It had been two days since she’d left, and the house felt strangely empty to Jax. Whereas he hadn’t noticed and had even relished his aloneness in the days before Brenda Cates had come into this house and into his life, now he just felt lonely all alone again like this. For some reason that he couldn’t explain, he felt emptier now than he ever had in his life. And, for the first time in his life, he seemed to be falling apart at the seams. He’d barely slept in the past two days, and his concentration seemed to have vanished, like the storm clouds of the other day - and like she had.

Of course, that was what he’d wanted, wasn’t it? Her gone from his life and that dream gone from his head. Well, he’d managed one of those, hadn’t he? And now he was miserable because the other wouldn’t let him forget her or how she made him feel. This was not how any of this was supposed to play out. It was supposed to be out of sight, out of mind for him as far as she was concerned. Instead, it was proving to be just the opposite.

Shoving aside the latest stack of faxes from Jerry on GenCorp, Jax leaned back in his desk chair and sighed. He was finding it harder and harder to concentrate on this project, and he was glad that Jerry was working so diligently on his end to finalize this takeover because he had certainly dropped the ball here. Thankfully, it appeared that they would be able to secure the last of the stock they needed for the takeover by midnight tomorrow night, California time, and the following day their coup would likely be public and he could get out of this place and on with his life.

Now, if he could just make it through today…

Rubbing both hands through his hair in frustration, he stood and walked to the windows, staring out at the serene waters of the Pacific beyond. The ocean was living up to its name today; still and calm, with only gentle waves lapping the beach - great for kids playing tag with the water on the shoreline; but bad for surfers needing an outlet for their frustration. It certainly was a stark contrast to the way the ocean had been the other night.

The night he’d found her…

He sighed, trying to keep his eyes on the ocean and his mind off of her, but his eyes kept wandering to the beach and the little cove to the right. He’d found himself staring at that cove a lot over the past couple of days. He’d watched as flocks of seagulls feasted there on the dead fish the storm had delivered up from the sea. He’d watched as people came and went from the cove, sifting through the silt dredged up from the ocean’s floor, searching for treasures of driftwood and shells. And he was watching now as a crew of maintenance workers cleaned up what the ocean and the seagulls and the souvenir seekers had left behind. He seemed to be always watching that cove, but he had yet to see her back there again…

But she seemed to be everywhere else he looked - lying, wet and shivering, on the sofa; leaning against the French doors that led to the deck out back; sitting by the fireplace in the living room - especially there. And when he closed his eyes, she was back in his arms and he was happy. But when he opened them again, she was gone and he was miserable.

And the thing was that nothing really happened between them that night - no kisses, no caressing, not even any real whispers of possibilities; only stolen glances and wistful tones. And, to be fair to her, she hadn’t even really indicated that she felt anything more for him than gratitude for saving her life. Yet, he’d felt so much more emanating from her, and when he’d watched her wave goodbye as she’d stepped into the cab that next morning, he’d felt as if he’d just let the love of his life slip away from him…

He still felt that way.

This is ridiculous! the voice in his head scolded. You haven’t mooned this badly over a girl since Abby Lister, when you were thirteen - and even then, you’d at least shared several days of handholding and one awkward kiss! You have no relationship whatsoever with this Brenda Cates; you’re merely strangers thrown together by circumstances!

… Or was it fate?

And that was the burning question he couldn’t seem to get out of his mind… Had there been some cosmic force at play that made the two of them cross paths so dramatically as they had, or had it simply been a series of unrelated coincidences that had brought them together? At least he knew for certain that she hadn’t planned all of this, as Jerry had suggested.

Two days earlier…

“So, she’s gone, right?”

“Yeah, she left a couple of hours ago.”

“And you never let her know your real name, right?”

“No, Jer, she has no idea who I really am or what I really do… Even as we were supposed to be sharing our life stories, I stuck to my cover story of being ‘Tom Quinlan.’”

“Tom Quinlan?” Jerry asked incredulously. “That’s the name you used?”

“Yeah, it just popped into my head… Why?” Jax replied, puzzled as to why his brother seemed upset by that.

“Jax, do you not remember that Tom Quinlan was the name of the man who was Dad’s first foreman at the original Lucky Jacks mine?”

“No, I didn’t remember that - I was pretty young at the time… But so what?” Jax asked, still not understanding his brother’s anxiety.

“So what?! … Good god, Jax! That’s like pointing a neon sign right to JI!” Jerry exploded, wondering why his brother seemed unusually obtuse today.

“What are you talking about, Jerry?”

“What am I talking about?! Jax, where is your head?! No - never mind! You don’t have to tell me because I already know where it is - or at least where it was when you decided that Tom Quinlan was a good name to use!” Jerry sighed, exasperated that his brother still did not seem to be grasping the potential damage this woman could do with even this little bit of factual information from Jax. “She’s a writer, Jax! She told you that herself!”

“Actually, she said she aspired to one day be a writer, but that she worked at an ad agency in San Francisco now. In fact, she’s an owner of the agency,” Jax corrected him. “But I still don’t see why you’re so upset…”

“Think, Jax, think! … What if she’s not in advertising at all…? What if she’s really a reporter - or worse yet, an investigative reporter? She could do research on Tom Quinlan and it would lead her right back here to us, then the entire GenCorp takeover will be blown! Or maybe she’s already onto this GenCorp takeover we’re attempting -”

“Jer, this is ludicrous!” Jax erupted, wondering how his brother could possibly come up with such a paranoid scenario as that. “First of all, it would be pretty stupid of her to say she was an owner of a prominent ad agency if it weren’t true. That’s something that’s fairly easy to check out. Secondly, JI has a team of lawyers and analysts on the payroll who are sworn to secrecy to avoid any leak whatsoever on any takeover we consider. And with this deal in particular we’ve been especially careful, even within our own JI community - only O’Neil and Landrum from legal are in on it. And Thompson and Michaels know, too, but they came onboard when Dad was just starting out and JI was still the Lucky Jacks Mining Company. There is no way anyone outside - least of all, Brenda Cates - knows anything about this takeover bid we’re attempting! In fact, I’d lay odds she’s never even heard of Jacks International!”

Jax took a deep breath, trying to calm himself before he continued pointing out the absurdity of his brother’s conspiracy theory: “Besides, Jer, do you honestly believe that she would put herself in harm’s way - falling and hitting her head and knocking herself unconscious like that, in a major storm, no less - simply to get a story?”

“She just got lucky there - the storm made it easier for her to make her meeting with you appear like an accident-”

“Oh, for god’s sake, Jer, it was an accident! I suppose she purposely slipped and knocked herself unconscious - just for that added touch of reality,” Jax sneered, unable to believe how his brother was reaching to attach a dubious significance to both Brenda Cates and their meeting.

“I’ve seen reporters do worse for less important scoops… Anyway, are you sure she was really unconscious? Maybe she was faking-”

“Oh, jeez, Jerry! Give me a little credit for brains here! Trust me - the woman was out like a light!”

“Well, that was just another lucky break on her part-”

“Jerry, give it a rest! No one in their right mind - not even a reporter who was trying for a major scoop or a corporate spy hungry for some inside info- would have been out on the top of those rocks purposely waiting for me with that storm swirling around! Brenda Cates is not a reporter or a spy for a rival company out to steal GenCorp from us… She’s exactly who she says she is, and there is nothing sinister about any of this! You see conspiracies everywhere!”

“Well, I’m sorry, but when we have a fragile, multi-million dollar deal that promises to make us billions - Remember, that is a ‘B’ in there, little brother! - pending, that can be completely blown by one wrong word, then I have a tendency to take a page out of Oliver Stone’s notebook and suspect conspiracy where others only see coincidence.”

“Not necessarily coincidence at work here either,” Jax replied quietly.

Jerry’s heart fell at that. His instincts had been right: Jax saw destiny at work here, which meant that he wouldn’t be able to just forget about this woman, no matter what he said. He needed to get Jax’s mind focused back on GenCorp again and fast! “For god’s sake, don’t tell me that you actually think it was fate that brought the two of you together!” When Jax said nothing, Jerry continued his rant: “Sheesh, Jax - even my conspiracy theory has more merit! You’ve actually convinced yourself that she’s the one - You’ve fallen for this woman, haven’t you?”

“No, Jer, I haven’t fallen for her,” Jax argued. “She’s still a married woman - about to be divorced, but still married at this point. And you know I’m not about to get involved with a married woman.”

