Jerry felt his world tumbling out of control as he sat, staring in shock and disbelief at the picture of his brother making love with the only woman that Jerry had ever loved - Brenda… He could feel the pain and the anger bubbling up from deep within his very soul, but he was powerless to stop its eruption.

“NOOO!!!” he shouted; the combined fury of his anguished cry and the pounding of his fists on the dashboard rattled the small car as it sat parked just beyond the entrance to the Brothers’ Café. Startled onlookers gave one another questioning glances as they passed by, straining to look into the darkened windows of the car to find the source of the disturbance. But Jerry was unaware of them - at that moment he was unaware of everything but his own pain and grief.

And he was certainly unaware of the small, dark-haired man who had been sitting inside the diner beneath the large clock on the wall when Jerry had been in there, and who was now standing on the sidewalk among the other curious passersby, watching the black BMW with considerable interest.

“Sometimes life’s a bitch, ain’t it?… And it ain’t gonna get much better for you, Mr. Secret Agent Man - or your girlfriend either - at least, not if I can help it!” Rick Jackson murmured, as he turned and walked away, smiling as he glanced down at the gym bag stuffed to the brim with cash. “But it’s gonna get a whole lot better for me!” he laughed, as he donned a pair of dark shades and sauntered away, savoring the scene he’d just witnessed and imagining those that were yet to come…

Although the actual distance from LAX to Wilshire Boulevard in downtown LA, where Jax’s office was located, was not all that far, it took Brenda’s cab nearly an hour to wind its way through the congestion of the early morning traffic. But Brenda had used the extra time to try to organize her thoughts and compose herself, although she still wasn’t exactly sure what to say to Jax when she saw him. She supposed she’d just play it by ear. After all, spontaneity had been the hallmark of their brief relationship.

Brenda paid the driver and then turned around to take a good look at the building that housed J&J Jacks International, letting out a low whistle as she took in the magnificence of the structure and the grounds surrounding it. It rose high into the sky; from a distance it would be a definite landmark in the LA skyline, she imagined. The building was not unlike those she was used to seeing in New York: a steel-and-glass structure, whose windows appeared more like mirrors, reflecting back the area and people that surrounded it, while hiding everything and everyone inside. But what she was not used to seeing was the surname of someone she loved on the huge sign that was just to the left of the magnificent fountain that graced the front area of the grounds, nor was she used to seeing that name emblazoned on the side of such a building: “J&J Jacks International. Est.1985”

“Very impressive, Jax,” she smiled, as she moved to get in step with the steady stream of people that was already flowing into the building, despite the fact that it was just 8:00 a.m. She wondered if this place was always this busy this early?

She was almost to the main entrance of the building when she caught a glimpse of her own reflection in one of the mirrored glass tiles of the building and realized what a sight she looked! She had taken a quick shower right after she’d made her plane reservations - that had been around 1:30 this morning - and then had slipped into a pair of black jeans, black boots, a plain white cotton tee, and threw her short, black leather jacket on over that to keep out the slight chill of the night air. She had raced straight to the airport without putting on any make-up and without even bothering to blow dry her hair, so her natural curls had taken over, and she had ringlets everywhere. She had shed her coat long ago in the already stifling heat of the day, but she still looked more like she should be going to see a rock band at some club on the strip in Hollywood, rather than entering a Fortune 500 company on Wilshire Boulevard on her way up to see its CEO. She wondered if they’d even let her in the building looking like she did, let alone up to see Jax?

As she had expected, security was very tight as she entered the building. Security officers were checking badges of employees and checking credentials to issue temporary badges for those who were visiting the building on business. But what she had not expected were the metal detectors and x-ray equipment, just like the ones at the airport, for examining packages and bags. Security here is as tight as it is at the White House, she thought, shaking her head and wondering what exactly it was that Jax did that would require this level of security? Could Jax’s business be as dangerous as JD’s was? A shudder went through her at that thought.

Ever since JD had confided what his line of business was and that it was directly responsible for her “accident” four years ago and now for this current threat on her life, she had felt a rising sense of unease about nearly everything unfamiliar or unexpected. And the thought that Jax’s life and lifestyle could be just as dangerous was just too much for her to bear. No, there had to be a logical explanation for these safety precautions. It was most likely due to the craziness in the world these days; businesses, government buildings - even schools - were not immune to violence. She had heard that a few of the larger office buildings in New York had instituted similar safety precautions, and even high schools in middle America were going for these same procedures routinely. Actually, knowing that Jax worked in such a secure environment was a small measure of comfort for her. Maybe her being here wouldn’t be as dangerous for him as JD had warned it could be.

She made it through the metal detector without incident, but her camera case and her clothes aroused suspicion immediately. “Would you step aside please?” the burly guard, who could have easily passed as a body double for Arnold Swartzenagger, asked, eyeing Brenda suspiciously.

Brenda felt all eyes in the area immediately upon her, as the guard, whose name tag read “Tom Kincaid,” led her to the security office and out of the flow of the traffic that continued to course through the main entrance, through the security scans, and then on to the rows of elevators that filled the center of the building.

“Is there a problem?” Brenda asked, the panic rising in her as her paranoia from the plane once again reared its ugly head. What if the people JD had warned her about - the ones that had hurt her before and killed their baby - were aware she was here and they were isolating her from the crowd to kill her? Get a grip, she scolded herself; more likely they’re wondering what you’re doing here - you’re certainly not dressed for business!

Kincaid never said anything more until they’d reached the security office, where a dark, brooding man, almost as hulking as Kincaid but dressed in a camel-colored suit rather than a uniform, leaned against the edge of a large desk, examining her camera and case. Wide-eyed, Brenda looked around the huge room, which was ringed with TV screens, evidently tuned to various views of the many floors and rooms in the building. She wondered if they even had one focused in Jax’s office?

“Here she is, Mr. Moriarity,” Kincaid said, as he finally let go of Brenda’s arm.

“That will be all for now, Tom,” Michael Moriarity replied, motioning wordlessly toward the door, indicating he wanted to be alone with her.

The guard nodded silently and went back out to his post, closing the door behind him, leaving Brenda standing just inches from the massive man by the desk, who looked Brenda over slowly from head to toe and then nodded toward a chair behind her. “Would you like to sit down?” he asked.

She swallowed hard, feeling a sudden queasiness in her stomach; she was momentarily afraid that the double expresso and half of a croissant that she’d gulped down at the airport coffee shop was about to make an encore appearance. She finally found her voice, despite the fact that she was still scared, “No, thank you. But I would like to know why I’m in here and why you’re going through my bag?” she asked, with as much bravado as she could muster.

“What’s your business here today, Ms. Wilding?” he asked, and Brenda gave him a surprised look. He smiled slightly at that, realizing she wondered how he knew her name. “Your name tag’s on your bag,” he said, indicating the one with her business cards in it that she kept attached to her ever-present camera bag.

Brenda relaxed slightly then - but only slightly. “Do you always give the visitors to this building the third degree?” she asked, feeling somewhat bolder and wondering what it was about her camera and its carrying case that this man found so interesting - or threatening? “My business is of a personal nature - with Mr. Jacks himself.”

That made the man smile even broader, although his eyes remained hard and cold. “Is that so? And which Mr. Jacks would that be?” he asked, although he was pretty sure he knew the answer to that one. It seemed that every photographer in the world was hot to get some shots of Jax. Since he preferred to keep his face out of the media, the rare picture of him that was taken was worth a small fortune to the lucky photographer. But this particular photographer certainly was brazen about it - just showing up, thinking she could take pictures freely, then questioning why head of security would be interested in her plans.

“Jasper Jacks,” she said, using Jax’s given name rather than his nickname.

He nodded at her response. “And is Mr. Jasper Jacks expecting you?” He was sure he knew the answer to that one, as well. Jax hated the paparazzi with a passion!

“Not exactly,” Brenda said quietly, “but I’m sure that if you’d just call up to his office to let him know I’m here -”

“I don’t think so!” he interrupted, his face now sober and hard, like his eyes, as he towered over her, shouting at her. “Listen, lady, you have some nerve walking in here without an appointment, thinking I’m just going to call upstairs so you can interrupt the CEO of this firm when he has his hands full with important business matters, just so you can snap a few pictures and make a small fortune selling them to the tabloids-”

This time it was Brenda’s turn to interrupt him when she burst out laughing, “You think I’m here to take pictures of Jax so I can sell them?” She wasn’t sure if it was lack of sleep or too much caffeine or too little food or the insanity of the past twelve hours of her life or the fact that she still wasn’t sure what she would say to Jax - if she ever got into see him, that is - or simply relief that this guy didn’t see her as a threat to world security, merely to his boss’s privacy - but she suddenly couldn’t stop laughing. She fell back into the chair behind her and leaned forward, holding her stomach as she continued to laugh loudly at the absurdity of this. If this man only knew of the nude shots she could have had of Jax this past week, if she’d been so inclined. Now those would have indeed been worth a fortune!

Michael Moriarity stood watching her as she continued to laugh hysterically, unsure exactly what to do with her. He’d been head of security here since the building was built in 1985, and he’d handled a lot of different situations, but he had no idea as to what to do now with this woman. He probably should just escort her as far from the building as possible, but his gut told him he’d better call upstairs to talk to Mr. Jacks - just in case the man did want to see her. After all, she might be crazy, but she certainly was beautiful! And young Jax did have a propensity for beautiful women - and he had just returned from an extended business trip in New York that was rumored to have been extended because of a woman he’d become fascinated with there. Even Moriarity had to admit that - crazy or not - this woman was beautiful and fascinating - and she was from New York!

He backed slowly away from her and grabbed the phone, punching the button that would connect him to Jax’s outer office, never once taking his eyes off Brenda, who continued to laugh as she sat doubled over in the chair across from his desk. He waited what seemed like forever before someone answered the phone. That was unlike Addie, who never let the phone ring more than three times without answering it, even if she had to put the caller on hold momentarily. He immediately wondered what was going on up in the executive suite and if this call to bother Jax might not have been the smartest thing he’d ever done in his career here? He was about to hang up and just escort this Brenda Wilding, New York City photographer and possible psycho-stalker, out the main entrance of the building, when someone finally picked up the phone.

“Mr. Jacks’s office; Gwen Stevens speaking. How may I help you?” a harried voice on the other end of the line asked.

“Gwen, this is Mike, down in security…Where’s Addie?” Moriarity asked, concerned because Addie rarely let anyone else handle the boss’s phones for her at this hour of the morning. This was considered the ‘rush hour’ for his ‘investment’ calls, and she felt she was the only one who could properly handle and channel those calls. So hearing Gwen Stevens, Addie’s assistant, answering the phones, surprised Mike completely.

“I’m sorry - I have another call… Hold, please,” Gwen said, then immediately put him on hold.

“Addie’s in the hospital - some sort of an accident,” Brenda, who had finally stopped laughing, answered as she straightened up, wiping her eyes and smoothing her unruly hair back away from her face. “That’s why Jax rushed back here from New York last night,” she added, as she stood to retrieve her camera and case from Moriarity’s desk.

Moriarity put his hand over the camera and case, preventing her from taking it, and then looked at her skeptically, his eyes narrowed. He was about to ask her how she knew that, when Gwen came back on the line.

“I’m sorry about that, Mike,” Gwen apologized, “but it’s a madhouse up here this morning… Addie was in an accident last night…She’s gonna be okay, but she’s also gonna be missed for the next few weeks - Heck, she already is!” Gwen explained, forgetting for the moment that Mike had called her for a reason. “Anyway, Mr. Jacks, Jr., is in a foul mood ‘cause he had to come back here from New York in the middle of the night or something, and both him and Mr. Jacks, Sr., as well as most all the other executives, are running around up here barking orders and looking for files that no one can seem to find. It’s like those files just disappeared from the computer system between yesterday and today!… But that’s my problem, not yours…What did you need, Mike?” Gwen finally asked.

“Ummm… I was hoping to speak to Mr. Jacks…But maybe I should just come up to see him instead… I have something I think he might be interested in,” he said, realizing his instincts to call Jax had been right, since Ms. Wilding obviously knew Jax; she knew more about what was going on with Addie than he did! He looked at Brenda, who flashed him a triumphant smile, and then he handed her the camera and its case as he hung up the phone. “Mr. Jacks had better not be angry about this,” he said as he opened the door to escort her upstairs to the executive suites.

“I can guarantee that Jax will be happy to see me walk into in his office,” she said as she followed him through the lobby and toward the elevators that led to the executive suites. “I’m just not so sure what mood he’ll be in by the time I leave…” she muttered under her breath, as the elevator doors closed and the elevator began its rapid ascent toward the twentieth floor and Jax’s office.

Rick Jackson was frustrated as he sat in the space he’d rented across the street from Brenda Barrett’s apartment, staring at her darkened windows. The drapes that had been pulled last night were still closed, and while they remained closed, he couldn’t see a thing - with or without his high-powered, fancy equipment! He needed to know what was happening in there or whether she was even in there at the moment.

