As he brushed by her, Brenda felt the same sensations pass through her as she had four years before on that beach in Monaco when JD had first touched her. Why did this man make her feel like this, too? It was déjà vu all over again, and she didn't think she could handle feelings like that again with another man. She needed to get Jack Thomas out of her life - and fast!

"I thought I had made it clear this morning that I no longer was interested in hiring you," she said as she dropped the bag of sandwiches on the table.

"You also said you were going to destroy the film you used this morning, but it looks like you changed your mind there," Jax said, holding up the contact sheets with the shots she had taken of him running in Central Park earlier that morning. "Perhaps you've also changed your mind about wanting me to model for you."

She grabbed the sheets out of his hand. "I'm no longer planning to do this particular series, after all," she said as she tossed them in the wastebasket.

"These are excellent," he said as he fished the sheets out of the trash. "You really are very talented, you know. It's a shame to let them go to waste."

"Thank you for your critique of my work, Mr. Thomas, but I have my reasons for not wanting to pursue this project any longer," she replied, trying to keep from losing her cool with this man, who was overloading her senses just by being in the same room with her.

"And what would those reasons be, Ms. Wilding?" he asked, raising his eyebrows and smiling again at her.

"I don't believe that I owe you an explanation as to why I do or do not choose to pursue something professionally," she snapped at him, exasperated that he was still in her apartment - playing twenty questions, no less.

He moved closer to her, bending down so that his face was just inches from hers. "How about a reason as to why you won't pursue something - or someone - personally?" he asked, his blue-green eyes gazing intently into hers, and Brenda felt as if he could see inside her - to see how much she wanted him, just like she had immediately wanted JD.

She swallowed hard and tried to still her rapidly beating heart. She couldn't let him see how much he was affecting her. She couldn't think straight with him so close to her. She needed to get him away from her before she allowed herself to do something foolish - as she had four years before. "I don't owe you any explanations for anything I do - either professionally or personally," she replied angrily, pushing him away from her with all the strength and false bravado she could muster.

His smile and his attitude softened at that. "You're right," he said softly. "I had no right to push you like this or to barge in on you either."

Brenda's icy reserve softened a bit, too. "No, you didn't, but it's my fault for ever intruding on your privacy in the first place by photographing you, then offering you a job, and then withdrawing my job offer so callously." She glanced at his well-worn clothes and thought about his jogging attire earlier and seeing the bag from Scribman's on the table, she figured he really couldn't afford what this afternoon was costing him. She also thought that she might have a way to get him quickly out of her apartment and out of her life. "Even though I no longer am interested in using you, let me pay you the $100 I promised you for the day's work, and I'll pay for the sandwiches and your cab fare as well. Does that sound fair to you?" She moved to go to her bedroom to get the money, but he stopped her.

"No, it doesn't sound fair," Jax said, and he saw the immediate look of confusion on her face. "I believe in earning whatever I'm paid, and I certainly have not earned that $100 you're about to hand over to me, so I don't think it's fair to either of us if you do that. As for the cab fare and the sandwiches, this trip was my doing and the sandwiches are my treat, so I don't want you to pay for anything," he said seriously. But then his eyes twinkled and a slight smile touched his lips as he added, "Unless, of course, you figured it was worth paying me off just to get rid of me."

Brenda blushed slightly as he had correctly guessed one of her reasons for wanting to pay him. Just then the teakettle let out a shrill scream, and Brenda was saved from having to answer him. "I'd better get that," she said as she ran to the stove, turning off the burner and moving the teakettle to a trivet on the counter.

"You're not planning to use that hot water for anything?" Jax asked, as she made no move to pour the boiling water into anything.

"Umm… yes, I was just about to make myself a cup of hot tea before you came, but now…" her voice trailed off, as she realized that it would take far more than a cup of chamomile tea to soothe her nerves after this encounter with Mr. Thomas.

