"The pathway is broken, and the signs are unclear.
And I don't know the reason why you brought me here,
But just because you love me, the way that you do,
I'm gonna walk through the valley, if you want me to."

     Jax spun around and gathered Brenda into his arms.

     "She's not yours?" Was all Brenda could manage to say. She had this look of doubt and disbelief on her face. Jax pulled her back to her feet and did his best to soothe her. He picked her up and carried her back to her own room and placed her on the bed. Brenda looked blankly at Jax. "I'm sorry," she said. "I was so sure that--"

     "Shh. Never mind that now. We have a lot to discuss, a lot of things to work out."

     "What?" she asked, breathlessly. She could not wrap her mind around the fact that Isabella wasn't Jax's baby. It broke her heart and she didn't think she could stand another heart break right now.

     "This is going to be hard," Jax said, "but this isn't the end of it. I've talked to the doctors, we haven't even begun to fight yet, baby."

     "What--what are we supposed to do now?" Brenda asked. "I mean Isabella can't--oh, Jax, she can't save Joshua now. What--how?"

"'Cause I'm not who I was, when I took my first step.
And I'm clinging to the promise you're not through with me yet.
So if all of these trials bring me closer to you,
Then I will go through the fire, if you want me to."

     "We can have another baby," Jax started to say. Brenda wasn't sure she heard him right, she stared at him, like a confused child.

     "We can't have another baby, Jax, what would that--"

     "Another brother or sister could match Joshua, Brenda. If you and I and our family doesn't match, then the chances of finding someone not in the family is practically one in a million."

     "Can I even do that? I mean, am I healthy enough?"

     "You are healthy," Jax said, "and if you take care of yourself and rest, then--"

     "Then I could still end up killing myself, the new baby, or both of us. And then where will Josh and Belle be? No, there must be another way."

     "Brenda, this is the only way that---"

     "No, Jax! The chances of me surviving this pregnancy, or this baby surviving this pregnancy are almost nil! I'm not going to take a chance with my life, or put myself through the pain--" Brenda, overcome with emotion, was unable to say that she would not put herself through the pain of losing another child. Jax knew what she meant, though.

     "This is for Joshua, Brenda. You have to be strong. You're right, there are a lot of chances here, and that's just what they are--chances. If you DON'T do this though, then it is a GUARANTEE that our son is going to die." Brenda looked helplessly at Jax and broke down into tears.

"It may not be the way I would have chosen
When you lead me through a world that's not my home.
But you never said it would be easy,
You only said I'll never go alone."

     "This is all my fault," she sobbed, her head falling against his chest. "I did this, didn't I? This is me, I'm not a good mother and now God is punishing me--"

     "Brenda, stop it! That is the furthest thing from the truth and you know it. God is not punishing you, Brenda, and you are a wonderful mother. You love Joshua and you love Isabella, and I couldn't ask for a better mother for my children than you."

     "Really?" Brenda asked, between sobs.

     "Really," Jax confirmed. "Now I know that you're strong enough to do what it takes to get our son well, because without this, a death sentence is guaranteed, and I'm sorry Brenda, but I won't lose two children. I'll be damned if I will."

     "You won't, Jax, I promise," Brenda said, doing her best to calm herself.

     "Does that mean you'll consider having another child?"

     "There's nothing to consider," Brenda said, her voice now devoid of emotion. "We have to do what we have to do."

     "All right," Jax said quietly. "I've made an appointment with Alexis--"

     "No, I don't want her," Brenda said adamantly.

     "Brenda, she's the best in the hospital--"

     "Jax, I don't think that I can stand to have her passing judgment on me in this. She's so close to you, and she knows everything already, doesn't she?" Jax nodded and Brenda nodded in return. "I don't think I can handle it Jax, and it's just one less thing to worry about."

     "Brenda, believe it or not, Alexis understands what we've been going through. She knows that what happened was all a mistake and that we love each other, and that we're doing our--"

     "Wait, what did you just say?"

     "I said that Alexis understands,"

     "No, no after that. You just said that we--"

     "Love each other. And we do, don't we, Brenda?"