He knew that JD Jacks was not in there with her because he’d left him outside Brother’s Café just a little while ago, and the shape he was in then, he wasn’t going anywhere - for a little while, at least. And the other Jacks brother was already back in LA, thanks to Buxton’s maneuvers, so that left no one guarding the beautiful prize, Brenda. But he had called the apartment several times and there was no answer, which either meant she was just not answering the phone or she just wasn’t there anymore. He hoped she was just so shocked by JD’s return that she’d turned off the phones and was just trying to get her head together - he needed to know where she was at all times so he’d know when to make his next move.

He berated himself for leaving here so early the night before, despite the fact that his discoveries had netted him a hefty profit in the end. He smiled as he looked at the bundle of hundreds that were tucked inside his small, packed suitcase on the floor just beyond his array of photographic equipment. But losing sight of his prey may have cost him in the long run, especially if she wasn’t up there anymore.

He’d called his cousin, Vinnie, at 4 this morning to come stake out the place for him and follow her when she went out for her usual morning run, but when he’d arrived about twenty minutes ago, Vinnie told him that she had yet to emerge from the building. He really hoped she was still in there and just didn’t feel like running this morning, because if she had slipped out sometime in the middle of the night, it was going to cost him more than just the small fortune he planned to make off her in the upcoming days. If she was gone and Buxton found out, he had no doubt that it would cost him his life…

Jerry sat there frozen for what seemed like forever, just staring at the photo of the two of them, obviously in love and very definitely making love. He had railed, he had cried, and now he just felt numb. He had been involved in a lot of volatile situations in his life and in his work, but none could compare to the explosiveness of this one: both he and his brother - who was also his best friend - were in love with the same woman. And she was in love with both of them. And, up until this point, none of them had been any the wiser.

But now he knew… He knew that the woman Jax had been so excited about was Brenda, and the man Jax had said had hurt her so badly had been him. And he knew that the man Brenda had just met and fallen in love with was Jax. The irony of the whole thing was just too rich! Jax had turned to him for help in finding out more about this mystery man in Brenda’s background, who happened to be him; and he had turned to Jax for help in whisking Brenda away from both the Agency and the other man, who happened to be Jax. And Brenda - Brenda had unknowingly confided in each of them about her love for the other. In the matter of a few seconds - as long as it had taken him to open an envelope and look at a picture - things had suddenly become far more complex than he ever thought possible!

But the good thing about this situation - if there was anything good about it - was that he now knew where to find Brenda - she’d gone to Malibu to see Jax. And if anyone could keep her safe, it would be Jax - but only if Jax knew that she was in danger, he realized. He glanced at the dashboard clock that flashed 10:57, and he realized that he had been sitting there for over an hour, staring at the photo, watching his world slowly crumble, immobilized by the intensity of the pain that had come crashing in on him. He still felt the sting of all of this as acutely as he had when he’d first opened the envelope and seen his brother’s face looking so adoringly at Brenda - his body joined with hers in the most intimate of acts. But now he knew he had to put that pain aside for Brenda’s sake, to keep her safe.

He grabbed his phone and quickly punched in Jax’s home number, as he decided exactly what had to be done now. He’d work with Jax to keep Brenda safe, but he wasn’t about to just step aside to allow Jax to have her. He had loved and wanted her far too long and suffered far too long without her to just walk away now… Their parents had taught both their sons to never back down when it came to something that they truly wanted - even if that meant opposing one another… And he wanted Brenda more than he’d ever wanted anything in his life… He couldn’t - and wouldn’t - bow out quietly simply because the face of the other man in this infernal triangle belonged to his brother!

Finally there was an answer at Jax’s. “Hello, Charles? This is Jerry… I need to speak to Jax immediately…”

“Gwen!” Jax bellowed, as he slammed his office phone down in frustration and began a frantic search for his cell phone. He’d just tried calling Brenda, but the office phone system seemed to be malfunctioning, and he couldn’t get an outside line anymore. How the hell was he supposed to do any work if the damn phones weren’t even working! And how could he make it through the day without talking to her again - and soon? He knew he’d just talked to her a little over an hour ago, but the morning had progressively gone downhill from there. He needed to hear her voice again. No - he needed to see her again, and he wished there was some way she could magically appear here within the next few minutes, but since that wasn’t likely to happen, he’d settle for a phone conversation with her.

But now he couldn’t find his cell phone! “Gwen!” he barked again, as he tore the office apart, searching for his missing cell phone.

A petite, thirtyish redhead came racing through the door. “What is it, Mr. Jacks?” Gwen Stevens asked sweetly, trying to remain calm despite the fact that Jax’s erratic and ill-tempered behavior this morning was really beginning to grate on her nerves. This was so unlike the man - he was generally cool-headed and friendly and able to handle any crisis with aplomb - but today he was like a man possessed. Gwen knew that Addie was an integral part of this place, but she had the distinct feeling that more than Addie’s absence was bothering Jax this morning.

“Is there something specific you’re looking for?” she asked, noticing that Jax was ransacking his desktop, knocking over pictures and scattering papers, evidently looking for something important.

“Do you realize the phone system is down?” he asked, as he moved from his now destroyed desk top to his brief case, which was on the ivory-colored leather couch near the door.

“It was just working a minute ago, Mr. Jacks,” she said, as she moved to his desk to check his phone for herself. “Maybe you just misdialed, or something…” she continued, picking up the receiver and reaching her right index finger to push for an outside line.

“Damn it, Gwen! I’m not a complete incompetent, you know!” he shouted, which made her drop the phone back onto its cradle. “I do know how to dial ‘9’ to get an outside line! I’ve been doing it on this phone system since I was a teen, which is longer than you’ve been working around here!” He had his briefcase open now and was rifling through it, trying to find his elusive cell phone. “Damn it! Where is it?!” he cursed, as he tossed his brief case across the floor, sending files and disks flying, and just missing his father as he came into Jax’s office.

“What is going on in here, son?” John Jacks demanded, as he surveyed the cluttered office that lay before him. “I could hear you screaming clear down the hall.” He glanced at Jax, who had shed his jacket and tie long ago and had rolled the sleeves of his crisp, white shirt above his elbows, and was now crawling across the ocean blue carpet on his hands and knees, in his once neatly creased, slate gray, Armani suit pants. “You sound as if you’ve lost your mind!”

“No, Dad, just communication with the outside world!” Jax growled, as he stood back up and headed to the other side of the room to continue his search. “I can’t get an outside line, and now I can’t find my cell phone either! I had it earlier when I called her…” he mumbled to himself, as he continued to wrack his brain as to where he had last seen it. “Damn it! I need to talk to her again now!”

“Who, son?… Addie?” John asked, but Jax didn’t answer as he’d finally found his phone - exactly where he’d left it: inside his suit coat that he’d shrugged off as soon as he’d hit his office this morning.

Jax quickly hit the redial button and waited, but there was nothing at all - no dial tone, no ringing - nothing. “Damn it! I just changed the battery in that thing this morning! It’s worthless!” He flung the phone across the room, and it splintered apart as it crashed into the wall.

“Jax! What one earth has gotten into you today?!” John demanded, shocked by Jax’s uncharacteristic fit of anger. “Here - use my phone,” his father said, as he pulled it out of the inside pocket of his suit coat and offered it to Jax. “And, for heaven’s sake, stop bellowing at poor Gwen! It’s not her fault the phone system is down and you can’t reach Addie,” John said, as he noticed Gwen cowering behind Jax’s desk, waiting for his tirade to be over.

Jax declined the proffered phone, as he looked sheepishly, first at his father, then at Gwen. “I’m sorry about my behavior- to both of you - but I’m especially sorry to you, Gwen, because you’ve only tried to do your job - and Addie’s - and all I’ve done is bark and roar at you every step of the way this morning… I don’t know what’s wrong with me today…”

“We all miss Addie, son,” John said, putting an arm around his son’s shoulders as Jax slumped against the desk, his face in his hands. “But we can and will survive this time while she’s gone. It will just take a little more effort on all of our parts and a cool head, as well, to handle these irritations that seem to have cropped up this morning.”

Jax nodded his head. “I know, Dad… I’m just so tired already, and it’s not even 9:00 yet! And I’m so frustrated, too!”

John pulled back and looked more fully at Jax, then asked quietly, “Why do I get the feeling this is about more than just lack of sleep or about Addie being gone or the phones being out?” Sensing that Jax needed more privacy in order to open up, he handed Gwen his cell phone. “Gwen, use this to call CalTel. Tell them that our outgoing system is down, which means we have no phones, no faxes, and no internet capabilities until they get it back up and running. That means that we are effectively reduced to handling our business either by cell phones or smoke signals, but, either way it reduces our efficiency and our effectiveness. Let them know that every minute we’re down we lose money, and if they aren’t here immediately to get us back up and running, then it will cost them a heck of a lot of money as well! Also, call Digital and tell then to get over here to see what’s wrong with the blasted computer systems. We can’t seem to retrieve anything that was entered yesterday, and we need that information, and we need it now! Call the CEO if you have to, but I want this place swarming with their technical people immediately! Ours seem to be making no headway at all in finding those files!”

“Right away, Mr. Jacks,” Gwen nodded, as she took John’s phone and gratefully headed back to the safety of Addie’s desk in the outer office, just beyond the door of Jax’s office, which had suddenly become No-Man’s Land.

John waited until Gwen had shut the door securely behind her before he pressed Jax further, “Now, tell me, Jax, what really has your knickers in a twist this morning!”

Jax smiled at his dad’s choice of idioms. “Jerry asked me the very same thing last night - used the same phrase, in fact… You know, he’s always looked like you, Dad, and now, as he gets older, he sounds more and more like you, too,” Jax smiled at his dad.

“You spoke with Jerry last night?” his father asked. Jax nodded. “How is he?”

“Oh, you know - still the same old Jerry,” Jax smiled, wanting so badly to tell his father about Jerry and BiBi and their upcoming nuptials, but not wanting to break his brother’s confidence.

“You know your mum and I haven’t heard from him in months,” John said, shaking his head. “You’d think on one of those trips he takes at the drop of a hat all over the world, that he could manage to take one out here to see us old folks every once in awhile. It’ll be two years this Christmas since he’s visited… And the last time Mum and I were in New York to see him, he was in Timbuktu, or some other out of the way place, doing who knows what with some new woman or another! But at least we did make it into his apartment - the doorman let us up and his housekeeper let us in. Your mother was quite impressed with his place - your brother has become quite the art collector over the past few years.”

Jax laughed at that. “Somehow I never imagined Jerry collecting anything more than a string of broken hearts - but I guess things are changing for him these days.”

“And what about you, son? Are things changing for you, as well - since New York, I mean?” John asked, deftly bringing the conversation back around to Jax and what was really bothering him.

“You know me pretty well, don’t you, Dad?” Jax asked, smiling shyly at his father.

“Well, I had a pretty good idea that you weren’t alone and that I was not interrupting a backgammon game when I called you last night with the news about Addie. And then when I told your mother what you had said about having a wonderful surprise for the two of us, she was just certain that you had finally met someone who could actually hold your interest and that you’d be bringing her with you last night.” John stopped and looked around. “But I don’t see anyone here and your mother called earlier to talk to Charles at the house and he told her that no one had arrived with you last night and that you hadn’t asked him to prepare a room for anyone’s arrival - ”

“Mum actually called Charles to see if I’d brought a woman back from New York with me?” Jax interrupted, surprised at his mother’s forwardness.

“Now, Lady Jane wasn’t being disapproving or interfering or anything like that,” John defended his wife. “It’s just that she and I aren’t getting any younger, and we would both like grandchildren before we’re too old to enjoy them! … And we’d like nothing more than for at least one of our sons to find the right woman to love and settle down with for the rest of his life. We had just hoped that you were finally going to fulfill our dreams. Heaven knows Jerry will never settle down with just one woman!”

Jax smiled at his father’s misconception about Jerry. If he only knew, Jax thought. But he said nothing about Jerry, instead opening up to his father about Brenda: “Well, I did meet someone - and I love her more than I ever thought it was possible to love another person, and I want to spend the rest of my life with her.”

“And how does she feel about you, son?” John asked quietly. “Does she feel the same way about you?”

“I think so,” Jax hedged. “I mean, I know she loves me - she told me that last night just before you called - but I don’t know about the ‘forever after’ part yet - I haven’t gotten around to asking her to marry me yet. But I plan to… After you called, I tried to get her to come here with me. I planned to propose to her on the beach at sunset, but she turned me down - said she had obligations she needed to handle.”

“Well, she sounds like a very responsible woman, if she put responsibilities above a trip to Malibu,” John smiled, slapping Jax on the back. “I take it that she’s the one you’ve been trying to call these past few minutes - and not Addie - which is why you’re in such a lather about not being able find a phone that works…”

Jax nodded. “Yeah… I’m pretty transparent, huh?”

