if it did, then the plans he'd been formulating over the past few days would play out even better than he could have ever hoped. He would have outsmarted the Agency, he'd have more money than he could possibly ever use in this lifetime, and Andrew Buxton would be eliminated before Buxton had the chance to kill him first. And he owed it all to the beautiful Ms. Barrett, who would play a pivotal role in this little scenario. And whose fate in the end would ultimately be determined by me and me alone, he thought, smiling as he closed his eyes, considering all the possibilities that that could entail.

Jerry sat at the corner booth of the little cafe, slowly sipping his coffee and occasionally risking a surreptitious glance out the window toward his true focus of attention - Brenda's darkened apartment on the top floor of the building across the street. He glanced at his watch and realized that he'd been here for nearly twenty minutes, watching and waiting. He should have known when he arrived that she wouldn't be home - it was early, after all - not even 11 p.m. yet - and she was a young and vital woman, who deserved to be out, enjoying herself.

"Just so she's not enjoying him," he murmured under his breath, as he tried to force thoughts of Brenda and the 'Rose Man' out of his mind.

"I'm sorry - Did you need something?" the buxom, blonde waitress asked, evidently overhearing Jerry's mutterings to himself and mistaking it for a request for service. She smiled enticingly, as she intentionally leaned over him to allow him a better view of her ample assets. "Would you care for more coffee or some pie… or anything else?" she asked suggestively, giving him a coy smile as she noticed the absence of a wedding ring on Jerry's left hand.

Jerry gave her a forced smile, irritated by the waitress's blatant overture to him. There was a time that he would have met her double entendre with one of his own and most likely would have ended up taking her home for the evening, but those times were long gone for Jerry. Now he saw such flirtations as annoying and bothersome. "As a matter of fact, I'd like a little more coffee, please - but I think I'll wait to order anything else until my wife finally gets here." He intentionally emphasized the word 'wife' and watched as the waitress's face fell and her body stiffened as she straightened up, her demeanor immediately cooled to a more businesslike tone.

"Of course, sir," she smiled coolly. "I'll get that coffee for you right away, while you wait for your wife." She hurried off, suitably chastened by Jerry's intentionally barbed tone of voice.

Jerry watched as she practically raced away from his table, embarrassed by his obvious rebuff of her. She was an attractive woman - mid-to-late-twenties, most likely an out-of-work actress, he guessed - and not used to anyone rebuking her flirtations as he had just done. He shouldn't have been so curt with her, but he couldn't help himself. He was not on the market any longer, and he resented when people assumed that he was. In fact, he had effectively been "off the market" for four years - since the day that he'd fallen under Brenda's spell. He may not have gotten the wedding band, but he was as committed to Brenda as if they had legally wed. He knew that nothing and no one could stop him from marrying her this time and spending the rest of their lives together, living and loving as they were meant to be…

He stared at the ring finger of his left hand and smiled as the image of a glittering, gold band began to materialize there. He looked toward the door of the tiny café and suddenly he saw Brenda rushing through it, laughing as she tried to rein in the rambunctious, beautiful, little, dark-haired girl, who was rushing toward him at breakneck speed, cutting masterfully between the legs of several startled waitresses and customers.

"Daddy!" the little girl squealed happily, her sapphire blue eyes sparkling as she eagerly jumped into his waiting arms, hugging him tightly and anointing his face with sloppy kisses.

"How's my beautiful little princess?" he laughed, returning her hugs and kisses as fervently as they had been given.

"Your little princess is being a little royal pain tonight," Brenda sighed, kissing him wearily as she finally made it to the booth, after apologizing profusely to those whom their daughter had nearly toppled on her way to her father. "She was impossible in the cab on the way over here. You'd think she hadn't seen you in weeks, rather than just a few hours!"

"That's because she's daddy's girl!" he laughed, tickling his daughter just under her chin, sending a fit of giggles through her. "And she hates to be away from me as much as I hate to be away from her. Isn't that right, Princess?" he asked, tweaking her cheeks.

"Right, Daddy!" the little girl nodded, grinning a grin that made his heart stop. She was so beautiful - a perfect miniature of Brenda, except for the eyes, which were his. He looked over at Brenda, who was smiling so beatifically at him and their daughter, and his heart threatened to burst. This was how life was always meant to be for them. This was how life should have been for them…

His mind came back to reality when the blonde waitress returned to refill his cup of coffee. "You still want to wait for her - to order, I mean?" the waitress asked, smiling coolly at him.