“Well, at least you learned something from my past mistakes,” Jerry murmured softly, his heart dropping sharply at the memories that comment stirred.

“Besides, we just met,” Jax continued, unaware that his brother had even said anything. “And she really doesn’t know me at all, although I did get to know a little bit about her in those hours we were together. And even though I have to say that I like what I know about her, she’s already just a memory to me, Jer. She was nice and I enjoyed her company while she was here - nothing more… It just gets lonely here with no one to talk to.”

“You wanna talk to someone? Call me - day or night! If you need talk that’s a little more ‘stimulating’, then I suggest you call 1-800-Blonde-Bimbo and have phone sex ‘til you’ve managed to either max out all your platinum cards or your hand and ear fall off, whichever comes first! - Do whatever it takes to get you through the next few days. Then, once we’ve got GenCorp in our pocket, you can paint LA red; lay every woman who crosses your path; do whatever you need to do to blow off this head of steam you’ve built up over the past few days, but keep your distance from this woman now!”

“Jer, you don’t have anything to worry about - she left here hours ago and there’s no reason for me to ever see her again. I have no idea where she’s staying and we didn’t even exchange phone numbers,” Jax pointed out. “And as for the rest of that, I’ve never had to pay for sex in my life - phone or otherwise - and I’m not about to start now! … Besides, I’m not the one in need of constant sexual gratification, Jer - that would be you. I just enjoyed her company for the time we were together, that’s all - nothing more.”

“You’re sure…”

“Of course, I’m sure! I was the one who was there - not you!”

“It’s just that you’ve been defending this woman up one side and down the other throughout this entire conversation-”

“It’s just that you’re being unnecessarily paranoid about her,” Jax interrupted.

“Possibly,” Jerry conceded, “but the way you talk about her, I get the feeling that she means more to you than you’re willing to admit - maybe even to yourself.”

“For god’s sake, Jer - I just met the woman! It would be crazy to feel anything for her, beyond basic lust - and, trust me, Jer, that is something she could stir in a dead man! Beyond that, I have no designs on her at all,” Jax replied, trying his best to sound nonchalant about her, even though he knew that it was more than her body that attracted him - luscious as that body was. Everything about her enchanted him, and the little time he had spent with her made him long to spend even more time with her. In fact, he could easily see himself spending every day of the rest of his life with her…

Jerry’s words broke into his thoughts then: “Yes, it would be crazy, Jax - crazy or fatigue talking… And since we both know that I’m the insane one in this family, then you must just be tired… Sounds like you and this woman had a very long night and that you need to relax and unwind,” Jerry continued. “Dr. Jerry’s prescription for you is a very long soak in the hot tub or an invigorating swim in the pool, where you can clear your mind of all things that don’t pertain to GenCorp… Then I’d suggest a few hours of sleep - in an actual bed in one of those eight bedrooms upstairs - then I suggest you make yourself an actual meal using the food that I had stocked for you in the kitchen, and then, once you’ve done all that, I guarantee your focus will be back where it belongs - on the GenCorp deal.”

Jax chuckled softly at that. Even though his brother could be exacting, as he had been over the past few days because of this deal, as well as exasperating, as he had been with this incident involving Brenda Cates, he knew that Jerry loved him and only wanted the best for him. And maybe Jerry was right: maybe his focus on GenCorp would be restored if he just got some roughage, as well as some much-needed rest and relaxation.

…But Jax had tried to follow Jerry’s instructions to the letter, yet his focus hadn’t returned completely to the GenCorp deal then, and now, two days later, his mind continued to wander to Brenda Cates. Maybe he just needed to repeat that process over and over again until he got the desired result: his mind completely refocused on business and Brenda Cates completely out of his mind. He wasn’t hungry now and he wasn’t sleepy, but he could certainly use some exercise, and since the ocean wasn’t producing waves for surfing, then he’d just have to go for an invigorating run around the grounds. That’s the ticket, he decided; exercise for his body to exorcise Brenda Cates from his mind.

Is that really what you want? his heart asked.

But Jax chose to ignore that, as he quickly changed into a pair of running shorts and a tee shirt and grabbed his running shoes, then headed outside to run, hoping to regain his focus before he lost his sanity.

Brenda hung up the phone and sighed, “No turning back now.” She’d just called Alexis Davis, who had readily agreed to represent her in the divorce. They’d set up a meeting for early next week, after Brenda was back home in San Francisco. She had given Alexis permission to start the preliminary work immediately so that when they spoke in her office next week Alexis would have some of the pertinent information that she would need, such as the financial records of the firm, as well as a current accounting of their joint personal account. It seemed to be moving faster than Brenda had expected, and it was an enormous step to be taking, but it felt like the right step.

She’d basically accepted that her marriage was over days before, but it had been her brush with death the other night that had been the real wake-up call for her. Life really was too short to waste even a moment in misery, as she and Jagger had been for the past 6 months. Besides, the papers for their legal separation had arrived by courier earlier that afternoon. Jagger had wasted no time in making the first move to put legal distance between them. He had evidently been ready to move on for some time now; she was just finally getting in step. And the more she thought about it, the more right all of this felt.

“That bump on your head must’ve finally knocked some sense into you!” her friend Lois had told her when she’d called yesterday and Brenda had told her about both her accident and her plans to end her marriage. “It’s about time you left that bum!” she’d added. When Brenda pointed out to her that Jagger was the one who had already filed for legal separation, Lois had merely replied: “Well, the guy knows in that cheatin’ heart of his that he’s not good enough to be even partnered with you in business, let alone in marriage!”

But Brenda hadn’t gotten the chance to ask Lois what she’d meant by that “cheatin’ heart” comment, as Lois had gotten a pressing business call and had to hang up with her. And now that comment haunted her, as she wondered if Lois knew that Jagger had cheated on her but had never told her? … No, not Lois. If she knew something for certain she would have been the first to tell Brenda; not to hurt Brenda, but to open her eyes.

… Wouldn’t she?

She shrugged at that thought. She supposed it really didn’t matter now whether or not Lois knew something for certain about Jagger or even whether or not Jagger had ever cheated on her. Their marriage was over now, so anything that had happened during their marriage was simply water under the bridge. She certainly couldn’t do anything about what had happened before - and she wasn’t even sure she really wanted to know if something had happened - but she could control things from this point on.

Jagger may have only wanted a legal separation for now - to “test the waters and see where our heads are,” as he had put it - but she planned to give him a no-fault divorce as quickly as possible so that they could both get on with their lives. It was no use prolonging the inevitable, and both she and Jagger knew that their marriage had died long ago. They both needed to move on to find their own happiness apart from one another.

She had been set to separate from Jagger before the accident, but in the back of her mind she’d still hoped for a reconciliation with him, both personally and professionally. Now she knew that he belonged nowhere in her life at all - not even professionally. To that end, she’d decided to let Jagger have the ad agency. It had always been his dream, not hers, anyway.

She’d spent the past couple of days since the accident taking stock of her life. Her accident had been the wake-up call she’d needed to realize that life was short and precious and not to be wasted on trying to fulfill other people’s dreams. As she looked back on the past few years, she realized that she had simply reacted to life, not actively participated. She had simply responded to the actions and choices of others around her - Jagger, her clients, her friends - as they buffeted her life, but she had never really chosen paths for herself. The last major choice she had made completely on her own had been when she’d selected Berkeley as her college and English as her major.

Since then she’d seemed to lose sight of her dream and had become timid in her own life, allowing others to choose her paths: her job at Beecham had been her Aunt Ruby’s suggestion; her subsequent rise to the top there and then creating the new agency with Jagger had been with Jagger’s urging; even her marriage to Jagger hadn’t been a part of what she had dreamed for herself.

Not that she hadn’t dreamed of marriage when she was a girl - she had - it’s just that what she had dreamed and what had been her reality had been light years apart. Or maybe it was simply that what she’d dreamed of - a marriage based on a deep and abiding love - simply wasn’t possible in this day and age. She hoped that wasn’t true. She had to believe that real love still existed and that one day she’d experience that kind of love, even if she never again married.

Marriage she could easily live without, but love… Well, love was another story altogether. She had to believe that love still existed or life simply wouldn’t be worth living. She had just reclaimed her life, and she refused to believe that fate would be so cruel as to give her a second chance at life with no possibility of ever finding real love.