“Just to me - and I’ve known you all of your life,” John smiled, ruffling the top of Jax’s head, as he used to do when Jax was a boy.

“I know I’ve only known her a week, but it’s like we’ve always known each other - like we’re connected cosmically or something - like we were always meant to be together… Dad, she’s so special - beyond description really…She’s like the sun and the moon and the stars all mixed together… She’s fire and ice… And she’s smart - and talented, too … And she’s so beautiful, Dad - long, dark hair; soft, silky skin; big, velvety brown eyes - She has the face of an angel…” Jax said, a happy smile on his face, as he pictured her in his mind’s eye.

“And does this angel have a name?” John asked, smiling at the besotted look on his younger son’s face, as he spoke of this woman he so obviously loved.

“Brenda Wilding is her professional name - she’s a photographer,” Jax explained.

“A photographer?” John repeated incredulously. “You’re in love with a photographer? I thought your philosophy was that the only good photographer was a dead one! This is too rich! Wait until your mother and brother hear this!” John roared with laughter.

“She’s not one of those tabloid photographers - one of those paparazzi piranhas who feeds off other people’s misery. She does serious photography…” Jax defended, recalling that day, just one week ago, when she’d first snapped his picture. “That’s actually how we met - I saw her taking shots of me while I was jogging in Central Park, and I assumed she planned to sell them to the tabloids, so I chased after her to ask her what she thought she was doing. She said she was planning a series for exhibition on the human body at work and play, and she wanted to use me as a model. She gave me her card and invited me to her studio, but when I suggested that we mix business with a little pleasure, like lunch, she immediately snatched her card away and told me she’d changed her mind and just walked off.”

“Hmmm… not exactly the response you’re used to getting from a woman, is it?” John chuckled.

“Not exactly!” Jax laughed. “It was rather humbling, actually - Maybe that’s what initially attracted me to her - her refusal to pursue anything personal with me… Well, that and the fact that she’s drop-dead gorgeous!” Jax added, grinning sheepishly again, which made his father chuckle again.

“I take it that you managed to overcome her initial reticence toward you,” John said, raising an eyebrow as he looked at Jax out of the corner of his eye.

“It took a little pursuit and persuasion, but she finally saw the long-term value in my proposition,” Jax grinned at his father, his eyes twinkling. Then he sobered as he continued, “Actually, the physical part of our relationship was easier for her than allowing herself to fall in love with me…” He looked up at his father and his eyes clouded over. “A few years ago she was involved with a man who just disappeared suddenly and mysteriously from her life - she hasn’t heard from him since. That experience hurt her deeply, and she was afraid to let herself be vulnerable like that again. I was the first man she’s let near her in the four years since this guy just vanished, so she’s been cautious - still is, I think… But she’s been perfectly honest with me about the guy - She still loves him, Dad.” He looked up at John, the hint of tears in his eyes.

“Son, that’s a tough way to start a relationship - with her admitting she loves someone else,” John said, looking hard at Jax, trying to gauge how his son really felt about this woman. “Are you sure this is what you really want?”

“Yeah, Dad - I’ve never been more sure of anything in my life… This guy’s just a memory… He’s not coming back. If he were, he’d have been back long ago because I can’t imagine any man willingly staying away from her… Listen, she’s been up front with me about her love for him - and I can understand her residual feelings for him. They shared a lot together - even more than he knew…” Jax’s voice trailed off, as he stared out the massive wall of windows that overlooked downtown Los Angeles.

John gave him a puzzled look at that, but when Jax didn’t elaborate, John didn’t push. “Son, if this is what you want, then I’m behind you completely. Your mother and I have always just wanted you and Jerry to be happy, and we’ll support whatever you both do that will make you happy.”

“Thanks, Dad,” Jax smiled. His father’s words weren’t unexpected, but they were still welcome. He stood then and glanced around his once orderly office, which now resembled ground zero on nuclear test day. “I guess we’d better get back to work, hadn’t we? We have enough crises to handle without everyone out there thinking we’ve headed for the hills or something, leaving them to sort out the messes on their own.”

“I’ll tell you what,” John said, as he patted Jax on the back and then turned to leave, “how about if you clean up this mess in here and give Gwen a well-deserved break from you for the next few minutes?” Jax chuckled at that. “Once Gwen’s done calling the cavalry to help us straighten out the mess we’ve got out there, I’ll have her bring my cell phone in for you so that you can call your lovely Brenda. That way you can actually get some work done the rest of the day, and the rest of us will be able to at least tolerate you again!” he added with a smile, his eyes twinkling.

“Thanks, Dad,” Jax smiled, then set to work trying to restore order to the chaotic disarray of his office, as his father left, closing the door behind him.

John Jacks smiled as he closed Jax’s door, momentarily leaning against it as he thought about what he’d just learned. There was no doubt about it: for the first time in his life, Jax was in love. He just hoped that this woman - this Brenda Wilding, who had stolen his son’s heart - loved him as deeply in return, and that this ghost from her past - whom she still loved, according to Jax - would not haunt their future happiness in any way.

He looked over to the area with Addie’s desk, where Gwen and her horde of assistants from the secretarial pool were busily talking on cell phones, trying to get this company reconnected to the outside world once again. John knew that this day would cost him a small fortune, but that sum would seem paltry in comparison to Jax losing his heart to someone who could not love him completely in return. He just had to trust that things for Jax and this woman would work out and in the end that their love would survive, just as he had to trust that this day would work out for this company and that in the end it would survive as well.

He was about to approach Gwen to ask her to give his phone to Jax when she was finished with it, when he saw Mike Moriarity, his head of security, coming down the hall with a casually dressed, beautiful young woman. As they got closer, John could clearly see how truly stunning this dark-haired beauty was: her youthful skin was tanned and flawless, as yet untouched by the ravages of time; her long, gleaming, dark hair flowed well past her shoulders and hung in untamed curls, which only served to enhance her natural beauty; her tiny body, though lean and compact, was curvaceous in exactly the right places; and her face - with huge, dark eyes framed by a fringe of thick, black lashes, and full, red, expressive lips - was beyond beautiful. “The face of an angel,” John whispered aloud, a huge grin spreading across his face, as he realized exactly who this was that Mike was escorting down the hall.

“Mike, what brings you up here?” John asked, despite being certain what the answer would be.

“Mr. Jacks,” Mike said, as he extended his right hand out to grasp John’s, “this young woman says she has personal business with your son. She wasn’t on my clearance list, but I decided to bring her up anyway to check. I hope you don’t mind - I realize things around here are hectic this morning…”

“Mind?” John asked, his blue eyes twinkling as he let go of Mike’s hand and reached for Brenda’s. “Why would I mind when you’ve brought such a delightful creature as this to lend serenity to this chaos.” He kissed Brenda’s hand gallantly. “Allow me to introduce myself: I’m John Jacks - Jax’s father; and you must be Brenda Wilding, the young woman who has stolen my son’s heart… We’ve been expecting you.”

“You were expecting me?” Brenda asked, surprised by both the actions and the words of this distinguished-looking man, with the rich, baritone voice that resonated with a distinctive Australian accent, identical to Jax’s. He continued to hold her hand and smile as they stood in the middle of the large hallway, attracting the attention of the dozens of men and women who were scurrying by, many of whom had cell phones plastered to their ears.

“Well, perhaps I should amend that - It’s more accurate to say that we’ve been hoping that you would somehow magically appear to save us all from my son’s delirious tantrums that he’s been throwing because he misses you so fiercely!” John laughed loudly, which made Brenda smile. His laugh sounded exactly like Jax’s, she thought.

But Jax looked nothing like him, she decided, as she stared at John Jacks, who continued to grasp her hand firmly. Where Jax was fair-haired, this man had once had dark hair. He was extremely handsome; probably in his early sixties, with slightly receding salt-and-pepper hair and a matching, well-trimmed, full beard; he was somewhat shorter than Jax, but still at least 6’ tall, and his build was slighter than Jax’s, but she imagined that as a younger man he’d been quite muscular and athletic. And his eyes were a beautiful sapphire blue, where Jax’s were an almost translucent blue… Suddenly she envisioned a much younger John Jacks - and he looked exactly like JD!

She gasped, pulling her hand immediately out of John’s grasp, as if she’d suddenly been shocked. She swayed slightly, closing her eyes to clear the vision she’d just had. Oh, God, she thought, horrified by the occurrence of yet another hallucination in the past several hours; my father was right: I am crazy - just like my mother! Suddenly she felt two sets of strong arms around her, supporting her, and she opened her eyes to see both Jax’s father and Moriarity holding her, escorting her to a nearby chair to sit down.

“Are you all right?” John asked, once they had her safely seated. There was genuine concern written on his face.

Brenda forced herself to smile, despite the increasing fear for her sanity that she felt. “I’m… I think I just have low blood sugar - that’s all. I’m afraid that I haven’t eaten much in the last day or so, and I just spent the last several hours on a plane and I’m tired…” she explained softly, a part of her praying that this was the logical explanation for this vision. But could she so easily brush off this many hallucinations in such a short period of time?

“Well, that does explain a lot!” John said, the smile instantly back on his face, as he knelt before Brenda, once again holding her hand. “I’ll have Gwen call down to the dining room to have them send up a full breakfast for both you and Jax - that is, if we still have in-house communications. If not, I’ll go down there myself to see what we can find for you to eat.” He patted Brenda’s hand gently, then rose to look at Moriarity. “Mike, if you’ve got a moment, I’d like you to wait while I show Ms. Wilding into Jax’s office, then I’d like to have you check out a few things for me concerning this morning’s overflow of unexplained snafus. I’m worried that there might be a connection among everything that’s gone wrong - including Addie’s hit-and-run accident last night.”

Mike nodded. He’d had the same hunch earlier and had planned to talk to both John and Jax about it. But it looked like Jax would be busy elsewhere - for a little while, at least. He glanced down at Brenda Wilding, and he had the sudden feeling that this woman somehow - some way - was connected to the sudden explosion of trouble here at J&J Jacks International. John and Jax might be ready and willing to accept her at face value - beautiful and innocent looking as that face might be - but he wasn’t. He couldn’t explain his feelings about this - or about her - but he had learned long ago to trust his instincts, and that was exactly what he planned to do this time, as well.

“Okay, my dear, if you’re up to it…” John said, helping Brenda up from the chair and leading her toward Jax’s closed office door, “…there’s a young man just on the other side of this door, who desperately needs to see you at this very moment. Go to him and save him from himself before he manages to do any more damage to his office or the staff’s morale.” Brenda gave him a questioning look, to which he merely laughed and replied: “I think it will be self-explanatory once you’re inside.” He knocked lightly on the door, and, not waiting for an answer, he opened the door to reveal Jax, sitting on the floor, his back to them, in the midst of picking up papers and other items and stuffing them into his briefcase.

Jax assumed that it was Gwen who had knocked and entered, so he didn’t bother to get up or turn around as he spoke, “Gwen, I’m sorry about all this - I don’t expect you or anyone else to clean this up. I made the mess myself, and I plan to clean it up myself.”

John winked at Brenda, then exited the office, closing the door quietly behind him, giving Jax and Brenda some privacy to handle Jax’s mini-crisis, as he went to handle the major crises that continued to bedevil the rest of the firm.

Brenda shook her head and stifled a giggle, as she surveyed the sight before her: Jax, on his haunches on the floor, his back still to her, surrounded by papers and files and computer disks; in a huge, beautifully decorated room, that was bigger than some apartments she’d seen back in New York, and that looked like a level four tornado had roared through it. He reminded her of a little boy, whose mother was forcing him to clean his room after a long day of playing with his toys. “It looks like you’ve been one very busy boy! Now I guess I understand what you mean when you refer to cleaning up in business - I just had no idea that you meant it so literally!” Brenda said, no longer able to contain her laughter.

Jax’s head whipped around at the sound of her voice. “Brenda?” he asked, unsure whether his ears - and now his eyes - were playing tricks on him at the moment. She nodded and smiled, but before she had a chance to say anything more to him, he shot off the floor, quickly enveloping her in his arms and kissing her hard, as if they’d just reunited after being apart for years, rather than merely a matter of hours.

“Brenda, it is you,” he whispered excitedly, as he pulled away slightly from her, gently touching her face and her hair. “I can’t believe you’re really here…”

“Well, I am,” she laughed, kissing him again. “Although I wasn’t sure that they were going to let me through that wall of security down there to finally make it up here! Just what exactly do you do here that requires that level of security?” she asked, genuinely curious as to the reasons behind it.

“We don’t do anything earth-shattering, really - just wheel and deal and try to keep two steps ahead of the competition, that’s all…” he answered matter-of-factly. “The extra security was Jerry’s idea, actually… He may not have any ties to the business anymore, but he travels a lot and sees a lot more, and after the World Trade Center incident, he insisted that Dad and I beef up security around here. He says there are a lot of crazies out there - not to mention those adversaries we’ve bested in a deal or two - so it’s best to be prepared, and we are,” he added, as he pulled her back into his arms again.