"But now you don't want it anymore?" he asked, smiling at her, as he tried to figure out what was going on with her and why his mere presence seemed to rattle her so much. She blushed again, and Jax once again realized how her beauty intensified whenever she was embarrassed.

Brenda hated the conflicting feelings that Jack Thomas stirred up in her. On the one hand, she wanted to tell him to just mind his own damn business and to get the hell out of her apartment and her life; but on the other hand, she wanted to open herself to him completely, allowing him to know her thoroughly - body and soul. He had just asked her a simple question: did she or did she not want that cup of tea now? But instead of giving him a simple answer, her conscience was wrestling with her baser instincts, trying to decide whether to ravage him thoroughly now or banish him completely from her life. She decided an innocuous compromise between the two points would be the best course of action. "No," she finally answered him, after several seconds of silence, "I think I'd prefer iced tea instead of hot tea with my deli sandwich - assuming, that is, that the lunch invitation is still on the table."

Jax was stunned. This woman had gone from appearing to want nothing more to do with him ever again to wanting to share lunch with him in a matter of a heartbeat. She had gone from cold to hot - okay, maybe more like lukewarm - in a matter of seconds. He was happy for her change of heart, but he was still confused about her and wondered what thoughts and emotions were swirling around in that beautiful head of hers? He hoped that this lunch would help reveal a little more about this puzzling, yet exciting woman.

"Of course, it is!" He smiled as he picked up the bag with the sandwiches in it, opened it, and held it out to her. "Which would you prefer - corned beef on rye or corned beef on rye?" he asked, his eyes twinkling.

"I think I'd prefer the corned beef on rye," Brenda laughed, surprising herself by how easily she had allowed him to cut through her defenses. She was still wary of him, but she figured being polite and sociable over a couple of deli sandwiches would not lead to anything more intimate than sharing the spicy, hot mustard that Scribman's was famous for. "Would you care for something to drink?" she asked as she strode to the refrigerator and opened it. "Hmmm… well, I can offer you water or iced tea or a little Chardonnay that is well past its prime, I'm afraid," she laughed again.

Jax tried not to stare at her, but she looked so different when she smiled and laughed than she did when she was serious and combative. There was something so charmingly innocent and sprite-like about her when she laughed, and he was sure that this was the real Brenda Wilding and not the cool and combative incarnation he had seen at the park and just a few moments ago when he'd first arrived. He wondered what had happened to her to force her to wear that austere façade of toughness and intractability? Perhaps it was just living in this city that had toughened her.

Jax only visited New York a few times a year, and then only stayed a few days at a time. He had never cared for the overall tough and bustling tone of the city, preferring instead the laid back, carefree feel of California, and especially his estate in Malibu, where he lived nearly year-round. Perhaps if she lived in California instead of New York City, she'd be entirely different…

Just then an image of Brenda, clad in a tiny bikini and laughing and running on the beach flashed through his mind, and his mouth went suddenly dry, as he vaguely heard her asking what he'd like to drink. "Umm…" he stuttered, trying to compose himself as his very vivid daydream slowly faded and was replaced by the equally stimulating actual view of Ms. Wilding's well-shaped, jean-clad bottom as she bent over, scanning the contents of her nearly empty refrigerator. "I'll… I'll take anything as long as it's cold and wet!" he finally was able to answer.

"Okay, iced tea it is!" she said, grabbing the iced tea pitcher as she straightened up and turned around just in time to see Jax drop down into a chair on the other side of the table. "Are you okay?" she asked quietly, concerned by the pained expression on his face and the speed at which he had sat down.

Now it was Jax's turn to blush slightly. "Umm… just low blood sugar, I guess," he laughed self-consciously. He couldn't very well tell her that he sat down so abruptly to hide the blatant evidence of his lascivious thoughts where she was concerned. He had just gotten her to relent to being around him somewhat, and he couldn't risk scaring her away by advertising the obvious fact that he was indeed very interested in knowing her much better in a very personal way.

"Oh," was all Brenda said as she turned and stretched to reach the cupboard where she kept the glasses.