Fate? She smiled as she realized that she had never given much thought to that particular concept before her accident. Of course she’d read about it in novels. Literature across the ages was rich with fateful situations and ironic twists, but she’d never before seen it at work in her own life. Or was it simply that she’d never noticed it before? Certainly, this time it was impossible to ignore the role that fate played in all of this - or the role that Tom Quinlan played as well…

Tom Quinlan… Now, there was a man that was definitely impossible to ignore - or forget. There was something about him that intrigued her. He was gorgeous - yes, but so was Jagger. Besides, physical attractiveness alone was never enough to tweak her interest in a man, and this man had certainly done far more than interest her. He’d invaded her every thought. It seemed that when she wasn’t remembering her past with Jagger or imagining what her uncertain future might bring, she found her mind wandering to Tom Quinlan. Even in those moments in which she tried to empty her mind completely, his face would cross her mind and a smile would immediately cross her face. She wondered why that was?

It’s because he’d saved her life, she supposed. After all, if it hadn’t been for him being in the right place at the right time, then she probably wouldn’t even have a future right now, let alone looking forward to that future with an optimism that she hadn’t felt since her college days. He was the one who had given her this new lease on life, and she knew that she owed him far more than she’d ever possibly be able to repay him. She’d tried the other night to pay him, but he’d politely refused her offer to help him find a job. Well, he might not accept her help when it came to finding a job, but she was at least going to try to compensate him monetarily for his time and effort.

She looked back at her open checkbook and sighed. She’d kept this personal account after she and Jagger had married simply to have her own money for clothes and gifts and such, but she’d never kept more than several thousand in it at any time and she’d just written a hefty retainer to Alexis Davis, which left her with precious little remaining in that particular account. Alexis had advised her to pad her personal account by transferring at least a few thousand over from her joint bank account with Jagger to carry her through the next few weeks, just in case the joint account was frozen. She planned to do that once she got back home, but that didn’t help her now.

Normally, she’d simply use one of her ATM cards to access get more money, but in her haste to pack for this trip, she’d left her ATM cards at home on her desk. It had been weeks since she had used them, and at the time she was packing, the possibility of needing extra money on this trip had been the last thing on her mind; saving her marriage had been her sole focus then. She had a couple of credit card, and she supposed she could borrow money there, but she hated the thought of paying the outrageous interest the credit card company would charge her for that. No, she’d simply write Tom Quinlan a nominal check now and promise to send him more once she returned home and had more funds.

Deciding that now was as good a time as any to thank Mr. Quinlan, she hurriedly wrote out a check for $500 and folded it and stuffed it into the back pocket of her jeans. Grabbing a sweater and slipping it on, she turned and headed toward the sliding glass doors that led to the deck and the beach.

“Ouch!” she grimaced, as she caught a glimpse of her reflection in the door’s glass. Good grief! Did she really look that scruffy? She’d scare the poor man if she barged in on him looking like this!

He’s seen you looking worse, she told herself. And, indeed, he had. She’d looked like a drowned rat the other night and he hadn’t run away in terror then. But she’d had an excuse then - she was unconscious and soaked from the rain; today she had no excuse for looking this bad, and for some reason she really wanted to look good today when she saw Tom again. Sure, he’d called her beautiful the other night, but he was simply being nice, whether he’d admit that or not. Today she really wanted him to think she was beautiful.

She ran to the bathroom mirror to get a better look at herself. The knot on her forehead had gone down nicely and the small cut there was nearly healed as well, but the bruising still looked nasty, with the purples and blues having given way to sickly shades of yellows and greens. But that sight wasn’t as bad as her hair.

She normally blew her hair straight, but in her haste to pack for this trip, she had neglected to pack her blow dryer. So she’d been forced to towel dry her naturally curly hair, which left it in a mass of unruly curls most of the time. For the past several days her appearance had not been a high priority for her, so she had simply gone without makeup and lived with the bad hair. But since her accident, she felt like a new woman. Like she had finally gotten everything together. After years of simply allowing things to happen to her, she felt like she finally had some direction and control of her life.

“Now, if I could only get control of my hair!” she laughed, as she grabbed for her hairbrush and dragged the bristles through her hair several times in an effort to make it presentable. Realizing that it was hopeless, she pulled a scrunchy from off the vanity and quickly wrapped it around her errant curls, pulling it up into a messy ponytail. She gazed critically at her reflection in the mirror. It wasn’t the best, but it was a vast improvement over the way she had looked just moments before. “I’ll just pull my cap down a little more, and it’ll hide most of my hair and face anyway,” she shrugged, as she headed back into the living room in search of her beloved Yankees cap.

After searching for several minutes, she realized that the last time she had actually seen the cap had been when the wind had blown it off her head, just shortly before she’d fallen. Her heart fell as she realized that it was likely lost when she fell and probably floated out to sea or sank to the bottom of the murky Pacific days ago. She suddenly felt like she’d been kicked in the stomach; the pain far worse than what she’d experienced when she’d fallen on the rocks and hit her head.

That cap had been one of the few tangible reminders that she’d had that there had ever been anything even resembling love in her marriage. It had been a souvenir of a whirlwind weekend spent in New York with Jagger, courtesy of a wealthy client grateful for the incredibly successful ad campaign the agency had worked up for him. The client had spared no expense, providing them with first-class round-trip tickets, a fully paid suite at the Plaza, dinner at The Four Seasons, and box seat tickets behind home plate to see the Yankees play the Red Sox. It had been ages since they’d been able to get away together, and they’d planned to enjoy being pampered and living like royalty all weekend.

The weekend had been everything they had hoped it would be, but for Brenda it had been more. It was the only time in the years that she and Jagger were married that she’d even come close to feeling truly loved by him. For three glorious days, they’d focused only on one another - no clients, no deadlines, no crises of any kind to pull them away from one another. They laughed and played and made love all weekend long like newlyweds, and she saw a side of Jagger that she hadn’t seen in years - relaxed, funny, and spontaneous. And when they returned home, Brenda was on a natural high that she thought would last forever.

But within days after returning to their routines, they were back to passing like ships in the night, with little time for making love or even making small talk. And within just a couple of weeks of returning home she’d begun to wonder if the cap (which Jagger had impulsively bought for her at a JFK gift shop on their way home as a reminder of their wonderful weekend in New York) would be the only tangible proof that that weekend hadn’t been more than just a dream. But then she discovered that they’d also brought home another very tangible souvenir of that weekend - she was pregnant.

So, from that point on, they associated the Yankees cap with their baby, and it became his cap by default. The minute they’d finished converting the guest room into a nursery (complete with race car theme, as Jagger had been certain from the beginning that the baby was a boy), Jagger had placed the cap in the crib, saying that he planned for their son to wear it home from the hospital to remind them of what a gift that weekend in New York had been for them.

But then she’d lost the baby. And when she’d returned home from the hospital, Jagger had removed all of the bay’s things from the nursery and he’d had the room itself repainted and furnished back again to the guestroom. She’d found the cap by accident, just days after they’d buried their baby, when she’d thrown away some tissues. There, behind the bedroom wastebasket, lay the treasured Yankees cap. Jagger had evidently meant to toss it into the trash in order to get rid of it altogether, as he hadn’t packed it away with all the other baby things that he’d given to a local charity that helped unwed mothers.

The sight of that cap - the one tangible reminder that she had left of their baby - simply discarded like that had broken her heart, and she’d grabbed the cap and held it and cried for hours after, until she had no more tears left in her. Jagger may have wanted to simply toss it away and forget, but she couldn’t do that. She needed it as a physical reminder of their son’s existence and of his very real presence in her life. And even though she’d never had the chance to hold him in her arms, she knew she would always hold him in her heart. And in the days and weeks that followed that painful time, she would always feel comforted by simply touching that cap. It reminded her of the happiest moments in her marriage - the weekend they had created their baby.

That was the reason she had impulsively packed the hat for this trip - as a reminder of that weekend and what it had given them and then what they had lost. This time away from home was to have been a time for them to work on trying to save their marriage, but, instead, it had been the end of their marriage. She accepted that now and knew that it was the best thing for both of them, but she still wanted and needed that cap. It still was a reminder of her son. It was all that she had left of him, and she couldn’t lose that, too - not now.

She slid open the sliding glass doors and stepped outside onto the deck, her upbeat, positive mood of just moments ago suddenly gone, as she realized that finding the cap was unlikely now. She knew that she’d been foolish to wear it that day, given the forecast, but she’d needed it. She’d felt so empty at that point, and she’d needed to hold onto the one time in her life when she’d come closest to true happiness. That hat was the last tangible reminder that she had that there had ever been even the hint of real love in her marriage - and it was all she had left to remind her of her son. Now, the hat and that time were gone forever.

