He remained flattened against the wall, just beyond the massive row of bookshelves that lined the far side of the main room of the loft. He was out of sight, within easy reach of the studio door to the hall if he needed to make a hasty exit, but he was still in a good position to hear whatever Brenda and Andrew, AKA Avery Buehler, discussed. He heard the door open and both Brenda and Andrew enter the apartment. He suppressed his urge to catch a glimpse of her, fearing that Andrew would spot him. So instead, he stood quietly and did what he did best - listen, unobserved.
"Mr. Buehler, I had no idea you'd be returning to the States anytime soon - let alone now and back to the old neighborhood," Brenda said as she unlocked the door and ushered her guest inside. "Why didn't you let me know?" she asked, hugging him as soon as she'd closed the door.
"I wasn't planning to return so soon, but something came up," Andrew replied, his fake New York accent flawless, as he immersed himself fully in his alter-ego, Avery Buehler. It had been nearly four years since he had taken on this persona, but it fit him like a glove. And anyone meeting him at this point would never doubt that he was a crusty, old, born-and-bred New Yorker, rather than the British-born aristocrat that he was.
"I hope it's nothing bad," Brenda said, suddenly concerned for this man who, as a stranger four years before, had treated her more kindly and with more compassion than her own father had in all the years she was growing up.
"Nothing to concern yourself with. I just found out that the nephew, who was taking care of my business interests, has been helping himself to some of my funds," Andrew lied smoothly.
He was so close and yet so far, as he listened from just beyond where Andrew and Brenda stood talking and laughing. He envied his mentor and friend the proximity he had to Brenda. He was touching her, hugging her, kissing her - all the things he'd been unable to do since that day in Monaco, when he'd been forced to leave her.
But why was Andrew here with Brenda now? Something about it made him uneasy, but he tried to quash that feeling. He shook his head as he realized he was doubting Andrew, when it was Andrew who had allowed him to stay as connected to Brenda as he had. He knew that the Agency had no idea that Andrew was feeding him information about Brenda and that Andrew was risking a lot by helping him as he had through the years. But what purpose did this visit serve? He decided the only way to make sense of all of this was to continue to listen.
"I'm so sorry!" Brenda answered, truly upset that anyone - let alone a relative - would take advantage of such a sweet man as Avery Buehler.
"Not as sorry as he's going to be," Andrew laughed, which made Brenda laugh, too. Then his eyes scanned the main room of the loft. "Good God! It looks like a rose garden in this place!" he laughed, running a hand through his thinning shock of white hair. "I never knew there were so many different shades of roses before! Was this for a shoot or something?" he asked, despite the fact that he was fairly sure that all of these flowers were from Jasper Jacks, the man in the pictures Jackson had brought him a couple of days before.
"Ummm… Not exactly," Brenda replied, biting her lip and hoping to drop it there, but the questioning look he gave her made her give him the briefest explanation possible. "They're from a very persistent man."
"A suitor?" Andrew asked, his gray eyes sparkling deceptively. He needed to clarify where things now stood between Brenda and Jasper Jacks before he could know how to proceed in handling everything. He hoped this fishing expedition would be successful.
"Let's just call him an erstwhile suitor," Brenda answered softly, her voice trailing off as she thought about Jax and how a part of her still wanted him to be her lover, rather than her former lover.
"I take it he doesn't want it to end?" Andrew asked, continuing to press the issue.
"Well, it doesn't matter what he wants - I have no desire to see the man ever again - and I have made that perfectly clear to him. In fact, I plan to get rid of all these flowers later, and then I hope never to think about the man again," Brenda lied, as she moved a vase of roses out of the way to clear a path for them to make it into the living room area.
His ears perked up when Andrew mentioned the man behind the roses. Now he suddenly understood why Andrew was there. Andrew had known all along about Brenda and this man, but Andrew was hiding it from him. That explained the lack of information he'd received about her over the past week or so. It wasn't that Brenda was doing nothing; it was that Brenda was very definitely doing a lot - with another man.
And now Andrew was checking to see how serious Brenda and the man were before deciding whether or not to tell him about it. But Andrew evidently already knew that things had progressed far beyond the mere acquaintance stage, if he'd risk contacting Brenda in person. Andrew had known about it, and he now knew about it, too. He suddenly felt a wave of anger sweep through him, not only for this new, unknown man in Brenda's life, but also for Andrew, who had known all along about this other man and who had lied to him about it. He began to wonder what else Andrew might have lied to him about?
"I don't want to talk about the man who sent the roses. I'd much prefer to talk about you," Brenda declared, as she grabbed Andrew's hand and led him to the couch. "It's just so good to see you again!" she exclaimed as she gave him another hug.
"It's good to see you again, Brenda," he answered, pulling back from her embrace. "And you're even more beautiful than I remember," he added, and Andrew truly meant it. Brenda Barrett had always been beautiful, but she seemed even more so now. It was like she had a spark that he had never seen before. He wasn't exactly sure what it was, but there was definitely something there that was highlighting her natural beauty.
He had the sneaking suspicion that, despite her denial to the contrary, she felt very much for the man behind the roses, Jasper Jacks, and that he and her burgeoning feelings for him were responsible for her enhanced beauty. He hoped he was wrong; he would hate to have to end it for her - permanently. And since Jasper Jacks was too high profile to easily disappear, that would mean that Brenda would have to be the one of whom he'd dispose.