Jax's eyes strayed to her bare midriff area when her short, cotton tee shirt crept up as she pulled the glasses from the shelf above her head. The tingling in his loins and the dryness in his mouth increased tenfold with her movements, and he was thankful to be already seated and that he'd soon have that iced tea, as well.

"Sugar or lemon?" she asked as she poured the tea over the stacks of cubes in the glasses.

"Plain is good," he said, just wanting to get something into his parched mouth - and fast. She handed him his tall glass of tea, and, much to her surprise, he quickly gulped it down.

"I'll just leave the tea on the table," she laughed, placing the pitcher in front of him, and then set the plates and napkins down on the table, too.

"Good idea," he smiled, as he refilled his glass immediately. Then he pulled the two foil-wrapped sandwiches out of the bag and placed one on her plate and the other on his. "Mustard or dills?" he asked, pulling another foil-wrapped package and then a small container of mustard from the bag.

"Yes, both please. Scribman's is famous for their spicy mustard and their dill pickles. I rarely eat lunch, but when I do, I usually get it there, and I always have the spicy mustard and the pickles, no matter what sandwich I'm having," she said casually, as she removed the foil from her sandwich and reached for the mustard to spread on the bread.

"You don't usually eat lunch?" he asked, as he, too, slathered lots of the spicy, brown concoction on the bread of his sandwich. "Then how do you have the energy to chase after your subjects and take such wonderful pictures?" he asked, his eyes twinkling as he overtly referred to her pursuit of him that morning.

She laughed in spite of the nagging voice in her head that told her not to let her guard down with this man. "I normally don't make a habit of chasing after total strangers and shooting them," she said as she took a sip of her iced tea. "I usually approach my subject before I aim and shoot anything, but I wasn't sure I would even be using you in the end project which is why I did it this way." It wasn't exactly the truth, but it wasn't an outright lie either. How could she tell him that she had been inexplicably drawn to him from the beginning, and even now she felt drawn to him? She watched as he licked his lips to retrieve a bit of the mustard that had escaped from his sandwich with his last bite, and she wondered what it would feel like to have that tongue licking her lips, exploring her mouth. Stop it! she told herself, as she moved her chair further down the table, purposely trying to distance herself from him.

Her move was not lost on Jax. "Am I that messy an eater that you have to move out of the path of any possible flying food?" he asked, grabbing a napkin and wiping his mouth with it.

Flushing once again, Brenda laughed, despite the fact that her better judgment was screaming at her to be nothing more than coolly polite to this man. "No, I…umm… I just am used to sitting over here," she lamely lied, knowing that she might as well have told him that sitting so close to him was driving her to distraction and that she couldn't trust herself if he remained within arm's reach. She could see in his eyes that he knew the truth.

Jax just smiled. He suddenly knew that she was as distracted by him as he was by her. It was good to know that his instincts about her being attracted to him weren't off after all. Now he just had to make sure that he didn't try to push her too far, too fast. He decided to change the subject to draw her out a little more without being too obvious. "This is a really nice place you have here," he said, as his eyes roved around the large loft, which took up the entire top floor of the old building. "You must be doing very well in order to afford something as big as this here in the Village."

"I do okay," she said quietly. "But a friend owns the building, and he's kept the rent unbelievably low. I pay $500 a month, and that hasn't changed at all in the four years I've been here," she added, as she gazed around the spacious room that served as the kitchen/dining area as well as the living room area.

"Must be some friend," Jax remarked, fishing for a little more info about this 'friend' of hers. He knew that places like this normally commanded anywhere from $10,000-$15,000 a month. Suddenly he felt a wave of jealousy pass over him as he wondered just how 'close' Brenda and this man were. "Are there any vacancies in this building? I mean I'm looking for a place, too, and I've seen tenements that rent for more than this place." And this place was certainly no tenement! It was bright and spacious, and the kitchen area had recently been remodeled, with new cabinets and new appliances, including a huge side-by-side refrigerator, a stove with a grill-top, and a dishwasher.