You don’t need an object to remind you of your son. He’ll always live right here; you’ll never forget him, her heart whispered.

She sighed. That was true and she knew it, but a part of her still desperately wanted that hat back. She glanced up the shoreline toward the little cove where she’d fallen the other night. It was a long shot, but it was the last place she remembered having the hat, so she had to at least try looking for it.

Jax staggered through the doors that led from the deck into the kitchen, grabbed a cold bottled water from the refrigerator, then collapsed on a stool at the end of the counter. He’d just run 5 miles and he was tired, but it was a good tired. It felt good to run again like that. Back home in Sydney he ran five miles every day, rain or shine. But since he’d arrived in the States, his free time had been minimal, so he’d instead opted to surf whenever he could, taking advantage of the spectacular waves that had preceded the storm of the other night.

The storm…

Brenda Cates…

Dammit! He’d actually been able to stop thinking about her for that hour he was running, as he’d concentrated on the landscape and keeping his pace up. He’d even managed to come up with a surefire way to secure those last few hundred thousand shares of GenCorp that JI needed to pull off this coup of theirs. But now his mind had somehow slid back to her again, even though he’d been thinking about something else entirely. Why was that? he wondered.

He shrugged. It didn’t matter why that was because he wasn’t about to let himself think about her constantly, as he had for the past couple of days. He’d finally made it out - perhaps for only an hour - but he had made it out. Maybe Jerry had been right after all - he’d just needed enough sleep and proper nutrition and the right amount of vigorous exercise to clear his head of that woman and refocus on the GenCorp takeover. And if an hour of running could clear her from his mind temporarily, then certainly a couple dozen grueling laps in that Olympic-sized pool outside could make him forget about her for the rest of the afternoon and night.

Fat chance! his heart taunted. You could swim the entire length of the California coastline and she’d still be right here, and you know it. You can’t forget her that easily.

Maybe not, but he was sure as hell going to give it a try, he decided, as he headed through the house to change into his swim trunks.

Despite the fact that he’d taken Jerry’s advice and spent the night in one of the bedrooms upstairs, he still hadn’t gotten around to taking his bags up yet, so his clothes were all still in the office - and mostly scattered across the floor now. He shook his head as he surveyed the mess around him, his eyes immediately stopping as they fell on his blue dress shirt that lay on the arm of the sofa. Suddenly, as if mesmerized, he picked up the shirt and held it to his face, closing his eyes and inhaling deeply. It smelled of her - jasmine - and the heavenly scent instantly sent him back to that night…

And the feel of her in his arms as he fell asleep…

And the way her body fit so perfectly against his…

And the way it had felt so right to wake up holding her in his arms…

What the hell is wrong with you?! the voice in his head demanded. You were finally on your way to forgetting her and this fanciful notion about her being your destiny, and now you’re falling right back into that trap again! You can’t allow this woman to distract you like this. You need to focus on business now, more than ever. This deal could make or break JI. You’re leveraged to the teeth here and if it falls through, you could lose everything your parents worked for all those years. Is that what you want?

Jax sighed as he opened his eyes. That was the last thing he wanted… Unfortunately, the first thing he wanted was to see Brenda Cates again, if only briefly. But, short of calling Kalifornia Kab and pressuring the company for the address where the driver had dropped her the other morning, Jax had no way of finding her, which was probably just as well. They hadn’t even exchanged phone numbers when they’d parted. He’d been so intent on distancing himself from her as quickly as possible that he’d practically forced her out the door once the storm had let up and there was traffic again on the streets.

You were smart to do that, the voice in his head praised him. If you knew where she was staying or had her phone number, you’d be tempted to call her. This way you have no choice in the matter.

You always have choices, his heart whispered; especially when you want and need something as badly as you want and need to see her again.

“No!” Jax shouted aloud. “I don’t want to see her again. I don’t need to see her again! And I won’t see her again! Period!” he declared, tossing the shirt aside as he bent to search for his trunks. But as he did so, he caught a glimpse of movement on the rocks in the little cove that lay just beyond his property.

His heart caught in his throat. It was her! It was finally her!

And, totally forgetting his vow never see her again that he’d made just seconds before, he was out of the office, then out of the house like a shot, heading for her…

Despite walking at a brisk pace, it took Brenda nearly twenty minutes to cover the distance between her beach house and the rocky cove. She could have made it faster had she run, but the doctor who’d checked her out after the accident advised that she hold off on any running for at least a week, to avoid the possibility of unnecessarily jarring her head, which could lead to more headaches. Still, it was hard to follow that advice once she caught sight of the work crew cleaning the cove area.

“Hey!” she shouted to a nearby worker, quickening her pace as she closed the last few yards between them.

Squinting into the sun as he looked up to see who was calling, the worker stopped and motioned for the rest of the crew to do the same.

“Thanks!” Brenda smiled, grateful that she no longer had to shout to be heard above the din of the engine of the tractor that the work crew was using to rake the sand for silt and debris. “I lost a Yankees baseball cap here the afternoon of the storm, and I was wondering if any of you might have found it?” she asked, looking from man to man as each shook his head.

“It’s probably halfway to China by now!” one man laughed, cocking his thumb westward. “That was one helluva storm!”

“Or on the ocean floor,” a second man chimed in, as he took off his work gloves and swiped at the small beads of sweat on his brow.

“It’s not likely it stayed put here during that storm, but even if it had, the scavengers woulda grabbed somethin’ like that up in a heartbeat,” the man on the tractor added, as he jumped off and removed a large piece of plastic that was caught under the tines of the rake, stuffing the plastic into the bag that the second man was holding.

Brenda nodded, not surprised, but disappointed nonetheless. “I figured as much,” she murmured, her face showing the disappointment she felt. “Will I be in your way if I climb up to the top of the rocks?” she asked. She knew it was probably fruitless, but she still wanted to check in the crevices between the rocks higher up.

“Naw… We’re finished here anyway,” the man with the tractor shrugged, as he climbed back into its seat and turned it on. “Knock yourself out, lady,” he added, motioning for the other two workers to jump onto the back of the tractor for the ride back to their truck parked further down the public beach.

Despite her disappointment over losing the cap, she couldn’t help but smile at the man’s ironic choice of words: Knock yourself out. “Been there, done that; hope never to do it again!” she laughed ruefully, as she carefully climbed onto the rocks, peering into each crevice as she slowly made her way to the top. But, just as she’d feared, there was no sign of the hat anywhere.

Sighing heavily, she sat down on the uppermost peak, drawing her knees to her chest, then resting her chin on her knees as she gazed out at the placid waters of the Pacific. She knew it was ridiculous to feel so depressed over the loss of a silly baseball cap, but she couldn’t help it. “I hope that it’s not just drifting out there somewhere or stuck at the bottom of the ocean…” she sighed, blinking hard to hold back the tears. “I hope that someone found it… a little boy or a little girl… because it was meant to be worn by a child.”

She suddenly felt unbelievably empty - like she was truly alone in the world. She thought that after all the crying she’d done on the days prior to the storm that she would be completely cried out by now. And she thought that surviving the accident had helped her to move past the grief and the pain of her failed marriage and her dead son, but she was wrong. Her body trembled convulsively as she finally gave into the pain, allowing herself to cry once again for all that she had lost.

Jax took the steep stairs that led down the hillside from his estate to the private beach below by twos, his feet barely touching the steps as he raced to get to the cove before she left. As he finally hit the sand, he could see that she seemed firmly ensconced on the very top of the rocks, so he slowed his pace a little, though never taking his eyes off her; a part of him fearing that if he even blinked that she would disappear, never to be seen again.

As he got closer he could see that she was trembling. It was a little cool today, but the sun was shining brightly and there was no breeze to speak of; it was certainly not cool enough to cause someone to shiver like that. He wondered what could be wrong?

“Hey!” he called, when he was finally within shouting distance. “Everything okay up there?” he asked, squinting to get a better look, as he held his left hand up to shield his eyes from the glare of the late afternoon sun.

Brenda was startled at his voice, and she turned her head quickly to see who was there, panicking when she saw who it was. Oh, god, it’s Tom Quinlan - and I look like something the cat dragged in again! she thought, frantically searching the pockets of her jeans for a tissue, and, finding none, brushed the remaining tears from her eyes and her cheeks with her fingers, then, as inconspicuously as possible, swiping the sleeve of her sweater under her nose. That took care of the tears, but how could she get rid of the red eyes and the blotchy face she knew she had to have right now? Sheesh! And she actually wanted to look nice for this man today…

“Hi, Tom!” she shouted, plastering a fake smile on her face as she waved to him. She slowly climbed down the steep face of the rocky ledge, gratefully taking his hand as he helped her down from the lowest rocks onto the sandy beach below.