It would be a sad duty, but a duty he'd have to perform, nonetheless. It was imperative that nothing and no one deter JD from his chosen profession, and if he learned of Brenda's affair with Jasper Jacks, he'd leave the Agency as he'd tried once before, nearly four years before. He and the Agency had used force against Brenda then to "convince" JD that it was wiser for him to remain, and that had been sufficient at the time, but this time they would need to go further. Perhaps not kill her, but at least kidnap her and hold her to keep him in line.
It was a matter of national security that JD remain with the Agency - especially now, with things the way they were in the Balkans. JD had just returned from Hong Kong a few days before, and, if things didn't end quickly in Kosovo, he would be leaving within weeks for that area. JD had a natural penchant for languages and dialects, and he was fluent in nearly every language. He was also a skilled marksman, and that talent could very well need to come into play before the end of his mission there as well. Andrew knew that that was a part of his life that JD hated, but he did it anyway when the situation warranted it. JD was, at times, a reluctant player at this high stakes game of international intrigue and world security, but he played the game nevertheless - and he always played to win.
Andrew refocused his attention back on Brenda. He noticed that her smile had dimmed considerably at his mention of the last time they had seen one another.
"Well, that was a very hard time in my life - and I hope never to experience anything like that again," she said quietly, her eyes glistening with unshed tears. "But I would never have survived if it hadn't been for you." She tried to smile, but the tears that had been forming in the corners of her eyes began to fall freely down her cheeks. "You and Dr. Simon both saved my life that night…" her voice cracked, and she wiped the tears from her face, "… and in the days that followed…"
Andrew reached out and took both of Brenda's hands in his. "I only wish circumstances had been different…" And a part of him truly meant that. Granted, he had been responsible for what had happened to her - and he would carry that guilt with him forever. He wished that he could have handled things differently, but he had done what he had to do. The day he signed on with the Agency, decades before, he had accepted that he would have to do whatever was necessary for the Agency, to protect it and to further its causes. But his conscience still grappled with what he had done to Brenda - and to JD, as well.
But their sacrifice had to be balanced against all the lives that had been saved because JD had remained with the Agency. JD was a part of a well-oiled machine, and losing him would have done irreparable damage to the Agency's effectiveness. If JD had known everything, nothing and no one could have kept him away from her. JD loved her beyond reason, and so Andrew had been forced to take matters into his own hands in order to restore reason to the situation. And if he were ever faced with a similar situation, he wouldn't hesitate in the least to do what was best for the Agency once again. And that was the reason for his visit here this afternoon - to see for himself where things stood with Brenda, Jax, and JD, as well, and what - if anything - might need to be done to handle a potentially volatile situation once again.
"I would have bled to death if you hadn't found me when you did. Dr. Simon said that your quick actions saved my life, and for that I'll always be grateful," Brenda said, kissing him lightly on the cheek. "And for all the time you spent during the days that followed, encouraging me not to give up despite everything I had lost… first JD and then…" her voice faltered briefly as she tried to find the easiest way to phrase it, "… all that I had left of him… You saved my life twice. You were all I had to hang on to. I was at the lowest point of my life then, and I would have given up if you hadn't been there for me."
"No, you wouldn't have given up, Brenda - you're a fighter. It's not in you to just give up, and we both know that. You lost a lot that summer, but you knew that you hadn't lost everything as long as you were still alive. And you built on that; all I did was support you," Andrew pointed out, and he truly did admire her spirit during that time.
A lesser woman would have folded, or at least run away, but not Brenda. She fought back and grew stronger, not in spite of what she'd been through, but because of it. She had enrolled in a self-defense course and had learned how to defend herself if she were ever again confronted with a "random" act of violence. She had thrown herself into her photography in order to work through the pain of her losses, and she had soon begun to develop a reputation for quality work. And she had worked to put JD and everything that reminded her of him out of her mind and out of her life forever. Andrew had stayed around until JD was assured that she could handle being alone in the city, and then he had "disappeared," ostensibly to travel around the world, enjoying his golden years. But in reality, he had merely moved uptown to his office, where he had continued to monitor her - and the situation - for the past four years.
As he had come to know her, Andrew had understood what, beyond her incredible beauty, that had drawn JD to her - and continued to hold him firmly in her grasp. Andrew actually felt sorry for JD. Had he merely fallen for a vacuous beauty - attracted only by her physical charms - he could have moved on easily. Instead he had fallen for a woman of substance, and she had firmly entrenched herself in his blood, like a disease for which there was no cure. Which is why Andrew needed to monitor the situation carefully.
There was no doubt about it - JD was as infatuated with Brenda now as he was four years ago. Andrew had seen that in his eyes the day before, when JD had been at the Agency for debriefing. JD had tried to appear nonchalant when Andrew had told him that there was nothing new to report on Brenda, but he had seen the flash of hunger that passed through JD's eyes at the mere mention of her name. Andrew knew that JD would be drawn to seek her out sooner or later, if only to catch a glimpse of her and see for himself that she was okay. So he knew that he had to do his own reconnaissance - and clean up - if things had not cooled between Brenda and Jasper Jacks.
He was puzzled by what he was hearing. What did Brenda mean - first she'd lost him and then all that was left of him? By her choice, Andrew had helped her "discard" nearly everything that reminded her of him soon after she was hurt - their pictures and any other mementos of their time together. In fact, Andrew had given it all to him, but she was talking as if she had lost what was left of him, not given it up by choice.
And who the hell was Dr. Simon? Andrew had given him her hospital records to read and there had never been a Dr. Simon listed anywhere, and yet Brenda credited him and Andrew with saving her life. And what did she mean, she would have bled to death? The medical records Andrew had shown him indicated that she had been beaten and had a severe concussion and a broken rib from the fall she took down a set of stairs, but there was nothing about massive bleeding, internal or otherwise.