Jerry flashed her his patented, smug grin as he answered truthfully, though somewhat enigmatically, "I'd wait for her forever." He turned his attention back toward Brenda's still-darkened apartment as the waitress shrugged and walked away to tend to another customer. But as he stared at the top floor of his building, at the space that should have been shared by him and Brenda and their children, he realized that the time for waiting was over. He needed to act now if he were ever to realize his dreams of a life with Brenda.

But he couldn't act alone. He knew that extricating himself from the Agency and securing a future with Brenda would require the help of someone whom he trusted with his life. At one time he had thought that person would be Andrew, but hearing Andrew's words at Brenda's earlier in the day had made him doubt Andrew's true loyalty. No, Jerry needed someone who would easily lay down his life for him without hesitation; someone for whom love and loyalty to Jerry was automatic and unquestioned; someone who could understand the lengths to which a man would go to be with the woman he loved. And suddenly Jerry realized the one person on whom he could always depend to be there for him, and he wondered why he hadn't thought of him before? He needed Jax.

His face brightened as he realized that Jax was the perfect person to help him pull this plan off. Besides being his brother and the one person in the world who actually thought the same way he did, Jax was rich and powerful and he had homes around the world, including a couple of private island paradises - one in the Mediterranean and one in the South Pacific - and either of those would make the ideal place for him and Brenda to hide out for a few months. And Jax was also hopelessly in love with someone, so he would understand Jerry's deep love for Brenda and his overpowering need to be with her, no matter what. And Jax had just told him hours before that if Jerry ever needed anything…Yes, Jax could be the perfect ally in this plan of his to safely escape the Agency and build a life with Brenda.

He pulled out his phone and quickly punched in Jax's cell number. It had been awhile since he'd called that number, but he still had no problem remembering it. Both he and Jax had photographic memories and instant recall. Just a couple of the things that he and his brother had in common, he thought, smiling as he recalled how alike he and Jax were in so many ways. They were both athletic, both highly competitive, both loved challenges, and neither gave up when it came to getting what they wanted.

As he waited for Jax to answer, he wondered about Jax's mystery lady and if she and Brenda were anything alike? He and Jax were so similar that he wondered if they even had similar taste in women? Their age difference growing up had prevented them ever both wanting to date the same woman. He was already in college before Jax even had his first date, and since they had both been out on their own, they hadn't really interacted in the same circles all that much to compete against one another for women.

In fact, up until Brenda, he had mainly seen women as objects to be used in one way or another - for pleasure, for information, for leverage in a caper - but always as a means to an end. Brenda had opened his eyes to the ultimate male-female relationship - loving and being loved in return. It's what his parents had always had. But he had never understood the appeal of that relationship until he'd met and fallen in love with Brenda. Now he wanted nothing more than to have that kind of relationship with her until death. And from the conversation he'd had with Jax earlier that evening, he sensed that Jax wanted the same thing for himself, too.

The phone rang once, twice, then Jax finally answered on the third ring. "Yes?" His voice was curt and he sounded frustrated.

"Whoa!" Jerry laughed, "What's got your knickers in a twist, little brother?" he asked, his deep, Australian accent returning automatically the minute he heard his brother's voice. "Did I catch you and your lady friend at an awkward moment?"

"Jerry!" Jerry could hear the surprise in Jax's voice and then the chuckle as Jax answered, "Don't I wish! But things were definitely heading there, before I had to call it a night… An emergency came up… In fact, I'm in a cab on my way to the airport right now to return to LA."

Jerry tensed up immediately. "It's not Mum or Dad, is it?" he asked, suddenly feeling both anxiety and guilt for not having seen them in ages.

"No, they're okay. But Dad called to tell me that Addie's been in an accident. She totaled her car on the 101 going home from the office today," Jax replied quietly.

"How is she?" Jerry asked, genuinely concerned for Addie. He remembered her well. She had been his dad's assistant for years before Jax had taken over the reins of the business, and she had been like a doting aunt to both Jax and Jerry through all that time.

"Luckily, she escaped with just a broken leg and a few bruised ribs, but she'll need to be hospitalized for quite some time…" Jax began.

"…And since Addie virtually ran things for you and Dad, that means that chaos will reign supreme at J&J Jacks International unless you get back there, pronto - right?" Jerry finished for him, laughing softly.

"You've got the picture," Jax laughed at that. "Besides, Addie's family, so I want to be there for her now," he added.

