Brenda had been awake for at least a half-hour already. Jax had spent a very restless night, and his nightmares had awakened them both several times. For the past half-hour he had been tossing and turning, mumbling things she could not figure out, fighting his way through another one. Even after they had spent the rest of the afternoon and most of the night making love and just holding each other, Jax had been unable to put what had happened at the house behind him.
When Brenda had suggested that they just drop the charges against Jerry, he had been adamant in his refusal. He wanted Jerry to be held responsible for his actions. Something, Jax said, that he had never been required to do in the past. Brenda had known better than to try to press the issue. She had figured she would bring it up again at breakfast this morning, thinking that after a good night's rest Jax would see things in a different light. Considering the troubled night he had spent, Brenda was more convinced than ever that she was right; pressing charges against Jerry would only make things worse, not better for Jax. (She didn't really care about Jerry.) There had to be a way to convince Jax she was right.
Just then Jax sat up, yelling Brenda's name. She sat up and wrapped herself around him, before he had a chance to wake completely. By the time he was fully awake, she had managed to get him to lay down again, with her body securely wrapped around him. He began to softly stroke her naked back as his breathing slowly returned to normal. "Are you okay, honey?" she asked, raising her head up from his chest. "You had a pretty rough night. Want to talk about it?" She softly stroked her hand across his chest. She could feel how tense he was. He had been that way after each nightmare during the night. They seemed to be getting worse the longer the night went on. In a way, she was glad that he was finally awake. Now, she knew, at least the dreams would stop.
"Not really. It was just a bad dream -- that's all. No big deal!" Jax tried to brush it off, but Brenda knew better. She had seen him like this before. The last time being when he was arrested for his family's illegal activities. When she had bailed him out of jail, he had spent a night like this -- one nightmare after another. It had taken all of her strength to calm him down and get him to talk to her. It was that night they had promised to talk about anything and everything that might bother either of them. She intended to hold him to that promise today.
"Come on, Jax, we both know that's not true! Remember your promise to me the night you were arrested? No secrets!" She propped herself up on her arms across his chest. Looking deeply into his eyes, she could see the pain there. She refused to let him just brush this off. He was in too much pain and she would not stand for that!
"Okay, I guess I can't keep anything from you anymore, can I?" He looked at her with a very slight smile. "You're right. I guess what happened at the house yesterday bothered me more than I was willing to admit. I just can't believe Jerry would be that stupid to come to the house like that! Why??? He had to have known he would get caught. What was he trying to accomplish?"
Brenda gently reached up and rubbed her hand across his cheek. "Honey, maybe he was actually telling the truth when he told Matthew he was checking things out for your mother. Now wait! Before you get upset again, just hear me out.
"You have to admit your mother was the one person in all of this who, other than you, has been hurt the most. Her husband and son are now convicted felons on parole. She's lost just about everything she had become attached to, except for her home -- thanks to you, my love -- and worst of all, she lost you, her youngest child!" Brenda could see he wanted to refute what she was saying, but she would have none of it. She was going to say her piece, and he was going to listen!
"Now wait! I know what you're going to say -- that you think she's just as guilty as the others for what happened; she knew what was going on and didn't tell you. Jax, listen to me. I think when we have our own children you will understand why she did it. Honey, she wanted to keep you safe. She knew it was too late for Jerry. He's just like John -- wild, adventurous, a risk taker both in business and his own life. But you -- you were different. She always told me that she felt there was something special about you from the day you were born. She told me she decided that day that she would do everything in her power to keep you safe and happy and protect you from harm. Jax, those are things that every good mother promises her child. Unfortunately, Jane was put into a situation where she was between a rock and a hard place. If she kept you in the dark about John and Jerry's activities, she ran the risk of alienating you should you ever find out; but if she told you what they were doing, she ran the risk of you walking away from the family sooner because of the sense of honesty she had taught you. Don't you see? Aside from you, she lost more in this than anyone -- she lost you. Maybe what Jerry said was true; he was trying to reassure your mom that we would be okay there.
"I admit it was a stupid way to do it, but it is your brother we're talking about here. He has good intentions -- just bad judgement." She rested her head back down on Jax's chest as she softly stroked her hand across it.
"When did you get so wise?" he asked. "Do you really think that was Jerry's only reason for defying the court order and being in the house?" He began to softly stroke her hair again. She had given him some very valid things to consider. Over the past two years Jax had come to understand why his mother had done what she had, and a lot of what Brenda had just said made sense. He was just afraid to trust any of them again, even his mother. He knew she loved him and wanted to protect him; he just couldn't accept how she had gone about doing it!