The medical records Andrew had showed him… He had always just assumed Andrew had showed him Brenda's actual medical records - unabridged and unaltered. He had trusted Andrew to be truthful with him back then - and now. But what if Andrew had not been the friend and confidante he had always believed him to be? Had Andrew merely been feeding him contrived information all along to keep him in line? His sense of uneasiness about Andrew's true loyalties increased as he continued to listen, and he had to fight the urge to grab the man up and shake the truth out of him.
"Well, that's all in the past," Andrew heard Brenda say. "And now things couldn't be better," she added, blinking back the tears and pasting on a smile that Andrew thought looked a little too bright to be real.
"Well, if the smile on that beautiful face of yours is any indication, things must be going like gangbusters - are you sure your new young man isn't responsible for that smile?" Andrew pried.
"Of course not!" Brenda answered quickly, and Andrew realized her denial was a little too fast to be sincere. "I told you, he and these flowers are soon going to be out of my life for good, and then the only man in my life I want to concentrate on is you, Avery Buehler, my guardian angel and purveyor of the most wonderful books on all the exotic locales that you've had the privilege to visit." She kissed him again on the cheek and then jumped up and ran to a nearby chair to retrieve the latest book she'd received, a book about Hong Kong. "This came by messenger just yesterday, and I haven't had the time to look through it yet. Perhaps we could look at it together, and you can point out your favorite places to me," she said excitedly, as she sat back down next to him on the couch.
Just then the grandfather clock chimed, indicating it was 4:30, which gave Andrew the perfect out from this situation. He hadn't been in Hong Kong in nearly a decade, and he certainly was unfamiliar with some of the newer sights that were sure to be featured in the latest book JD had sent her. "I really wish I had the time to spend with you now, telling you about all the wonderful sights I've seen - not only in Hong Kong, but everywhere I've been in the past four years. But I'm afraid I have a meeting at 5 with my lawyer about my nephew's misappropriation of my funds, and, since that's the reason that I came back to the States, I'd better not miss that now, had I?" Andrew lied seamlessly.
Brenda smiled at him, as she set the book down on the coffee table in front of them. "Of course not. I hadn't meant to keep you like this. It's just that I was so surprised to see you at Scribman's - it had been so long… And I've missed you so much. Please promise me we can get together for an evening before you take off once again."
"I'll probably be in the city another week or so. I'm staying with friends in Brooklyn, and I don't have their number on me, but I promise to call you, so we can spend some more time together. And then maybe I can convince you to run away with me on my next adventure." Andrew laughed, as he tweaked her nose, which made her giggle.
"Don't tempt me, Mr. Buehler!" she teased. "Lately I've had the urge to just pack up my camera and my toothbrush and hop on a plane for anywhere but here." She glanced furtively at the roses that filled the room, and a wistful tone entered her voice, "I feel like the world is closing in on me lately, and I need to get away from here. Maybe even make a fresh start somewhere else," she added quietly.
Andrew watched her carefully; her wistful tone and her quick glance at the roses had not gone unnoticed by him. Young Jacks was evidently affecting her the same way that JD had, and Andrew knew the scars that her experience with JD had left on her, and he assumed she would rather run than feel that pain all over again. He smiled inwardly, realizing how well this all could work out for him. If his plan to get Jasper Jacks out of town quickly and back to LA failed, then he'd go with his alternate plan to remove Brenda from the situation. And it would take very little effort on his part, since she seemed almost eager to leave New York. He could remove her from both their lives quickly and believably, and without having to rely on any strong-arm tactics this time. Perhaps his visit to her hadn't been such a bad gamble after all.
"I promise to call or stop by again in a few days, and we'll make those plans to run away together," Andrew answered, his tone teasing, but he was very serious in his intent. If he couldn't break up Brenda and Jax any other way, and if he had the sense that JD was once again getting restless where Brenda was concerned, Andrew wouldn't hesitate to "take her along" on his next "travel adventure." Unfortunately, Brenda would not be requiring a round-trip ticket…
He listened as Brenda and Andrew continued to say their good-byes before Andrew left. A part of him wanted to stay in her apartment - in their apartment - to be close to her, maybe even confront her, but his gut told him he needed to leave before Andrew did, so that he could follow Andrew from this point on. He was surer than ever that he was going to contact her in the days ahead, but he needed to get out from under the Agency's thumb first. He had planned to use Andrew to do that, but he had too many doubts about Andrew to safely do that now. He had never had reason to suspect Andrew's motives before, but now his instincts were telling him he should have questioned things all along.
He noiselessly slipped out the studio door to the hall and then made his silent escape through the fire door and down the stairs and to the back of the building. He looked carefully around and then blended seamlessly into a small throng of people, who were passing by the building. He casually looked both ways as he crossed the street and headed for the little bakery that was cattycornered to the building he had just left, nonchalantly entering the bakery to browse just seconds before Andrew Buxton exited the front entrance to Brenda's building.
He watched as Andrew strode quickly down the block, wearing a satisfied grin. He couldn't help but wonder what thoughts were going through Andrew Buxton's head at this very moment, and how much of that information Andrew would volunteer to him - and how much he would have to get in other ways? He had always looked at Andrew as his one ally in his fight to stay connected with Brenda, and now he had the strong suspicion that those days were long gone - if, indeed, they'd ever existed at all. He slipped out of the bakery and began walking casually down the street, no longer following his mentor and friend, but instead trailing a likely enemy.
"What do you mean, your man lost him?" Jax glared at the tall, thin, red-haired man who sat in the chair across from him in the Presidential Suite of the Plaza. "How hard is it to follow a bloody delivery van?"