A tingling shot through their joined fingers, and simultaneously they each jerked their hands away, momentarily startled by this same sensation they’d felt pass between them several times the other night.

Static electricity again? Brenda wondered, as she rubbed her still tingling hand against her thigh. “Umm… actually, I was just on my way to see you,” Brenda said, trying hard to ignore the unexpected warmth that she felt rising through her since they’d touched.

“You were?” he smiled, unable to hide his happiness to see her again. He noticed then that, despite the smile on her face, her eyes were noticeably red and swollen. She’d evidently been crying - quite hard, too, if the trembling he’d witnessed just moments ago was any indication. For some reason, he hated that she was unhappy, and he wanted to do something - anything - to bring a genuine smile to her face to replace the fake one she was trying so hard to maintain now. “And did you expect to find me up there?” he asked, nodding toward the rocky summit. “Or were you planning to fall again, knowing that I’d suddenly appear to rescue you if you did?” he teased, pleased when he saw her smile broaden and the twinkle he loved so much reappear in her eyes.

“So, are you like Batman and this is your bat beacon?” she smiled, cocking an eyebrow as she nodded toward the rocks behind her.

That made him laugh. “Well, my brother says that I have this need to constantly play superhero.”

“Well, I’ve never thought of myself as someone who needed to be rescued,” she began, both her smile and her tone softening as she added, “but I am most grateful that you followed your superhero instincts the other night…” Her eyes glistened with tears once again as she continued: “I know that I’ll never be able to repay you for saving me - and I know that you told me then that you didn’t want anything as payment for that - but I totally disrupted your life and I somehow managed to nearly destroy that house-”

She nodded toward Jax’s beach house.

“I mean, the water-stained cushions and the broken sculpture and the melted candle wax everywhere, not to mention the shirt you borrowed from your brother’s boss’s closet for me to wear that I somehow managed to get strawberry stains on - or that fabulous Persian rug that we managed to get cracker crumbs all through… Anyway, here-”

She reached into her back pocket and pulled out the folded check and handed it to him.

“It’s not much,” she pointed out, as she watched him look at the check - neatly made out to “Tom Quinlan” for the sum of $500 - then back to her, set to protest, “but I want you to put this toward the cleaning bills for the sofa cushions and the rug and the shirt… I would like to have written a larger check, but I… ummm… Well, it seems that divorce lawyers don’t come cheap and I needed to write a rather sizeable retainer in order for mine to begin the whole legal process for me, and I don’t normally keep a lot in this account to begin with and when I left on this trip I hadn’t planned on needing to pay for either a divorce lawyer or a superhero before I got home and I stupidly left my ATM cards back home and I never carry much cash and-”

“Hey, no need for an explanation - or this check,” Jax interrupted, laughing as he folded the check and attempted to hand it back to her. “I told you before that I don’t need this - and, trust me, I don’t,” he added adamantly, but she still refused to take it from him. “Listen, I already talked with my brother back in Australia; told him about everything - the water-stained cushions, the shirt, the candle wax on the mantle, the shattered sculpture - and he explained the situation to his bosses and they understood completely and plan to cover all the expenses, so it’s not coming out of my pocket or my brother’s hide, so I really don’t need to take this.”

She chewed her bottom lip as she studied his face intently, then a slow smile lit her face. “Since I don’t want to take the check back and you don’t want to cash it, how about we compromise?”

“Compromise? How?” Jax asked, unsure where she was going with this but delighted to follow, just the same.

“Well, you keep the check, but don’t cash it,” she answered.

“How is that a compromise?” Jax asked, interested to see just how she would explain this.

“Well, you’d be keeping the check, so I won’t have to take it back; but since you won’t be cashing it, you technically haven’t accepted anything from me, other than a piece of paper that is simply my way of saying thanks,” she explained.

Jax looked at her through narrowed eyes. “Ah, so in America a check isn’t actual reimbursement unless it’s cashed, is that it? - Technically speaking, I mean,” he countered, his eyes twinkling with amusement at her convoluted logic here.

“Well… no…” she stammered.

“No - so, technically speaking, this isn’t really a compromise then, is it?” he challenged, grinning as she burst out laughing then.

“No, I suppose it’s not,” she laughingly conceded, then sobered slightly as she added: “But I really would feel better if you kept the check - just for a few weeks, at least until you get on your feet. That way you’ll have it if you need it, but if you don’t need it, then you can do whatever you want with it: give it away, tear it up and throw it away… give it as a nice tip to the pizza delivery guy…” she added, grinning as she intentionally poked fun at his primary source of nourishment over the past few days.

“Now, there’s an idea! Maybe it would be an incentive for him to get one to me hot for a change!” he laughed.

“Well, I think we’ve found a good use for that check now, after all, haven’t we?” she laughed, her heart suddenly feeling light once again; her despair of just moments ago nearly forgotten. What is it about him that makes me feel like this? she wondered, gazing up into his blue-green eyes and feeling her heart suddenly skip a beat.

Jax was having his own cardiac episode, as his heart seemed to be beating wildly in his chest. Why do I feel like this around her? he wondered, as he gazed down into her chocolate brown eyes, now bright with laughter. He stared at her, marveling how comfortable he felt bantering with her like this. It was like they were old friends. He’d never felt this sense of ease so quickly with anyone before, outside his own family. It was almost as if they were…

… Meant to be? his heart supplied.

Rubbish! the voice in his head countered. Forget this silly notion about destiny!

Forget it - or her? Impossible! his heart insisted.

Jax sighed, weary of this inner struggle for his soul between his heart and his mind. At this point he didn’t care what was or was not good for him; he simply wanted to enjoy this moment with this woman, whether it led to anything more or not. Was that too much to ask?

After a prolonged period of simply staring into one another’s eyes, Brenda was the first to break the silence. “Ummm… well, I should be getting back,” she announced, willing herself to look anywhere but at him. “So, ummm… well, bye - and thanks again for everything you did for me… and if you decide in the future that you’d like to give modeling a try after all, my home address and home phone are on the check and I added my cell number there, too, -” she said, pointing to the check that Jax still held in his hand. “I’ll gladly put you in touch with the right people.”

“Yeah, sure,” Jax replied, startled that she was leaving so soon. He was reluctant to let her go; yet he was unsure of how to casually keep her there longer. So he simply waved at her, as she turned and began walking back down the beach to her place. It was then that he remembered she’d been sitting on the rocks and crying when he’d first arrived. “Brenda!” he called after her.

“Yes?” she asked, stopping in her tracks and looking back at him.

He ran the few paces to catch up with her. “Ummm… I… I don’t mean to pry,” he stammered, unsure how to word this without sounding crass or interfering, “but you looked pretty intense up on those rocks earlier. I was just wondering if it had anything to do with… your husband… or the divorce… I mean, if you need to talk or anything, I’m a pretty good listener,” he offered, suddenly feeling embarrassed by how lame that sounded, even to himself.

She didn’t think it sounded lame, in the least. In fact, she thought just the opposite. “That is incredibly sweet of you, Tom,” she smiled, “and you certainly proved that you’re a good listener the other night when you to let me drone on all night to keep my mind off the storm. I appreciated that then, and I appreciate your offer now, but I’m afraid there’s really nothing you can do to help me out in this particular instance.”

But Jax couldn’t let this - or her - go so easily. “Hey, it’s worth a shot, isn’t it?” he persisted, his voice sounding almost pleading to his own ears.

But to Brenda he simply sounded like he truly cared, so she decided that it certainly couldn’t hurt to tell him about the cap. And maybe - just maybe - she’d still had it on when he’d found her. That was a real long shot, given the winds that afternoon, but, after her own miraculous escape from death in that storm, she knew that anything was possible.

She sighed heavily, then began: “This has nothing to do with Jagger or my divorce. I’m legally separated now - the papers arrived today - and soon I’ll be divorced. I’ve accepted that; in fact, I told my lawyer that the sooner this divorce is finalized, the better off both Jagger and I will be.” She paused, trying to decide how to word this without sounding like an idiot, because, after all, to the outside world it was just a baseball cap. “I was upset because I had hoped to find something here that I lost the day of the storm - something that meant a great deal to me… a baseball cap, actually… ”

A smile quickly lit his face then. “New York Yankees emblem on it?” he grinned, his eyes twinkling.

