“Family conference!” John Jacks announced, as he ushered everyone into his and Jane’s suite.

“No,” Jax said, not in the mood. He wanted to talk to Brenda. That was all he wanted to do. He had to know what was going on here. Her hostile reaction to him still had him stunned. Almost as stunned as realizing he was a father.

“Jax, this is necessary, my boy,” John said. “You have a son! That woman has been keeping your child from you and from us - his family - and we’ve got to take legal steps to prevent her from continuing to do that.” John was not about to let the boy slip away. The boy was everything.

“Look, I know you mean well, Dad, but this is really none of your business,” Jax told his father. “This concerns Brenda and me - that’s all. I’d like to keep it that way.”

“Jax, we’re your family, darling. Of course it concerns us,” Jane said.

“No, it really doesn’t,” Jax said. “This is about Brenda and me and whatever happened four years ago between us. Not you or Dad or Jerry. It’s between the two of us, no one else.”

“I never confided this to you, but when you and Brenda were together it was quite distressing for your father and me the way you always seemed to set yourself and Brenda aside as this treasured unit unto yourselves and apart from the family. We were a bit hurt that you’d always held her in a place in your heart that was so sacred, cherished and beloved that it seemed to surpass even your family.”

Jax was surprised to hear this confession from her. “I never knew you felt that way. You certainly never acted that way in the least. You were doing your usual sizing up of Brenda when you first met her, but by the time I asked her to marry me you absolutely adored her. And, Dad, you adored her on the spot. Now you’re telling me that was all an act? A lie?”

His gaze on his parents was probing.

“No, of course not,” Jane said. “That’s wasn’t what I meant.” She seemed oddly flustered to Jax, like a kid in a school play who had flubbed his lines.

“Really… so what did you mean then?” Jax asked, the probing gaze centered on her alone now.

“Your mother was just babbling nonsense, my boy,” John insisted, quickly diverting Jax’s attention from his mother. “Now, about your son - you’ll need to get a lawyer on this right away,” John said, ignoring Jax’s claims that it was a private matter between him and Brenda. “I think Alexis is the best choice; she’s rather fond of you and will go the whole nine yards for you on this. And she’s more than competent,” he added with reluctance.

Complimenting Alexis was galling to him, but it was all for the cause. Pretense had been the name of the game for a very long time now, and success was finally within sight. The child was the key to everything. And how fortuitous this was, as he would be far easier to manipulate and mold than his father ever would have been.

“We need to get some sort of court order to force Brenda back to Port Charles so we can hash things out in the courts there, or else god only knows where she’ll take the child and run off to,” John concluded.

“Dad, did you not just hear a word I said?” Jax asked, his voice evidence of his growing frustration. “Stay out of this. I mean it.”

“You’re just upset, dear. This has been a terrible, day,” Jane said, rubbing his shoulder. “Why don’t we all just sit down, and I’ll order up some tea from room service and…”

Jax looked at his mother somewhat incredulously. Tea? Was she serious? Aside from the fact that his mother had always contended that she hated tea at any time other than breakfast, why would she offer up tea at a time like this? Jax shook his head, suddenly feeling the need to flee them all and grab hold of sanity somehow. “I think I just need to be alone for a while,” he said, excusing himself from them all.

“Where are you going?” Miranda and Jerry both asked at the same time, both looking worried.

Jax looked at Miranda. “Just out on the balcony in our room,” Jax said. “I’ll be fine; I just need to be alone right now.”

“I understand,” Miranda said, kissing his cheek.

They all watched as Jax left John and Jane’s suite and shut the door behind him.

“Go after him,” John ordered Jerry, as he picked up the phone. “Make sure he doesn’t leave the hotel and start combing all of Paris, tearing the city apart trying to locate her.”

“That’s exactly what he will be doing,” Jerry argued. “And it’s your fault, Dad, because you made me stop him from talking to her in the ballroom. Now he’s going crazy with the need to talk to her - it’s probably all he can think about. And he has every bloody right to talk to her and get his answers. I just don’t understand this. I mean, are you and Mum suddenly blind? Don’t you see how confused and in pain he is? And he just found out he’s a father, for god’s sake. Don’t you see that he needs to resolve things with her as soon as possible? Waiting is making Jax feel like a caged animal. It is not helping him.”