"Should I go, too?" Jerry asked, remembering how kind Addie had always been to him, even when he was less than cordial to her during his time of forced internship one summer at the family business.

"No - in fact, Addie would probably think she was dying if you showed up at the hospital to see her," Jax laughed softly.

"You're probably right there," Jerry chuckled, remembering how Addie always hated being coddled, but instead wanted to be the one doing the coddling. And if he showed up, after not having been back to California to even see his parents in over a year, then she probably would start to panic.

"I'm hoping that I can get things straightened around at the offices in LA quickly so I can return to New York in a few days… I'm growing quite fond of this city," Jax added quietly. "So, what did you need, Jer?" Jax asked, breaking Jerry's short stroll down memory lane. "Was this about our lunch tomorrow?"

"Umm… in a way, yes, I guess it was… But it looks like that's off now, isn't it?" Jerry commented. "Do you still want me to check into that info for you?"

"Yeah, I do - and now I have a lot more concrete information for you to go on, but I want to give you all that in person, not over the phone or by fax or phone or e-mail. It's some pretty involved stuff, and I want to get your take on it face-to-face… See if you think my hunch is correct…But she did finally open up to me tonight, Jer - and she finally admitted that she loves me," Jax added, the excitement in his voice barely contained.

Jerry smiled, remembering the first time Brenda had said those words to him and how he thought his heart would burst with happiness at hearing them. "I'm really happy for you, Jax," he said softly.

"She talked about her past with me tonight, Jer, and now I understand why she was so hesitant to get involved with anyone again," Jax added quietly.

"She had a rough go of it before, did she?" Jerry guessed, wondering just what kind of baggage this woman was carrying around with her?

"Yeah, it's no wonder she's gun shy. She was totally committed to a man once before, but the guy left her under some pretty unusual - not to mention, suspicious - circumstances, and she hasn't heard from him since. I think there's a lot more to this guy than she realizes though…" Jax mused. "I had planned to introduce the two of you tomorrow. I wanted to see what your instincts said about her, and maybe you could pick up some more clues about this guy from her…I mean, you've always been pretty insightful about people…" Then Jax remembered that Jerry was the one who had called him. "But you really didn't call to find out about tomorrow's lunch date or to hear about the status of my love life, did you? … So what is it you needed?"

Jerry chuckled. Jax was just like him - not one for small talk, preferring instead to cut to the chase immediately. "You're right, little brother, I didn't, although I am truly disappointed that our lunch is off now that I know that you had planned for me to meet your fair lady then," he laughed leeringly, knowing that Jax would expect that of him. "Remember earlier in the evening when you told me that if I ever needed anything, that I should just ask?" He heard Jax mumble "Yes," and then Jerry added, "Well, I'm asking…"

The connection between them crackled briefly.

"Anything you want, it's yours!" Jax replied without hesitation, glad to be able to help Jerry with something - especially since he knew that he'd need his brother's expertise to unravel the mystery of Jarrod Davis and his disappearance from Brenda's life.

Jerry smiled again. He knew that Jax would say that, no matter what the favor was. No matter how long they'd been apart, they were still brothers, and brothers always help brothers, no matter what. "Thanks, Jax… Do you still own that remote, little, tropical paradise in the South Pacific?"

"You mean San Beliz?… Sure - why?… Don't tell me you need someplace that's not on the map to hide out for a few weeks?" Jax laughed, wondering what kind of trouble his notorious playboy brother had stepped into this time?

Their connection crackled again.

If you only knew, little brother, Jerry thought. He contemplated telling Jax everything - about his secret life with the Agency over the past decade, about his involvement with Brenda and his desire to leave the Agency against their wishes, and about the Agency's threats against Brenda's safety - but he decided that now was not the time to be dropping all of that on Jax. That information was better delivered in person and when Jax had more time to concentrate on the seriousness of the matter, he decided. For now, Jerry just needed to know whether or not he and Brenda could safely hide away for awhile on San Beliz, so he answered Jax as truthfully as he could at the moment, "I was just thinking it would make the perfect place to honeymoon - if it's available, that is."

There was dead silence for several seconds, then Jax's surprised voice, "I think it must be this connection or something - for a moment there I thought you'd said something about needing a place to honeymoon - as in married."

"Yeah, I did, little brother," Jerry laughed, suddenly feeling excited now that he'd said it aloud to Jax - like it somehow felt more possible to him.