"Are you willing to admit that what I've just said makes some sense?" Brenda looked deeply into his eyes waiting for his answer.
"Yes, I'll admit it makes sense. If you consider the fact we're talking about Jerry here, it makes a lot of sense. My problem now is what to do about all of this." Jax let out a heavy sigh and dropped the hand that had been stroking her back on the bed. "I can't just let him walk away from all this with no responsibility, Brenda. Not this time. He has to be held accountable for his actions somehow!"
Brenda could see that Jax was not going to change his mind. She was just grateful that the anger seemed to have passed, and along with it, the look of pain seemed to have left his eyes. "Tell you what, why don't we have an early breakfast and then call Travis to come over? We can discuss our legal options with him before we make any final decisions. What do you think?"
Jax wrapped his arms around her again before he answered, "Sounds like a plan to me. Only I'd like to suggest a slight change …" with that he bent his head down and kissed her deeply. Brenda quickly responded and one kiss led to another and another… Before either of them realized it, almost two hours had passed. When they finally got up to order breakfast, Jax had returned to his old self. Brenda knew that this was not over, but at least he would be able to deal with it, secure in her support for whatever decision they made. She lay in bed for a few minutes, watching him gather his clothes and head into the shower. Before he did, though, he came back to the bed to kiss her one more time. After which he smiled, tousled her hair, and headed into the bathroom smiling just a little.
Brenda got up while he was in the shower and put on one of Jax's dress shirts. He loved whenever she did that, and she loved the feel of his shirt on her skin. She also ordered their breakfast and called Travis, asking him to come to the penthouse about 11:00 to discuss the incident at the house yesterday. By the time Jax came out, their breakfast was already there, as were the morning editions of the newspapers they subscribed to, all neatly laid out on the coffee table. Jax had not been paying attention as he walked out of the bedroom, and when he noticed the breakfast already on the table and the papers on the coffee table, he stopped in his tracks. "What's all this? Was I in the shower that long?" he asked with a soft chuckle.
"Actually you were in there kind of a long time for you, but not long at all by me. I asked room service to rush breakfast. I wanted it waiting when you came out. I hope you're hungry because there is a ton of food here." Brenda walked over from the window, where she had been standing when he came out to stand behind him by the table. "Are you feeling any better after your shower?"
"You know what? I am feeling better. I don't think it had anything to do with the shower though. I think it had more to do with the company I keep. Thank you for before, when you made me talk about what I was feeling. How did you know that was what I needed?" Jax turned and wrapped his arms around her while he waited for her answer. He loved the feel of her, especially when she was wearing one of his shirts and not much else.
"I don't know, it probably has something to do with everything that has happened because of secrets -- yours, mine, our families. I've learned to know your moods and your silences. I could tell last night that everything that happened with Jerry was bothering you, but you were so insistent on not talking about it that I just let it wait. I'm sorry I did that. You would have had a lot more rest if I had pressed the issue. I'm sorry." She wrapped her arms more tightly around him and just held on.
"Brenda, don't ever apologize for trying to protect me. With everything that has happened over the past two years, I need to know that you are there for me -- even if it is just to allow me to hold you while I try to figure things out on my own. You are my family now, Brenda -- my only family."
Brenda looked up at Jax, smiled softly, and led him over to the table, "Let's eat. I need to get dressed after breakfast, so don't dawdle." She gave him a gentle shove toward the chair and pushed him down. "Eat! I can't take all day with you, sir. I have things to do."
"Why? What's the big rush? I kind of like the way you're dressed right now. In fact, I could get used to you dressing like that all the time!" He looked at her with that familiar twinkle in his eyes. Brenda was relieved to see it. After the nightmares last night, she wasn't sure when she would see it again. She was grateful it had returned so quickly.
"Slow down, big fella! Remember we agreed to talk to Travis after breakfast about our options concerning Jerry. Well, I called him while you were in the shower, and he agreed to be here about 11:00. It'll take me at least an hour to get myself presentable, so I don't have time for breakfast distractions." Brenda looked wickedly over at him and winked, "Besides, it'll give you something to look forward to for later." She could not resist the urge to laugh out loud, nor could Jax. It felt good to both of them. It was just another indication that they could get through anything as long as they were together.
11:15 A.M.
Brenda and Jax had finished breakfast about an hour ago. Brenda had managed to shower and dress in only 30 minutes so there had been time for another cup of coffee together before Travis arrived. They had used the time to talk about what had actually happened and what each of them thought was behind it. They had just finished their discussion when there was a knock at the door. Jax got up to answer it.