“For godsakes, Jerry, why can’t you ever simply do as we ask of you? Why must you continually be the disappointment that you are to us,” John muttered, dialing.

Jerry swallowed hard but said nothing. He did feel like a damned disappointment where his parents were concerned. Truthfully, he always had. But they had never, ever validated his insecurities. Well, not until about four years ago. Ever since then they didn’t seem to mind at all pointing out the low esteem they held him in, in comparison to his brother.

“How can you say things like that to your own son?” Bobbie demanded angrily of John.

“Let it go, Bobbie,” Jerry murmured, embarrassed at needing his wife’s defense. Then he turned to his father. “Who are you calling?”

“Alexis,” John said. “Jax isn’t thinking clearly and that girl will be halfway to Switzerland if we don’t get some kind of court order to prevent her.”

Bobbie sighed with impatience. “John, Jax asked us to stay out of it. I think we should abide by his wishes on this. And I think Jerry is absolutely right that Jax and Brenda need to speak about this as soon as possible. And privately, so they can work this out between themselves. None of us have any right to be involved in this.”

John ignored Bobbie, as he often did - what had Stefan ever seen in that woman? - as he spoke into the phone. “Alexis Davis please.”

Bobbie turned to Jerry, a look of exasperation in her eyes. “Jerry, you heard what your brother said. You should stop your father from interfering.”

“Well, he’s right about one thing, Bobbie. Jax isn’t thinking clearly. He’s still in shock. And he’s in pain, too - did you see the way she treated him? Damn. I’m going to go check on him.”

And then Jerry left, going to find his brother.

Brenda had finally gotten Justin to sleep, which was no small feat, as the child was full of questions about the people who had made his mommy mad and the man who looked like him. But at last he was asleep, and Carly and Brenda sat in the living room together, sharing a cappuccino milkshake.

“I’m so sorry,” Carly apologized. “I had no idea, Brenda…”

“Oh, I know,” Brenda said. “Please don’t feel bad about this, Carly. None of this was your fault, and I know that.” And then Brenda got up and went into her room. Carly followed her and saw her taking clothes out of the closet and tossing them on the bed.

“What are you doing?” Carly asked.

“Leaving,” Brenda said. “I’m going back to Julia’s London townhouse the first flight I can get in the morning. I have a bad feeling about staying here, with Jax and his family so close by.”

Carly nodded. “I could stay here and send them on a wild goose chase, if you wanted me to. I’ve done that before when Jax was looking for you, remember? I’ll tell them you went to Costa Rica or something.” Carly began to help Brenda pack. “I just can’t get over the nerve of them, especially Jax!” Carly ranted. “Did you see his face? His eyes? Like he was so damn wounded. Like you were the one who hurt him!”

Brenda had noticed that, and it made no sense. He was the one who had ended things between them in the most cowardly and final of ways. Was he sorry now? Why, if she hadn’t known any better she might have actually thought he had looked happy to see her for a split second. Joyous even. But she let that ridiculous hope die in her heart. Because she did know better. If she lived to be 100 she would never forget the two phone calls from him while he was in South America that had devastated her and forever altered the course of her life.

“They’re going to try to take Justin,” Brenda said. “Now that they know about him, those people are going to try to take my son, Carly. I can feel it. Did you see the way Jax’s parents were looking at him? It scared me, Carly. They want to take him away from me - They won’t be happy until I have absolutely nothing.”

“Let them try it,” Carly said. “They have no idea who they’re taking on if they try to mess with you, Brenda. I don’t care who they think they are. They can take all their billions and their intimidation tactics and their so-called power and influence and just shove it. No one is going to take your son away from you.”

“Don’t underestimate them, Carly,” Brenda said quietly. “I know I never will again.”