Tom Peterman shifted uncomfortably in his seat, nervously fingering the buttons on the front of his well-worn, tan sports coat. Jasper Jacks was an important client, who had always treated his agency with courtesy and respect. In all the times he or his company, J&J Jacks International, had used Tom's agency, they had always been cordial and understanding - even when the agency found things that weren't to Mr. Jacks's liking. But he'd never seen him angry before.
"Mr. Jacks," Peterman began quietly and calmly, "the man I had on this - Randy Baker - is my best at surveillance. He said that this was no ordinary delivery service - they maneuvered as if they knew they were being followed, and they were very effective in losing Johnson quickly. Johnson's not a novice at this. He was an undercover detective in LA before he moved east. I've known him a lot of years, and he's never been spotted and ditched by someone he was following before. It was his impression that there is something strange about this 'delivery service,' and I agree. In fact, there's been something strange about this entire case from the beginning."
"What do you mean, 'strange'?" Jax asked, his voice still tinged with the anger he felt that Peterman hadn't been able to locate Brenda's mysterious benefactor.
"I take it from your question that you haven't bothered to read the report I dropped off on Brenda Wilding…" Peterman stated matter-of-factly.
"No, I haven't," Jax answered defensively. "I had hoped to hear the particulars from her…"
"Well, with all due respect, Mr. Jacks, it's doubtful she's going to be telling you much of anything, based on what we've been able to dig up on her - or more precisely what we haven't been able to dig up on her," Peterman answered, his eyes never wavering from Jax's.
That revelation stunned Jax. He had just assumed that the unopened manila envelope on the desk contained all the secrets of the beautiful Brenda Wilding. "What do you mean by that?" he asked, the anger in his voice now replaced by curiosity. "I thought your agency could find out anything about anyone."
"Under normal circumstances we can," Peterman began, rising to retrieve the report he'd prepared from the desk across the room, "but there doesn't seem to be anything normal about this case." He opened the envelope and pulled out the report on Brenda Wilding and returned to where Jax was standing and handed it to him. "I suggest you read this before you continue lambasting me and my agency for our incompetence."
Jax was immediately contrite for his earlier tirade. "You're right - I should never have assumed anything. I apologize for my earlier behavior." He took the proffered report and laid it down on the low table in front of him. "Why don't you fill me in on what you've been able to find on Brenda."
"Frankly, we weren't able to find out very much at all. In fact, there are big gaps in the information we could dig up on her. I'll start with what we were able to verify on her," Peterman said, looking to Jax for approval to proceed. Jax nodded, so Peterman continued, "First of all, Brenda Wilding was born Brenda Veronica Barrett, but she changed her last name in September, 1995, a few weeks after moving here from Europe; Wilding is her mother's maiden name. She never legally changed her name from Barrett to Wilding, but it seems that no one knows her around here by any other name than Wilding. She was born here in the States - in California - but grew up in Europe. Her parents are both dead, and her only living relative is a sister, Julia Barrett, and she lives in London."
"Julia Barrett?" Jax's ears perked up at that. "Of Barrett Industries?" Peterman nodded. "I've met her and her late father, Harlan - he was a real bastard, if there ever was one. He'd steal you blind if given the chance, but Julia always seemed honest and above board… I had no idea Harlan had another daughter, though. He never talked about anyone other than Julia," Jax muttered, more to himself than to Peterman. Peterman patiently waited for Jax to finish his train of thought. "I'm sorry," Jax apologized, realizing he was rambling, "please continue."
"It appears that the sisters are not close and have had no contact with one another since Brenda left London in the spring of 1995. She spent a couple of months in Monaco after leaving London and then moved to New York, where she rented her present apartment less than two weeks after arriving here… This is where things become strange. It was like someone went in and deleted things from that point on, including any details of her stay in Monaco - like where she lived while she was there and people she befriended. We found that a few weeks after settling here in the city that she was assaulted, but all police and hospital files concerning that incident have disappeared or been buried so deep they can't be found - and I have one of the best hackers in the country on my payroll."
Jax's heart lunged at the thought of someone hurting Brenda in any way, let alone enough to require hospitalization. Then the rest of what Peterman had said sank in and he furrowed his brow as he looked at Peterman. "Since when has anything been beyond a competent hacker's reach?"
Tom Peterman sat down across from Jax once again, fixing him with a steely gaze to underscore the importance of what he was telling Jax. "Rarely is anything out there beyond a good hacker's reach - and my man, Eric, is a hacker's hacker… And he had no problem breaking into other files in both the police computer and the hospital computer - it seems that Ms. Wilding's - or rather, she was still Ms. Barrett then - her files were the only ones that were impenetrable…"
"What would be in the police records of her assault or in her medical files that someone would want to hide?" Jax asked, wondering what had been done to Brenda and why someone was so intent on hiding whatever it was.
"Good question, and that's not all that is curious about all of this…You said her landlord was a man by the name of Avery Buehler?"
"Yes, what about him?" Jax asked, still trying to sort out all that Peterman had already revealed about Brenda.
"Well, he doesn't exist at all," Tom went on, " - never has. And the building she's in is listed as owned by the MBP Company, but when we tried to trace that to its owner, we were continually led in circles and down blind alleys to one dummy corporation after another. Whoever owns the property wants to be totally anonymous - and they have the clout to stay that way."
Jax shook his head, totally bewildered by what Peterman was telling him. "What's your best guess as to who's behind all the secrecy and the missing information on her?"