     "I don't understand, Jax, you said--"

     "I know that I love you," Jax said bashfully. "Do you still love me, Brenda?"

     "Of course I do, but--"

     "But nothing," Jax said, placing a finger tip over her lips. "But nothing, love. We love each other, and that's all that counts. It's going to be difficult, but we're going to bring another child into the world to save our first one, and we will save him, Brenda. No matter what."

"So when the world turns against me,
And I'm all by myself,
And I can't hear you answer my cries for help,
I'll remember the suffering your love put you through,
And I will go through the valley,
If you want me to."

     The next day, Jax and Brenda sat in Alexis' office, waiting for her to return with the results of Brenda's battery of tests that had been necessary to ensure doctors that she was healthy enough to carry another child to term. Joshua's doctors had also informed Jax and Brenda that he would have to remain in the hospital for the entire time, so their spirits were especially low. Brenda really didn't expect to get good news and Alexis' expression when she came back into the room said it all.

     "I'm not going to lie to you," Alexis said, sitting down at her desk and folding her hands on top of Brenda's file. She was all business now. "Your prognosis is not good, Brenda." Brenda sighed deeply, and clutching Jax's hands, tried to gather up enough strength to stand. "But," Alexis continued, "your situation is not hopeless. This pregnancy is a real possibility, Brenda. A real chance, IF you take care of yourself." Brenda almost flew over the desk and kissed Alexis.

     "Really?" Jax asked, "you're sure? She's healthy?"

     "As healthy as can be expected considering the circumstances, Jax, but yes, Brenda is a very healthy woman. You've always taken good care of yourself, Brenda, and that has kept your situation from being as bad as it could be. There are a few things that we need to discuss about this pregnancy, though. For example, how do you and Brenda plan to conceive? I have to say that any fertility drugs or any kind of procedure or surgery, no matter how minor, could affect your chances, and Brenda--"

     "Well that won't be a problem," Jax said, "Brenda and I are using the natural method." Saying that just now, Jax was practically telling Alexis to her face that any small chance they had of a relationship had just gone out the door. Alexis had always suspected as much. There was no doubt in her mind of his love for Brenda. Still, the pain of rejection never quite lost its sting. She looked down at her file momentarily, and then resumed her business demeanor. "Well then," she cleared her throat, "I suppose that settles that. Well of course, you should try to conceive as soon as possible. I've conferred with Josh's doctors, and apparently, nine months might be a little long to ask him to hold on."

     "What are you saying?" Brenda asked.

     "I'm not saying anything," Alexis said, "other than right now, you need to focus on conceiving, and if that doesn't happen for the two of you in the next month, then we need to begin exploring other options, all right?"

     "Fine," Brenda said, urgency on her voice, "but still, even if I conceived tomorrow, it'd be nine months before--"

     "That brings me to my next point," Alexis said. "You need to be prepared for a C-section, because I don't know if we can wait for you to carry the baby to term."

     "Oh my God," Brenda said. "How soon would you have to take it?"

     "We'll wait as long as we can," Alexis said. "We may get a miracle, you never know. This may all be in vain."

     "How could it be in vain if my son gets sicker and we don't have a donor for him?" Brenda snapped.

     "I'm sorry," Alexis paused. "You're right, of course. I meant that Josh might be able to hold on and you may be able to carry the baby to term." Brenda nodded and tried to take a deep breath. "Calm down," Alexis said. "The two of you, as strong as you both are, can't possibly take all of this in at once. You have two beautiful children, no matter what any piece of paper says, and both of them need you to be strong, can you do that?" Brenda and Jax both nodded. "Good. Now Brenda, I am going to set up an appointment for you in three weeks. Your blood pressure's a little higher than I'd like, and you're a little dehydrated. Now I know it's because of everything that's been going on with you lately, you haven't had a lot of time to focus on yourself, but you have to treat your body like a temple now. Like a shrine. It is absolutely necessary for you to get your affairs in order now, because when you reach five months, maybe we can stretch it to six, I'm going to put you on complete bed rest. Getting up for the bathroom, and five minutes in the morning and afternoon and that will be it until you're ready to go to the hospital, is that clear?"