Carly nodded and gazed at Brenda carefully. “Brenda, are you okay? I know you’re trying to act as if you’re okay, but I know how it had to hit you to see him looking as perfect and drop-dead gorgeous as ever. And with her, no less. Flashing that hideous ring around and yapping about her damned wedding and…”

“I really don’t want to talk about it, if you don’t mind,” Brenda murmured, shamed by the fact that when she had first seen Jax tonight her heart had at first stopped, then soared to the very heavens, as if on wings. And her initial impulse, before the anger had taken over, had been to fly into his arms and never, ever let him go. “Besides, how can I blame Miranda in any of this? I don’t even know the woman, and I don’t want to know her. But she’s never done anything to me. All she did was survive some explosion that everybody thought had killed her and Jax felt responsible for. She’s not the one who made Jax say those things he said to me after he found her. She’s not the one who made Jax want her and not me; that was his damned choice.”

Carly sighed and nodded, understanding. “What did you tell Justin?”

“About what?” Brenda asked, taking her suitcase out of the closet.

“About Jax, Brenda. I heard him asking you who that man was who looked just like him.”

“I managed to sidestep that question,” Brenda responded with a shaky laugh.

“Yeah, well you won’t be able to do that forever, Brenda. You know how your son gets when he’s got a question he wants answered.”

Brenda nodded. Justin was tenacious and relentless in that regard. And he never forgot anything.

“And what are you going to tell him when you can’t sidestep it any longer, little sis?” Carly asked, playfully poking at the dark curls of Brenda’s ponytail. “Are you going to tell him the truth? That Jax is his father?”

Why do people fall in love?
Don’t we know love is full of dangers
Letting loose our foolish hearts
In this world full of perfect strangers

Maybe this time you will find
The moon will treat you kinder
Yes I’m sure that I recall
That’s the reason people fall

Jax sat out on the balcony of his hotel suite, straddling a chair backwards, his hands folded behind his head as he gazed out at the city of Paris. The twinkling stars of evening, the luminous Parisian Moon. His mind was a jumble of thoughts; his heart a jumble of emotions. He could hire detectives out here, or call in favors with his father’s friends in the French consulate. He could probably find her before the night was over.

Love is needing to belong
Right or wrong, when you feel the fire
Love is living in mid-air
young and rare, on a sky-high wire

Hoping this time it will last
you feel your heart beat faster
Yes I’m sure that I recall
That’s the reason people fall
in love

And then when he found out where she lived… then what? He’d knock on her door and… say what? He wanted to yell at her is what he wanted to do. He wanted to demand answers because it seemed that nothing she could possibly say to him could excuse her leaving him the way she had and not telling him he was about to be a father. What would have made her take off the way she had without a word to him? Not even a note. She hadn’t even said anything to Ned or even Lois in Brooklyn, or even Lila, whom Brenda had always been extremely close to. She had told her sister, Carly, though, for all the good that had done Jax. She’d probably told her sister Julia, as well, and Julia had simply lied to him, too, Jax realized. Lies, lies and more lies.

Yeah, he wanted to yell at Brenda, all right. He wanted her to know how much her leaving had completely and utterly devastated him. How he would lay awake at night, trying to think of what in God’s name he had done or said that had made her go. Was it the fact that he hadn’t called her after he and Jerry arrived in South America? He couldn’t understand why that would have upset her to the point of leaving him. Before he had even set foot on that plane he had told her that he probably wouldn’t be able to call her for a few weeks because he’d be moving about in treacherous jungle terrain with no communications equipment available. And he had called her on the plane just before landing and had told her how much he loved her. That she was everything in the world to him and he just wanted her to know that.

She had reiterated how much she loved him, too. They had talked about getting married on the beach on some faraway island with nobody but just the two of them and a minister, which had earned a playfully sarcastic remark from Jerry about them always excluding him from everything, followed by Jax telling him to just fly the plane and stop eavesdropping on his conversation.