"Let me get this straight - Jerry Jacks is actually in love and wants to get married?" Jax was dumbfounded by this news.

"Yeah, Jax - you're not the only Jacks who's found love. I am most definitely in love, and I have been for a very long time. I just finally realized that I want to spend every day of the rest of my life proving my love to her," Jerry said quietly, his voice conveying the tenderness he felt for Brenda.

"And she actually has agreed to marry you?" Jax teased, secretly pleased that his older brother had found someone to love, just as he had found Brenda. He hoped that his and Brenda's wedding wouldn't be far away either.

"Well, the last time I asked her, she still wanted to marry me," Jerry said, but he neglected to add that his proposal had been nearly four years before and that things very well could have changed by now. But he was counting on Brenda still loving him as deeply now as she had then - as deeply as he still loved her. After all, a love as deep as that could never die, no matter what - could it?

"Jer, this is great!" The excitement in Jax's voice was plain, despite the worsening connection. "Does my soon-to-be sister-in-law have a name?"

Jerry hesitated momentarily, finally deciding not to give Jax too much information until he knew that Brenda would be safe from the Agency, so he decided to satisfy Jax's curiosity by telling him his nickname for her. "I call her BB," Jerry answered, smiling as he remembered how Brenda had laughed so warmly at him when he had called her that for the first time on that fateful spring day, years before.

"'BiBi', huh? Well, I can't wait to meet BiBi to welcome her properly to the family," Jax said, and Jerry could almost feel his smile through the phone.

"Thanks, Jax. If all goes well, you and Mum and Dad will get to meet her very soon… Speaking of Mum and Dad, don't breathe a word about any of this to them until I've been able to finalize our plans. I want to be the one to tell them about her."

Once again the phone crackled and the connection faded in and out.

"I understand completely," Jax concurred, knowing that if the situations were reversed that he wouldn't want Jerry telling their folks about Brenda before he had had the chance to do it himself.

By now the signal that connected them was fading quickly, and both brothers were having difficulty hearing one another. "Jax, the connection's getting worse…Give Mum and Dad and Addie my love. Thanks!"

Jerry closed his phone and smiled as he stuck it back in his pocket. He knew he could count on Jax to help him out, despite everything Jax had going on in his life currently. He wouldn't forget Jax's willingness to give him anything he needed. Jax was simply the best, and in this instance he was literally a lifesaver - especially for Brenda.

Jax's resolve to help him and Brenda without question or hesitation gave Jerry all the more impetus to help Jax in any way he could to discreetly and fully look into the background of this woman that Jax loved. He knew that Jax had said that she had "opened up" to him, but Jerry couldn't help but wonder and worry if she had indeed been as forthcoming with Jax about her mysterious past as Jax assumed she had been. He trusted Jax's instincts with people, but there was something about all of this that piqued Jerry's interest, and once aroused, it needed to be satisfied. But looking into the background of the love of Jax's life would have to take a backseat to finding out about his own love, Brenda.

He glanced back up at Brenda's apartment just in time to see the lights go on, and he felt his heart leap into his throat. She was finally home, and he hoped that she was alone. He had decided that tonight was the night that he made himself known to her. He couldn't tell her everything about the last four years, but he'd tell her enough to let her know that he'd never stopped loving her and that leaving her had never been his choice.

"It's now or never," he muttered to himself as he threw some money down on the table to cover his bill and then headed for the door. He also said a silent prayer that Brenda still loved him as much as he loved her and that their love could bridge the pain that both of them had endured during their time apart.

Brenda sighed as the elevator doors finally closed behind her in the lobby of her apartment building. She wearily hit the button for the top floor and leaned against the back of the service elevator, as it shook and finally began to edge its way slowly to the top of the building and to her apartment. So much had happened in the time since she had left this place that she felt as if days had passed instead of merely hours. She had gone out that evening, hoping to forget about Jax for a few hours, but instead she had ended up reconciling with him. Not only that, but she had also told Jax everything about JD and the baby - and, most importantly, she had told Jax that she loved him…

She loved him…She smiled at that. She had finally been able to admit to herself and to him what he had known all along: she loved him. She loved him as surely and as strongly as she had loved JD, but the difference was that Jax was here to love her back, and JD…well, JD had simply disappeared years ago, taking with him her will to live.