"Hello, Travis, come on in. Would you like a cup of coffee?" Jax reached for Travis's coat after closing the door and indicated he should take a seat on the couch facing Brenda. Jax returned to his seat next to her, putting his arm around her shoulders and pulling her close to him. "Okay, what happens now? What options do we face?" he asked.
"Well, there are a couple of things you can do. First, if you do nothing the legal system will act on its own and file formal charges against Jerry for trespassing, illegal entry, and violation of the restraining order. Second, you can have your attorney contact the police; telling them which charges you want kept and which you want dropped. Thirdly, you can ask that only a violation charge be filed, which is to say you want the restraining order enforced. Finally, you can drop all charges and let him walk away with just a warning or possibly a fine for violating the restraining order." Travis reached for the cup of coffee Brenda had poured for him while he had been talking, "Thanks."
"How long do we have to make a decision?" Jax asked.
"You have 24 hours from the point of arrest. That means you have until 3:00 this afternoon to notify the authorities if you want to alter the charges. What are you considering doing?" Travis had known from the beginning how hard all of this must be on both Jax and Brenda. Over the past two years he had worked for Jax he had come to think of both him and Brenda as more than employers. He counted them as friends -- members of a VERY small group, when he actually thought about it. He had hoped there would be a way to make it easier on them while still making Jerry pay for what he did.
"If we decide to just ask to have the restraining order enforced, what happens to Jerry? Does he do jail time?" Brenda asked this, not really caring for Jerry's sake, but she wasn't really sure Jax could handle putting his brother in jail, again!
"Probably not; most likely the judge would impose a substantial fine and issue a warning to him about possible consequences should the order be violated again. It also most likely would not affect his existing parole since it wouldn't be recorded as a criminal act." Travis couldn't help but like the way this was going. He did not want Jax or Brenda to have to face the public circus that taking Jerry to trial would bring. He was thankful that Jax had Brenda to stand by him and had seemed to be a voice of reason in this situation.
"What would you recommend, Travis? I want an honest opinion." Jax said as he looked straight at Travis.
"That's all I give you, Jax, you know that. Okay, here goes. My suggestion is to ask the court to just enforce the restraining order. That way Jerry is put on notice about his actions, you avoid a messy public hearing, and everybody involved gets to go back to a normal life a lot quicker. That's my opinion."
Brenda and Jax looked at each other for a minute then both stood up, "Will you excuse us for a couple minutes, Travis? I think we need to talk this over in private." Jax said as he extended his hand to Brenda and led her toward his study. "Would you get the door or phone while we're gone? I promise we won't be long."
"Sure, don't worry about it." Travis sat back down to wait. He had a feeling they would make the decision that was best for them, which was all that mattered to him.
About five minutes later, they came back into the room. Jax spoke for both of them, "We decided you were right. We only want the restraining order enforced. I already called my attorney, and he's on his way over to the police station, as we speak.
"Thanks for the advice, Travis. It's good to know we have friends like you and Thomas to count on." Jax extended his hand to Travis, who shook it willingly. Jax had just expressed the same feelings he had for them.
"By the way, Brenda, did you have flowers in the kitchen yesterday? I could have sworn when we were in there that I smelled roses. As soon as I went into another room the smell was gone." Travis looked to Brenda for an answer and noticed the strange look on Jax's face, "What?"
"I asked her the same thing when we were leaving yesterday. I noticed the smell as soon as I came into the kitchen, and it seemed to disappear when the police took Jerry away. Brenda told me there had been no flowers in the kitchen nor any other room in the house."
Travis just shrugged, "I guess it must have been some cleaning product Mrs. Kelly used in there or an air freshener." After putting his coat back on, Travis headed to the door. Just then there was a soft knock. Travis waved to Jax that he would answer it. When he opened the door he was surprised to see Jane Jacks standing there. "I don't think this is such a good idea, Mrs. Jacks. Maybe you ought to come back another time."
"Absolutely not. I've waited almost two years for this moment, and I'm not waiting any longer. I'm talking to my son, and that's final! Now do you intend to stop me by force, or are you going to get out of my way?" Jane stood in front of Travis, giving him the distinct feeling she meant every word she had just said.
Just then Jax came up behind him, "It's okay, Travis, go ahead. Come in." Jax indicated for his mother to enter the suite. Travis looked at Jax and at Brenda, who gave a slight nod to let him know that this was okay, so he nodded to Brenda and to Jax and left. Jax closed the door after him and turned to face his mother for the first time since the court hearing about the money laundering. He had neither spoken to her, nor seen her since. He had refused her calls each time she tried.