Then Jax had told Brenda his honeymoon idea, and she had been pretty amazed by his plans, he recalled with a smile. She had excitedly said that she intended to counter missing him while he was away in South America by getting her hands on “every solitary bit of information on… ‘What was it, Jax? The Ha’apai Islands on the Kingdom of… Tonka?’” And Jax had laughingly replied “The Kingdom of Tonga,” as he got a kick out of her excitement over exploring this little-known paradise. “It’s in the South Pacific, sweetie,” he had added, and she had mentioned how brilliant he was to come up with these things that no one else would and wondered how he even knew about such a place? To which Jax responded that adventure was his middle name and before he left this earth he would know every inch of it. And so would she because she would be with him on his every ‘quest.’ The conversation had been playful and happy and full of joyful anticipation of their future together. Everything had been perfect. Her last words to him had been “Hey, you better be careful, Jax, because if you’re not, I will kill you. And tell your brother to keep you safe, or I will kill him.” This was followed by her laughter that he loved so much. “And hurry back to me because I know it’s only been hours, but I already miss you so much it’s really pretty embarrassing,” she had whispered into the phone. “And I love you so much I can hardly stand it.”

They had both laughed as Jax responded that only she could make love sound like a stomachache and still sound so perfect. “Well, if what I feel for you were a stomachache, I’d never want to be cured,” she confessed. “Neither would I,” he told her. “I love you, Brenda. So much.” And she had responded: “Then hurry on back to me, Jax. Because I’m waiting for you.” Except that had turned out to be a lie. She hadn’t been waiting for him at all. He had come home to nothing but a damned empty penthouse and a shattered heart.

A scowl skittered across his attractive face. Yell at her? No, he wanted to rage at her until he was numb inside. Anything to make the pain and emptiness of not having her go away. Yes, he wanted to rage at her like a lunatic, that’s what he wanted to do. Of course, he also wanted to kiss her so badly that he could taste the sweetness and feel the softness of her lips on his even now. He wanted her to run into his arms and throw her arms around him and tell him how sorry she was, and how wrong she was and how out of her mind she had been to have left him. And he wanted more than anything to hear her say that she loved him. That everything had been some horrible mistake and she loved him.

Taking chances you would never take
When wide awake - you risk it all
Half afraid she’ll only break your heart
Still you will close your eyes and simply fall

Why do people fall in love
Are we fools with no hope of winning?
Or perhaps we always see
One last chance for a new beginning

Jerry came out onto the balcony and sat next to him, watching him. Worrying.

“Want to talk about it?” Jerry asked.

“No, Jerry I don’t. Didn’t I say I wanted to be alone?”

“Jax… come on. Are you angry?”

Jax turned to look at him. “With who?”

“With Brenda, Jax. I was there, remember? I know how destroyed you were when we got back from South America and you realized she’d left you. I saw you break apart in a way I have never seen before and don’t ever want to see again,” Jerry said emotionally. “And now, once again, she’s managed to turn your life upside down simply by your laying eyes on her. She’s got you twisting in the wind again and has Mum and Dad pitching fits.”

“I happen to be very happy that I found her,” Jax informed him. “And I don’t understand why she’s giving them fits. She has nothing to do with them - with any of you, really - and I’m getting tired of repeating that. This is just between Brenda and me, okay? You all need to stay out of this, Jerry. That includes you.”

“So I can’t even offer you brotherly advice now?”

“I just need to think right now and figure some things out. I don’t need advice or consolation or flowery words… I just need… I need…" Brenda.

Jerry gazed at him. “You are mad at her, aren’t you? No one would blame you, Jax. She deserves it after what she did to you.”

“Of course I’m mad at her. And I’m confused because she was so angry with me. And I don’t know why. And… it… it doesn’t even make any sense, Jerry. Not the least bit of sense.” He crossed his arms over the back of the chair and rested his head sideways on the cushion of his arms, gazing at the moon. Jerry thought he had never seen his brother look more young and vulnerable. “But I found her.” Jax closed his eyes. “I found her, Jerry. And so…that changes everything now.”

Jerry glanced down at his folded hands. “Changes everything how, Jax? What do you mean by that?”

Jax didn’t answer him.

“Do you mean because of your son?”

Jax still didn’t say anything.

Jerry sighed and raked a hand through his dark hair. “Look, Jax, are you sure that finding her is even a good thing?” he questioned.