But Jax had revived her heart and her soul, and, for the first time in years, she felt as if she were truly alive again. It was as if Jax had helped her take her first complete breath in years, and she suddenly realized that she had been holding her breath - waiting to exhale - since the day that she had lost the baby and that final piece of JD had been torn from her body, just as fate had torn JD from her arms. Despite having gone through the motions of living since that time, she had been merely existing; it wasn't until Jax had opened her heart by offering her his that she had truly come back to the land of the living.

It had taken Jax - a man so like JD in so many ways - to help her move beyond JD. And she was moving beyond him, even though she knew that a part of her would never forget him or stop loving him or their lost child. And Jax knew this, too, and he accepted it - and she loved him all the more for it.

"I love you, Jax," she whispered, closing her eyes and smiling as she remembered the joyous look on his face when she had first said those words to him in the park, not more than an hour ago, and then again just a few minutes ago, when she had repeated them to him as they had kissed goodbye in the cab. At that point, he had tried again to persuade her to go with him to LA, and she had been tempted, but she knew that she needed to stay here for now. She loved Jax and she wanted to be with him, but now was the time she needed to devote to JD - to pack away the last of his things, along with his memory, so that she could move on freely with Jax.

The elevator slowly ground to a halt, and the doors finally opened to reveal the small hallway that led to the doors of her apartment. She exited the elevator and walked the few steps to her front door with her head down, digging in her small purse for her keys, unaware that someone was waiting patiently on her doorstep for her return.

"Are you Brenda Wilding?" a small voice asked, startling Brenda and causing her to drop her purse on the hall floor, spilling its contents everywhere. Brenda gasped slightly, then relaxed when she saw the tiny figure of a woman standing by her door. "I'm sorry. I didn't mean to startle you," the woman continued. "I'm Sylvia Shapiro - from apartment 2D." She offered Brenda her hand to shake and then awkwardly got down on the floor to help Brenda collect the contents of her purse that had scattered everywhere.

"Umm… yes, it's nice to meet you, Mrs. Shapiro," Brenda said, bewildered by this sprightly little elderly woman with flame-red hair, wearing enough makeup to cover a dozen women, who was evidently one of her neighbors and who was now crawling along her hallway, retrieving lipsticks and compacts and keys.

"Call me Sylvia, please," the woman smiled warmly at Brenda, as she handed her the keys and her compact, then struggled to get herself back up off the floor.

"Thank you - Sylvia," Brenda said, smiling brightly in return, as she accepted her lost articles from the woman, then stooped to help her stand.

"Pesky arthritis!" Sylvia exclaimed as she struggled to her feet with Brenda's help. "Getting old is no laughing matter, believe me! I can usually get down okay, but getting back up is another matter. I guess my spirit's willing enough to do what I could do when I was young, but my flesh - and my bones - and my joints - are just too damned weak to do what I want 'em to do these days!" she laughed, as she bent slightly to dust some unseen dirt from the knees of her jet black cigarette pants.

"Is there something I can do for you, Sylvia?" she asked, curious as to why this little grandmotherly woman, who looked as if she had fallen headfirst into a palette of bright paints, was here on her doorstep at this hour of the night.

"Oh, I'm sorry - I came up here to thank you for the lovely flowers you left for me. The nice man who brought them said that you had received so many and that you wanted to share them with your neighbors." She once again smiled warmly at Brenda, and Brenda could see traces of the ravishing beauty that this woman probably was when she was younger.

"I'm glad you liked the roses, Mrs. …Sylvia…" Brenda answered, unsure whether she should unlock her door and invite the woman in or if she should just continue talking with her here in the hall.

"Well, it was just such a nice thing to do," Sylvia continued, unconcerned by the fact that Brenda had not offered to invite her inside her apartment. "Not too many young people take the time to do nice things like that for their neighbors these days - they're always too busy with their own lives to care about anyone else…"

Brenda suddenly felt totally embarrassed, as she had always been too wrapped up in her own life - in her grief and her pain - to even take the time to learn the names of the other tenants of the building, let alone to do neighborly things for them. "Would you like to come inside?" Brenda asked, impulsively feeling the need to make up to this woman for four years of benign, neighborly neglect.

"Oh, that is so sweet of you!" Sylvia chortled, patting Brenda's hand gently. "But I really can't stay. I have a batch of lemon tea cookies in the oven, and if I don't get back to my apartment soon, there won't be anything left of them but ashes! I came up to see if it would be okay if I brought you a plate of the cookies. I know it's not much in comparison to those roses you gave me, but I'd really like to share something with you - for your generosity."