"He's been a very dear friend to me almost from the moment I came to New York. I'm not sure if there are any vacancies or not in the building. I'm afraid I'm not a very good neighbor, and I couldn't even tell you who lives in the apartments on the three floors below. I do know that this is the only apartment that takes up an entire floor. This was the owner's apartment before he decided to spend his golden years traveling around the world."

"So he's an older man, then - and he's been traveling the globe these last few years?" Jax remarked, relieved that she and the owner were obviously not involved romantically. But he still wondered why he kept the rent so unbelievably low? Either the man was extremely wealthy or he was crazy - or maybe both, he thought. "What did you say his name was?" Jax asked.

"Avery Buehler," Brenda answered as her eyes continued around the room, thinking about how much she loved this place and how lucky she was to have it. She'd been here nearly four years now and every part of her life was here - her work and her playtime - although she rarely allowed herself to play. Her studio setup and darkroom were just beyond the bookshelves on the far wall, and her bedroom lay just beyond that. Large windows bordered all sides in the apartment. It gave her lots of natural light, which she loved, not only for her camera work, but also because she had always loved being outside. This was a way of bringing the outdoors inside, even here in the heart of the city.

"So did you have to do a lot of remodeling when you moved in?" Jax asked as he gazed around the room at the cream-colored walls and the wonderful hardwood floors, covered with expensive-looking Oriental rugs.

"Believe it or not, all of this is as Mr. Buehler had it - including the furniture. I furnished my bedroom, of course, and my studio and darkroom, which are just beyond the bookshelves there," Brenda said, pointing to the massive bookcases that lined the far wall and housed an amazing number of books and pictures. "Of course, the pictures and the books and the other things are mine, but Mr. Buehler insisted on leaving all the furniture, which were all brand new, when he left. I was grateful for that because I didn't even own a lamp at that time."

"Mr. Buehler had impeccable taste," Jax said, as he thoughtfully appraised the décor of the place. And he was very generous, too, he thought, wondering why someone would go to the expense of remodeling and refurnishing like this, only to hand it over to a tenant immediately thereafter?

"More likely he had a skilled decorator!" Brenda laughed, remembering Mr. Buehler and his inherent ineptness. "Avery Buehler is a wonderfully kind man, but I doubt he could get his socks to match his pants on any two successive days, much less coordinate the décor of a loft like this," she added, and both she and Jax laughed then.

"And you were happy with his taste?" Jax asked, surprised that she had not wanted to change the place to suit her taste.

"Surprisingly enough, this place was decorated just the way I would have done it. Even the colors were colors I loved - the cream of the walls and the woodwork with bold splashes of color in the furniture and the rugs and the drapes. It was like the place was designed and decorated just for me," she said quietly, as she reflected on her luck in finding this place.

"How did you happen upon this apartment and Mr. Buehler, in the first place?" Jax asked casually, hoping to learn more about Brenda and this very generous landlord of hers.

"I found this place by accident, just a few weeks after I came to New York," she began, smiling at the memory of her accidental meeting with Avery Buehler. "It was a really hot, July afternoon, and I had been apartment hunting most of the day. I was so tired and thirsty that I knew I couldn't make it another step without something cool to drink. I saw the sign that said Scribman's Deli, so I went in to get some lemonade and to rest for a few minutes in the air conditioning before I continued my search for a place to live. Just as I was getting up to leave, this nice old man accidentally bumped into me and spilled his iced tea all over my white dress. That was Mr. Buehler, and he was so embarrassed and so apologetic and he wanted to pay to have my dress cleaned or even replaced. I told him it wasn't necessary, but he insisted that he had to do something for me. I jokingly asked if he could help me find a nice, affordable place to live. He told me that that was my lucky day because he happened to know of just such a place. It was his apartment in a building that he owned, and he was just about to place an ad in the paper about it because he had recently retired and planned to travel and see the sights of the world."