"I'd say it smacks of the federal government. Usually only when the government's involved in one way or another is anything beyond the reach of a competent hacker - witness protection or something of that sort," Peterman answered. "But it's my guess she's not in the witness protection program. She's too high profile in her job for that. Besides, in the witness protection program, they erase all ties to the person's past - not just bits and pieces of their past. The government gives them an entirely new identity and background. They usually try to get their witnesses into a lifestyle and a location that doesn't tend to draw attention to them. She's a photographer here in the city, who has had her work in some major magazines and who regularly has her work displayed at an up-and-coming gallery in So Ho.
"On top of that, Ms. Wilding is still legally Brenda Barrett. If she were in the program, Brenda Barrett would be a non-entity, legally and otherwise. My guess is that her name change is just something she did on her own - maybe trying to distance herself from her sister or her father's reputation, or something. But the rest of it - the deleted files and the missing information - in my opinion, that was done by someone with very high government clearance, who was trying to hide something from someone," he finished, sitting back in his chair to wait as Jax digested all that he had just told him.
Jax slowly sank back onto the couch and fingered the report in front of him. "What do you think it all means?" he asked quietly.
"Mr. Jacks, I realize this was not what you expected when you asked us to look into Ms. Wilding's background, but I think it's best that you know about her." Peterman watched as Jax merely nodded once again, and he realized that his additional information had confused rather than clarified things for Jax. "I think that at the very least, it means that there is something - or someone - in this woman's recent past that someone at some high level in some government agency is trying to cover-up. But for what reason, I have no idea." He hesitated slightly, then continued, "This may be none of my business, Mr. Jacks, but I also think this woman could spell big trouble, and you'd be wise to put as much distance between you and her as you can - and as fast as you can." He watched Jax's eyes grow hard, and he realized that he had indeed overstepped his bounds with his last remark.
"Thank you for your time, Mr. Peterman, and I appreciate your professional assessment of the situation, but your concern for my personal life is most unnecessary," Jax said coldly. "I've been handling the details of my own dating life quite well since I was fifteen, and since I won't even take romantic advice from my own brother, I hardly think I need to hear it from you. I think your services are no longer needed on this case. Please be sure to send your final bill to my offices in LA." He stood and walked briskly to the door, opening it immediately, leaving no room for Tom Peterman to mistake Jax's meaning - this was most likely the last assignment that Peterman and Associates would be handling for J&J Jacks International.
Tom Peterman nodded as he exited the suite, and Jax slammed the door behind him. "Damn!" he shouted as he tossed Peterman's report across the room, scattering papers in all directions. He wasn't sure what had him angrier: the information he had allowed Peterman to tell him about Brenda, when he had resolved to hear it only from her lips; or the abominable way he had just treated Tom Peterman, who was only trying to give his best advice, given the apparent unknowns of the situation. But what probably angered him the most was that he knew that Peterman was most likely right. He should probably run as far and as fast as he could from Brenda Wilding - or Barrett - or whatever the hell she wanted to call herself, but he couldn't. He had known after the first day that they had spent together that he was in love with her, and there was no way he could get her out of his system now, no matter what unseemly - and possibly dangerous - secrets lay buried in her past.
Brenda smiled as she closed the door behind Avery Buehler. It had been so long since she had seen him, and she had been totally shocked when he had spoken to her in Scribman's earlier. None of his recent notes had indicated that he would be returning to the States, so his tapping her on the shoulder in the neighborhood deli had come as a complete surprise. She hoped that he could get his legal and financial difficulties with his nephew handled as quickly and as painlessly as possible, so that he could get back out there enjoying his retirement, traveling the far corners of the world, as he had for the past four years.
It seemed so odd to see him now - especially since she had been thinking so much about JD recently. Avery Buehler had been her first friend in New York, back when she had naively believed she could find JD here among the millions of other New Yorkers, just because they had talked about one day living together here in the city. But she had run into nothing but dead ends, when she had tried to find JD - just as she had in Monaco. She been told in Monaco, and again in New York, that no one by the name of Jarrod Davis had ever entered or left the country or even existed at all. At first she thought she was caught in some bizarre episode of The Twilight Zone, but then she realized he most likely had never given her his real name. She should have known all along that he was not who he said he was. He was most likely a very married man with a family and a house in the suburbs somewhere. She was nothing more than a summer fling to him, and one he'd forgotten soon after he'd disappeared.
The only good thing that had happened to her that summer after coming to New York had been her accidental meeting with Mr. Buehler. He had been her savior more than once that summer, first providing her a wonderful place to live and then helping her find a doctor when she had discovered she was pregnant, and finally saving her life after she was attacked…
She shook her head, trying to clear away the memories of that time once again. It was a lifetime ago, and she had no desire to revisit that time now, despite how much in recent days she had remembered JD and what could have been… Besides, I don't have time to deal with the past - I have enough problems in the present with which to deal, she thought, as she turned around and was immediately ambushed by the sight of the hundreds of roses that still filled her apartment.
"I'm going to banish all reminders of you from my life now, too, Jax," she said, as she headed to the phone to call for a delivery service to help her move all these flowers to her neighbors. It was then that she noticed the blinking light on her answering machine. She punched the "play" button on the machine and listened to Ned's message about her "Displaced Souls" series being sold and the fact that he wanted to go out to eat to celebrate that. She laughed at his description of her life making a nun look like a party girl.
"If Ned only knew what I've been up to, he'd be blushing! I doubt there are many nuns who have had the experiences I've had recently!" Brenda laughed aloud, thinking back to the days and nights of passionate lovemaking that she and Jax had shared. She felt a warm tingle go to her very core as she remembered the sweet taste of his lips against hers, the electrifying touch of his hands as they glided across her body, the incomparable feeling of pleasure as their bodies entertwined in the most intimate of embraces - over and over again.