“Well, I can’t imagine anything getting through to hurt you now - or anyone else here, for that matter - with that wall of human flesh guarding the castle walls!” she replied, only half-jokingly.

“I take it you met Mike Moriarity, our head of security?” he laughed, as Brenda nodded, wrinkling her nose in mock disgust at what she thought of their meeting. “And I take it Mike gave you a hard time…” he grinned, suddenly spotting Brenda’s camera case and knowing immediately that Mike would assume she was like the tabloid photographers out there and treat her as if she were an armed terrorist.

“He seemed to be under the impression that I planned to somehow get you under my spell and then take compromising pictures of you so that I could sell them to make my fortune and humiliate you and this company in the process,” she said, recalling Moriarity’s rather unpleasant and unfair tirade against her in his office, just minutes ago.

“Hmmm… Is that what you had in mind?” he asked, grinning suggestively, his eyes twinkling. “Because if that’s what you’d like, I could be very accommodating…” He proceeded to further undo the buttons on his shirt, as he moved to secure the door that led from his office to the outer office. “After all, I think you made me a promise last night - something about ‘making it a night I’d never forget’ and also something about some very ‘fulfilling positions,’” he reminded her, teasingly.

“Jax! This is not the time for collecting on that promise! There are hundreds of people just beyond that door - and one of them is your father!” Brenda shrieked, her eyes wide, as she threw herself in front of the door before Jax could reach it. “Besides that, there’s probably a security camera trained on us at this very minute, and I’m not about to become the day’s entertainment for the Incredible Hulk and his clones down there in security or grist for the office gossip mill among all the other workers here at this firm!”

Jax burst out laughing. She was absolutely adorable when she was scandalized, he decided. He had only been teasing her about making love at that moment; there were too many other things that needed his attention first. But had she been amenable, he certainly would have been more than happy to accommodate. “Mike doesn’t turn the cameras on in here without my authorization, so we wouldn’t actually be on camera - unless you’d like to be…” he joked, and she slapped him playfully.

“You’re right, though,” he continued, serious now, as he pulled her away from the door and back into his arms, “as much as I’d love nothing more than to live out the fantasies that have been playing in my head since last night, now is not the time for it.” He paused, then gestured with his hand toward the papers and other things that lay scattered everywhere. “As you can see, this has not been a good morning. In addition to not being able to find anything - or talk to you when I wanted…” he grinned sheepishly, “… our computers seem to be down and our phone system seems to be malfunctioning, and we have no communication with the outside world, other than through cell phones.”

“Ah, that would explain everyone walking around with a cell phone attached to their ears outside…” Brenda replied, nodding as she recalled the scene in the hallway just moments before. “And so this mess,” she said, pointing around the room, “is the direct result of this bad day you’ve been having?” she concluded, trying to suppress her smile, as she realized that Jax’s father had not been exaggerating when he had talked about saving them all from Jax’s tantrums.

“Yes,” Jax admitted readily. “In fact, all of this is actually your fault,” he declared resolutely, his eyes twinkling, knowing that she would never let that pass without objection.

“My fault?” she challenged, her hands on her hips, her foot tapping, as she tried to suppress her own smile. “How exactly can it be my fault when I was nowhere near this office when this chaos occurred?”

“My point exactly!” Jax countered. “It was because you weren’t here - and I couldn’t even find a phone that worked so I could at least talk to you - that I sort of let things get out of hand.” He reached for her once again, pulling her back into his arms, a huge grin gracing his lips, as he added, “But, as you can see, I’m not going to let anything get out of these hands again.” He kissed her quickly on the lips and then said, “Having you here with me is the one bright spot in this day. And even though… we can’t spend time now… doing what we both do so well… I promise you… tonight… with you on the beach… at sunset... a night neither of us… will ever forget…for the rest of our lives…” He punctuated each phrase with another kiss, ending with a deep, soulful kiss that left Brenda breathless.

Perhaps this trip to see Jax and say good-bye in person hadn’t been such a good idea, after all, she thought, as she desperately tried to focus on her reason for coming to LA in the first place. Having him so close to her and touching her and kissing her like this was confusing her. She needed to keep her head; she’d come here to tell him good-bye. It was for the best really. It didn’t matter how he made her feel or how much she wanted him - she had to say good-bye for both of their sakes. She loved him, but loving him could get him killed…

And then there was JD…

A part of her still loved JD, and she knew that he was waiting for her. She’d promised him she’d return, and she intended to keep that promise. She believed him when he talked about the ruthlessness of these people that he worked for; she knew exactly what they were capable of - they’d killed her child, and she had no doubt that they’d make good on their threat to JD to kill her as well. It wouldn’t matter whether or not she and JD reconciled; all they had to see was that they had had contact, and then she, and possibly those whom she cared about - Ned, Lois, Jax - could be targets as well. She needed to cut them from her life, neatly and cleanly. She couldn’t stay with Jax; she had to pull away from him now or she’d never leave. She had to be strong and say goodbye now.

She steeled herself for what she had to do, telling herself to pull out of his arms now and tell him something - anything - to stop the rampaging feelings he was unleashing in her. She would tell him the lie she’d told Ned and Lois - the one about the trip for the client and that she had to leave soon. She couldn’t stay for tonight on the beach - she couldn’t even stay for lunch. She shouldn’t even be here with him now! This was going to be so much harder than she had anticipated…

“Jax,” she began, as she tried to extricate herself from his arms, hoping the distance between them would make it easier for her to think clearly and tell him why she had come, “we need to talk…”

“We will, Brenda… I promise, but right now - for the next few minutes, while we still have a little respite from the anarchy out there…” He motioned with his head toward the outer office, just beyond his closed door. “… I just want to hold you in my arms and know that this is real… that we’re real… that I didn’t imagine you or us.”

He lowered his face toward hers, lightly touching his forehead and nose against hers and smiling happily as he gazed into her eyes, his eyes darkening. “These last few hours have been pure hell for me; I missed you more than I thought possible…” he said quietly, kissing her tenderly, first on her forehead, then on each eyelid, and then placing a feathery soft kiss on her nose. “You soothe my soul, Brenda. Loving you and knowing you love me is like a balm against the rest of the world. I can handle anything that’s thrown at me out there, as long as I know that I’ll always have you in here.” He lifted her hand and held it over his heart. “I love you so much, Brenda, and now that I know you love me just as much, I realize all the possibilities there are for us, and I don’t want to put off those possibilities another minute longer…”

He held her gaze for several seconds, his eyes sparkling, as if the most wondrous thought had just occurred to him - and it had. “This isn’t how I’d planned to say this - but being apart from you has made me realize how much I want and need you with me always… Marry me,” he whispered. “Marry me tonight!” he repeated hoarsely, then he closed his eyes, eagerly pressing his lips against hers, sealing this pact that he so desperately believed was right, completely unaware of the purpose of Brenda’s surprise visit today and completely missing the shocked look in Brenda’s eyes at his sudden proposal - her second in the past few hours, both from men she loved.

“What do you mean, she’s there in LA with him now?” Andrew roared into the phone. “That can’t be! I have someone watching her around the clock! I would have known if she’d gone!” he fumed, as he listened to his contact in LA rattle off exactly where Brenda was at that very moment - in Jax’s office at J&J Jacks International. “Okay - thanks for the information. Keep an eye on her, and if she leaves, have her followed and let me know exactly where she’s going. Don’t do anything with her unless I give the express order though! Do you understand?… Now, get back to your post, and I’ll handle things on this end!”

“Damn it!” he shouted, as he angrily slammed the phone down hard enough to rattle everything that rested on the neatly arranged top of his expensive, antique oak desk. “I will strangle that incompetent, little weasel when I get my hands on him!” he raged, clenching his fists and shaking them violently into the air. “I should have known better than to entrust a half-wit like Jackson to handle something as important as this!”

He felt a tightness in his chest as a twinge of pain momentarily shot up into his jaw, and he immediately opened his right top desk drawer and pulled out his heart medicine. With his right index finger he fished a single, white pill out and anxiously slid it beneath his tongue, relaxing somewhat as the familiar bitterness made the underside of his tongue tingle slightly as it began to dissolve.

He leaned back in his plush, leather chair and attempted to even his breathing, trying to get into the pattern of slow, steady breaths that always helped to relax him when he’d had these angina attacks in the past. “Just relax,” he told himself soothingly. “It’ll all pass soon, if you just relax…”

He tried clearing his mind of everything - the Agency, JD, Brenda, Jackson - but he couldn’t seem to get this latest debacle out of his mind. This situation seemed to be tumbling wildly out-of-control, but there still had to be some way to salvage everything, he told himself; just remain calm, and it will come. And he knew it would…

Years before, when JD had called him in the middle of the night to invite his confidence at his desire to leave the Agency and spend the rest of his life living in domestic bliss with Brenda, rather than fulfilling both his destiny and obligation by remaining with the Agency, Andrew had remained calm and a solution had come to him. And when Brenda had come to New York and confided in him that she was pregnant, and it had been the Agency’s choice at that time to simply cut JD loose and allow him to have the life with Brenda that he so desperately wanted, it had been his idea to eliminate the pregnancy problem, which, in turn, eliminated the Agency’s desire to allow JD to leave. Each time things had seemed hopeless, and each time perfectly feasible solutions had come to him. Solutions always came to him, and this time would be no different.

He just had to get through this little setback, so he could think more clearly. Then he’d be able to see a way out of this mess, so that it ended with the scenario that he wanted: JD remaining with the Agency and none the wiser about his brother’s involvement with the woman he loved; Jasper Jacks returning to his nomadic ways with women, with Brenda Barrett merely an embarrassing footnote in the long, romantic history of both men; and the complete eradication of that incompetent Rick Jackson from the face of the earth, taking Brenda Barrett with him.

Not that Andrew hated Brenda; he didn’t - at least, not the way he hated Jackson. He merely hated what Brenda represented - a threat to JD’s bright future in the Agency; whereas, he had grown to hate everything about that riffraff, Rick Jackson. In his estimation, Jackson was a total waste of space on this already overcrowded planet, and his lowlife presence would certainly not be missed by anyone, other than by the even lower lives, whom Andrew was sure Jackson employed in carrying out minor details of the work Andrew assigned him.

No, his elimination would merely cleanse the food chain a bit in the slums of the city; no doubt sending Jackson’s minions scrambling to find their drug money from some other vile creature, who would surely and easily step in to take Jackson’s place in their lives. But Brenda’s death would leave an emptiness, even for him. Brenda wasn’t a scourge on the earth, as Jackson was; she had merely become a scourge for JD professionally, which, in turn, had made her a nuisance to Andrew personally. Andrew couldn’t allow Brenda to destroy JD’s promising future with the Agency - not as he had allowed a woman to so easily and irreparably alter his own future with the Agency, years before…

Andrew closed his eyes, as he continued his slow, even breathing, and thought back to that time… It had been the mid-sixties and the height of the Cold War… He was in his early thirties and living in London then. He had been recruited by the Agency some ten years earlier, just after university, and he had been able to make full use of his degree in English literature by working as an editor at a small, London-based publishing house, covertly owned by the Agency. His job at the publishing house was to encode hidden messages in innocuous books, which were then used to distribute information to agents working undercover. His editorial job also gave rise to travels around the world, ostensibly seeking out new authors, but in actuality, contacting other field agents and carrying out Agency business. It had been the perfect life for him - combining both his lifelong love of the written word with the excitement of travel and adventure abroad.

It was on one of those trips abroad - to West Berlin - where he had met Greta Buehler. She was the only woman he had ever loved - and the reason he was no longer an active agent; now merely relegated to training and overseeing active agents; apart from the adventure and the excitement of the life - a mere observer of that life, rather than an eager and dynamic participant.

Greta was working as a barmaid at a local tavern that he had chosen as a meeting place for one of his prospective “authors.” She was in her mid-twenties, tall and statuesque, with eyes the color of the blue Danube and golden blonde hair that she wore straight and long; she was quite possibly the most beautiful woman he’d ever seen in his life.

It had started innocently enough: a flirtatious smile thrown his way as he’d first entered the establishment, which was run by her family, and guilelessly downcast eyes as she took his order and then whenever he caught her looking his way for the rest of that evening. His meeting with his “prospective author” went well, and they agreed to discuss the man’s “manuscript” another time. The man, Avery Bauer, an agent who was a native German, felt uncomfortable with Greta’s attention to Andrew and suggested that subsequent “literary meetings” be held at another establishment, where they did not attract so much attention - either wanted or unwanted. But Andrew had been brash and cocky - not to mention, thoroughly intrigued by the flirtations of this nubile, young barmaid - and he had overruled the agent’s objections, assuring the young agent that she posed no threat to either of them or to the mission they were currently on.

He and Bauer met a total of three times at the tavern, discussing revisions in Bauer’s “manuscript” and finally agreeing to meet in another 6 weeks in London, after Bauer had completed his “revisions.” But they never had that subsequent meeting because Bauer was found dead a week after Andrew had returned to London - and a week after his final tryst with Greta.