"You really were lucky, weren't you?" Jax commented, thinking that this all sounded far too coincidental, and he wondered what the real story was behind her 'luck' in finding this steal of a deal that was literally made for her? Listening to her, he knew that she truly believed that it was merely serendipity that had brought her and this place together that day, but Jax's instincts told him differently - and his instincts were rarely wrong.

Brenda nodded but said nothing, instead taking a bite of her sandwich. She appeared to be deep in thought, and Jax once again wondered what was going on in that beautiful head of hers? The more he learned about her, the more intriguing he found her. There was something about her that made him want to know everything about her - to know her deepest secrets, to share her innermost thoughts. With most women, he merely wanted to share their beds, preferring to keep their relationships on a purely physical and casual basis. He had found few that challenged him as Brenda did, and none that seemed to fascinate him clear to his soul. He wanted a physical relationship with her - that he couldn't deny - but there was something more there that he also seemed to need with this woman, and that was to explore her soul as intimately as he wanted to explore her body. And he wondered why that was?

Jax watched her silently as she seemed lost in her own world at this moment, almost oblivious to the fact that he was even there with her. Her dark eyes suddenly looked sad, and he thought he saw the hint of tears in the corners of her eyes. He wondered what memories had been unleashed for her with their conversation? She had appeared to be happy as she told him of Mr. Buehler and the apartment, but he wondered what she wasn't saying that had triggered this sadness in her. He remembered her saying she didn't even have a lamp to her name when she arrived in New York, and he was suddenly curious as to the story of her life before New York, and why she had come there in the first place.

"So you're not from this area originally?" Jax asked finally, breaking the silence that had settled comfortably between them.

She took a sip of her tea then wiped her mouth with her napkin. "No, I was born here in the States, but I grew up in Europe. I moved back here just a few years ago," she answered, surprised that she was opening up so easily with this man. She had only told a handful of people her story in the years since she'd come here, and that was only after they had become good friends with her - and, of them, only Mr. Buehler knew the whole story. Why was she suddenly divulging her life story to this virtual stranger? There was something about him that made her feel comfortable - like they were connected somehow - like they were meant to be… She had only felt this way once before in her life, and that had been with JD… Why did this man remind her so much of Jarrod? Suddenly she needed to know more about this man. "You've learned a lot about me in the short time you've been here, Mr. Thomas, but I'm afraid I know nothing about you, other than your name and the fact that you believe in working for your keep - and that you are most persistent."

Jax looked at her and decided now was the time to open up with her on a few things as well - at least give her his real name. "Well, I do believe in working for what I get, and I am persistent, which is how I usually get what I want in life - but my name isn't Jack Thomas." He waited for her to get angry, but instead, she sat quietly, waiting patiently for him to continue. "My real name is Jasper Thomas Jacks, but I go by the name of Jax - that's with an 'X,'" he clarified. "You may have heard of me… My name is often in the news, usually associated with some takeover or merger somewhere. I'm based in California, but I deal all over the world."

"No, I'm afraid I haven't heard of you, Mr. Jacks. But I take it from the description of what you do to 'earn' your living, that you certainly didn't need the paltry $100 I was planning to pay you, nor did you need reimbursement for the sandwiches or cab fare - or did you make your way to the Village in a limo?" Her tone was not one of anger, but it had taken on a decidedly harder edge than just a few minutes ago.

"Call me Jax, please… I never meant to mislead you, but I have to be careful when I meet new people, and especially under unusual circumstances…" he explained, searching her face for a sign that she wasn't about to throw him out on his ear before he could offer her an explanation.

"And our meeting was certainly unusual," she interrupted, a hint of a smile, playing on her lips. "There's no need to explain, Jax," she assured him, the faint smile gone from her face as suddenly as it had appeared. "We all have a right to our privacy. None of us owes anyone else the details of our lives - our past and even our names should be our business alone, should we choose to hide them. Those should be our secrets to divulge to whom we choose, when we choose - or to hold forever, if we so choose," she added quietly, and Jax suddenly had the feeling that she was talking more about herself than she was about him.