Brenda was about to tell the woman that it wasn't necessary to try to repay her for the flowers, since it was not generosity on her part that had prompted her to divide the flowers among her neighbors, but the look in the old woman's eyes stopped her. "I would love a plate of your lemon tea cookies, Sylvia," she smiled, and tears nearly came to her eyes when she saw the gratitude in Sylvia's face at that moment. It was important for Sylvia to be able to give back to her in some small way, she realized. Besides, she thought, I can't devour Jax tonight as I had hoped, so I'll devour the cookies instead!

"Well, I'll be back in a little bit with the cookies then," Sylvia said as she turned to go to the elevator. "Or will that be too late for you?" she asked, glancing at her watch. "It is past 11, which isn't late for me, but I'm a night owl - always have been - used to drive my Artie crazy! Artie - that's my late husband… We were married 56 wonderful years…He passed nearly seven years ago, but not a day goes by that I don't think about him… He used to bring me roses all the time…I've always loved roses. I think they're the most beautiful flower on this earth…Artie always used to say that roses paled in comparison to me, but that they were the closest that nature could come to my beauty…"

Brenda watched as Sylvia continued to talk about her late husband and the love that they shared, and she was amazed as the woman seemed to become more and more beautiful as she talked about this man who had been her soulmate for most of her life. Sylvia's continued love for Artie energized her, which is what love should do, Brenda realized.

Hearing and watching Sylvia talk about Artie seemed to crystallize so many things for Brenda. The love she felt for Jax energized her, and there was a time that the love she felt for JD had energized her as well, but that time was gone now, just as he was. Perhaps what she still felt for JD wasn't love after all, but merely the remnants of remorse over what might have been… She wondered why she hadn't realized this before?

The sound of the elevator as it stopped at the floor and clanked open brought Brenda out of her contemplation, and she looked up to see Sylvia smiling and waving to her from the car of the elevator.

"I'll be back in just a bit then," Sylvia waved as the elevator doors banged shut, swallowing her tiny voice within their confines.

Brenda turned back to her door and slipped the keys into the locks and opened it, flipping on the lights as she did so. She shut the door behind her, not bothering to secure the locks, since she knew that Sylvia would be returning shortly with warm, freshly baked lemon tea cookies and even warmer stories of her life with Artie. Brenda smiled, thinking about the warm feelings that were infusing her now, and she knew that Jax and his love for her - and hers for him - was responsible for these feelings.

If it hadn't been for Jax reaching out to her tonight and getting her to open up to him, she would never have treated Mrs. Shapiro so kindly. She would most likely have dismissed her immediately, perhaps not with harsh words because she rarely used them, but more likely with cold disinterest, which could cut as deeply as any harsh word. For years, she had used her disinterest - her self-imposed isolation - as her defensive weapons to keep the rest of the world at bay and to protect her heart from the ravages that come from sharing it, even superficially, with others. But Jax had broken through those defenses and rescued her from herself. She owed him so much, but most of all, she owed it to him to say goodbye to JD once and for all…

She walked back to her bedroom, flipping on lights as she went, tossing her purse onto her bedside table, and slipping her shoes off by the bed. She pulled her dress off over her head, tossing it across her purse on the table, then she walked over to her dresser, opening the bottom drawer and pulling out a soft pink, short, satin nightshirt, which she quickly pulled over her head. She went to close the drawer when the corner of a picture album that she'd hidden there caught her eye. She took a deep breath and pulled it out from under the folds of satin and lace that had been its resting-place for years now.

The album was a brilliant yellow, with an array of brightly colored toys and flowers and animals decorating its cover. It was the kind of album that people bought to hold pictures and mementos of their children as they were growing up - and that was exactly why she had bought it. She had seen it in some store the day she had found out she was pregnant, and she had bought it because she planned to chronicle the baby's life from the start, so that when JD returned to them, he could relive everything about their child's life that he had missed. She had planned to put in her first sonogram and each milestone of the pregnancy, then detail each and every day of their child's life after his birth with words and pictures, so that even if JD never returned to them, she and their child could remember together.