     "Bed rest, that--that's no good, what about Joshua? He's going to be here, I can't stay at home, I have to be with him."

     "Joshua's going to be in a private room, Brenda. He's going to have to have his immune system protected, and so are you, if you're carrying a child. The physical contact you'd be able to have with him, even if you were with him every day, would be minimal. And if you want to do this right, and I know that you do, then you're going to do what I'm telling you, and for this baby's sake, for Josh's sake, for all your sakes, you are going to have to do what I say, when I say it. I'm the boss now, is that clear?" Brenda looked a little shocked, but then relaxed a bit, glad not to have the responsibility of everything and everyone on her shoulders. "Now," Alexis said, rising, "go and see your son, and say goodnight, and then take your little girl home. I'll see you in three weeks."

     "Thank you Alexis," Jax said, giving her a hug. Brenda hugged her too, much to Alexis' surprise.

     "Yes," Brenda said. "Thank you."

     Jax and Brenda left Alexis' office and then said goodbye to Joshua. He was in better spirits than they were. Brenda had almost fell to pieces right in front of him, when he vowed to eat all of his vegetables when he went home, so he would not get sick again. Brenda stroked his blonde hair and stared into his eyes, which mirrored Jax's. She kissed him on the cheek and touched his face for what seemed like an eternity. When he finally squirmed out of her grasp, she chuckled a bit to herself, and said goodnight for the 100th time. She and Jax left the hospital holding hands.

     Both of them were silent on the way home. John and Jane had graciously agreed to watch Isabella for a few more nights, and then if need be, Ned and Lois would take her. Brenda wanted nothing more than to hold Isabella and share some family time with Jax, but sadly, she knew that looking at Isabella right now would only remind Jax of her indiscretion with Sonny, and tonight she wanted Sonny to be the furthest thing from either of their minds. They got home and Jax prepared a light dinner for Brenda. He was pleased when she cleaned her plate, and she admitted that she hadn't realized how hungry she was.

     "That was great, thank you," she said, rising to put her plate in the sink. "I'd forgotten how good a home cooked meal tastes." Jax would have normally taken the opportunity to take a shot at her cooking skills, or lack thereof, but he decided against it. She put her hand on his and let it rest there slightly. "I wanted so much for us," she started to say. "I'm so sorry that we came to this--" Jax moved quickly from her and finished clearing the table.

     "That's all right, Brenda, you know that you should get some rest. I mean it's been a long day, and I know that none of us are going to have any rest for a long time, so for once, you don't have to see to Isabella and Josh, you should take the opportunity to--"

     "Be with you. I don't want to do anything but be with you right now, Jax."

"When somebody loves you, it's no good unless he loves you,
All the way.
Happy to be near you, when you need someone to cheer you,
All the way.
Taller than the tallest tree is,
that's how it's got to feel.
Deeper than the deep blue sea is,
that's how deep it goes if it's real.
When somebody needs you, it's no good unless he needs you,
all the way."

     "Brenda, I'm not sure that I'm ready for this," Jax said as Brenda came to stand in front of him and placed her hands on his chest. She could feel the quickening of his heart beat at her slightest touch.

     "We weren't ready for a lot of things, you and I. But that's never stopped us before."

     "What are you saying?" Jax asked.

     "I'm saying that I want to talk to you, I want you to hold me, and I want to listen, and I want you to hear me. Do you think you can do that?"

     "I can try," Jax said, taking her outstretched hand and following her upstairs. They got ready for bed in silence, and Brenda put on his favorite negligee, just to be extra tempting to him. They got into bed, and his body spooned hers. They laid there in silence until she spoke.

"And through the good or lean years,
and for all the in between years, come what may.
Who knows where the road will lead us,
only a fool would say.
But if you'll let me love you,
It's for sure I'm gonna love you,
All the way.
All the way."