"Hello, son, how are you?" Jane asked, more nervous than she could remember ever being in her entire life. "I appreciate your seeing me. Can we talk alone for a few minutes? Brenda, will you excuse us please? I'm sure you understand." Jane turned to look at Brenda, making her feelings about Brenda's presence in the room very clear. Jerry had told her about Brenda's attitude at the time of the arrest, and her presence in the room now only reinforced her concern that Jerry may have been right -- Brenda was behind Jax's order of Jerry's arrest.
"I'm afraid not, mother. Anything you have to say to me will be said in my wife's presence. You do remember the concept of a wife, don't you? After all, you helped your husband keep secrets for over twenty years, didn't you? Wasn't that actually your excuse for keeping silent, even from me -- that it was your duty as a wife to support your husband and not betray his confidence? Well, Brenda is my wife, she supports me and keeps my confidences, and I keep no secrets from her." The venom in Jax's voice frightened Jane. She had not expected their first meeting to start so badly. Maybe asking Brenda to leave had been a mistake.
"Jax, calm down, honey. Let's hear what your mother has to say. After all, it's been a long time since the two of you have seen each other. Jane, please have a seat." Brenda indicated that Jane should take a seat on the couch opposite where she was standing. Jax came back over and sat next to Brenda. "Can I get you something? Some coffee?" Brenda reached over and put her hand on Jax's knee. She wasn't sure if it was to reassure him that there was nothing his mother could say that would hurt them or if it was an attempt to get him to control his temper and hear her out.
"No, thank you, Brenda. I won't stay long. I just wanted to ask you and Jax to reconsider what you are doing to Jerry. If you go through with this, you could be responsible for sending him to prison for twenty years! Is that what you really want? After all, he didn't do anything wrong, really!" Jane had purposely avoided looking in Brenda's direction, afraid that if she did she would not be able to continue talking to Jax. She found it very difficult to be in the room with Brenda. She had always thought of Brenda as a daughter and had been deeply hurt when she found out that Brenda was responsible for the destruction of her family. John and Jerry had told her just after their arrests that none of it would have happened had not Brenda stumbled onto the information and gone running to Jax, no doubt embellishing it to him. She would never accept Jax's testimony at the trial that he, not Brenda, had chosen to go to the authorities about the family business. Her son would not betray his family like that, unless she had forced him to. Jane had long ago stopped caring for Brenda or anything that she did, except where it affected Jax. It took all of the self-control she had not to lash out at her for her actions. But after taking a deep breath, she realized this was neither the time nor the place.
"What did you just say? That Jerry didn't do anything wrong? What constitutes wrong in your mind, mother? He was found on private property without the owner's permission, he illegally entered that property, and he was in violation of a restraining order prohibiting him from coming within 500 feet of that property or its owners. What part of that is not wrong, in your opinion?" Jax was unable to hide the contempt in his voice. He had hoped that his first meeting with his mother would have started out on a better foot, but she had started this and he intended to finish it. "Why did you come here anyway? Did you want to accuse me of something? No, wait, now I get it. You think that Jerry being arrested was Brenda's doing, right?" Jax couldn't believe it when he saw the look on his mother's face. He was right! That was exactly what she had intended to do. She had actually hoped to get him to drop the charges by blaming Brenda.
"Jax, don't! Getting mad is not the answer. Just hear your mother out. I'm sure that was not her intention, was it, Jane?" Brenda looked at Jax with an expression in her eyes begging him to calm down and hear his mother out.
"I don't need you to defend me to my own son, Brenda! After all, if you hadn't started this whole mess, we would not be having this conversation! My family would be intact, my husband and my two sons would be working in the family business and building happy lives!" Jane was relieved to have finally said her piece. She had been holding that in for over two years. Now that everything was out in the open, she truly believed that things would begin to heal. Even if Jax insisted on staying married to her, Brenda would no longer be able to damage the Jacks family.
Unable to stand his mother's presence any longer, Jax stood up quickly and walked over to the door. As he opened the door, he turned to face his mother. "You are free to leave now, Mrs. Jacks. You've said what you came to say, and your presence is not longer desired in my home!
"Where do you get off blaming the destruction of your family on my wife? It was my choice to take the information to the authorities -- against her advice, I must tell you. You had always taught me the difference between right and wrong, and I could not live my life as a hypocrite. Why can't you seem to comprehend that? I told you at the time that it was my choice. You chose not to believe me then, and you still choose not to believe me.