After his second night of meetings with Bauer at the tavern and open flirtations with Greta, Andrew had boldly waited until she was finished with work and asked to walk her home. She had declined, saying that she had her own car, but then she offered to take him back to his hotel. He asked her up to his room for a drink, and one thing led to another, and soon they were making love. Andrew remained in West Berlin for a total of five days, and he and Greta were together all the subsequent nights that he remained there. Andrew was certain that he was in love, and he was just as certain that Greta returned his affections.

But he was sadly mistaken about where Greta’s love and loyalties lay. Greta was not the simple daughter of a tavern owner as she professed, but rather a highly paid and highly effective East German operative, who had targeted both him and Bauer from the moment they’d first made contact with one another. She had used her beauty and her feminine wiles to get him into bed - and to drug him as well - so that she could examine the highly sensitive information that he was ferrying. And he’d been none the wiser. He had allowed his libido and his stupid male ego to believe that a woman as alluring as she would want someone such as himself simply for himself. He had forgotten the primary rule of the Agency - trust no one - and in doing so he had compromised himself and the Agency and gotten several good operatives - including Avery Bauer - killed in the process.

He was severely reprimanded and put on administrative leave and transferred to the States during the time of the intense investigation into his scandalous dereliction of duty, but by the time that the Agency had relented to allow him to return to full active status, his heart condition had been diagnosed, even though the first symptoms would not show themselves for another decade. According to Agency doctors, he had Greta to thank for that, as well. She had used a drug that was newly developed in the Eastern Bloc for use as a sedative, without the victim being aware that they had been drugged. They merely assumed they had been sleeping on their own; and there were no residual aftereffects, such as lingering fatigue and drowsiness and disorientation, that followed the administration of most widely used sedatives. This particular drug did, however, have one very deadly aftereffect - it had the propensity to cause deterioration of the heart muscle, and this deterioration was slow and irreversible.

So not only had Greta Buehler stolen his heart in those few days that they were together in West Berlin, thirty odd years ago, she had effectively broken it for him permanently - both literally and figuratively. He had never allowed himself the luxury of loving another woman after her, and his progressively deteriorating heart condition had made certain that he could never again serve his first love - the Agency - as fully as he had always wanted.

When JD had come into the Agency a decade ago, Andrew had immediately seen so much of himself in him; it was almost as if he’d been given a chance to relive and revive his glory days with the Agency, albeit vicariously through JD. He had personally taken charge of his training, and JD had never disappointed him. He was extremely intelligent, athletic, quick to think on his feet, and a deadly accurate marksman. He also seemed to have an aloof opinion of women - having no compunctions as far as using them for his own pleasure, but never being naïve enough to fall for any of them - until Brenda, that is.

When JD had turned to him for help in getting out of the Agency, Andrew felt he had no choice but to let the Agency in on his plans. Andrew had pledged his total loyalty to the Agency and the one time he had forgotten that loyalty, it had gotten several good men killed, compromised the Agency’s effectiveness, and had slowly begun killing him - a process which continued to this very day. He knew he could never again put the Agency second in his life, and he couldn’t allow JD to do it either. He loved JD too much to allow him to make the same mistake he had. He knew he couldn’t let JD’s love for a woman damage his vital role in the Agency, as he’d once allowed his love for a woman to damage his own.

He had taken on the name of Avery Buehler in dealing with Brenda as a reminder of his need to stay focused on what he knew to be JD’s best interests and not to be swayed by the woman JD wanted to protect. He needed always to remember both the duplicity of the woman, Greta Buehler, who had seduced him and the needless and untimely death of Avery Bauer, the man whose life was sacrificed because of that temptation. He was doing this for the good of the Agency and JD’s own good, as well. He was certain that JD would understand all of this - once he explained it to him logically.

He realized that the pain in his chest had finally subsided, and he brought his breathing back to a normal pattern once again. He had managed to control his angina attack by not allowing his anxiety to get the better of him, and he’d be able to control this situation with Brenda in just the same way. He wasn’t exactly sure how he would be able to do that, but he was certain he could do it, just the same. After all, one way or another, solutions always came to him…

Jerry maneuvered the BMW in and out of the heavy, cross-town traffic as skillfully as a racecar driver took the course at Le Mans. He was in a hurry - he was on his way to Brenda’s to pick up her suitcase and then he was heading to LA to find Brenda. After that, he wasn’t sure…

He’d been unable to talk directly to Jax when he’d called his home. Charles, Jax’s long-time head of staff at his Malibu estate, said that Jax had gone off to work early this morning because of the situation with Addie. Jerry had told Charles to have Jax call him the minute he got home or heard from him, and Charles had assured him that he would make certain that Jax got the message. Jerry had then tried to call Jax on his cell phone and then he’d tried raising him at his office, but he’d been unable to get through to either numbers, with the cell number bringing up Jax’s voice mail - which Jerry had filled with at least 15 messages thus far - and the office number merely ringing, with no one answering it at all. Jerry knew that with Addie away, things at J&J Jacks International wouldn’t run as smoothly as normal, but he couldn’t imagine any reason that the phones wouldn’t eventually be answered there - unless the entire phone system was down, and even that seemed unlikely.

There was something about all of this that didn’t sit well with him, so he had decided to fly to LA himself, and he planned to use the Jacks family jet to do that as soon as it arrived at Kennedy. Jax had promised him that the Lear would be here by 2 p.m. at the latest, and he trusted that it would be. But, just in case, he’d call the airport - either from Brenda’s or when he returned to his place to pick up his bag and his laptop - to make sure the jet was en route to New York, and then make the necessary preparations for its return flight to LA, which he’d be piloting. He should most likely hire someone else to do it, but at this point he had no idea as to whom he could and couldn’t trust.

When he was within three blocks of Brenda’s apartment, he found an empty parking space and slipped into it. He exited the car, locking it as he walked away, and then, spotting a newsstand across the street, he went over and purchased a copy of The New York Times - not to read, but as a cover, in case he sensed he was being watched and needed to quickly hide his face or appear momentarily occupied. He tucked the paper under his arm and quickly headed toward Brenda’s, easily blending in with the steady stream of pedestrians headed in that direction.

When he was less than half a block from her apartment building, Jerry slipped down an alleyway that led to the back entrance of the building. Looking carefully around, he slid his building passkey into the locked door, opening it easily and slipping quietly inside. “Ownership has its rewards,” he grinned, as he noiselessly shut the door behind him and headed for the fire stairs and up to Brenda’s top floor loft.

Habit made him look carefully and discreetly down the hall just outside her fourth floor loft before he exited the stairs and headed for the front door of her apartment. Hers was the only apartment on the floor, but there still could have been someone there, waiting for her: her friend and gallery owner, Ned Ashton; or the neighbor, Mrs. Shapiro, bearing more cookies; or Andrew, in the guise of Avery Buehler, her friend and father figure. That last thought made him shiver. He now doubted Andrew’s friendship toward either of them, as he thought back to just the day before when he’d been hiding in Brenda’s apartment, eavesdropping on Brenda and “Avery,” reminiscing about old times - especially the time just after her “accident.” Something about their conversation hadn’t made sense to him at the time, and the more he thought about what they’d discussed, the less sense it made, but he didn’t have time to sort that out now, as there were far more pressing matters at hand - such as grabbing Brenda’s carryon and heading home for his things and then off to the airport to fly to LA - and Brenda.

He easily picked the lock on her front door, and, for the third time in less than twenty-four hours, he slipped inside her apartment. It didn’t appear as if anyone had been there since he had been there earlier that morning; the apartment was just as he had left it: shades drawn; lights off; her packed suitcase in the middle of the table; the note she’d left him, crumpled and tossed beside it.

He picked up the note again and thought about how much had changed in the intervening hours between the time he’d first read the note and now. Then he had been hurt and angry that she had run to “him” to say goodbye to “him,” and Jerry had been driven to find out who “he” was in order to find and protect Brenda. Now there was a definite face and name attached to “him,” and the face was a very familiar one and the name he called him was “brother,” and he felt numbed by the revelation. But you can’t dwell on that now; you have a job to do, his operative’s brain whispered; you can think about it later, when Brenda’s safe.

He reached for the handle of her carryon to lift it off the table, but as he did, it flew open and articles of clothing flew everywhere. “Dammit! It wasn’t zipped!” he muttered, as he scampered to gather up everything that Brenda had packed. He had told her to take only those things she couldn’t live without, so he knew that anything she had in the case would be important to her. As he gathered up the loose items, he was surprised to see that she had followed his advice and packed very lightly: a few changes of underwear, a couple pairs of jeans and shorts, some cotton tees, a sweatshirt - no fancy things at all. “Of course, you always preferred living and dressing simply to living the high life in fancy dress,” he smiled, remembering their brief time together, in which she shunned the casinos of Monte Carlo, in favor of picnics on the beach or dinner at some tiny, out-of-the-way café.

As he began to stack the recovered items into the open suitcase, something brightly colored, at the very bottom of the carryon, caught his eye. It looked like a book of some kind. He knew that he shouldn’t do this - it was an invasion of her privacy, and he’d forced her to give up enough as it was, without taking this as well - but his curiosity drove him to see what this was that was so important that Brenda had chosen it as one of the few items to take with her. He pulled it out and looked at the cover. It looked like a photo album - it was a bright yellow and decorated with an assortment of toys and flowers and animals. It was the kind of album in which people kept pictures and mementos of their children to chronicle events in their lives.

He opened the book and glanced inside: it was filled with pictures of several, different children - running, playing, laughing, crying - but there were no two pictures of the same child. These were evidently pictures that Brenda had taken at some point, but why would she choose to take this particular album with her, he wondered? It didn’t make any sense. It was then that he opened the inside, front cover of the album and saw the inscription, which he recognized as being written in Brenda’s hand: “For my sweet JJ…You were conceived in love and you will be raised in love…This is my promise to you…” It was signed simply, “Mommy,” and dated, “July, 1995.”

Jerry stood frozen as he held the book, simply staring at the inscription; a cold consciousness slowly settling through his body: this was Brenda’s book and her handwriting; they’d been together until the end of June that year… He had thought the pain of finding out about Jax and Brenda had been excruciating, but it was nothing compared to the agony that shot through him as the realization of what this simple inscription meant coursed through his brain and then hit his heart - she’d been pregnant with their child when he’d left her that summer…

Startled, Brenda pulled out of Jax’s embrace, unsure that she had heard him correctly. “Wh - what did you just say?” she asked, her voice shaking.

He smiled at her and pulled her back into his arms. “I asked you to marry me,” he said matter-of-factly.

She pushed away again. “You can’t mean that…” This cannot be happening, she thought - not twice in one night, by two different men, both of whom she loved dearly.

“I don’t think I’ve ever been more serious about anything in my life, Brenda,” he asserted, once again pulling her back into his arms and kissing the top of her head as he held her tightly against him. “I never knew how empty my life was until I found you. You’ve managed to fill the corners of me that had been hollow all my life… Those days we were apart last week and then these past few hours without you - they just made me ache for you, Brenda… like my heart had been ripped out.” He paused, taking a deep breath as he tried to get his cascading emotions under control. “I realized today - in the midst of all that is happening here with the company - that nothing would matter to me if I didn’t have you in my life, too. And now I realize that it isn’t enough just to have you in my life; I want to make you my life - you and the children I hope we have together.”

“Jax, please,” Brenda gasped, as he broke free of his arms. She came here to say goodbye to him, and he was asking her to make a lifetime commitment to him! She needed to be strong here, but this was so hard. She didn’t want to hurt him, but she couldn’t let him go on like this.

She turned back around to face him, but suddenly Jax’s face became JD’s and then back to Jax’s again in a continuous cycle, and each face was asking her to marry him. She felt as if the room were closing in on her and she couldn’t catch her breath. She could feel the blood rushing from her head, and everything began to spin. “Marry me! Marry me!” the morphing faces continued to chant; each was demanding she decide now. Oh, god, she thought - I am crazy!

“Stop it!!! Please, stop it!!!” she cried, closing her eyes tightly and clasping her hands over her face, then she felt her body go limp and she collapsed into a heap.

Jax was completely taken aback by her outburst, and, seeing her go pale, he reached out to steady her, scooping her into his arms just as she collapsed. He carried her to the nearby couch, where he gently lay her down. “Brenda? Brenda?” he whispered, frightened that she had collapsed like that. He ran the back of his hand gently across her forehead and face; she felt cold and clammy, and she gave no response.

Jax ran to the door and threw it open. The outer office and the adjacent hallway that led to the other executive suites and the row of elevators were filled with people. “Gwen!” he yelled, spotting Addie’s assistant, who was huddled at Addie’s desk, a cell phone still at her ear. At the sound of Jax’s shout, everyone turned to see what was going on. “Gwen, call down to the clinic and get a doctor up here immediately! Tell them it’s an emergency!”