     "Jax, I know that there have been so many times when you've needed me, and I haven't been there for you, for one reason or another. I know that we've been down this road before, and it's always been my trust, not yours, that's called into question. I've left you for Sonny more than once, and it shouldn't have ever happened at all, but it for damn sure never should have happened more than once, and I think that it was wrong of me to ask you to trust me blind all those times, even now, when I haven't given you one single solitary reason to trust me at all." She paused and waited for Jax to respond. When he didn't, she took a deep breath, and hoped what she was about to say wouldn't ruin the mood between them. "Jax, I love you so much. I am so sorry that--that Isabella isn't yours--at least, not in the biological way. She is your daughter in every other way of course, but there's just nothing that I can do about it now. I know that I've asked so much more of you than any one person has in their heart to give, but you did say that you loved me. And I don't care if it's selfish, right now, I just want that love to help get me through, get us through."

"Taller than the tallest tree is,
that's how it's got to feel.
Deeper than the deep blue sea is,
that's how deep it goes, if it's real.
And when somebody needs you, it's no good unless she needs you
All the way.
Through the good or lean years, and all those in between years,
come what may,
come what may."

     "Brenda," Jax said, "there has never been a creature on this earth that has ever captivated me as much as you have. There have been times throughout our relationship, where I wondered what was going through my mind to stay with you. I wondered what it was about you, or what was lacking in me that would stay here and tolerate your behavior. I never stopped to consider the fact that you were scared, or unsure, or just plain in love with another man." At this, Brenda sat up and rolled over, her eyes brimming with tears. "To pretend now that at one time you weren't in love with Sonny Corinthos isn't going to help either one of us right now, Brenda. I don't pretend to understand why you did what you did, or how on God's green earth you could do it to me again. But I do know one thing--no matter what, I'll just never stop loving you, and it's as simple as that. I can't stop, and I don't want to stop, and I make zero apologies for loving you as much as I do. I'm not saying that I can forget everything so easily, but I'll tell you one thing--I will not lose you again, Brenda. Now I know you've said before that you aren't ever going back to Sonny, and that you're finally over him. I believe you. I really and truly do. But I need you to understand something about me that I'm not sure you understood before now. As much as I love you, and goodness knows I do, and as much as I love Joshua and Isabella, I will not stay in this house, I will not stay with you, if you do this to me again."

     "Are you--are you saying that you're willing to give us another chance?" Brenda asked, hope in her heart.

     "I'm more than willing, Brenda. I'm finally ready." Jax was holding Brenda so closely now that she could feel he was ready in more ways than one.

"Who knows where the road will lead us,
Only a fool would say.
But if you'll let me love you,
it's for sure I'm gonna love you,
all the way,
all the way.
I'm gonna love you all the way."

     Brenda took Jax's face in her hands and placed tentative, sweet kisses all over his face. He let her, not realizing what good it would do his heart to hold her this way again. He finally realized that he could never really let her go--not really, not ever. Brenda thought about what Jax had said, and if it was the last thing she would ever do for him, she would provide a place of solace and comfort for him through all of this. Her body, her heart, her mind, her soul, all of them would be homes for Jax.

"I can feel the magic floating in the air.
Being with you gets me that way.
I watch the sunlight dance across your face,
and I've never been this swept away.
All my thoughts just seem to settle on the breeze
when I'm lying wrapped up in your arms."

     Jax kissed Brenda with reckless passion, his hands threading into her hair and holding her head in place. He angled his head to allow himself better access to her. She moaned and pressed her body against him, finally allowing herself to want him with as much fervor as she had when they were married. She was breathless when he broke the kiss, momentarily, so that he could lay her down gently, and stare into her eyes. He was asking, without having to say the words, if she was really ready to try again. She was more than ready, and hoped that he was as well. Brenda's heart threatened to burst as Jax continued to manipulate her body. He had long since took off the silky barrier between them, and now, skin to skin, they felt as though they might perish in the heat they were creating, just touching each other, loving each other, in the most intimate of places.