Brenda’s heart caught in her throat. Was this really possible? Her hat - the only thing she had left to remind her of her lost baby - had not been lost forever, as well? “You have it?” she asked, breathlessly awaiting his reply.

“Probably,” he replied, hedging slightly then. “Yeah, I must still have it. I mean, I remember taking it off your head when I first brought you inside. I dropped it on the floor beside the sofa, but I don’t remember seeing it after that… I must have kicked it under the sofa sometime after that. It has to still be there.”

Brenda was overjoyed, spontaneously launching herself into a very surprised Jax’s arms. “Thank you! Thank you! Thank you!” she shouted, hugging him happily, her arms and legs wrapped around him tightly.

“I take it meant a great deal to you,” Jax laughed, enjoying the feel of holding her in his arms again. This felt so incredibly natural and right to him.

“Oh!” Brenda gasped, suddenly realizing where she was and what she was doing. She jumped down and took a step back away from him, her face flushed with embarrassment. “I am sooo sorry,” she apologized. “I… I don’t know what got into me! I’ve never done anything like that before!”

That particular bit of information was nearly as satisfying to Jax as holding her had been. “Well, I’m happy to have been your first,” he grinned, realizing, after the fact, how sexually infused that sounded. But as he opened his mouth to apologize, he saw the gleam in her eye and the small smile on her face. She wasn’t offended in the least; if anything, she appeared a bit intrigued - or was that simply his wishful thinking? “Ummm… why don’t you come up to the house with me and we can find your hat together?” he suggested, testing to see if she really might be interested in him or if it was simply his imagination. Besides, he wanted to be with her as long as possible. He wasn’t ready to simply let her slip from his life as easily as she had slipped into it.

She chewed her bottom lip as she mulled over his invitation. Was he inviting her back to his place simply to retrieve the hat or was this invitation for something more? Or was she simply imagining this strong sexual undercurrent flowing between them? There’s one sure way to find out, she thought, as a part of her wanted to follow him back to that beach house and allow the sparks that had been igniting between them since the night of the storm to develop into a full-blown, passionate inferno.

But another part of her knew that, no matter how good it might feel to be held and loved by this man who made her feel beautiful and special, it would also be wrong. She might be legally separated from her husband, but she wasn’t about to rush into an affair simply to assuage her bruised female ego. And that was the part she had to follow - at least at this particular moment.

“I… I’d better not,” she finally answered, watching as his face seemed to fall at that. For some reason his reaction was most gratifying. Her instincts hadn’t been wrong, after all; he did find her attractive and alluring. And she certainly was attracted to him… which meant that she was definitely playing with fire by even considering going back with him now. “I… I’m grateful to know where it is and I do want it back, but it’s getting late, and I… I… I’m expecting an important call,” she added, which really wasn’t a lie, since Lois had said she’d call, just not until much later that night.

“Okay…” Jax replied, disappointed but not surprised that she had turned down his invitation. Even though there was definite chemistry between them, she was barely separated from her husband and needed time to heal and get her bearings. But he still hated the thought of her returning to San Francisco and possibly never seeing her again. But then he brightened, as he realized that she still needed to get her hat. “So, do you still want your hat?” he asked, knowing full well that she did.

“Oh, my hat…” She gave an embarrassed laugh at that. How could she have possibly forgotten about the hat? After all, that had been uppermost on her mind just moments ago… Before he’d looked at her with those clear blue eyes or held her in those strong arms again or invited her up to his place to… Well, it was no wonder she had momentarily forgotten the hat. It’s a wonder she could remember her own name!

“If you’d like, I can bring it by your place some time,” Jax offered, hoping to find out where she was staying while she was here in Malibu.

“That seems like a lot of trouble for you,” Brenda replied. “You don’t have a car - and cabs around here aren’t cheap…”

“No trouble at all,” Jax interrupted. “In fact, my brother’s company arranged for a rental car to be delivered in the morning, so I’ll have my own wheels then… Of course, I’ll need your address first - right now I only know that you’re staying about 2 miles down the beach, but it might be a little embarrassing going from door-to-door trying to find you, ” he laughed, nodding vaguely in the direction of Brenda’s place.

“Yeah, that could be embarrassing - exhausting, too,” Brenda laughed. “The address is 10054 Pacific View.” She gazed at him thoughtfully for a moment, then added: “Listen, I’ll be gone most of tomorrow, but if you don’t have any plans for tomorrow night, why don’t you bring the hat by then. I’ll make dinner for the two of us - you can give the pizza guy the night off,” she laughed.

“Dinner?” Jax was delighted. Another evening with her; dinner - and possibly more. “Sure! What time?”

“How about 8:00?”

“8:00 it is! Can I bring anything? … Besides, the hat, of course… How about a bottle of wine?” he offered eagerly.

A look of amusement lit her face then. “You planning to buy your own or simply ‘borrow’ a bottle from the wine cellar?” she grinned.

“How about I surprise you?” he grinned in return.

“I like surprises,” she replied softly, which made Jax’s mouth suddenly go dry.

“Maybe I can surprise you in a few other ways, too,” Jax smiled sexily, once he regained his ability to swallow again.

His words and the sexy way he’d said them, combined with that heart-stopping smile of his, proved to be an extremely potent combination, and Brenda felt downright dizzy standing there. Her heart was suddenly beating erratically and she could feel herself starting to hyperventilate. She had to get home soon or she’d pass out - Either that or she’d tackle him right here and now!

Control yourself! she told herself. The ink is barely dry on your separation papers, and you’re ready to jump into another man’s arms and his bed. Get out of here - and fast - before you do something you’re not ready for and that you’ll both probably regret later!

That was definitely good advice, she decided. “I… I’d better get back… I have that… ummm… ummm…”

“Important phone call,” Jax supplied, when she appeared to be floundering for words.

“Yes, I have an important phone call coming… and I have to be there to take it or else… or else…” she stammered, barely able to breathe, let alone think at this point. She really did have to get away from this man so she could collect herself.

“… Or else you’ll miss it?” Jax smiled, his eyes twinkling. He knew he shouldn’t be teasing her like this, but he was delighted to know that he evidently had the same effect of her that she’d had on him from the very beginning.

“Exactly!” Brenda exclaimed, embarrassed that she was making such a fool of herself.

Jax watched as an attractive blush settled onto her cheeks again. That, combined with the pinks and the lavenders of the late afternoon sky behind her, gave her an ethereal glow, making her appear almost angelic, just as she had the other evening in the glow of the candlelight. God, she is so beautiful! Jax thought, as he simply smiled at her, admiring what he saw. Even with the errant curls escaping from her ponytail and the slightly swollen eyes, he was sure that she was still the most beautiful woman God had ever put on this earth - and he was more certain than ever that God had put her here just for him.

Brenda shifted uncomfortably as he continued to simply smile and stare at her. What was going on in that mind of his, she wondered? Was he wondering if she was always this scattered? She felt so embarrassed! She was a mess inside and out, and the longer she stayed here, the worse things seemed to be getting for her. She had to get out of here now.

“So… ummm… I’ll see you tomorrow then - Bye!” she announced abruptly, then turned and raced toward her place, ignoring completely the ER doctor’s advice about not running. But she needed to put as much distance as quickly as possible between herself and Tom Quinlan. She decided she’d prefer a killer headache to risking making an even bigger fool of herself with him than she already had.

What has gotten into me? she wondered, as she gradually slowed her pace to an easy jog. She had acted like a total idiot, like someone had come along and relieved her of her common sense. She had never acted like that before, and she hoped never to act like that again.

I was just excited to find out that he had the cap, she rationalized; I simply got a little carried away, that’s all. Possibly - but that didn’t explain the other feelings he seemed to evoke in her - this warm giddiness that was infusing every cell of her body. She hadn’t felt that way since… since… She honestly couldn’t remember ever feeling that way before. Why was that, she wondered?

It’s because you nearly died, her head told her. You’re feeling everything more acutely now; that’s all.

That had to be it, she decided, as she kicked her pace back up a notch, desperately in need of a very cold shower to extinguish the surge of incredibly warm sensations she was feeling so acutely now.

Jax smiled as he watched Brenda’s retreating form grow smaller and smaller, finally disappearing from view altogether. He knew that he should be rushing back to the house to fax Jerry that info about GenCorp, but he didn’t really want to move from this spot. He simply wanted to stand and luxuriate in the feeling of the moment.