J&J Jacks International had a complete clinic set up on the third floor to take care of the needs of its employees and their families. It had been Addies’s suggestion to include a company clinic when his father was first having the building designed, sixteen years earlier. His father had almost nixed the idea, questioning the need for onsite medical services, but Addie had fought valiantly for it, pointing out the savings in time it would provide, since employees would not have to be taking off to run to appointments across town. And she had been right on that point - not only did it provide a savings in lost time, but it also increased staff morale to know that if anything did happen, that competent medical help was just minutes away. The clinic was open during regular building hours and was staffed at all times by a full complement of board-certified doctors, RNs, and auxiliary medical personnel. And at this moment, Jax was grateful for both Addie’s far-sightedness and her stubbornness in insisting his father include that clinic here. He wasn’t sure what was wrong with Brenda, but he was glad that medical help was not far away at the moment.

Gwen gave him a surprised look, but, seeing Jax’s pallor and the urgency in his voice, she didn’t question why he needed a doctor; she just nodded and pressed the speed-dial button on Addie’s phone, connecting her within seconds to the clinic, thankful that at least the in-house phone system was still working. She relayed Jax’s message to the RN who answered and was assured that a doctor would be up immediately. She hung up and looked toward Jax’s office and the door that was just closing as he went back inside, and she decided that there were others, besides the doctor, who should probably be made aware of what was happening inside that office. She immediately dialed another number and waited. “Sir,” she began, as soon as her called party answered, “I thought you should know that there’s been some sort of an emergency in Jax’s office…”

As soon as he’d seen that Gwen had contacted the clinic, Jax immediately returned to Brenda’s side. She still had not regained consciousness nor had any color returned to her face. He ran to his bathroom that connected to his office suite and grabbed a hand towel that he dampened with cold water and put on her forehead. “Brenda, please wake up,” he pleaded, as knelt on the floor beside the couch, gently stroking her cheek with the back of his hand.

She looked so fragile lying there, and he knew it was his fault she had collapsed. He couldn’t believe what a selfish, insensitive dolt he’d been with her just now. He hadn’t even allowed her to take a breath since she’d gotten here. He’d just launched into his speech about loving her and needing her and wanting to marry her immediately. He knew that she had to be exhausted from her trip, and he knew that last night when he’d left her that she was already worn out from the park, where she’d finally opened her heart and soul to him. He had seen the toll that reliving her past and telling him about JD had taken on her - especially reliving the near-rape and the miscarriage. But he had somehow forgotten all of that and had only seen what he had wanted to see - that his prayers had been answered and that she had come to be with him.

He leaned in to kiss her softly and she stirred just as his lips touched hers. “Brenda!” he whispered excitedly as her eyes began to flutter open. “You’re back,” he smiled, as she opened her eyes and focused on his face.

Brenda opened her eyes and glanced wildly around, trying to get her bearings. She was confused as to where she was and what had happened, but then her eyes settled on Jax’s face and she remembered everything immediately: Jax’s unexpected proposal and the hallucinations of JD that had followed. As she lay staring at Jax, she could still feel the fear that had coursed through her earlier as she had watched his face rapidly change back and forth to JD’s and their combined chorus of voices, chanting “Marry me!” over and over again.

Jax could see the fear in her eyes, and he assumed she was still disoriented from fainting. “It’s okay, Brenda. I have you - you’re in my office. You passed out a few minutes ago… How are you feeling now?” he asked, as he helped her to sit upright on the couch.

“I - I’m fine,” she lied; inside she was scared to death that what had happened to her mother all those years ago was now happening to her.

Just then there was a knock on the door, as it simultaneously opened to reveal a woman dressed in a white lab coat and carrying a medical bag.

“We’ll just see how fine you are, Brenda,” Jax replied, rising to greet the doctor as she come through the door. “Dr. Breyley,” Jax said, extending his hand to her as she immediately came to the couch where Brenda was sitting, leaning forward, her head in her hands.

“Jax,” the attractive, fortyish woman with the short, curly mane of dark hair and a set of piercing, blue eyes replied, shaking Jax’s hand firmly, before turning her attentions to Brenda. “What happened here?” she asked, as she sat on the couch next to Brenda to get a closer look at her.

“Nothing…” Brenda answered, mustering up a false bravado and flashing the doctor a bright smile, “I just got a little light-headed, that’s all.” And I just had another in a series of very real hallucinations, and I’m most likely crazy as a loon, just like my mother, Brenda thought, but I’m not about to tell you that!

“She passed out,” Jax amended for the doctor, “and she was out for several minutes.”

“Okay - let’s see if we can discover what caused this,” the doctor said, as she began to give Brenda a cursory physical exam. “I’m Dr. Roberta Breyley, by the way,” she smiled as she flashed her penlight into Brenda’s eyes and then had her open her mouth so she could examine it and her throat. “Jax, here, isn’t always good at the introductions - especially when he’s worried like this.”

Jax’s face flushed slightly, but he immediately regained his composure. “Brenda, this is Dr. Roberta Breyley. She’s one of the physicians staffing the full-time clinic we have for the employees and their families here at the firm,” Jax explained, as an introduction to Brenda. “And, Dr. Breyley, this is Brenda Wilding, someone I met while in New York recently. She just arrived from New York a short while ago.”

“Hmmm… New York, did you say?” Dr. Breyley asked, as she palpated Brenda’s neck and then under both arms. “On the redeye?”

Brenda nodded, “It was a spur of the moment thing… not too bright, huh?”

“Oh, I don’t know about that… I guess it depends on the reason for the spontaneity,” Dr. Breyley smiled as she gave Jax a quick look out of the corner of her eye, then turned her attention immediately back to Brenda. “So, have you ever fainted before this?” Brenda nodded slowly. “When?”

“Umm… the first time was late last night. A … a friend caught me just before I hit the floor that time, too,” Brenda answered, avoiding looking at Jax, whose ears had immediately perked up at that bit of information about the ‘friend’ being there with her. “And then I felt a little light-headed again, just outside in the hallway, and Jax’s father caught me that time.”

“Hmmm… I see,” Dr. Breyley murmured. “When was the last time you had something to eat - and I don’t mean that crap they serve on the airplane? I mean a meal that you actually sat down and ate from start to finish.”

“I - I… uh… I honestly can’t remember,” Brenda stuttered. “I had part of a croissant and a double expresso an hour or so ago; a small cookie hours before that; last night I had a couple of bites of salad; and before that… before that I’m afraid I can’t remember the last time I ate something... This past week has been rather… um… hectic,” she explained, glancing up at Jax. “My normal routine was turned upside down, and I’m afraid eating properly wasn’t a big priority for me over the past few days.”

“So you’ve been under a lot of stress lately, have you?” Dr. Breyley asked, glancing up at Jax and smiling knowingly. The entire building had been buzzing for the past several days with the speculation that their resident lothario, Jasper Jacks, had finally been smitten, which was why he had extended his stay in New York, despite the fact that everyone knew he loathed the city. And now this beautiful young woman just happened to fly in from New York - on the redeye, no less - to visit Jax… She didn’t need her medical degree from Stanford to figure out what the causative agent for Brenda’s stress was - or his, from the looks of this office, she thought. “Seems to be a lot of that going around…” she murmured, giving a pointed glance around the disheveled office then at Jax, once again causing Jax to blush.

“Umm… well, it had been a very stressful morning for me,” Jax clarified, “ - before Brenda arrived, that is. Addie’s out… the phone and computer systems are haywire…”

Dr. Breyley grinned, not saying anything more on that subject. “Well,” she said, returning her attention to Brenda, “I’d like to run a couple of blood tests, but my preliminary diagnosis is that you have a case of hypoglycemia - low blood sugar - combined with a bad case of fatigue. And my immediate, short-term prescription for that is something to eat - preferably something high-protein, like a cheese omelet - and stay away from concentrated sugars, like cookies, and avoid the double expressos with their mega-jolt of caffeine. Then I’d like to prescribe several hours of concentrated rest for you - preferably somewhere without a lot of distractions. And then perhaps a few days of R&R on a beach somewhere - Malibu has some of the nicest around, ” she added, smiling and winking conspiratorially at Jax, who returned the smile. Then she took a deep breath and said, “Jax, how about if you go out and see if you can get that cheese omelet I prescribed? And no caffeine beverages or fruit juices either with that - maybe some herbal tea or a glass of milk…” She looked at Brenda, and she nodded her approval.

Jax realized that Dr. Breyley wanted some privacy with Brenda, so he gracefully excused himself. “Sure - no problem. I’m feeling pretty hungry right now anyway, so I’ll just have the kitchen whip up enough for both of us, while they’re at it.” He bent down and kissed Brenda on the cheek. “I won’t be long,” he said, smiling as he exited, closing the door behind him, insuring privacy for Dr. Breyley and Brenda.

Both Dr. Breyley and Brenda watched quietly as Jax shut the door securely behind him, before either spoke. Dr. Breyley was the first to break the silence: “I hope you don’t mind, but I thought we could use a little privacy while I took a few blood samples and we talked.” She pulled a syringe, some swabs, and several vials from her bag, and then reached for Brenda’s arms to examine the front of each arm, frowning as she hunted for a good vein to do the stick. Finally, she released Brenda’s right arm and secured the tourniquet on Brenda’s left arm, just above her elbow. With her index finger, she lightly flicked the area just below the tourniquet, hoping to raise a vein; then, satisfied that this was as good as she could get, she cleansed the area with an alcohol swab and removed the cover from the needle of the syringe. “You’ll feel a slight prick and then some pressure,” she told Brenda, who grimaced slightly as Dr. Breyley smoothly inserted the needle into the now-prominent vein, then popped the end from the syringe, sliding a vial in its place, then released the tourniquet. “I plan to run several tests on your blood…” she said, as the first tube filled and she smoothly put a second vial in its place, followed shortly by a third vial, “…if that’s okay with you?” She looked at Brenda for permission.

“Is all this really necessary?” Brenda asked, not sure that she really wanted to know what was wrong with her if it meant a diagnosis of insanity. “I mean, didn’t you just say that you thought it was most likely due to fatigue and low blood sugar?”

“It could very well be simply that,” Dr. Breyley nodded, “but it could be something else entirely.” She deftly removed the needle from Brenda’s arm and placed a cotton ball over the puncture site, followed by a small bandage. Then, taking the fingers of Brenda’s right hand and placing it over the bandage, she said, “Keep pressure on that and hold your arm up like this for the next thirty seconds.” She folded Brenda’s arm up slightly, then continued, “Fainting can be a symptom of a lot of conditions - some of them simple, others chronic or life-threatening. These tests I plan to run will hopefully confirm or rule out a few of those conditions… So could a couple of simple questions, if you don’t mind…?” Once again she gave Brenda a questioning glance.

“No, of course not - you’re the doctor,” Brenda said, startled that the doctor was hesitant to ask anything.

“I’m not asking this to be nosy… but it is a consideration…” Dr. Breyley began, a sincere kindness in her blue eyes, as she touched Brenda’s left arm, indicating it was okay for her to put it back down now, “but is there any possibility that you could be pregnant?” She hadn’t wanted to ask the question in front of Jax, since she had gathered from office gossip that Jax and Brenda had just met in the past week or so, and there was no way that it could be his baby, if that was the reason for her repeated fainting spells.

Brenda’s eyes widened at that and she blushed slightly, as Dr. Breyley correctly assumed she and Jax had been intimate. “No! I mean, I suppose that there is the remotest possibility, but up until just a week ago, I had been celibate for the past four years… And I have never had unprotected sex in my life and especially not recently. Besides, even if there was the remote possibility that I had somehow gotten pregnant, isn’t it too soon to be having symptoms?”

“Well, no form of birth control is 100% fool-proof, as you know - except abstinence, which you said you practiced up until recently. And, you’re right, even if you had gotten pregnant in the past week, it is too soon to cause these symptoms…” She saw Brenda’s face whiten again. “It’s very unlikely that you are pregnant, but a simple blood test can allay your fears - it’s accurate just days after conception now,” she added, anticipating Brenda’s question about the efficacy of taking one this soon.

Brenda knew all too well that it was possible to get pregnant while using protection - it had happened to her with JD. So she could, theoretically, be pregnant again, despite the fact that she and Jax always used protection - each of the many, many times they’d made love in the few days they’d been together. But if she were, what difference would it make? She couldn’t be with Jax; she had to leave… And if he knew she were pregnant, he’d never let her go…

Dr. Breyley watched as Brenda remained silent and guessed that she might be worried about Jax finding out about the test, so she added: “Brenda, Jax may sign my paycheck, but that doesn’t give him any access to classified medical information. Anything I learn from these tests is strictly confidential - just between you and me. Even if you and Jax were married, these tests would not be his business, unless you wanted him told, that is.”