Jax’s eyes opened again, never straying from their absorption with the silver moon, as he nodded. “How can you even ask me that? You know how long I looked for her.”

Jerry sighed. “Yeah, you wasted two bloody years on that folly.”

“I don’t consider it a waste.”

“Well, you didn’t find her then, did you? No. You just went crazier and crazier each time you went out looking. So it was a waste, Jax.”

“No, it wasn’t. I would have gone crazy if I hadn’t tried. I may have a lot going on inside of me right now, Jerry, but none of that takes away from the fact that I’m happy that I found her. It’s not like I ever stopped looking, you know. I just stopped looking myself, so that you would all leave me alone. But I’ve had investigators looking for her the whole time. Even now. And doing a lousy job, obviously, since they never found her and I did.”

“I really am trying to understand you, little brother,” Jerry paused, baffled. “Jax, forgive me, but I don’t understand how you can be happy about finding her now. After all the heartache that woman put you through. Now you find out she took off with your son, on top of everything else.”

“I can’t even begin to understand why she did that. But I sure as hell intend to ask her,” Jax said in a very quiet, thoughtful voice.

“She could very well just lie to you. And what does it matter now anyway, Jax? You’re happy with Miranda, aren’t you?”

Jax’s silent response to Jerry’s comment was telling.

Jerry rubbed his temples. “You don’t give a damn about Miranda, do you?”

“I care about her.”

“You’re obviously not in love with her though.”

“No.”

“Then, Jax, why the hell did you agree to marry her?”

Jax shrugged. “It was what you all wanted,” Jax said. “I didn’t really care one way or the other, so…”

“That’s crazy!” Jerry said. “Was life that meaningless to you without Brenda that you didn’t give a damn who you married?”

There was a long period of silence before Jax spoke again. His voice was quiet and calm. “Do you remember when we were in South America, making our way through that jungle in the pouring rain? And I told you about that connection to Brenda that I felt - something all together different from anything I’ve ever felt to anyone else in my life? Something like…”

“Magic from heaven, you called it,” Jerry remembered. “Yes, I remember you telling me that.”

“Well, I’ve never felt anything like it. Not ever. Not before I met Brenda, nor after she left me. Only when she was with me.”

Jerry nodded. “But you didn’t feel it when you saw her tonight?” he questioned.

“No, I did. That’s just it. I did.”

“You did?”

“Yes,” Jax responded. “I’m trying to tell you that I still feel that. It’s still there. Like the blood rushing through my veins right now, Jerry. Alive and exhilarating and inescapable - as much a part of me as anything about me. All I had to do was be in the same room with her for two seconds to know that.”

Jerry was amazed to hear this. After the wreckage of his heart she had left scattered in her wake - he still felt this for her? “Still?” he asked. “Even after all that’s happened?”

“I realized the minute I saw her tonight,” Jax said, “that nothing has really changed for me - all the feelings and the desires… all of that…" He closed his eyes as the spring breeze lightly toyed with his blonde hair. “Okay, why am I beating around the bush about this? The truth is that I still love her, Jerry,” Jax said in a voice so soft Jerry barely heard him. “I do. I love her. I always have. I always will.”

“Oh Jesus, Jax,” Jerry murmured. “That’s a hell of a pickle to be in if the woman does not love you back. And if tonight was any indication of her feelings…” Jerry let the sentence trail off and immediately regretted his words when he saw the flash of pain dull the marvelous blue luster of Jax’s eyes. But Jerry continued on, determined not to make Jax any more vulnerable to Brenda than he already was - determined to inject some much needed doses of reality into the fantasy of reconciliation he could already see spinning in Jax’s head and his heart. “You may still love her and want a future with her, Jax, but you can’t have that if she doesn’t want it. And from all indications, she doesn’t. Now, I know that you love her, but she left you without a word of explanation or farewell that summer four years ago, and she wasn’t especially happy to see you tonight either. Perhaps for her that magical connection you told me about is gone, Jax. For all we know she’s married or in love with someone else. You’re just setting yourself up for a lot of pain here, and I won’t let you do that. I won’t stand by and watch that happen to you again. Not ever,” Jerry vowed vehemently. “Jax, fight for your rights to your son - the whole family’s behind you on that. But let Brenda go. Don’t include her in this future you want.”