"As to what happened with Jerry, you'll be pleased to know that I have already instructed my attorney to request the police drop all charges, except violation of the restraining order. There is no way that can be used to cancel his parole. So you see, your trip here was for nothing. By the time you get home, your precious son will be there, waiting for you, probably a little poorer and having had to sit through a serious warning from the judge, but he'll be there! Just in case either you or Jerry think my decision had anything to do with family loyalty, I'll tell you right now it did; loyalty to my wife -- my only family! Brenda spent most of this morning convincing me that it was better to let Jerry off, than to put myself through the trouble of another Jacks family trial. You see, mother, I've discovered the difference between you and Brenda is that her priority is me and my needs and my happiness, while yours is keeping the image of a happy family together, regardless of who it hurts. So, go home to your 'family' and leave me to mine. I'd appreciate it if now that you are reassured that I'll be living in a 'safe and comfortable home,' you and your son will stay the hell away from us! Next time, I won't be convinced to let things go." Jax indicated to his mother that she should leave, that the time to talk was over and she was no longer welcome.
Jane slowly got up from the couch. Looking over at Brenda, she realized that there were tears running down Brenda's face. She suddenly felt her heart lurch. Jax had been telling the truth all along. It was not Brenda's fault that her family had been destroyed; it was their own. As she slowly walked toward the door, her mind was in a daze. How was she going to make this right? How could Brenda ever forgive her for thinking and saying the things she had? As she walked past him, she looked up at Jax and saw nothing but anger and contempt. She was grateful for what he had done for Jerry, but she realized that it had nothing to do with her. It had been Brenda's doing, yet again. She promised herself she would find a way to make this right. "Jax…" Before she could continue Jax turned away, cutting her off before she could finish. She heard the door close behind her, and, as she waited for the elevator, she could not stop crying, leaning against the wall to keep from falling to the floor. She had come here intending to start the healing process for her family, and now she realized she had only made thing worse. What was she going to do now?
After he closed the door behind his mother, Jax closed his eyes and leaned against it, not saying anything for several minutes. When he finally opened his eyes, he looked over at Brenda and realized for the first time that she was crying. "Brenda? Honey? What's wrong? Are you okay? I'm sorry for what she said to you!" Jax could not stand the thought that Brenda had been hurt, yet again, by a member of his family. He had promised her that this would never happen again, and yet here, once again, a member of his family had brought her to tears. They would pay for this, he promised himself.
"I'm okay, Jax. I'm just sorry for what happened here today. I had hoped that you and your mother would be able to make peace and rebuild your relationship some day, but now I can see that can't happen as long as I'm around. For that, Jax, I am truly sorry. I never meant to come between you and your family. Maybe she was right. Maybe I should have kept my mouth shut when I found out their connection to Sonny and his friends. This really is all my fault! Can you ever forgive me?" Brenda burst into tears again, the sobs becoming almost uncontrollable.
Jax wrapped his arms around her, pulling her close to him and gently stroking her hair, "Shhhhh… This is not your fault, and I don't ever want to hear you say that again! I love you, Brenda, and nothing they say or do will ever change that. I do not accept your apology because there is nothing for you to apologize for. You put me before anything else, and that's all I could ever ask of you. You stood by me when things were at their worst, and we survived because we had each other, and we will continue to survive for the same reason. Now come on, let's get you ready to go to the house. Why don't you go fix your face, and I'll call Thomas to come get you? You do want to go today, don't you?" The twinkle was back in his eyes when he looked down at her. She had slowly stopped crying, and when she looked up at him, he even smiled slightly. "That's my Brenda. Go on -- fix your face and I'll call Thomas. After all, we only have about ten days until we move in! I don't relish the thought of sleeping on the floor because our bedroom isn't ready. Now, scoot!" he said, as he gave her a soft swat on the butt.
Jax stood and extended his hand to help Brenda up from the couch. She could not resist the urge to wrap her arms around him and just stand like that for a minute. "Thank you," she said.
"For what?" Jax pushed her away slightly in order to look at her.
"For being my husband, my lover, and my best friend all rolled into one. I don't know how I was lucky enough to find you, but I'm just warning you right now that you're stuck with me for life, Mr. Jacks." With a true smile on her face for the first time this morning, Brenda stood on her toes and gave Jax a gentle, loving kiss, after which she tweaked his nose and ran off into the bedroom laughing, leaving Jax staring after her, grateful she was in his life. He loved her more each day, and the events of today had only made him realize how much he needed and depended on her. She was his family and his world, and he would not let anyone or anything hurt her again. He reached for the phone to call Thomas as he had promised.