Brenda relaxed somewhat at that. “Thanks… I’d appreciate if he not know the results - no matter what might turn up…”

“Not a problem,” Dr. Breyley smiled, as she stood to leave. “I think this is most likely just a wicked combination of too much stress and too little food and sleep, but just the same, I think you should have a much more thorough exam than this one. I can do it down in the clinic later, or you could wait to go to your own physician when you return to New York, if you’d prefer, but I do think you shouldn’t put it off too long,” she said as she extended her hand to Brenda.

“Thanks. I’ll keep that in mind,” Brenda answered as she shook Dr. Breyley’s hand, although she knew full well that she hadn’t even had time for this exam, let alone a more thorough physical any time soon! She needed to tell Jax what she had come here to say and then fly back to New York as soon as possible - not to see her doctor, but to run for her life, and possibly Jax’s life, too.

There was a knock at the door, and it opened a crack, with Jax’s head peering cautiously through it. “Am I interrupting?” he asked hesitantly.

“No, as a matter of fact, you’re right on time,” Dr. Breyley smiled, as she gathered up her medical bag and the vials of blood in preparation to leave. “My, that was quick! I’ve never seen service that fast from the dining room in all the years I’ve been here!” she laughed, as Jax pushed through the open door with a cart, covered by a white linen tablecloth and topped with several silver-covered serving dishes.

“Well, it pays to have clout,” Jax answered, as he flashed both Dr. Breyley and Brenda an arrogant smile.

“Which is why I was able to get this for Brenda so quickly,” John Jacks added smartly, as he strode into Jax’s office and immediately headed to Brenda’s side. “Ms. Wilding, I promised you a breakfast, and I never make a promise I don’t intend to keep,” he smiled warmly, as he settled on the couch beside Brenda, taking her hands in his. “Now what’s this about needing a doctor up here? Gwen called to inform me that Jax had asked her to call a doctor for him, and now I find Dr. Breyley just leaving. Did that son of mine get a bit cheeky with you and you had to put him in his place, requiring the doctor to get him upright again?” John teased lightly, although he already knew that Brenda had another fainting spell, having spoken with Gwen in the hallway just now, and she had heard it directly from Jax.

Brenda smiled brightly at John’s teasing. She already liked this man so much. She barely knew the man, and yet she felt more comfortable with him than she had ever felt with her father, she thought sadly. “Please call me ‘Brenda,’” she said. “Ms. Wilding is…” she paused… Ms. Wilding is my mother’s name, not mine, she finished in her head, suddenly realizing that she had never gotten around to telling Jax her real name. Maybe that was for the best - it would be harder for him to look for her once she was gone if he knew her only as Brenda Wilding, rather than Brenda Barrett… “…Ms. Wilding is too formal,” she finished smoothly. “I’m sorry to have added to all of your problems here today. I’m afraid I decided to put a little excitement into Jax’s otherwise ‘dull’ day by passing out on him,” she apologized teasingly, but genuinely upset that she was making this already difficult day that much harder for both Jax and his father. “But it’s nothing to worry about - the doctor says I just need to get something to eat and some rest, and I’ll be just fine!”

“Is that right, Dr. Breyley?” Jax asked, wanting to hear that for himself directly from the doctor.

Dr. Breyley glanced first at Brenda, whose eyes pleaded with her to keep this trivial with Jax, and then at Jax, who was watching her for any sign of the slightest hesitation in her reply, and answered: “I think that a hot meal and a hot shower, followed by several hours of rest will do Brenda a world of good.” She hadn’t lied to Jax in the least, and yet she had also not let him know that there could be more to the fainting than that. “I’m going to head back down to the clinic to get started on this bloodwork, although I’m sure there’s nothing to worry about,” she said, for which she got grateful look from Brenda. “Would you like me to forward the results to you or your doctor back in New York?” she asked Brenda, as she reached the door.

“Yes, that would be good,” Brenda replied, although she knew she wouldn’t be there to get the results; she’d be somewhere on the other side of the world on some uncharted island, hiding with JD from some faceless, nameless people who were out to kill her and possibly those whom she loved. “Jax has my address,” she added, trying to sound as if she genuinely wanted the test results.

“I’ll give it to Gwen to send down to you,” Jax interjected, to which Dr. Breyley nodded her goodbye to them and then left to return to the clinic.

“Well, I’m going to leave you two alone as well to enjoy your breakfast before it gets cold,” John said, as he rose from the couch to leave. “I had better get back to the crises at hand anyway - although Gwen did inform me that teams from both CalTel and Digital were on their way, so soon we should be swimming in technical people, and, hopefully, out of this mess in no time!”

“Do you need me, Dad?” Jax asked, hoping he’d be able steal a little more time with Brenda.

John smiled at Jax, aware that the last thing Jax wanted to do at this moment was tear himself away from Brenda - and he couldn’t blame the boy there a bit! She was exactly the type of woman he had always hoped his sons would find and fall in love with - beautiful, bright, warm, and spirited. He could hardly wait to get a moment - and a working phone - so that he could call Lady Jane to tell her about the love of their son’s life. Maybe those grandchildren wouldn’t be so far off after all… “No, son,” he answered. “I think I can spare you - for a while at least. Take your time and enjoy your breakfast - and your beautiful company. I’ll call if I absolutely need you.”

“Thanks, Dad!” Jax grinned, as he waited for his father to say goodbye to Brenda.

John turned to Brenda, who was now standing by the couch, and smiled. “I hope to be seeing much more of you, Brenda - You’re like a ray of sunshine in my son’s life, and that is always a welcome sight to a father’s eyes!” He embraced her warmly. “I’ll see you both later!” he said as he walked out of the office, once again closing the door behind him to assure their privacy.

“I really like your father,” Brenda smiled as she watched John Jacks leave. “He’s very nice and charming - not to mention handsome.”

“Well, it does run in the family,” Jax quipped, smiling as he escorted Brenda to the huge solid cherry conference table on the other side of the office, where he had set their places for breakfast.

“You remind me of your father in a lot of ways, but you don’t look much like him,” Brenda remarked, as she sat down in the beautifully detailed cherry chair that Jax had pulled out for her.

“No, Mum says I take after her brother, Thomas. I’m named for him, in fact - Jasper Thomas. But I’ve seen pictures of Dad when he was younger, and my brother Jerry looks very much like he did back then,” Jax remarked offhandedly, as he settled into an identical chair, beside her. “Although there are those who think Jerry and I look alike, but I’ve never seen the resemblance myself. Jerry’s not nearly as handsome as I am - and he’s terribly arrogant, to boot!” he laughed, which made her laugh, too. But before she could give a snappy comeback, Jax uncovered the dishes, revealing huge omelets for each of them, with a side of fresh fruit, and slices of whole-wheat toast, eliciting an audible gasp from Brenda rather than a retort.

“Jax, you can’t possibly expect me to eat all of that!” Brenda sighed, as she wrinkled her nose at the man-size portion that overflowed her plate. “I always thought California cuisine meant tiny portions, not servings that could feed an army!” She picked up her fork and began to play with the edge of her omelet. But her face clouded over as she glanced at her watch and realized that she had yet to even broach the subject that had brought her here to LA and she still was unsure of exactly what she would say to him and the minutes were rapidly ticking away. She had so much to say to Jax and so little time left in which to do it. And now she had to take even more of that time to eat, when her nervous stomach was already rebelling at just the sight and the smell of the food in front of her.

Jax’s jovial mood vanished quickly, as he watched Brenda’s sudden change in demeanor. “I’m worried about you, Brenda… What’s really wrong?” he asked quietly, his voice serious. “I know we’ve only known each other a week, but in that time I’ve gotten to know you very well, and I know when something is bothering you…” His remark was met with silence, as Brenda continued to play with her food. “I know there’s something wrong, Brenda…Please tell me what it is. You’re the most important person in my life now, and I don’t think I could stand it if anything happened to you…”

“I’m fine,” Brenda replied defensively, stabbing a small forkful of the omelet and putting it in her mouth, swallowing it whole. “You heard Dr. Breyley yourself - I just need some food, some sleep, and some R&R, and I’ll be fine…” She gave Jax a fixed smile and then quickly looked away from him and back at her plate, stabbing another forkful of the omelet and eating it, hoping he would be satisfied that she was actually eating and drop the subject.

Jax took a bite of his own omelet and stared out the windows that lined the wall beyond the table and overlooked downtown LA and sighed, trying to think of a way to phrase what he wanted to say without putting more stress on Brenda than he already had. “Maybe a part of me accepts that it’s just fatigue and poor nutrition that has you fainting at the drop of a hat,” he began cautiously, “but another part of me thinks there’s something more sinister causing it…” He paused, once again choosing his words carefully.

“Brenda, there’s something different about you now that wasn’t there when I left you last night… Last night you were tired, but you were happy and robust; now you’re pale and on edge… Last night you had just admitted that you loved me, and we were looking forward to a future together… Yet when I proposed today - admittedly, something I hadn’t planned to do here in my office, up to our knees in scattered papers and mass confusion - you acted as if I’d somehow blindsided you completely and that marrying me was a completely foreign concept to you…” He watched as Brenda shifted uncomfortably under the concentrated barrage of both his gaze and his words, and his heart sank as he realized that his words were hitting uncomfortably close for Brenda. “I guess I had just assumed that since you’d flown out here in the middle of the night to see me, it meant that you couldn’t live even a few hours without me… But I guess I was wrong, wasn’t I?”

Brenda set her fork down beside her plate and looked up at Jax, her eyes bright with tears. “I love you, Jax - I do - but things are more complicated now than they were, and I can’t just give you an easy answer to your proposal…” she said, trying to remain calm, despite the fact that her heart was breaking. She hung her head, wishing this didn’t hurt so much.

This was so much harder than she had imagined it would be. When she had arrived, she hadn’t expected him to ask her to marry him, and now he expected both an answer and an explanation. She couldn’t give him an answer, and she especially couldn’t give him the answer he wanted. She couldn’t marry him tonight… or tomorrow - or maybe ever, and she knew now that it had nothing to do with JD or her feelings for him or his proposal last night.

It had to do with her - who she was… who she’d always been - Brenda Barrett, daughter of Veronica Wilding Barrett, crazy woman. She carried her mother’s genes, and her mother had gone mad when she was just Brenda’s age. She had been normal when her father had married her - but she had descended into madness shortly thereafter, and her father had grown to hate her mother because of that madness. What if the same thing happened to her? What if she married Jax or JD, and her mental state began to deteriorate - perhaps as the result of pregnancy, as had been the case with her mother - would Jax or JD soon grow to despise her, as her father had grown to hate her mother?

She was already showing signs of instability - the hallucinations were becoming stronger and more frequent, and she wasn’t sure that she could, in good conscience, chalk them up to fatigue or low blood sugar any longer, no matter what Dr. Breyley found in her workup. And she couldn’t, in good conscience, marry either Jax or JD, she decided. It wouldn’t be fair to either of them or to the children they each hoped to have one day… And if you’re already pregnant, her heart asked - what then? I’ll deal with that when it’s an issue, her head said - for now I have other things to handle first.

“What is so complicated now that we didn’t already face head-on last night? Is this about JD?” Jax asked, and Brenda averted her eyes. He gently lifted her chin, forcing her to look him in the eyes. “You already told me about JD and the baby and the fact that a part of you still loves them both, and I understand that and I accept that. But JD’s just a memory, Brenda - just a ghost from your past that you can’t allow to haunt you - or us - now or in the future.”

“Nooo…” Brenda shook her head as she let out a sob, unable to hold back the tears any longer, “he’s not just a ghost…” The rest of her words were consumed by the force of the sobs that now wracked her small body.

Jax sat staring at her, momentarily frozen, as he began to slowly put things together and understand what had been bothering her since she’d arrived. “The ‘friend’ who caught you last night when you fainted… It was JD, wasn’t it?… He’s back, and he wants you back…” His voice was flat, but Brenda could see the pain in his eyes.

Brenda nodded slowly, still unable to speak through her sobs. This trip had been a monumental mistake from the beginning, and now things were only getting worse by the second. This is not how she had imagined this - it was so much worse! Why had she ever come here, she wondered? It would have been so much easier on both of them had she left him a pretty lie in a note or a voicemail than to see him face the ugly truth as she was now. Maybe JD had been right to leave her as he had, merely slipping away in the night…

Jax’s cold, flat demeanor changed in the blink of an eye, and he suddenly exploded with white-hot rage, aimed not at her, but at the situation - and JD. “Where the hell has he been for the past four years?!” he demanded angrily, jumping up from the table with such force that he knocked over his chair and both of their drinks. “What was his explanation for walking out on you like that - leaving you alone and frightened and pregnant?! … Did he just make a wrong turn going to the market and take four years to find his way back to you?! … I want to know what kind of an explanation he could possibly give you that would make you not only accept it, but would make you still love him, as well!”

Rising from her chair, Brenda drew in several deep breaths in an effort to stifle her sobs. She had to get herself under control now. This was not how she had hoped this would turn out, but she could still use his anger and his pain to her advantage. He might hate her when it was over, but at least if he hated her, he’d never try to find her, and then he’d be safe and he could move on… Finally able to speak again, she turned and faced him, hating the anger and the pain she saw in his eyes. “He had his reasons for leaving and staying away - and I understand them,” she answered, her voice suddenly deadly calm.