Get a grip! she scolded herself. He's only a man, her head told her. He's the only man you've wanted since JD, her heart replied. And look what happened with JD, her head answered. But Jax isn't JD, her heart argued. She sighed. This was hopeless. She wanted so badly to call Jax and to tell him she wanted to be with him - to open herself to him completely - but her fear of being abandoned once again was intense. In her mind, it was better to walk away from Jax now, while she still had some of her dignity - and some of her heart - than to surrender herself completely to him, only to have him leave her in the end. A few days ago Jasper Jacks was unknown to her, and she had done just fine without him, and she'd survive the rest of her life without him, too, her head told her. But her heart felt a familiar ache at the thought of never again seeing him, holding him, loving him…
"Enough, already!" she scolded herself. "I need to get out of this place and get my mind onto other things."
She grabbed the phone and punched one of the speed-dial buttons and waited for an answer on the other end of the line. She listened as the phone rang for the fourth time and then Ned's answering machine picked up. She waited for the machine's spiel to play out and then she left her message, "Hi, Ned, it's Brenda. I'm returning your call about the series selling and your invitation for dinner tomorrow night. I'm glad the series sold so quickly, and I'm glad the buyer met our asking price for the coalition. I want to know all the particulars when we meet for dinner… I would love to get together, but I'd prefer it be tonight rather than tomorrow night."
She glanced around the room at Jax's flowers and added, "Ned, I really need to get out of this place tonight. I feel like the walls are closing in on me, and I need a friendly face to look at and I need it now. Call me back and let me know if you can make it tonight or not. I'll be in and out, since I have a few things I have to take care of." She looked at the flowers again and sighed. "I'm game for anything, including just hanging at your place, as long as it gets me away from here…Anyway, call me as soon as you get this. If I don't hear from you before 8, I'm going out on my own."
She hung the phone up, then grabbed the yellow pages from the shelf and began looking for a nearby delivery service that didn't close in the next few minutes. She didn't care how much it cost her, she had to get these flowers out of here soon or she'd be swallowed up by them - and the incredible desire she felt for the unforgettable man who'd sent them to her.
He followed Andrew for nearly six blocks, until Andrew got into his dark green Mercedes and headed to Manhattan and the Agency. He had no need to follow him after that. He knew where he was headed. He would confront Andrew soon enough, but it would not be tonight. It would be after he'd had a chance to thoroughly search Andrew's office and his apartment for any files on Brenda that he knew Andrew had to be hiding.
But now he just wanted to get home to his own apartment. Ashton's call to Brenda had said that her series on the homeless had been sent to its new owner, and that was he, and he couldn't wait to get home to look at it. Owning Brenda's work was like having a part of her soul in his possession. For now, it was as close as he had to Brenda being there in his apartment, waiting for him, but soon - soon she would be there with him, body and soul…
Jax sat staring at the floor at the scattered remnants of the file Peterman had compiled on Brenda. It had been a good thirty minutes since he had dismissed Tom Peterman so rudely, and Jax still had no clearer idea as to how to proceed than he had when he'd thrown Peterman out.
Maybe Peterman is right, his head said; get as far away from her as you can because she's most likely nothing but trouble in the long run. But his heart told him differently. His heart told him that there was no way he would ever forget about Brenda Wilding, nee Barrett, no matter how hard he tried or how many women he bedded. She was more than just another notch on his bedpost; she was the woman he wanted to spend the rest of his life with. But what about the secrecy surrounding her past? his head queried. Love can overcome any obstacle, his heart countered.
Love… There was no denying it. He was in love with her, and at this moment he loved and wanted her more than he wanted his next breath, and he was sure that she loved and wanted him just as much. But he also was sure that something - or someone - in her past was preventing her from opening herself to what they both felt for one another. And he was sure that the missing information from her past was the key to opening her fully to him. But how to find it?
He wanted more than anything for her to share her heart and soul with him freely - and he still hoped she would trust him enough to do that - but first she had to agree to see him again to do that. He brightened as he remembered that he had Ned Ashton arranging for a clandestine dinner meeting tomorrow night with Brenda. He knew that if Brenda had the slightest inkling that she were meeting her friend, Ashton, only to be surprised by Jax's presence at the dinner as well, that she would refuse the invitation - and possibly even geld Ashton on the spot. But by surprising her like this - in public - he was betting she wouldn't make a scene or walk out on him.
He needed to talk to her face-to-face in order to break down this wall that she had suddenly erected between them. He hoped that tomorrow night's dinner - in a neutral setting and with a third party present - would be the beginning of her once again allowing him back into her life. He had so much he wanted to tell her - that he admired her work and her conviction in supporting those causes she believed in, that he loved her and wanted to spend the rest of his life in the comfort of her arms, that his love could be the balm for any pain she had suffered from lost loves in the past.
He sighed, wondering if he should just sit back and wait for her to open up to him, possibly after tomorrow night's dinner, or if he should continue to try to get answers on his own? But he had never been one to passively wait for anything he wanted, and he doubted that this time would be any exception. He had to keep pushing on his own to find what was hidden in her past. This was the woman he loved, and he wasn't going to let this unknown something keep them apart. Despite the fact that Peterman's agency had been unable to get past the roadblocks in their investigation of Brenda's past, Jax still had one other resource yet to tap, who could possibly uncover the secrets hidden in Brenda's past - his brother.