This has been such an amazing day! he thought, as he reluctantly turned to head back to the house. He’d started that morning feeling empty and frustrated, yet he was ending it feeling like he was on top of the world. And why shouldn’t he feel that way? After all, he’d finally come up with a way to secure the last few hundred thousand shares of GenCorp stock that they needed to complete JI’s takeover bid of the company. That was enough to make anyone feel excited. But what thrilled him even more than that was the fact that Brenda Cates had come back into his life.

He paused at the bottom of the steps that led up to the deck and turned back to look out at the ocean and the sun as it settled lower and lower in the western sky. He was suddenly aware of the beauty of it all; marveling at the brilliant colors that streaked the sky, as the sun appeared to be slowly swallowed slowly by the ocean itself. Since he’d arrived in California the week before, he’d watched the sun set nearly every day, yet he realized now that he’d never really noticed how incredibly beautiful the daily event was before this very minute.

Before this evening he’d regarded each day’s setting sun as his enemy, stealing away more and more of the precious hours he so desperately needed to put together the finishing touches on the GenCorp takeover. But tonight was different. Earlier he’d finally come up with the strategy to secure the last of the GenCorp stock, and once he faxed Jerry that information, the company would be theirs, so he no longer felt the clock ticking where GenCorp or JI was concerned. In fact, at this very moment it felt to him as if time were standing completely still and that he and he alone had the power to make it start again.

He closed his eyes, suddenly aware of the cacophony of sounds around him: the quiet swoosh of the ocean as it gently lapped the shore; the piercing cry of the gulls as they competed for their dinners; the staccato rhythm of his own heart as it beat steadily inside his chest. There was music there that he’d never noticed before; a harmonious blend of normally disparate sounds brought into tuneful resonance by his newfound sense of himself and his place in the world around him.

He felt more alive than he’d ever felt in his life. He was seeing, hearing, feeling things he’d never really noticed before, and he couldn’t believe how powerful it all made him feel. He wasn’t sure he would ever be able to express this feeling in words to anyone else, but he suddenly felt as if he was a part of everything and everything was a part of him. He felt omniscient and invincible.

But, most of all, he felt incredibly happy. A happiness unlike any he’d ever felt in his life. Was it because the GenCorp deal had finally fallen into place? Certainly that had been an exhilarating ride for him, but certainly nothing to make his body tingle with excitement as it was now. No, he knew that no mere business deal, no matter how lucrative or important, could excite him like this.

No, his hear whispered, this excitement is all about her.

His heart was right. And maybe it had been right all along. Maybe she was his destiny. After all, it had to have been more than coincidence that she had fallen into his life just moments after he’d been reflecting on the emptiness of his life. He may have physically rescued her that night, but she’d rescued him emotionally. She’d breathed happiness and hope into his empty heart, touching something in him that had gone previously untouched.

Maybe she was the answer to the prayer he’d been whispering his entire adult, he thought, as he turned back around and ran up the steps. He had no idea if that were true or not; all he knew for sure was that he felt happier and more content at this moment than he had at any other time in his life. He didn’t know if this is what love felt like; he only knew that he’d never felt like this before and that he wanted to feel like this always.

Have you lost your bloody mind! the voice in his head screamed. Listen to yourself, man - you sound like a bloody sot. All this frou-frou talk about time standing still, and the beauty and music around you - and her being your destiny! Do you not hear yourself?! Of course you could never tell anyone about your feelings because if you did they would lock you in the looney bin and throw away the key! That’s because it’s crazy talk! Next thing you know you’ll be spinning around in circles, singing “Feelings” at the top of your lungs! Get ahold of yourself, man, before you get sucked in so deep you’ll never find your way back out again!

You wanna go to this woman’s place for dinner, maybe even get her into bed? The voice in his head continued. Go ahead! Just don’t see that as the inevitable first step to a lifetime commitment! See it for what it is - two incredibly attractive people who are momentarily incredibly attracted to each other, letting off some of the steam heat that’s been building between them. Have dinner, hit the sheets, thank her for the evening, then get the hell out of there and never look back!

He was acting like a bit of a fool, he supposed, as he stepped onto the deck and strode past the pool. He was a grown man - intelligent; college-educated; partnered with his brother in their own Fortune 500 company; a man who, with his brother, had just pulled off the coup of the century in the corporate world - and yet he was acting like some love-struck teenager. And over a woman he barely knew, no less!

Ah, but you do know her - right here, where it counts, his heart whispered. You know that you connect with her in a way you’ve never connected with anyone else in your life. You feel something undeniable for this woman, and you can see in her eyes that she feels something for you, as well.

That was true - he did feel strangely connected to her. And they were both wildly attracted to one another.

Of course you feel connected - you saved her life. But you’d feel that way about anyone you’d saved, the voice in his head rationalized. Doesn’t prove you’re destined for one another… As for the attraction - well, it’s merely physical; nothing more. It’s about pheromones and hormones; pure science - nothing mystical there.

That could be true…

But consider how she makes you feel, his heart reminded him; happy… contented… alive...

That was definitely true. Simply being around her made him happy - unbelievably happy, in fact. And, for the moment, wasn’t that enough? It didn’t matter if they were meant to be together or even if fate had played a hand in bringing them together. All that mattered was that he loved being around her, talking to her, listening to her, simply looking at her. He couldn’t allow himself to hope for more at this point; he had to be realistic: they’d just met; she was just newly separated and at the beginning of a possibly long divorce proceeding; she would need time to heal before she could possibly commit again.

Commit?! the voice in his head shouted. Are you back to that again? Forget love and commitment. Just take tomorrow night for what it is - a simple thank-you dinner - no more, no less.

The voice in his head was making sense now, he decided. He couldn’t get ahead of himself. He could blow everything if he did that. If this were a business deal, he’d be proceeding slowly and carefully; always keeping his eyes on the ultimate prize, but taking slow, measured steps to get there. Slow and steady wins the race, his father had always said, and he and Jerry had followed that advice religiously in running JI. That’s how they’d secured GenCorp, and that’s how they’d secured all the companies that JI had swallowed up over the past several years. He’d simply take it one step at a time with her, too.

And will you move on quickly when she doesn’t return your feelings? the voice in his head queried.

She does feel the same way I do, he thought confidently. He’d seen the look in her eyes; she was as attracted to him as he was to her.

Attracted? -- Yes, but there’s a giant leap from attraction to love and commitment, the voice in his head reminded him.

That was true.

You’ll be attracted to scores of women in your lifetime, the voice continued. Why limit yourself to just one woman for the rest of your life? A quick fling now and then with a different woman every time keeps life interesting and the blood flowing. Keeps you young, too. Besides, love is highly overrated, the voice insisted. Sooner or later it stagnates and dies, leaving you battered and broken.

That’s not true, his heart argued. Look at your parents - they were in love ‘til the day that they died, even after being married over thirty years.

Yes, but they weren’t just capriciously thrown together either - and they certainly didn’t think they were in love just moments after they met. They’d known each other for years before they married, the voice in his head pointed out. And they were friends long before they fell in love.

That was true. His parents had often talked about how they’d been childhood friends and had never even thought of each other in any other way until after college, and then they realized that they loved one another and wanted to be together for the rest of their lives.

But love can happen in an instant, too, and be just as real and last just as long, his heart insisted. Trust me. I won’t steer you wrong.

Your brother trusted his heart once in similar circumstances - and look what happened to him, the voice in his head bitterly replied.

Jax stopped dead in his tracks at that thought.

His brother…

It was at that moment that Jax realized something about that ubiquitous and argumentative voice in his head - it sounded exactly like his brother, Jerry. Same cutting words, same biting tone, same bitter attitude…

When had he allowed his brother’s cynicism about love and relationships to seep into his own mind? He had always listened to his brother in business matters and had purposely internalized Jerry’s ideas and maneuvers there, but he hadn’t realized that he’d also absorbed his brother’s personal philosophy.

Not completely, his heart pointed out.

Jax smiled. That was true. Despite his brother’s best efforts to deflect Jax’s attention from Brenda Cates, first through outright dissuasion, then subliminally through Jax’s own thoughts, his heart had stubbornly refused to listen and had steadfastly held firm in its belief that this woman could be the one he’d been looking for all of his life. That had to mean something, didn’t it?

It simply means you’re a bloody, stubborn fool! the voice in his head chided him.