"The whole world just fades away.
The only thing I hear is the beating of your heart.
And I can feel you breathe,
It's washing over me,
And suddenly I'm melting into you,
There's nothing left to prove,
Baby all we need is just to be.
Caught up in the touch, a slow and steady rush.
Baby isn't that the way that love's supposed to be?
I can feel you breathe.
Just breathe."

     Brenda cried out in passion when Jax claimed her left nipple with his mouth. He continued to bring her pleasure until she begged him to join them in the most natural of unions. He thrust into her and they both began a steady rhythm that was so familiar to the both of them. Brenda wanted to cry, she didn't remember his loving ever being so complete. His heart hadn't always been in it when they made love in the past. Sometimes he made love to her for his own pleasure, and sometimes for her own. During the hardest times of their relationship, however, they had often made love just to experience the most intimate connection two people can share, and put their problems out of their minds for a few moments.

"In a way I know my heart is waking up.
As all the walls come tumbling down.
Closer than I've ever felt before,
And I know, and you know,
There's no need for words right now.
Cause I can feel you breathe,
It's washing over me, and suddenly I'm melting into you.
There's nothing left to prove,
Baby all we need is just to be.
Caught up in the touch, a slow and steady rush.
Baby isn't that the way that love's supposed to be?
I can feel you breathe.
Just breathe.
Caught up in the touch,
A slow and steady rush,
Baby isn't that the way that love's supposed to be?
I can feel you breathe.
Just breathe.
I can feel the magic floating in the air.
Being with you gets me that way."

     Afterwards, Jax and Brenda lay in one another's arms, their energy spent. Brenda was too exhausted to get off of Jax, so she fell asleep with her body resting on top of his. Jax stroked her hair and did his best to slow his breathing and bring himself back down to earth. Lovemaking had always been incredible, but only the first time they made love, and on their honeymoon nights, did Jax remember it being this incredible. He wanted her again, already, and he knew he could probably wake her up, but he didn't want to. He felt safe in the knowledge that they had just created a life, and just saved their son.

     Brenda stood in her kitchen, six months pregnant, asking herself why she was doing this again, and continuously reminding herself that it was for her son, it was for Joshua. Alexis had put Brenda on bed rest two weeks ago, and Brenda was about to go stir crazy. Jax had been watching her like a hawk, and had even moved in for the time being to give Brenda and Isabella more of a sense of normalcy. Ned and Lois had agreed to watch Isabella, but neither Jax nor Brenda wanted Isabella to get used to another home or another room.

     This was one of Brenda's five minutes in the evening to get up and walk around. She cherished these moments, and Jax agreed to let her attempt going down the stairs, only if she allowed him to carry her back up. She agreed, but for now she was having a glass of water at the kitchen table. She stood as she drank it and then looked over at Jax. He was holding Isabella and giving her a bottle. He looked at her with as much love as he ever did, Brenda realized. She couldn't imagine that finding out a child you loved with all your heart wasn't yours and still having all of the same feelings. Jax was a complete mystery to her sometimes, but she enjoyed learning so many new surprising things that his heart could do. She rubbed her hand over her belly as it visibly protruded. She smiled to herself, thinking that this was the key to saving Joshua, this was the key to saving her relationship with Jax, and even if none of those things happened, the mother in her was overjoyed to be welcoming another life into the world.

      When Alexis had told her that it would be a hard pregnancy, she had no idea how right she was. Brenda hadn't been able to do anything for the past three weeks. She couldn't even make it from her bedroom to the front door without needing a nap. Sometimes she got bursts of energy, and Jax allowed her to sit outside. But when she had been put on bed rest he had hovered over her incessantly. Their relationship had truly never been better, and a part of Brenda hoped that this would go on forever. Still another part of her couldn't help but realize that no matter what Jax's words of love had been, when Joshua was cured, and when the baby was born, and everyone was safe again, would he still want what they had? Did he even deem what they had important enough to stay with her once there was nothing else at stake?

     Brenda was shaken from her reverie by the sound of a gurgling Isabella. Jax took the bottle from her lips and started to burp her.