Jeremy Jacks, whom everyone called Jerry, was several years older than Jax and removed from the family business. Their father, John Jacks, had wanted Jerry to join him in the business, which had originally been oil. But Jerry had had other ideas. He had taken the money he had gotten from his trust at age twenty-four and parlayed it into a fortune by playing the stock and bond markets. He was a computer genius and a financial whiz, whose network of friends and allies spanned the globe. He had the amazing ability to find anything out about anyone, anywhere. Jax never questioned who Jerry's contacts were, but he was well connected on every level, it seemed. There seemed to be nothing hidden in any computer program or file that his brother couldn't uncover. He could be richer than both Jax and their father combined if he wanted, but instead he chose to drift around the world, gambling and living the high life.
Jax remembered Jerry once telling their parents that life was too short to work so hard and to take it as seriously as they did. He said he wanted to enjoy life to the fullest. He wanted to sample everything that life had to offer, and that included a wide array of women, as well, which is why he said he would never settle down with just one woman. Their mother had cringed at that remark because both Jane and John Jacks wanted grandchildren more than anything else in the world, but for the past several years it had looked like neither of their sons was in a hurry to grant their fondest wish. Jax smiled at that. "Mum, if things go the way I hope, then you may be getting those grandchildren, after all."
Jax grabbed the phone and keyed in the number for his brother's answering service. Jerry had several residences all over the world and no one ever knew in which residence he was residing at any given time, so they relied on an answering service to forward their calls to wherever Jerry might be at the time. To Jax's complete surprise, instead of an anonymous voice answering and forwarding his call, his brother answered after the second ring. "Jacks, here," his rich baritone voice boomed, his Australian accent thicker than Jax remembered, a touch of irritation implied in the tone.
"Jacks, here," Jax replied, smiling as he realized that he had most likely interrupted Jerry and one of his countless, beautiful, but vacuous women. Jax had a reputation for being a ladies man, but his brother, Jerry, was a playboy in the truest sense of the word. He rarely dated the same woman for more than a couple of weeks at the most, and he had yet to bring any woman to meet the family. Come to think of it, Jax had never brought a woman to meet the family either, but he fully intended to introduce Brenda to the entire Jacks clan. Whether she realized it yet or not, Jax knew that they were destined to be together forever, but first he needed to understand what she had hidden in her past, which is where he hoped his brother could help.
"Little brother!" Jax's thoughts about Brenda were interrupted by Jerry's voice, which was now tinged with laughter. "To what do I owe this unexpected pleasure? Have you suddenly gone bankrupt in your attempt to acquire every corporation known to make a profit, and now you're coming to me to get a loan?"
"Right!" Jax replied sarcastically, immediately falling back into the easy brotherly bantering that he and Jerry always had with one another. "Actually, I was calling to see if you needed to be bailed out. I mean, living the high life, as you do, can prove to be very costly after a while," Jax teased good-naturedly.
"Ah, so true, so true! But it also has its very pleasurable side as well, little brother!" Jerry laughed boisterously. "You really ought to give it a try - a new woman for every occasion keeps life very interesting."
"That's okay," Jax chuckled, "I'm very happy with my life the way it is. In fact, I think I may have finally found the one woman I want to spend the rest of my life with," Jax confided. "The problem is that she wants to keep our relationship only on the physical level."
"And that is a problem because…?" Jerry laughed. "Listen, she sounds like my kind of woman, so if you can't handle her, send her my way. I'm sure I can accommodate her need for a sex-only relationship quite easily."
"Yeah, I'm sure you could," Jax smirked. "In fact, I'm probably interrupting your evening plans as it is, aren't I?"
"What do you think?" Jerry asked, the return smirk he wore evident in his teasing tone.
"I think you are either in the midst of a seduction right now or you're basking in the afterglow of said seduction, depending upon what time zone you're in," Jax answered, shaking his head at his brother's prowess. Jerry was every bit as handsome as Jax, only darker and more hardened than Jax, and he had never had a shortage of available women whenever he so much as crooked his little finger in their direction.
Jerry chuckled at Jax's certainty of his activities. "For your information, I'm in Manhattan right now, having a drink and getting ready to spend the evening alone, basking in nothing more than the warm memories of the last woman with whom I made love."
"Yeah, right!" Jax snickered. "Somehow I can't imagine you ever just settling for memories of the last woman, when you are generally staking out the next woman before the last woman is even a memory!"
"Okay, I give," Jerry conceded sarcastically. "You know me inside and out… So answer me this, little brother, just where in the world are you at this moment - besides in a state of confusion over some woman?"
Once again Jax had to laugh. "Just a few blocks from you actually. I'm in the Presidential Suite at the Plaza," Jax replied. "And as for my state of mind, I admit I'm confused, but not about how I feel about her. I've never been surer of anything before in my life, Jer."
Jerry's laughter faded away and was replaced by what sounded to Jax like envy. "I'm truly happy for you, little brother… So if you're not confused about how you feel about her, what does have you in a quandary? I take it you didn't call me just to ask about my love life or to tell me about yours, so what is it that you need help with?"
Jax hesitated slightly, as he once again wondered if he were doing the right thing by digging so deeply into Brenda's hidden past? But then a little voice in his head reminded him that to be forewarned was to be forearmed, and he needed to know what it was in Brenda's past that was keeping her from committing to him. "Well, you know me inside and out, too, don't you? Actually, I need your computer skills to help me uncover some important information that is beyond my reach," Jax said quietly.
"You mean you need my hacking proficiency and my connections," Jerry snickered, surprised that Jax would resort to hacking as a means of securing a deal. "And of what poor, unsuspecting CEO do you want me to unearth these deep, dark secrets?"