Yeah, Jax couldn’t deny that. That particular trait ran in the family, in fact, with his brother being as obstinate as Jax was when they believed something. So he knew that, despite the fact that GenCorp was practically theirs now, Jerry would continue to stubbornly insist that seeing Brenda again would be the worst thing in the world for Jax. He realized now what Jerry’s problem with Brenda had been all along, and it had little to do with her possibly distracting him from the GenCorp takeover, and everything to do with the fact that she was not yet divorced. That’s why Jerry had been so adamantly pushing Jax to seek female companionship with anyone else but Brenda and that’s why Jerry would now be advising him to forget about ever seeing Brenda Cates again, which is why Jax suddenly knew that he couldn’t let his brother know about this dinner with Brenda or his hopes of spending far more than just an evening with her. If things went the way he hoped, he planned to make her a definite part of his future.

Drumming his fingers restlessly on his desk, Jerry leaned back in his chair and stared thoughtfully out the window of his corner office on the 47th floor of the Jax International building at the expansive view of Sydney below. It was another beautiful day, with the sun shining brightly in the blue, cloudless sky and reflecting its mirror image in the cerulean waters of the harbor just beyond. The picturesque scene was not unlike those depicted on postcards touting to tourists and locals alike the beauty and serenity that is Sydney. But Jerry was oblivious to the splendor of the city at the moment. His mind was elsewhere - thousands of miles away on his brother in southern California and what was really going on with him.

Jerry should be celebrating. At the eleventh hour Jax had been able to deliver the last major chunk of GenCorp stock they’d needed to pull off this very major coup of theirs. In fact, he’d faxed the pertinent information to JI over an hour ago and legal was at this very moment making sure that all the I’s were dotted and all the T’s crossed in this final leg of their takeover race. But for all intents and purposes JI had finally claimed the prize they had worked so hard and risked so much to secure: GenCorp under their corporate umbrella.

So he had every reason to celebrate. But he couldn’t - not yet; and it had nothing to do with the security of this deal or with JI, for that matter. His concerns were of a more personal nature - his brother’s future happiness.

He’d just called Jax, who’d sounded ecstatic, bordering on downright giddy, after days of being borderline sullen and morose. Although this incarnation was more akin to the Jax who’d gone to the States a week ago - the “pre-storm Jax”, as Jerry had come to think of him - Jerry was still wary of his brother’s sudden attitude adjustment. When Jerry had commented on Jax’s obvious change in demeanor, his brother had simply tried to brush it off, claiming that he’d was just relieved that they finally had GenCorp in their pocket. But Jerry suspected otherwise.

Jax was a whiz at business and always felt immense satisfaction when they were able to pull off deals such as this one involving GenCorp, but he had never been one to love the art of the deal, as Jerry did, or one to be excited when a deal was finally complete, as Jerry always was. He preferred to quietly move on to the next slated acquisition, rarely giving more than a passing glance to the one just successfully completed.

Even in assuring this make-or-break deal for JI, Jax would likely simply take it in stride - possibly opening a bottle of champagne to celebrate - but he would never exhibit the level of excitement and enthusiasm he had during this phone conversation. Professional success never thrilled Jax like this. Knowing Jax as he did, Jerry surmised that there had to be something of a far more personal nature afoot to generate this much excitement and happiness in his brother. He hadn’t simply jumped to this likely conclusion either.

Also in the course of their conversation, he’d been surprised by Jax’s uncharacteristic reluctance to return to Sydney as soon as possible. Other than needing to be present at GenCorp’s annual meeting in two days to publicly proclaim their victory, Jax’s tenure in California was ostensibly finished. Yet Jax had indicated that he was in no hurry to return to Sydney any time soon, and was even considering staying at the Malibu estate for the next several weeks to personally oversee the smooth transition of corporate power at GenCorp. JI had specific teams in place that routinely handled that part of any takeover. He and Jax stayed above the fray of those more mundane parts of any acquisition. Besides, Jax normally hated to be away from home for any longer than absolutely necessary. He said that Australia was his touchstone - where he recovered his soul and gathered his strength after any deal, especially one that involved traveling to another country.

But what had truly unsettled Jerry was the fact that Jax had carefully avoided mentioning Brenda Cates at all during this last phone conversation - this after dozens of conversations previously that had been liberally peppered with references to her. This made Jerry even more certain that something other than JI’s takeover of GenCorp had completely changed Jax’s outlook on the world. And at this moment Jerry would wager his entire portfolio of recently inflated JI stock that that something was one Brenda Cates.

Jerry had felt uneasy about the woman from the first. He supposed that in the beginning it had been mainly due to his fear that she would somehow expose or interfere with their plans to acquire GenCorp, but his common sense and Jax’s insistence that their meeting had been completely unplanned had quickly disabused him of that notion. Still, his sense of unease about the woman did not abate, especially when Jax began to talk about fate bringing them together.

But to be perfectly honest what had really rattled his radar about this woman and Jax’s possible involvement with her was that she was married - soon-to-be divorced, as Jax had pointed out time and again, but still married, just the same. But he knew that the marital bond - even that keeping an unhappy marriage together - can be more enduring than the strongest love of a third party. He also knew all too well that soon-to-be-divorced and divorced were two very different things, and the former did not necessarily lead to the latter. And that’s a very hard lesson to learn, especially when you’re that third party who ends up as the odd man out, having given your heart and soul to a woman, only to have them both crushed when she reconciles with her louse of a husband in the end.

He knew from bitter experience how painful and demoralizing that could be. It had destroyed both his ability to love and to trust, which is why he now kept sex casual and any woman he dated at arm’s length. It was a safe existence, but also an extremely lonely existence. And he would go to any length to keep Jax from going down that same path.

His eyes drifted down to his desktop and the large manila envelope there addressed to him and marked in large, bold letters: CONFIDENTIAL; TO BE OPENED ONLY BY ADDRESSEE. It had arrived by courier a few hours before, but he had yet to open it. He knew what was in it. Not the specifics, of course, but he knew that it contained the information he’d sought from the private investigator he’d hired in California: every detail of the life and times of Brenda Cates. All he had to do was open it and he would know everything there was to know about the woman, even things she likely hoped would never see the light of day.

He ran checks like this routinely on business rivals and the officers of the businesses that JI targeted for takeover; he found the stockpiled ammunition to be useful against those business executives who were less than cooperative when JI approached to make a deal. But he’d never done anything like this in a personal matter before. And if Jax ever found out he’d done it now, he’d likely kill him. But at this point Jerry didn’t care because he was doing this for Jax’s own good. Jax was his only brother - his only living relative, for that matter - and he was not about to let him get involved in any relationship that could hurt him deeply in the long run. He wished he had done something like this for his own sake, years before.

But even as he’d ordered this investigation 48 hours before, he’d hoped never to read any part of the final report. And even an hour ago, he’d had every intention of running it through the shredder, unopened and unread. But that was when he still held out hope that Jax would quickly forget about this woman and this insane notion of his that fate had thrown the two of them together. But that was before his conversation just minutes ago with Jax. Now the gnawing uneasiness in the pit of his stomach made him fear otherwise.

And if, as his instincts told him, Jax was intent on pursuing this woman, then Jerry needed to know what his brother was getting himself into so that he could help get him out of it quickly and with the least possible damage to either Jax or JI. And if he was wrong - if Jax was simply excited about securing GenCorp and was, as he claimed, just staying in California to keep an eye on JI’s newest and biggest investment - then he’d simply toss away the report and Jax would be none the wiser.

But either way, he knew he’d feel a lot better about this if he could see his brother in person, so he could truly gauge just where he was emotionally. He pressed the intercom button on his speakerphone. “Addie?”

“Yes, Mr. Jacks,” a disembodied female voice answered immediately.

“Call the hangar and have the jet readied for a flight to the States to leave at 8:00 in the morning. I’ve decided to join my brother in LA, after all.”

“Right away, Mr. Jacks,” Addie replied cheerfully. “Would you like me to send a fax to your brother once your ETA’s been determined?”

“No - no, that won’t be necessary, Addie. I think I’d prefer to surprise him…”

He released the intercom button, then leaned forward to pick up the solid gold letter opener from its perch at the edge of his desk. He turned it over and over in his hands for nearly a minute as he weighed his options, then, sighing heavily, he grabbed the manila envelope and inserted the tip of the opener inside the top corner of the packet, neatly slicing the length of the envelope and spilling its contents onto his desk.

“Okay, Mrs. Brenda Cates, let’s see who you really are - and what I can use against you to save Jax from himself…”