She had even inscribed the book for their child. She carefully opened the cover and ran the index finger of her right hand lovingly over the inscription, written by her a lifetime ago: "For my sweet JJ…You were conceived in love and you will be raised in love…This is my promise to you…" and she had signed it simply, "Mommy." JJ, short for Jarrod, Jr. - she had called the baby that from the beginning, always imagining a son with Jarrod's twinkling, sapphire blue eyes and strong jaw…

She wiped the tears from her cheeks and began to slowly leaf through the pages. She had planned to write more to JJ here, but his young life had ended just fourteen weeks after conception; there had been nothing of him to fill these pages, only the empty promises of what might have been…

Weeks after he had been torn from her life, she began to haunt the parks, watching the children at play and wishing that JJ could be among them. That was when she had first discovered the neighborhood park that she showed Jax tonight. It was in that park that she was actually able to begin working through her grief over losing JJ, by taking pictures of the children as they ran and played and laughed and cried and simply lived, as JJ should have lived. She couldn't chronicle JJ's life, which had ended senselessly before it had even begun, but she could chronicle the lives of other children, as proof that the world continued to spin…that life still went on…

She ran her fingers reverently over each page, hoping that something emanating from each different, bright and shining face that beamed back at her could imbue her with the strength she needed tonight to close this chapter in her life - not to forget - never to forget - but certainly to move on. She had been haunted by JD and JJ far too long, and she doubted that either would have wanted that for her - to only experience life after them as memories and regrets.

She closed the album and carried it with her into the living room, where she stood on tiptoe to reach the book on the great castles of Europe with JD's picture hidden between its hard covers. These were her last tangible reminders of both JJ and JD, and she knew she could no longer keep them around because they were invitations for her to bury herself in the past, when she needed to be reaching for the future.

She just stood there for several minutes, sobbing hard, as she held both books against her chest; then she finally sat down, melting into the welcoming folds of the oversized couch. She wiped her nose with the back of her hand, setting JJ's album onto the cushions beside her, and concentrated on opening the book with JD's picture inside. The book opened automatically to his picture, and her hands shook as she lifted it out and held it up to the light so that she could look at him one last time.

"Where did you go, JD - and why did you go?" she whispered aloud to his picture. "Wasn't I enough for you?…Or was I too much?… Too clingy?… Too young?" She sniffled loudly, as bitter tears once again stung her eyes. "Did you ever really love me?… I told Jax that I knew you loved me and that I knew you only left me because you were forced to, not because you wanted to, but I'm not so certain about that now… How could you have loved me and then left me so suddenly and so callously… without a goodbye… without ever looking back?…

"Of course, I've done enough looking back for the both of us, haven't I, JD?" she laughed ruefully, once again wiping her tears with the back of her hand. "I carefully preserved what we were ... what I thought we were… and I locked that in my heart and I tried to throw away the key, thinking that that was the way to keep you and JJ alive… but I nearly suffocated myself by doing that… And I'd still be struggling for my next breath if Jax hadn't come along and breathed his life into me…"

She paused for a moment and then continued, her voice calmer, "I think you'd like Jax, JD… He's like you in so many ways… the way you look…things you do…but you have some major differences, too. The main difference between the two of you is that he's here now and he'll be here tomorrow - he promised me that, and he said he never makes a promise that he doesn't intend to keep, and I believe him…

"Of course, in all fairness to you, you never promised me more than what we had, did you?… I inferred the forever after stuff, and I guess that once I found out about JJ, I assumed that I had been right - we would last forever - at least our love would live on in JJ and then in his children and grandchildren…But I was so wrong, wasn't I? We were never meant to last more than the few weeks we had, despite my attempts to make it last a lifetime…"

She took a deep breath, as her voice again began to crackle and falter with the growing emotions within her. "For the past four years I've loved you, JD, with all that I was, and a part of me will always love you… but I can't give you all of me anymore - not if I'm going to continue to live and breathe and grow… In loving your memory, I cut myself off from life - and that's not right… Love should energize life, not paralyze it, as I had allowed my love for you to do to me…

"Maybe if you were here, things would be different - but you're not…You left me a long time ago… Whether of your own free will or not, you're gone just the same - and you never came back… never called… never wrote… never tried to get in touch with me in any way…" She paused and added softly, "But I stayed true to you all this time… true to us…true to what I thought we were…what I thought we were meant to be…

"But I'm finally saying goodbye, JD…It's four years late - but better late then never, right?" She gave a sad laugh once again at that, then her voice sobered and cracked as she added, "I still love you, JD - I probably always will, but I can't live on the false hope that you'll be coming back to me one day… I need to move on… I need to get back into life and be excited by love again - Jax does that for me, JD…He inspires me the way you once did… I'm finally happy again, JD, and that's thanks to Jax…I only hope that wherever you are, you're at peace as well…"

She continued to look at the black-and-white photo of JD - the last material evidence that existed that he had ever been a part of her life - then clutched it to her heart and cried hard and long, finally allowing herself to mourn the loss of the man who had first taught her to love. She cried for several minutes, until there were no tears left in her, then she just sat quietly for several minutes more. Finally, she placed JD's picture and the book on castles that he had given her beside JJ's photo album and stood to walk back to the bathroom to wash her face.