"This is personal, Jer. It has nothing to do with any business deal I'm working on now." He paused, wondering how to phrase this, then decided that this was his brother and he could share just about anything with him, despite the fact that they rarely saw one another these days. "I need you to help me to uncover whatever it is in the past of this woman that is preventing her from going beyond the physical with me."
"Jax, that sounds like a simple case for any PI in the country. Why do you need me to look into her background for you?" he asked, running a tanned hand through his thick, dark hair.
"The firm that handles all of our background checks looked into her past for me originally, but they hit a wall. It seems that someone has managed to hide major portions of the last few years of her life," Jax explained, picking up the scattered pages of Peterman's report as he talked to his brother.
"And I take it she hasn't been forthcoming with the information you want either," Jerry guessed correctly.
"No. In fact, when I innocently told her I wanted to know everything about her, she immediately broke it off with me, telling me it had been fun while it lasted but that we could never have more than a brief affair, and she wanted to end it then and there. She's afraid of something or someone, Jer, and I want to know who or what it is so I can help her work through it," Jax said as he picked up Brenda's picture that had been among the contents of the scattered file and ran his fingers slowly across her face.
"Are you sure how she feels about you, Jax? I mean, maybe she really didn't want anything more than what you had and now she just wants to move on. Why push it? The world is full of women, Jax - believe me, I know. Save yourself a lot of time and trouble and just move on. Maybe there are things buried in this woman's past that are best left untouched," Jerry coaxed, his instincts telling him that Jax might not be able to handle whatever he managed to unearth about this woman.
"You don't understand, Jer. I can't move on. I've never met anyone like her before, and I don't think I could forget her now if I tried," Jax explained. "It's like she's a part of me now - like she's in my blood or something. I wish I could make you understand, Jer, but I know you've never felt like this before - and neither had I, before her."
There was a brief moment of silence between the brothers as Jerry digested all that Jax had just said, and then Jerry finally spoke: "Okay, it seems like you've got it bad for this woman, so I'll see what I can do. Do you want to give me the particulars now or fax them to me here later?"
"Neither, actually," Jax answered. "I'd really like to give you all the details that I have in person, if possible, and that includes her name and her picture. I'd hate for you to see how beautiful she is and try to grab her for yourself." He heard Jerry's chuckle on the other end of the line. "Could it be possible for the two of us to get together sometime tomorrow? I have meetings all morning and a dinner meeting sometime tomorrow evening, but I have a few hours in the afternoon. I'd really like you to get on this as soon as possible," he added, hoping Jerry would understand the urgency he felt in this matter.
"Okay. "Jerry answered, after a brief hesitation. "I have some important business to handle in the morning as well. How about we meet there at your suite around 2? But I will demand lunch for my services," Jerry added, once again going into the teasing, big brother mode that he usually had with Jax.
"I knew I could count on you, Jer. If you can pull this off for me, I'll never forget it - never!" Jax was ecstatic; the bad mood that had settled over him while Peterman was there, quickly forgotten.
"The operative phrase there is 'if I can pull this off,'" Jerry reminded Jax. "I'm not infallible, you know; I only appear perfect to you mere mortals."
"Yeah, whatever," Jax laughed. "But if you can get this information for me, then I really will believe you're a god."
"It's about time you recognized my omnipotence, little brother - even if it is a few years late," Jerry laughed. "Of course, you realize that as a result of this favor I plan to do for you that I expect to be the bestman at your wedding."
"That goes without saying, Jer - you know that," Jax said, his excitement evident in his voice. "And, Jer, if there is ever anything I can do for you, you know I'm always here for you."
Jerry smiled. "I know, Jax, and I may take you up on that sooner than you think. I'll see you tomorrow, and I can't wait to meet this woman who's captured your heart so completely."
Jax smiled at that. "You will, Jer - tomorrow on paper and then soon in person. And I know you and Mum and Dad are going to love her just as much as I do."
"I'm sure we will," Jerry replied softly, smiling at his brother's happiness.
He hung up the phone and smiled, thinking about all that his brother had said. It had been so long since they had talked - nearly a year actually - but they still were close and their brotherly bond was still as strong as ever. Their parents had raised them to be independent of one another, but to always be there for one another if they needed each other. He was glad for that. He hoped that he and Brenda would do as well raising their own children.
His and Brenda's children… He laughed softly as he realized that he really was getting ahead of himself, but he needed to hope now. He wasn't sure what it was that had buoyed his confidence where Brenda was concerned - possibly his talk with his brother about this woman who could never be forgotten. Brenda was certainly that for him. From their first time together he had known that, and that fact was as clear to him now as it was that first day. They belonged together, and they would be together. It was only a matter of time before she was Brenda Barrett Jacks, and they had a houseful of kids whom they loved and whom his parents and brother doted on. He smiled, remembering how much his parents wanted grandchildren and had almost given up hope that either of their sons would ever give them that because they doubted that either of their sons would ever fall in love and settle down. How things had changed!
"It won't be long, I promise," he whispered, as he picked up Brenda's picture from the coffee table in front of him and ran his fingers over it lovingly. He longed to touch her again, to hold her again, to make love to her again, and he knew that he would - it was only a matter of time. He just needed to do a little reconnaissance first to lay the groundwork, and then they could be together again as they were meant to be.
With that, Jeremy David Jacks - known to his family as Jerry, to the agency as JD, and to the woman he loved as Jarrod Davis - settled back onto the couch of his luxurious Upper East Side apartment and began finalizing his plans to leave the Agency once and for all and to spend the rest of his life happily married to Brenda Barrett, the one woman he would always love.