Jax edged toward her, his eyes narrowing suspiciously, his voice also suddenly deadly calm as he spoke: “Then help me to understand, Brenda…”

“You can’t?” Jax asked, his voice rising as he edged closer to her, repeating back her words, not sure that he’d actually heard her correctly. “What do you mean, you can’t?”

“Just what I said - I can’t,” she repeated, her face suddenly impassive, her voice flat, despite the fact that her heart was breaking inside.

“And why can’t you?” he asked quietly, afraid to hear her answer, but needing to hear it, just the same.

Inside, her heart was screaming: Because telling you could jeopardize your life even more than my being here already has… Because if you know the truth, you could die… And if you died, I wouldn’t want to live either… Instead, mustering a steeliness and a callousness she didn’t feel, she replied coldly and defiantly: “Because it doesn’t concern you. It only concerns JD and me.”

Jax stepped back from her immediately, reeling from the impact of her words as surely as if he’d been shot point-blank in the chest, which he had - her words had hit him squarely in his heart, and it was breaking. Just minutes ago she had told him that she loved him, and now she was telling him that she was keeping secrets from him with this other man? Something here didn’t make sense…

It took all of Brenda’s strength to maintain her cool, reserved attitude as she watched the pain dance freely across his face. “I’m sorry, Jax. I hadn’t meant to tell you about JD like that, but he is back and he is in my life again - and he still loves me and he wants to marry me,” she said, her voice quivering slightly. “I came here to tell you that things have changed now that JD’s returned and that I need to get away for awhile to think things through - consider my options, so to speak,” she added, trying desperately to sound credible in her explanation for this foolhardy trip to LA, but coming off far less convincing than she’d hoped. She had never been very good at lying.

Jax picked up on her ambivalence immediately, and it was all the encouragement that he needed. “Why are you here, Brenda?” Jax asked, his face once again animated; a glimmer of hope lighting his eyes.

Jax’s sudden change in attitude from despair and anger back to optimism threw Brenda, and she wondered what she could say to make him back away from her emotionally again. “I…uh… I told you that I came here to tell you that JD had returned and that I’m going away for a couple of weeks - by myself - to try to sort things out,” she repeated her lie. Maybe he’d believe it and accept it, and just leave it at that. She was wrong…

“Why are you here?” he repeated, once again inching closer to her.

She closed her eyes, trying to block out his face and the earnestness in his eyes as he tried to tear some honest answers out of her. Why was he making this so hard? Hadn’t she just told him all that he needed to know? Why couldn’t he just accept her explanation that JD was back and that she needed time away, and let it go at that?

He moved even closer to her, and she could feel the heat emanating from his body; the heat that seemed to call to her to wrap her arms around him and lose herself in him, now and forever… It was taking all of her reserve to resist him… to resist this overwhelming urge she had to simply tell him the truth: that JD’s return had marked her for death and that now she had to leave - possibly never to return - in order to save herself and those she loved. She loved JD, but she also loved Jax just as surely and deeply, and at this moment, she knew that she never wanted to leave him…

Jax watched as Brenda remained silent, her eyes tightly closed, as if she were trying to block out her feelings for him by blocking out the sight of him. He knew that she was lying to him. It might be a lie of omission, but it was a lie, just the same. But he also knew that he was wearing down her defenses and that he was on the verge of discovering the truth here. There was more to this than just her long-lost lover suddenly showing up after a four-year absence to rekindle a still burning ember. She was struggling with more than just loving both him and JD, and he wasn’t going to let her go until he knew exactly what it was she was trying to hide from him.

He waited for an answer from her, but when she remained silent, he pressed on: “Why didn’t you just call me and tell me all of this? After all, it would have meant no cross-country trip in the middle of the night; no lost sleep or missed meals; no hassles with security or with me. It would certainly have been a lot easier on you… Hell, it probably would have been easier on me - at least, in the short run… But that’s not what you really wanted, was it, Brenda?”

He leaned forward and gently began to run his fingers slowly down her arms, eliciting a small shudder from Brenda at his touch. He resisted his urge to smile at her body’s spontaneous reaction to him. He lowered his voice, whispering as he continued his relentless assault on her deception: “You never wanted to make this easy on either of us, did you, Brenda? You had to come here to see me in person because you wanted me to stop you… You wanted me to see the love on your face for me… and hear the ambivalence in your voice about what you were planning to do… and see the sadness and fear in your eyes at the prospect of leaving me… You’re not going away to sort things out, are you, Brenda? You’re running from something - and it’s not just the fact that you’re in love with two men…”

Involuntarily, Brenda’s eyes flew open as Jax’s carefully chosen words hit squarely on target. But how could he know…? “No, you’re wrong!” she protested, not wanting him to know he was right - but the look on her face and the terror in her eyes contradicted her words.

The triumph sparkled in Jax’s eyes, as he realized he had discovered the truth - or at least the beginnings of it. “You’re running, Brenda, but you don’t want to run, do you? And you’re not going alone-” It wasn’t a question, but a statement; he knew she wasn’t taking off by herself. “Is he forcing you to go with him, Brenda? Is that it?”

“No! JD loves me,” Brenda exclaimed, tears once again filling her eyes. “He would never make me do anything that wasn’t for my own good -” her voice trailed off, as she realized she had already said too much. “Jax, please - just forget all of this; forget I was here - forget I ever existed!” She turned to run, but he grabbed her and pulled her into his arms.

“Brenda, I can’t forget about you any more than I can forget how to breathe; to do either would mean I’d cease to exist!” He placed his hands on either side of her face, gently guiding her face so that they were looking eye-to-eye. “You are my life, Brenda. Don’t you know that by now? I lost my heart and my soul to you the first time we made love, and I don’t want them back - not unless you come with them. I can’t and I won’t live without you, and I’ll die fighting to keep you and our love safe. Just give me that chance, Brenda - give us that chance…”

She was suddenly so very tired and her head hurt, and she wished she could just magically make the pain and the turmoil of the past several hours go away… “Jax, it’s not that simple!” she said, her voice pleading. “I have to go - I don’t have a choice…”

“We always have choices, Brenda…” he answered, still not grasping the inference in her words. “I can protect you from him, Brenda - I have money and properties all over the world - I can take you someplace that he could never find you again!” he offered, as his mind filled with the possibilities of what he would do to protect her.

“I’m not running from JD - he’s not a threat to me!” Brenda exploded. “It’s the people he works for - they want to kill me to keep him in line!” She regretted her words the minute they’d left her mouth, but there was no way to take them back now. This was an all-or-nothing proposition, and since she had inadvertently told him some of this sordid tale, she might as well tell him everything. Maybe in this case forewarned would really be forearmed, and he could protect himself from this danger into which she had now drawn him completely…

“The people he works for?” Jax asked incredulously, trying to make sense of what Brenda had just said. “What kind of work does he do?”

Brenda’s head was pounding now almost as loudly as her heart, and she could feel her dizziness returning. “Ummm… I think I need to sit down first,” she said, reaching out for him to steady her.

Jax saw her sway slightly and he scooped her into his arms, rushing to the couch and laying her down again. “I’m sorry - I shouldn’t have pushed like that. It’s just… I couldn’t accept what you were saying…” he apologized, feeling ashamed for selfishly pushing her the way that he had. “I just couldn’t let you disappear from my life, and I knew that if I let you go, that’s exactly what would happen.”

“It’s okay, Jax,” she said, as she pulled herself to a sitting position on the couch. “I just need a few minutes to catch my breath and collect my thoughts,” she said, as she leaned forward, once again clutching her head in her hands. She was about to ask if he had aspirin, when there was a quick knock at his office door, and before Jax could answer, the door flew open, making both Brenda and Jax look up.

“Jax,” Gwen apologized as she appeared at the open door, “your dad needs to see you in his office right away - he says it’s a definite emergency.”

Jax looked first at Brenda and then back to Gwen, hesitating briefly before answering.

Brenda knew he needed to go, but he was hesitant because he was worried about her. “Go, Jax - I’ll be fine here,” she reassured him.

“Tell Dad I’ll be right there, Gwen,” he told her, and she nodded and immediately walked back out. He turned his attention back to Brenda, who continued to hold her head in her hands. “Are you sure you’ll be okay in here alone?” he asked, as he moved to leave.

She smiled at him wanly. She knew he was anxious to hear what she had to say about JD and his employers, and she also knew he was afraid she’d run if he weren’t here to stop her. “If what you’re really asking is if I’ll still be here when you return, the answer is ‘yes.’ I won’t go anywhere until after we’ve talked… Besides, I seem to have developed a splitting headache, and I doubt I could get very far feeling the way I do at the moment…You don’t happen to have some aspirin or Tylenol handy, do you?” she asked hopefully.

“As a matter of fact, I have some Tylenol on my desk because I was dipping into it myself this morning before you got here.” He started toward his desk to retrieve it for her, but she reached out and stopped him.

“Jax, your dad said this meeting was an emergency, so I think you’d better get there immediately,” she offered, as she stood slowly. “I don’t want to interfere with your business in any way… Besides, I think I’m capable of finding a bottle of Tylenol on my own.” She looked toward his desk, which was still torn asunder from his tirade earlier that morning, and then she added, grinning slightly, “Of course, I may still be looking by the time you return…”

Jax returned her grin, then kissed her as he headed out the door. “I’ll send Gwen in to help you look. You may need all the help you can get,” he quipped, then hesitated slightly as he asked: “You will be here when I get back, right?” he asked, wanting to make sure that she really did intend to stick around to discuss this further. At her smile and nod of assent, he shut the door behind him, grateful that she could still smile and joke despite all that was going on. That was a good sign, he decided; a very good sign that despite the pain that had passed between them this morning - despite the fact that JD had returned and thrown their lives into chaos - that he and Brenda were still solid and that they’d work together to eventually solve this problem, no matter how deeply it ran. That’s what people who loved one another did, and that’s what they’d do, too, he assured himself, as he headed toward his father’s office, wondering what more could have arisen while he was occupied with Brenda, and hoping that whatever it was wouldn’t keep him from her for very long.

Brenda cautiously navigated the sea of papers and other miscellany that remained scattered across the floor, finally finding her way to Jax’s desk, which was an even bigger mess than the floor. She sighed as she eyed the huge desk, wondering where on the desktop to even start and if she’d end up with even more of a headache by the time she was finished looking for the Tylenol bottle? She decided to start at one side and plow her way through to the other, hoping to hit pay dirt before she’d cleaned her way across the great expanse. She settled into Jax’s plush leather chair, pulling it up to his desk, and began her search at the right-hand front corner of his desk, picking up papers and stacking then at the side as she went. She finally found the bottle of Tylenol and was about to go to the conference table to pour herself a glass of water when she spotted an overturned picture frame just to the left of where she’d found the Tylenol.

Curious as to what picture Jax would keep on his desk, she picked up the frame and turned it over. She smiled as she saw that it was a snapshot that someone had taken of Jax and another man, smiling, their arms affectionately wrapped around each other’s shoulders, in front of a beautifully decorated Christmas tree. She brought it closer to get a better look at the man in the photo with Jax, but her heart froze when she realized she knew the man in the photo - it was JD!

She blinked her eyes, certain that this was yet another hallucination that would disappear once she opened her eyes, but when she looked again, the face remained JD’s… Jax and JD knew each other - and quite well, from the pose in the photo!

The door to Jax’s office flew open and Gwen sailed in, surprising Brenda and making her drop both the Tylenol and the picture. “I didn’t mean to startle you, Ms. Wilding,” she apologized, as she headed toward Jax’s desk, “but Jax suggested I come in to help you find that Tylenol. He was afraid you might feel worse by the time you had to wade through this mess on his desk to get it.” She saw that Brenda still appeared dazed and put her hand on her arm as she got closer to her. “Are you okay, Ms. Wilding?” she asked, concerned by her pallor.

“Ummm… Yes, I’m fine,” Brenda answered, picking the dropped bottle back up and flashing it at Jax’s secretary. “See, I found it!” she said, plastering on a smile.

“Oh, that’s good!” Gwen laughed, as she began to straighten items on Jax’s desk. “I wasn’t sure even the two of us together would be able to find it in all this clutter!”

“Yeah, well, he does have quite a mess here… Ummm…You know I found this while I was searching for the Tylenol,” Brenda said offhandedly, casually picking up the picture of Jax and JD and holding it up for Gwen to see. “The man in the picture looks so familiar, but I can’t seem to remember his name… Do you happen to know who he is?”

Her eyes narrowed, Gwen glanced at the picture and then smiled as she looked back at Brenda. “That’s Jax’s brother, Jerry,” she answered, quickly turning her attention back to restoring order to Jax’s chaotic desktop, and completely missing the look of sheer panic that crossed Brenda’s face at her revelation…