     "I'm going to put her down," Jax said, walking over to Brenda and kissing her on the lips. Brenda smiled and nodded. "Then I'll be back for you," Jax said. He put Isabella down for the evening in record time, Brenda thought. He was back for her in no time.

     "Be extra careful," she said as he picked her up.

     "Why?" he asked.

     "Because," she said, "I really have to pee." Jax chuckled and pulled her into his arms, picking her up. He was starting up the stairs, and he got to the middle of the stairs where they turned and went up in the opposite direction, just as the doorbell rang. He gently put Brenda down.

     "Will you be all right here for a minute?" he asked. She nodded.

     "Of course. I feel fine, really. Go answer the door." Jax went down the stairs and opened the door to find his parents and Lois standing in the doorway.

     "Hey, Mum, Dad, Lois, what are you all doing here?"

     "Well I know it's late in the evening son, but we were passing by, we've been at the hospital with Joshua for most of the day, you know he's got all of the nurses charmed," Lady Jane said, stepping inside the door, "so we decided to come and give you a report,"

     "Oh, and I brought food as usual," Lois said, coming through the doors with bags of food. Everyone nodded, not surprised at all at Lois' show of affection. Lois swore that the way to a man's heart was through his stomach, and Ned wholeheartedly agreed.

     "Lois, that smells wonderful," Brenda said from the landing. Lois looked at Brenda and let out a scream as she dropped the food she had in her hands, thankfully though, not spilling it. Brenda's smile on her face fell as she looked down, feeling warmth spreading on her legs. For a split second, Brenda thought it might be because she had to go to the bathroom so badly, but the crimson red against the shock white of her pajama bottoms told her differently. "Oh my God, Jax!" Brenda said as Jax rushed to her and picked her up. That was the last word that Brenda said as she silently prayed for what she thought was happened to not be happening at all.

     "Where's the baby?" Lois asked as she stepped out of the way so Jax could carry Brenda to the car.

     "She's upstairs, don't come to the hospital everyone, I'm sure this is nothing, it's going to be all right," Jax called over his shoulder. Lois, John and Jane all stood in the doorway, frantic looks on their faces as they watched Jax speed away.

     Practically the entire hospital knew what Jax and Brenda were trying to do in order to save their son, so the ER nurses were shocked to see Jax carrying Brenda in. Jax calmly rattled off Brenda's vital signs and placed her in one of the emergency rooms on a bed. Brenda was surrounded by doctors and nurses immediately, and he didn't need to be told to back off. He hugged her and kissed her, but couldn't bring himself to promise her everything would be okay. "I'm right outside," was all he could manage to say. "I'm right out here." Brenda nodded but didn't say anything, her face almost stoic.

     Jax had Alexis paged, and she was with Brenda in moments. Jax stood in the hallway, pacing and praying, praying and pacing. He wished that he hadn't told his family to stay away, he wished that ALL of them were with him right now, but he knew how his sister was. A free spirit and all of that. Jax turned on his heels as he heard the door to Brenda's room open. He tried to read Alexis' face. She looked at him and then sighed.

     "I'm sorry, Jax," was all she said.

     "No," Jax said, his voice breaking. "No, no, no! Not this time, Alexis! Not now!"

     "You should be with her, Jax. She's not taking it well--"

     "Oh no," Jax said, running his hands through his hair. "No, please, no. Isn't there something you can do?" he asked, his eyes searching Alexis'.

     "I'm sorry," she said. "It was too late. We wouldn't have been able to do anything." Jax just shook his head and trained his eyes on the floor as he went into Brenda's room. She was laying on the table on her side, shaking. Jax touched her arm, and she flinched away. When she saw him, she burst into tears and began apologizing quietly.

     "I'm sorry, Jax. I'm so, so sorry. So, so sorry."

Song Credit: "If You Want Me To" by Ginny Owens, written by her as well, on her album, Without Condition.
Song Credit: "All The Way" by Frank Sinatra from the album All The Way: A Decade of Song.
Song Credit: "Breathe" by Faith Hill from the album Breathe