He studied her face as she talked, and he watched as it once again clouded as she spoke of past secrets as if they were personal demons that were too painful to reveal. He wondered what in her young life had hurt her so intensely that she felt she had to hide it from the world? For some reason, he had the overwhelming need to help her exorcise those demons and to help her heal. He wouldn't push her now, but he would one day know all the secrets she kept so closely and painfully guarded within her.

"I want to explain," he finally said. "I feel like there's something between us already - some sort of connection. I felt it at the park, and I think you did, too, and I think it's more than just chemistry. I don't know… I can't really explain it, but I think you already know what I'm talking about… Anyway, I'd like to see you again, and for more than just deli sandwiches and iced tea. - much more than that. I don't want to start out with a major lie between us, by continuing for you to think I'm Jack Thomas, someone who's struggling to make ends meet, when I'm really Jasper Jacks, and I have more money than I'll ever need if I were to live ten lifetimes."

Jax noticed that Brenda shifted uncomfortably in her seat and lowered her eyes as he spoke. What had he said that made her suddenly so uncomfortable?

Alarm bells were going off for Brenda now. This man was just as attracted to her as she was to him, and that would only lead to pain for her in the long run. Her head told her that she should be running as fast as she could in the opposite direction. This was how things had started with JD. He had been attractive and charming, just as Jax was, and she had been instantly attracted to him, just as she was with Jax. They even had the same smile and their build was similar. But was she attracted to Jax because of how much he reminded her of JD? Would it be fair to him to go further if she were only using him as a substitute for JD, the only man she had ever loved? She knew she could never allow herself to love again - it was too painful to show all of herself to another person and then to have that person leave without so much as a word. So it would be best to end things with this man now, before they'd ever really begun.

But her heart was telling her to take the chance. He wasn't JD, despite their similar traits. He was his own person, and he deserved to be seen as such. She'd never know what she was attracted to about Jax if she didn't at least give him a chance to show her who he really was. He had tried to be honest with her today. He wanted to give them a chance. He felt this connection between them, too. It was like they were meant to meet - call it kismet or destiny - but there was some force that seemed to be drawing them together, for whatever purpose, she had no idea, but she couldn't fight this attraction they had - just like she hadn't been able to fight the attraction she had with JD.

She sighed; she seemed to be damned if she did and damned if she didn't in this situation. If she went for this with him, he could hurt her as badly as JD had - maybe even worse, though she doubted that was possible. Losing JD and the weeks that followed were some of the darkest times of her life, and at one point, she had barely survived, though she knew that some of what had happened had nothing to do with JD leaving her. It had just happened. Her mind drifted to the baby… She knew she wasn't strong enough to endure that agony again.

Then again, if she turned him away, she could be turning her back on the best thing to ever enter her life. Love and relationships didn't always have to turn out badly. There were millions of happy couples in the world. He could be the one who could help her heal, who could help her trust again. He could be the one who could help her be whole again, to feel loved, and to learn to love once again… He could be the ecstasy that had been missing from her life for so long.

Jax took her silence to mean that she wasn't interested in anything more than what they had already shared - a couple of sandwiches and some pleasant conversation. "I've taken up enough of your time," he said as he stood to leave. "I'm sorry to have intruded like this, but I'm not sorry for the time I've gotten to spend with you. I still feel we were fated to meet for some reason - and not just to share a few brief moments in time together. I'm not going to push you, but I'm not going to let you forget me either," he said, his blue eyes once again twinkling, as he added, "As you said, I am persistent, and I invariably get what I want - one way or another."

He bent to give her a light kiss on the cheek before he left, but she reached up to stop him. She looked at him, her beautiful, brown eyes brimming with tears, her small hands framing his face. "I'm so tired of being afraid," she said wistfully, looking deeply into his azure eyes, and Jax felt she was reaching into his soul. "I want to feel what it's like to live again." And then she surprised him by pulling his mouth to hers and hungrily kissing him like he'd never been kissed before.