As she stood at the sink, splashing cool water on her face, she felt as if a great weight had finally been lifted from her shoulders, and for the first time since JD had disappeared, she felt whole again. She straightened up and looked at herself in the mirror, thoughtfully considering the reflection that stared back at her. Her eyes were puffy and her nose was red from all the crying she had just done, but the shadows behind her eyes - the ones that had seemed to plague her all these years - were finally gone, and she smiled tentatively at the new woman she saw before her. "Today is the first day of the rest of your life," she whispered to the woman in the mirror. "And what a life it's going to be!" she added, her smile growing, as thoughts of Jax immediately filled her head.

She had this uncontrollable urge to call Jax immediately, just to hear his voice, but she knew that he hadn't even made it to the airport yet, and she didn't want to appear too needy. Besides, he had a long night ahead of him, with the flight and then the crisis at his office and Addie's accident to deal with, so she decided to let him call her when he had time. And when he does call, I'll have so much to tell him, she thought, as she looked back into the mirror and finally saw the streaks of mascara that stained her cheeks.

She looked a wreck, although inside she felt newer and fresher than she had in years. She grabbed her face wash and a soft washcloth and quickly washed all traces of makeup and tears from her face. When she was done, she grabbed her toothbrush and toothpaste and brushed her teeth. She suddenly realized how tired she was and decided to go to bed now; she'd deal with the books and JD's picture in the morning. She flipped off the bathroom light and walked back into her bedroom to turn down her bed, when she heard the door that led to the fire stairs outside in the hallway thud softly, as someone closed it.

"Mrs. Shapiro!" Brenda suddenly remembered that her neighbor was still planning to bring up those cookies tonight. She shook her head at her forgetfulness and headed back into the bathroom to brush her hair and in search of a robe.

By then there was a soft knock at the door. "Come on in! The door's open. I'll be out in just a minute…" she yelled from the bathroom, having found her hairbrush, but not her elusive robe. Finally she decided that seeing her in her nightshirt would probably not bother Sylvia Shapiro in the least, so she gave up the fruitless search for her missing robe and walked toward the main room, where she assumed she'd find Sylvia and her plate of lemon tea cookies.

She heard her front door close softly, followed by heavy footsteps, as she headed out to the main room, not bothering to look at her guest as she spoke, "I can't wait to taste one of those cookies, Mrs. Shapiro!" She looked up then, expecting to see the tiny, flame-haired, elderly woman from two floors below, but instead she saw the man who had haunted her waking and sleeping hours for so long, and to whom she had finally managed to say her good-byes. "JD," she whispered, sure that her eyes were playing tricks on her. This wasn't real - it wasn't him! It couldn't be… Not now - not when she was finally ready to let him go…

He stood there, leaning casually against the couch, acting as if he'd just returned from a short jaunt to the corner deli, rather than an unexplained absence of four years. She couldn't take her eyes off him - He looked every bit as handsome as he had four years ago, when she had first seen him emerging from the crystal blue depths of the Mediterranean. His dark hair was shorter than he used to wear it, and there was just the hint of gray beginning to appear along his left temple, which made him look even more handsome, if that were possible. His sapphire blue eyes, always spectacular, appeared an even deeper shade of blue, enhanced by the midnight blue shirt that he wore, its long sleeves rolled up to just above his elbows. He wore tight blue jeans that showed off his still magnificent physique to perfection. His face was still perfectly tanned and flawless, seemingly untouched by the passage of time, and when he smiled that heart-stopping smile of his, his dimples once again appeared, and she felt as weak in the knees as she had on that beach in Monte Carlo all those years ago.

"JD," she repeated softly, still unsure whether to trust her eyes or not. Oh, god, she thought - I am crazy - first, the park, now this… She took a hesitant step forward, reaching her hand slowly toward him, unsure whether she was more afraid to find that he was another hallucination or that he was really there.

"Hello, beautiful," he smiled, as he reached to touch her face. But as his flesh touched hers, he heard her sigh softly, and she crumpled into his arms, unconscious.