“I’m still in love with her, Jerry. What exactly am I supposed to do about that? I can’t just ignore it or wish it away or shut it off like a bloody faucet - don’t you think I’ve tried that? It doesn’t work. These feelings are always there, and they’re real and they’re consuming, and they’re not going to go away.”

“What about Miranda?”

“I told you when we were in South America that finding Miranda wouldn’t change the way I felt about Brenda. It didn’t then. It hasn’t now.”

“Yeah, I remember you told me that, but I wasn’t sure you meant it.”

“When have you ever known me to say something I didn’t mean?”

“But you… you asked Miranda to marry you…” Jerry explained in confusion.

“She asked me, actually,” Jax responded.

“The point is you said ‘yes,’ Jax.”

“I know, but I already told you I didn’t care at the time. She seemed to need me; Mum and Dad were on my case every day to marry her. And I hadn’t found Brenda then, so nothing much, aside from my job, mattered to me. I was trying to get on with my life the best way I knew how and trying to deal with the enormous lack of contentment that left me with. Nothing could make me happy. Nothing. And when you feel like that, your future isn’t all that important to you, Jerry. It’s bleak and it’s just… there. But I’ve found Brenda now, and that changes everything.”

“But what if Brenda doesn’t want what you want? You’re willing to risk losing Miranda on the measly hope that you and Brenda can get back what you had? Correction, what she took away when she just up and left you, without so much as an adios?”

“To be blunt,” Jax said quietly, “losing Miranda is not any great concern of mine, Jerry. I know that may sound incredibly cold to you, but I’ve already told you that I don’t feel anything for her like that. I didn’t feel, don’t you understand that? I was just… I was empty and nothing could touch me, nothing could move me, nothing mattered to me. And now suddenly everything matters to me. And I know why.”

“Bloody hell,” Jerry muttered with a sigh.

“Yeah,” Jax agreed, raking a hand through his hair.

“You’re too vulnerable to her, Jax. Surely, even you can see that. You’ve just now told me that you’re still as in love with her as you ever were, that you still want her. What makes you think she won’t use that against you to get what she wants?”

“And what is it that you think she wants, Jerry? Money? Jewels? Furs? The deed to Mum and Dad’s ranch in Alaska? The title to your Porsche? The keys to my Swiss chalet, perhaps?”

“I’m being serious, here, Jax. What she wants is us - and make no mistake, that includes you - out of her life and forbidden from seeing your son.”

Jax shook his head. “No, she wouldn’t keep me from him now.”

“What are you talking about? That’s exactly what she’s been doing for the past four years!”

“She wouldn’t do it now, Jerry. Not anymore. Not when she knows that I know about him now,” Jax maintained.

Jerry sighed. “Then what is it that you think she wants, Jax?”

Jax got up, pacing the balcony, sliding his hand along the railing. “I don’t know.” He came to a stop, gazing at the busy activity in the streets of Paris below. “Me, I hope.” His words were soft, but Jerry heard them and felt a real pain in his heart at the depth of love Jax felt for Brenda. God, if she ever hurt him again, Jerry didn’t know what he would do. He was predisposed to hate Brenda after what she had done to Jax, but how exactly did one detest the very person their brother loved with ever breath in his body? Loved even to his detriment, it would appear.

Jerry stood up. “Look… Jax… I… well, I don’t think it’s… umm… wise for you to set yourself up for… what I mean is to get your hopes up that she’ll… well…”

“It doesn’t matter,” Jax said, cutting him off. “I’m going to find out exactly what Brenda wants first thing tomorrow. I am owed answers Jerry, and I’m going to get them. All of them. And then whatever happens… happens.” And then he walked into the room and got on the phone, calling in favors right and left, trying to find out exactly where Brenda lived.

Song Credit: “Why do People Fall In Love?”, words and music by Frank Wildhorn & Jack Murphy, from the CD entitled: It’s No Secret Anymore. Artist: Linda Eder.